Hey Nexians, this is my first time posting on here, so let me know if I am doing this right. I am just extremely concerned for my well-being. I experienced my first (and last) DMT breathrough two nights ago. I had been anticipating this experience for over a year, and it has been incredibly difficult for me to track down the substance. I eventually tracked down 400mg of what I believed was DMT n-oxide. I will start by explaining my experience with psychedelics. I have done LSD multiple times (most being a 525μg trip, coincidentally being a week earlier than this breakthrough). I had done small doses of DMT many times, some being part of the 400mg and another time I had some changa, but I never had the courage to break through. I felt like I had good mental control on psychedelics, even though I had only been properly exposed to one type of psychedelic. This was enough for me to think I was prepared for a breakthrough.
The first night, being three nights ago, I was attempting to break through at my friend's house, but we didn't have a set of milligram scales. So we just eyeballed the doses and tested them from low doses and increased according to the feeling. My mate was measuring the doses for me, as well as being the one dosing me, as I felt I could trust him (in hindsight, I was wrong). I finally got to the point where I said I was ready to go for it, and I told my mate to pack what he thought would be enough. He put some in, and I smoked as much as I could. It turned out to not be even close to enough, which I told him. He then proceeded to put nearly the rest of the crystal in the pipe (which would have been at least 150-200mg or so). I started freaking out, asking why he did that. He said that nothing less seemed to work. I trusted his decision and as I went for it, the jet lighter ran out of fuel. I ended up giving up trying, leaving most of the residue in the pipe. I brought the pipe home to do the next night.
That night, I asked my sister to sit me, but she refused, so out of stupidity I decided to do it myself. I ended up putting the rest of the DMT I had into the pipe to make sure I had enough in there to break through; yes I was that desperate. I put on a song (being "Where We're Going" by Hans Zimmer), and sat down in bed, had the pipe filled with what I am going to estimate had around 170-220mg of DMT (the residue from the night before + how much I had left). I lit the jet lighter, melted down the crystal, took as big of a hit as I could (I'm going to guess I got at least 60mg+, my lungs are decent so I really couldn't say how much more).
Effects came on as soon as I felt the vapor enter my lungs. I held it in for as long as possible, even to the point of swallowing the smoke to hold it in for longer. I was getting ready to take a second hit. 10-20 seconds later, I breathed out. No build up of visuals, my entire world, body and brain exploded within a mere 5 seconds like I was a firework just set off (another analogy is to think of my body as a tube of toothpaste that just got crushed by an enormous pressure, and the toothpaste exploding out both ends). My body turned into an infinite depth of fluorescent foam, tasting like the fluoride you get at the dentist. There were colours in my entire visual space, and it felt like I had some being/beings laughing at me, saying things like "I told you so" or "he actually did it". I thought I had died. I had no way of moving my body. All I remember saying is "I just did that to myself" (meaning death). I envisioned my mother standing in front of me, asking me "what have you just done?" in the most dreaded way possible. It was horrific to hear her voice say that.
The next thing I can remember is sitting up holding my face. I then pulled my hands back around my head, which felt like I was pulling them through my head, like it was made of some kind of dense, but extremely pliable foam (the same fluorescent foam mentioned above). I was imagining my mother and father standing there next to me, and as I pulled my hands through my head, I started screaming "I DIDN'T REALISE", thinking I had just collapsed my head in. I repeated it again, my hands moving back in front of my face, and pulling them through my head..."I DIDN'T REALISE! I DIDN'T REALISE!....." This went on for about 2 minutes. It was traumatising. I thought I was dealing excruciating pain to myself that I would only feel after I came down. I thought for certain I had gone too far into this. During this time, it also felt like I was uncontrollably swallowing this foam stuff instead of oxygen, like I was hyperventilating on it.
