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First breakthrough, help with integration welcome...

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Pupa

Pupa

Rising Star
Firstly, thanks very much to this site and all it's members. The knowledge that's shared here has been invaluable to me - and I'm sure to many others as well. I'm sorry if I make any mistakes here; it's my first post so I'm slightly apprehensive about sharing on a site that I've gleaned SO much from for the past few months; and I know most people on here are way more experienced in various ways than I am.

I'm writing though, to share my first experience and also to ask a question, hoping that someone can relate.

As always, it's difficult to put into words. And it's only now, I realise how true other people's words were, in their trip reports. I would read something like "reality dissolved away" and I would think "oh wow, that's amazing" - and it's only now that I realise what that actually means, and the gravity of it.

The main thing I'm asking about is this: For a lot of the experience, it felt like having "parents". Everything would be La-la-lovely, this is what happens when you do good. Then some part of my brain would activate (my ego? my rational brain? I don't know) and then I would feel discomfort, pain, UGH..horrible, - this is what happens when you do bad - you wanna keep goin? ok? more pain - is he going to learn?

And I actually had a hard time with it. I found it really difficult - and failed miserably to "slip into" the lala beautiful happy times that they wanted me to. I've been a rebellious person in real life, in a very *petty* kind of way - so I regret that I found that difficult and I definitely failed.

I just wonder if anybody else can relate to this?

Not to mention the fact that ....... my god... this is ... something else.
Maybe I just needed a good ass kicking. But my god, I really had no idea.

The chunk of the experience is lost, but I suppose "reality was stripped away" would be the biggest understatement ever... It became something else and it wasn't anything to do with this reality.
It's very hard not to be convinced that this isn't just a drug.

Thanks again for any help. And apologies for how naive this probably sounds.

Any replies - advice, criticism, support would be welcome. I'm not sure if I'll ever smoke dmt again, but will remain fascinated for a long time

Thanks for letting me post :)
 
The discomfort is part of it, do not take it too personal.
But the discomfort is also not always there, sometimes it is absent, sometimes it is huge, it's a weird animal all together.
One solution is to just let it be and embrace it, no matter how ughh it feels.
To expect it, be prepared to feel it and say in advance OK to it, to see it as a "vibration" we're not used too but can get familiar with.
How did it feel learning to swim in water? Lotta discomfort there too 😉
:love:
 
Thank you so much. "Let it be and embrace it" - It kind of reached that point at one stage. I suppose I was thinking "stuff it, I can't get this right - just wear it out" and I think then this reality started to come back; almost a case of "the experience is over for you because you're not working "with" us".

But it was hard! A little bit like, when you're meditating and those annoying, fleeting thoughts keep coming in, and it's hard not to focus on them?

And you're right, that's a good analogy. (I had to double check; were you making fun of me if I accidentally used the "swim" acronym? I hope not!?)

Thanks a lot. After what happened, it's just great to hear from somebody who has been through it before. It's just beyond...

Do you find that 'they're' putting the discomfort on you for a reason? To focus you in a certain direction? (Is their a "they"? It felt like it).
 
As a consolation, thousands of people know what you felt, it's ancient actually.
It keeps being an exercise, one that is not suited to everyone.
One has to come out of the luxury zone, out of the traditional recreational pleasure.
Yes as you say It's hard, but then again the rewards are equal in size.
As a constant people come back with insights that were slammed in the face in a way they cannot deny or swipe under the carpet anymore.
Sometimes there are no insights but there was a tremendous bodily+mentally "reset" so one feels cleaned and with a fresh restart.
The thing is quite versatile.

About "they" in there and what they do and why and how: the thoughts are diverse about that and there is no one conclusion all people settle with. Numerous threads have no 1 solution as a result.

A dive in the subconscious with a telescope power size magnifying goggles, who knows what you find there. Some are not ready for that, but your discomfort is no indicator for being not ready.

From now you'll have pre flight anxiety, make a SEARCH (in subject rule) on that and find your many brothers in arms. So no panic, it's all normal.

The more you're able to let go and embrace, the nature of the experience changes. A lot of what you feel steers the wheel.

