First Time Breakthrough. Need Help Integrating. I May Be Suffering From PTSD Due to It.

[Sasquach2112]

Moar moar

 

[Sam_Ress]

First thing that comes to mind is why are you dosing so high?
I can achieve a full breakthrough by vaporizing around 50-60mg on my dab rig.
Having a sitter who is experienced in the substance could have helped a bit as well.
If you ever choose to explore again make sure your doing it at smaller doses.

Honestly, all I can say for why I did it was out of stupidity and desperation. I already was aware of a normal breakthrough dose, but I didn't have any measuring tools so I wanted to be certain. I for sure would do it at lower, controlled doses if I ever choose to do this kind of thing again. Appreciate the advice

 

[Sam_Ress]

Sounds like you let fear take over. It's inside you and came out. So you have some fears. Look at it. Feel it. Concentrate on the things you feared. An experience like you had holds many lessons. You can look at the experience in another way. Let it show you the fear. You may find that some of your fears are coming completely from the ego. You are more than your fears.

Sleeping. Hard to say what may help. Try and relax. Try and find a way to laugh off your off experience. Laughter is very healing. Anything positive you can muster will help. Lighten up if you can. Relax, breathe. Don't carry your fears around. Let it go. Drop it like it's hot.

Call your mom and say hey. Be grateful for your experiences, even the difficult. Mending begins when you can separate what the mind creates from your being. You are not your mind. You choose to create fear. So choose not to create fear by ignoring the illusions of fear your mind creates. Find a balance. Fear and love is within us all. Now you see and feel fear. You can choose love. Love yourself and your experience. Love the fear.

I love the comment man, they're very wise words. It's taking time to mend it all, but I honestly feel almost back to normal now. I'm realising now I overreacted, but it's just terrifying to know that I might be going back to uni and normal life without any sleep, nor the ability to sleep, especially going from such a stable mental state. I'll take all the advice you've given, the more the better is is for me. Thanks a lot.

 

[Sam_Ress]

I personally know of several people who have had terrible experiences with too high of a dose and they all get better over time. Time is all you need. You need to get patient and value the fact that you are clearly and rapidly making progress (from not being able to sleep to being able to sleep even if with nightmares, eventually without nightmares, etc). This progress indicates that you are on the right path (which is just inevitable anyway).


From what I read here, I personally don't think you have PTSD, you just describe the common phases people go through when the take too much and need time for these medium-term after-effects to fade away. Take the necessary steps with your psychologist or a psychiatrist to determine if you indeed have PTSD though, if that makes you feel better.
In my opinion residual effects like inability to sleep or nightmares can last for a few week from what I've seen but they don't take long to dramatically decrease, as they already have, as you stated.


Exercise is probably a good idea, and along with the anti-depressants you are already taking, it should help with possible mood swings and to get better sleep.

Personally I would focus on getting better first (which, I repeat, is mainly a matter of time), and only then you should start to reflect on the experience and fully start to integrate it. "Ruminating" about the trip is not a good idea at this stage IMHO, but it probably will be once you visibly get better.

You made a mistake with the dose and that's ok, we all make mistakes, you clearly learned from it and that's what matters.
You WILL get better, like anybody else who already experienced the same feelings you are experiencing right now

I definitely know I don't have PTSD now haha. It was all a big overreaction, but I can still understand why I reacted the way I did (I'm nearly constantly worrying about my mental health). You are right though, I'm finding that when I focus on the experience knowing that I'm not fully healed, it doesn't really help. The most helpful thing I'm realising is having people there who understand what happened to me and can give me solid advice (just like yourself). I'll take all you have to offer in that department bro, I'm too concerned for my mental wellbeing to not fix myself completely after this experience. Cheers man (P.S. Hell yeah I've learnt from my stupidity, lol).

 

[Sam_Ress]

I just had my first breakthrough last night.
High dose Yopo + unmeasured mountain of DMT vaped at peak.

I orgasmically purged lots of negativity I have been harboring for years.
Then, I was engulfed in infinite fractals, entities, and rapidly changing worlds.
The universe collapsed in on itself.
Hell froze over.
"Hell froze over."
My dead friend repeated that phrase as I came back to an altered version of my room & world.
I'm in the parallel universe where absolutely everything goes wrong.
Humanity screwed up beyond repair. We are all facing impending doom.
Blood is covering my walls, demonic entities are coming out of the woodwork.
My dead friend is among them and they all are saying "HELL FROZE OVER"
I have never felt such despair and hopelessness in my life.
I died and went to hell.
This is an eternal nightmare.
My father dies.
A man is about to break in my window and assassinate me at knife point.
But what do I care, I already faced death when I took that pile of DMT.
I'm already gone.
I lay in my bed in this distorted, morphing, hellish version of Earth.
As my father's spirit lifts and leaves this world, I feel an incredible sense of responsibility and pride wash over me.
He was suffering for so long.
A huge weight is lifted.
A new day has dawned!
Humanity has broken through with me from hell into the parallel universe where universal truth is shining outward from every human eye.
How wonderful!
I've made it through hell and now I feel more alive than ever.