This time eventually passed, I woke up in what I thought was my room. It certainly was a room, but not my room. It was dark, faint patterns on the wall, soft like my bed. It felt like a mental ward for psychedelic patients who'd overdosed. I was confused at first, looking for my phone, but it wasn't there. Nothing was. I started freaking out, this room didn't look like it was going anywhere anytime soon. I thought the drugs would have worn off by this stage. Realising I had probably just gone somewhere I won't return from, insanity began to creep up on me. I began panicking, looking around. The room was uniform everywhere I looked, coinciding with the feeling that I'm never returning to Earth. In a last attempt to regain control, I began to not just pray, but beg to God to bring me back. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. This was nothing like anyone explained DMT to be like. There were no entities, I wasn't in hyperspace exploring the unknown. I was alone, silent with my thoughts. I laid there begging, closing my eyes hoping it will eventually end.
About 30 seconds later, I opened my eyes, and I started to see fractals appear, forming the edges of my TV, followed by the TV itself. I was coming back. Within 20 seconds, I could see my room. There were patterns and geometric shapes all over the walls and all the furniture. I stood up, being as relieved as I have ever been. I start repeating "OH MY GOD" over and over in my excitement. Something wasn't quite right though. I went out of my room only to see my room had mirrored itself.
I realised by now the drugs definitely were wearing off somewhat though, which was comforting. I start to drag my hands through my hair, and like my face, my hair would just disintegrate at my touch. My body was still extremely fragile by this point. My shirt was the same, it would just seem to fall apart whenever I touched it. Another 10 minutes past, nothing had changed, I was still in the same room. I walked out of my room a second time, my lounge-room was back. I started walking up the stairs, contemplating telling my mother and father that I had gone insane. I thought I had, DMT wasn't meant to last this long was it? I got to the hallway of my parents room, and my logic hit me. Maybe I should wait it out, maybe I will come back properly. Maybe my body will eventually form back to it's original state.
I went downstairs, looked in the mirror. I looked normal, my hair looked normal, my throat looked normal (my throat felt like a hollow tube with nothing inside it. Every time I would swallow, I would swallow a huge amount of the foam stuff). I started to tell myself to wait it out, it's just the drugs. They would eventually wear off. Still, nothing changed for another 5 minutes or so, I started to freak out again. Will I ever properly come back, or will I eternally be in this state of physical perception? Eventually things started to go back to normal, I kept telling myself it will all eventually wear off. This was the most comforting bit of advice I have ever told myself.
A total of around an hour and a half after I first hit the pipe, all the main effects had subsided. I thought I was ready for bed. As I tried sleeping, when I got close to sleep, my body would start going into trip mode and I would start to hyperventilate again. I had extreme rushes of anxiety. I couldn't get any sleep until about 7am, but I ended up getting up at 9am as by that time, my body did not want to sleep. Had I gone insane? Have I got PTSD? Will I get insomnia? All these questions, I was nervous, but at the same time so relieved to have had this experience and come out of it in one piece. I will never do DMT again. The night after (being the night just gone), I tried going to sleep, but I kept experiencing the same feeling whenever I would get close to sleep. I got no sleep last night, which makes me concerned that I have triggered a drug-induced insomnia.
The only thing I can put together in this experience, was that it was an experience of my body completely exploding, and slowly reconnecting itself, hence why during many stages of the trip, I could move my hands through my skin like it was just a foam. The only thing I can take from the experience that I can apply to my life (in integration), is to be careful of what I wish for.
Nexians, I need advice on how I can integrate this experience. I am currently still having vivid flashbacks of when I exploded, and it scares me to bits. It was a terrifying experience, and I'm sure I have, at the very least, symptoms of PTSD. I have been prescribed some anti-depressants to calm myself as I have had about 1 hour sleep for over 48 hours, and I need to be at uni tomorrow, so I need to get to sleep tonight. I will not be touching drugs again, this was the be-all-end-all for me. It was too much, and I have too much to lose over a drug. Please, anyone, help. I am terrified. I understand this may take months or even years to get over, I don't care how long it takes. I need advice. I understand it was incredibly stupid not to correctly measure my doses, and to not have a sitter, which is probably why I did too much, however I can't take it back now. What's done is done. I understand it has only been a few days since the experience, and the effects may not be all that bad, so please tell me if you think that is the case. I just need to know that what I experienced was in some form, normal for a breakthrough, and how I can go about integrating the experience.