Do not think of me, or many here, as heroes having it all in the pocket, we're mostly just students on our way, learning, just like you.

Do not force a trip to happen, wait until it calls you, when you really feel up to it to make the confronting exercise again. Is my suggestion. Expect to be afraid, and say OK to it, afraid is normal, afraid can be embraced, is not an enemy, is more a potential companion for the occasion. An odd friend ;)

Big hug :love:
 
Exactly what I needed to hear. Great advice. Thank you very, very much :thumb_up:
 
We've all been there, friend. Anyone who says they haven't who claims these experiences, just...hasn't. 😉

Yes, it's nothing to be forced, the swimming ( in water, lol) analogy is great- you'll feel more comfortable going deeper eventually.

It is one thing to inquire about something and another entirely to experience it. It seems yours has filled you with a certain sense of wonder, and you wish to explore. DMT is high strangeness, and you've found the perfectly strange place to hang out and talk about it.

Welcome! Another big hug. :love:
 
Thanks null24. It is a good analogy, isn't it. That's absolutely how I felt (talk about being thrown in the deep end!) - and I guess I was unaware that it's something you actively have to DO. It's not just a case of sitting back and being shown things, there was also that aspect of having to focus (or unfocus) my brain in certain ways - not a a great description of it, but you guys probably know what I mean. I had to participate in it, like a lesson.

I imagine that practising with meditation might help with this, so that's what I'm going to focus on for the moment. But then again, maybe that's a bit like flying a model airplane and then expecting to be able to pilot a 747 - I'm not sure.

Anyway, still mentally recovering from the experience; it's just so far beyond anything I could have imagined. Also, just for the record, the other main aspect I remember was a total information overload - like hearing thousands of conversations all at once. I had no idea what I was; had I turned into a radio wave?
It's just so beyond anything I could have imagined.

Thanks for the solidarity, the sound advice and the much needed hugs!
I really, really appreciate it.
 
I just want to thank you both again, Jees and null24; I've revisited this page a few times and your comments keep helping me, probably more than you both realise.
So - not to be over the top about this whole gratitude thing - but, really, I do appreciate it. It made a world of difference.
 
Pupa said:
Everything would be La-la-lovely, this is what happens when you do good. Then some part of my brain would activate (my ego? my rational brain? I don't know) and then I would feel discomfort, pain, UGH..horrible, - this is what happens when you do bad - you wanna keep goin? ok? more pain - is he going to learn?

And I actually had a hard time with it. I found it really difficult - and failed miserably to "slip into" the lala beautiful happy times that they wanted me to.
Click to expand...

I'm at a similar stage of inexperience and have found that if my brain tries to latch onto anything and anything even slightly negative comes up (for me, usually fear) this quickly multiplies on itself and the more a struggle to stop it the worse it gets. Not sure if this is similar to what you mean.

Pupa said:
The chunk of the experience is lost, but I suppose "reality was stripped away" would be the biggest understatement ever... It became something else and it wasn't anything to do with this reality.
It's very hard not to be convinced that this isn't just a drug.
Click to expand...

That has been one of the toughest things for me. I 'become' the reality rather than experience it with any kind of distance or being able to tell myself it is just a drug. I guess that is what makes it so powerful.
 
Great read....an yeah, I sort ok know what it means to have this reality totally gone and presented with another form of this so called "reality".
I cant even describe how dmt has changed my life, I guess for everyone is different too, but having the guts to dive deeper than just the visual and wow aspect is not everyone, it should not be taken lightly.
I dont want and cant at the moment do any more sessions, I need to resolve much things in this reality before going back, but you are not alone. Trying to be in touch with awareness and trying to meditate has brought me to similar states although in a much less intense scale and just tiny bursts of it but definately a resamblance to something there. Idk maybe im just crazy .:surprised . Best wishes on your journey.
 
To OP

Embrace it all!

Observe and see you are creating your own illusions. Use your voice. Don't feel so helpless in hyperspace. Peel back the illusions. Quiet the mind. The mind will play tricks. The mind will want to go into emotions and scenarios. If you follow these illusions, then your journey will be shaded in a certain light.