Peace guys. (P.S. sorry for so much text)
The first night, being three nights ago, I was attempting to break through at my friend's house, but we didn't have a set of milligram scales. So we just eyeballed the doses and tested them from low doses and increased according to the feeling. My mate was measuring the doses for me, as well as being the one dosing me, as I felt I could trust him (in hindsight, I was wrong). I finally got to the point where I said I was ready to go for it, and I told my mate to pack what he thought would be enough. He put some in, and I smoked as much as I could. It turned out to not be even close to enough, which I told him. He then proceeded to put nearly the rest of the crystal in the pipe (which would have been at least 150-200mg or so). I started freaking out, asking why he did that. He said that nothing less seemed to work. I trusted his decision and as I went for it, the jet lighter ran out of fuel. I ended up giving up trying, leaving most of the residue in the pipe. I brought the pipe home to do the next night.
That night, I asked my sister to sit me, but she refused, so out of stupidity I decided to do it myself. I ended up putting the rest of the DMT I had into the pipe to make sure I had enough in there to break through; yes I was that desperate. I put on a song (being "Where We're Going" by Hans Zimmer), and sat down in bed, had the pipe filled with what I am going to estimate had around 170-220mg of DMT (the residue from the night before + how much I had left). I lit the jet lighter, melted down the crystal, took as big of a hit as I could (I'm going to guess I got at least 60mg+, my lungs are decent so I really couldn't say how much more).
Effects came on as soon as I felt the vapor enter my lungs. I held it in for as long as possible, even to the point of swallowing the smoke to hold it in for longer. I was getting ready to take a second hit. 10-20 seconds later, I breathed out. No build up of visuals, my entire world, body and brain exploded within a mere 5 seconds like I was a firework just set off (another analogy is to think of my body as a tube of toothpaste that just got crushed by an enormous pressure, and the toothpaste exploding out both ends). My body turned into an infinite depth of fluorescent foam, tasting like the fluoride you get at the dentist. There were colours in my entire visual space, and it felt like I had some being/beings laughing at me, saying things like "I told you so" or "he actually did it". I thought I had died. I had no way of moving my body. All I remember saying is "I just did that to myself" (meaning death). I envisioned my mother standing in front of me, asking me "what have you just done?" in the most dreaded way possible. It was horrific to hear her voice say that.
The next thing I can remember is sitting up holding my face. I then pulled my hands back around my head, which felt like I was pulling them through my head, like it was made of some kind of dense, but extremely pliable foam (the same fluorescent foam mentioned above). I was imagining my mother and father standing there next to me, and as I pulled my hands through my head, I started screaming "I DIDN'T REALISE", thinking I had just collapsed my head in. I repeated it again, my hands moving back in front of my face, and pulling them through my head..."I DIDN'T REALISE! I DIDN'T REALISE!....." This went on for about 2 minutes. It was traumatising. I thought I was dealing excruciating pain to myself that I would only feel after I came down. I thought for certain I had gone too far into this. During this time, it also felt like I was uncontrollably swallowing this foam stuff instead of oxygen, like I was hyperventilating on it.
This time eventually passed, I woke up in what I thought was my room. It certainly was a room, but not my room. It was dark, faint patterns on the wall, soft like my bed. It felt like a mental ward for psychedelic patients who'd overdosed. I was confused at first, looking for my phone, but it wasn't there. Nothing was. I started freaking out, this room didn't look like it was going anywhere anytime soon. I thought the drugs would have worn off by this stage. Realising I had probably just gone somewhere I won't return from, insanity began to creep up on me. I began panicking, looking around. The room was uniform everywhere I looked, coinciding with the feeling that I'm never returning to Earth. In a last attempt to regain control, I began to not just pray, but beg to God to bring me back. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. This was nothing like anyone explained DMT to be like. There were no entities, I wasn't in hyperspace exploring the unknown. I was alone, silent with my thoughts. I laid there begging, closing my eyes hoping it will eventually end.
About 30 seconds later, I opened my eyes, and I started to see fractals appear, forming the edges of my TV, followed by the TV itself. I was coming back. Within 20 seconds, I could see my room. There were patterns and geometric shapes all over the walls and all the furniture. I stood up, being as relieved as I have ever been. I start repeating "OH MY GOD" over and over in my excitement. Something wasn't quite right though. I went out of my room only to see my room had mirrored itself.
I realised by now the drugs definitely were wearing off somewhat though, which was comforting. I start to drag my hands through my hair, and like my face, my hair would just disintegrate at my touch. My body was still extremely fragile by this point. My shirt was the same, it would just seem to fall apart whenever I touched it. Another 10 minutes past, nothing had changed, I was still in the same room. I walked out of my room a second time, my lounge-room was back. I started walking up the stairs, contemplating telling my mother and father that I had gone insane. I thought I had, DMT wasn't meant to last this long was it? I got to the hallway of my parents room, and my logic hit me. Maybe I should wait it out, maybe I will come back properly. Maybe my body will eventually form back to it's original state.
I went downstairs, looked in the mirror. I looked normal, my hair looked normal, my throat looked normal (my throat felt like a hollow tube with nothing inside it. Every time I would swallow, I would swallow a huge amount of the foam stuff). I started to tell myself to wait it out, it's just the drugs. They would eventually wear off. Still, nothing changed for another 5 minutes or so, I started to freak out again. Will I ever properly come back, or will I eternally be in this state of physical perception? Eventually things started to go back to normal, I kept telling myself it will all eventually wear off. This was the most comforting bit of advice I have ever told myself.
A total of around an hour and a half after I first hit the pipe, all the main effects had subsided. I thought I was ready for bed. As I tried sleeping, when I got close to sleep, my body would start going into trip mode and I would start to hyperventilate again. I had extreme rushes of anxiety. I couldn't get any sleep until about 7am, but I ended up getting up at 9am as by that time, my body did not want to sleep. Had I gone insane? Have I got PTSD? Will I get insomnia? All these questions, I was nervous, but at the same time so relieved to have had this experience and come out of it in one piece. I will never do DMT again. The night after (being the night just gone), I tried going to sleep, but I kept experiencing the same feeling whenever I would get close to sleep. I got no sleep last night, which makes me concerned that I have triggered a drug-induced insomnia.
The only thing I can put together in this experience, was that it was an experience of my body completely exploding, and slowly reconnecting itself, hence why during many stages of the trip, I could move my hands through my skin like it was just a foam. The only thing I can take from the experience that I can apply to my life (in integration), is to be careful of what I wish for.
Nexians, I need advice on how I can integrate this experience. I am currently still having vivid flashbacks of when I exploded, and it scares me to bits. It was a terrifying experience, and I'm sure I have, at the very least, symptoms of PTSD. I have been prescribed some anti-depressants to calm myself as I have had about 1 hour sleep for over 48 hours, and I need to be at uni tomorrow, so I need to get to sleep tonight. I will not be touching drugs again, this was the be-all-end-all for me. It was too much, and I have too much to lose over a drug. Please, anyone, help. I am terrified. I understand this may take months or even years to get over, I don't care how long it takes. I need advice. I understand it was incredibly stupid not to correctly measure my doses, and to not have a sitter, which is probably why I did too much, however I can't take it back now. What's done is done. I understand it has only been a few days since the experience, and the effects may not be all that bad, so please tell me if you think that is the case. I just need to know that what I experienced was in some form, normal for a breakthrough, and how I can go about integrating the experience.
Peace guys. (P.S. sorry for so much text)