These journeys present a lot of information in a very short period of time for us. Creating questions. Endless questions. The mind gets stuck in a loop. Pieces start clicking. The loop starts to fall apart. You fully integrate by making conscious changes in the way you think and behave in this reality. When the loop of questions have been fully dissolved you may feel a pull to go and try it again.

Trepidation is very normal. Ignore these signals as you are not in any danger. Jump out of the plane, you have a parachute. Bungee jump, you are strapped by a cord. Get on the roller coaster. You can keep your hands on the bar or let go and throw them up in the air and just enjoy the ride. Let go! Observe. Pay attention and keep breathing!

It doesn't matter if you ever do DMT again. One time is enough to create questions forever. Enjoy the questions. Enjoy the journey. The journey in this reality and hyperspace. It's all for you, from you.

I enjoyed reading this thread! Very sound advice from everyone!:thumb_up:
 
Thanks everyone, for helping me out. I haven't got much to add, it's all really been said here and summed up nicely, some great advice put eloquently and I really, really appreciate it.

zknarc, that's definitely what I was talking about, it's not easy. At this point I'm going for, meditation and also being ok with being scared and just accepting things. Having said that, this an old thread and I haven't had an experience quite like the one that prompted this, since.
 
Pupa said:
And I actually had a hard time with it. I found it really difficult - and failed miserably to "slip into" the lala beautiful happy times that they wanted me to. I've been a rebellious person in real life, in a very *petty* kind of way - so I regret that I found that difficult and I definitely failed.

I just wonder if anybody else can relate to this?
Click to expand...

This is not unusual for me in the slightest, your mood and interpretation can define the experience greatly, its better to save the interpretation for post-trip and just let go and watch the show in my experience.


Pupa said:
It's very hard not to be convinced that this isn't just a drug.
Click to expand...

I played with the idea for a long time myself. I have concluded that it is indeed a very powerful drug, but your mind is the most hyperadvanced biological computation machine we know of to date, and the catacombs run deep. 😁


Good luck with the integration and im glad you had a very eye-opening experience.

-Q
 
"Save the interpretation for post trip" - That's exactly it. It was me trying to interpret/analyse things as they were happening. Total waste of time! But difficult not to do, at the time, anyway.

As for the catacombs.... phew, you are not wrong. Right now, I'd lean towards your interpretation as well. It probably doesn't matter ultimately. But I'm kinda discovering that ^ that interpretation is actually...way more 'wow'.

Sorry, I'm not very articulate and don't know how to use quotes! But thanks very much.
 
Pupa said:
"Save the interpretation for post trip" - That's exactly it. It was me trying to interpret/analyse things as they were happening. Total waste of time! But difficult not to do, at the time, anyway.

As for the catacombs.... phew, you are not wrong. Right now, I'd lean towards your interpretation as well. It probably doesn't matter ultimately. But I'm kinda discovering that ^ that interpretation is actually...way more 'wow'.

Sorry, I'm not very articulate and don't know how to use quotes! But thanks very much.
Click to expand...


I think you are approaching the entire headspace with a great attitude, and an open mind. You will be rewarded for this, nature rewards the courageous.


As an aside you can go the post you would like to quote and in the top right of the rectangle is a quote option, it will paste the entire post of interest into these quote boxes:

[#quote=USERNAME] [#/quote]

If you understand HTML code style basically anything between the [#quote] and [#/quote] is a quote and you specify which user has said the quote if you want to do it manually, but this level of understanding isn't required to effectively quote people.
( i had to put in '#' signs before all the code examples so you can actually see them, but when you write the quote boxes you would exclude these)
 
QuantumOctopus said:
I think you are approaching the entire headspace with a great attitude, and an open mind. You will be rewarded for this, nature rewards the courageous.
Click to expand...

QuantumOctopus, thank you for the support and the kind words. I really appreciate it.
I'm sure you're right about nature rewarding the courageous - well I hope so anyway - because it's given me such a great amount of fear/respect for the journey, that I need all the courage I can muster.
Thanks again, it's nice to feel reassured about the way I'm approaching things. And also, thanks for the quote help (feel a bit silly now, but that's life!).

Take care, I've really appreciated all the help on this thread. It honestly has been of great assistance.
 
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