Okay so that was what I can recall of the most intense experience of my life.
I don't have alot of free time so this is me just venting.
Don't cling to your fear and anxiety.
It will consume you only if you let it.
Here is the unspoken harsh truth about DMT and life in general :
YOU ARE IN THIS ALONE.
You can socialize and love people, but you die alone.
DMT is unexplainable. Don't try to hold it.
Let it be what it is.
Let go of everything you want your mind to be.
You are not insane, people have done much worse and still recovered.
You are just very shaken by this unexplainable experience.
It is so far outside normal reality that you shocked your system.
You will recover my friend, just remember : We go through hell to get to heaven.
Try setting up an exercise routine.
Yoga and deep breathing exercises are fantastic for grounding your energies.
I personally like to run
Also, some shamans use tobacco to ground people after heavy journeys.
Schizophrenics are also heavy users of tobacco.
I've also found tobacco to help with integration.

I wish you the best. Just keep talking to people on here.
Even though you traveled alone and that will be forever yours, you can still make peace with it and live on to your full potential

I love this comment man, but far out that sounds terrifying. Knowing that people like you have had (most probably) much worse trips than I had and come back, as much as I hate to say it, does help me feel a lot better about my experience. I really appreciate the words, and considering your lack of free time, you constructed it pretty well. I'll be sure to implement as much of your advice as possible to aid in recovering (maybe taking away the tobacco but, trying to stick clear from drugs now lol). Thanks so much for the advice.

 

[Sam_Ress]

Thanks to everyone in the comments for all you've said and given advice for. I'm almost 100% better now after the experience (well aware that I wayyyyy overreacted ahah). I will be taking shrooms in the coming fortnight or so for the first time, plan on doing 3-3.5g. Is this an alright dose to start out considering my current psychedelic experience? It will also be my last drug I take, and after this I will be stopping for good.

 

[Mellow_Mood]

I forgot to ask: do you take antidepressants regularly? If so, you may want to stop before trying again. Not sure if you know, but SSRI's combined with DMT is very dangerous.

Mixing SSRIs and MAOIs is what is dangerous. Examples would be any SSRI mixed with changa, Ayahuasca, or pharmahuasca to name a few. The following quote is from our very own Corpus Callosum, a medical Doctor:

The combination of SSRIs and FB vaporised DMT ie with no MAOI is not physically hazardous; you may find that the olanzapine reduces the effects of DMT by virtue of its anti-psychotic effect (mediated through dopamine receptors).

As for the OP, you took too much and traumatized yourself. It's okay, though it does teach a valuable lesson as to why DMT (and all psychedelics) should be approached with caution and respect. Nothing can prepare you for a breakthrough, especially at such high doses, which is why the Nexus advocates that people start low and build their way up to breakthrough territory.

The breakthrough is startling, awe-inspiring, and extremely terrifying at times. Weird/absurd/impossible is the normal in DMT land. You will be okay. I will leave you with some tips from the WIKI on how to integrate from here:

Integration

One of the fundamental aspects of a psychedelic experience is how to digest what one has faced and be able to put in practice lessons in daily life. Without this part, a psychedelic experience will become meaningless, dysphoric, segregating, schizo-generating.
This is not to say every single hyperspace image must be decoded into a particular lesson. A number of experiences may be so out-there that it will be hard relating it to daily life in some way. But in the very least, a sense of humbleness, of respect, the awe-inspired feeling, the happiness for being back and alive, those are all aspects that can be used for a positive change in one's life, as long as one wants it and works for it.

We spend most of our time in the normal 'waking/consensus' reality, and it is here that the real tests present themselves, it's here where we write the story of our lives and make due (or not) to our responsibilities of being alive. The difficulties of daily life shouldnt be seen as a problem we have to avoid at all costs, but rather they are opportunities for us to improve ourselves, to succeed in the tests presented by life.
While it can be extremely blissful during the effects, to see the DMT and psychedelic experience as an end to itself is a very dangerous attitude. Balance is always the key. Appreciate the gift of being alive and being able to deal with normal life. Psychedelics might be a beautiful part of the process but they are not self-sufficient and wont make your life meaningful if you dont yourself make your daily life meaningful.

Tips how to integrate

Talk to different people and listen to what they have to say. By definition, our vision of life and the events we went through are single-sided and self-biased. Other people, (experienced with psychedelics or not) can provide us with differing view-points that aid in our learning process, like mirrors that help us notice our blindspots.

Put the lessons in practice, specially before taking it again. If during the experience one has received messages about how he/she should change the eating habbits, or should treat others better, or should study more, then by all means make all the effort possible to put that in practice and avoid taking psychedelics again before having achieved one's aim (even if not completely, as we can always be better, but at least to a significant degree)
Express yourself creatively. A large part of the DMT experience is ineffable, impossible to describe in words. Yet, it is important we try to digest it one way or another, to integrate our emotional/spiritual experience. Expressing oneself creatively after smoking DMT (or taking other psychedelics too) through drawing, painting, music, poems or other art forms can be of great help and are very recommended for integration.

Question things! Do not believe literally and take at face-value what anybody tells you (whether its religious leaders, politicians, your friends or your psychedelic experiences/entities). Be self-critical, put things in perspective. Specially doubt and avoid believing any experience/feeling that involves "grandeur" ideas and anything that leads to extreme dissociation from other human beings ('im the chosen one, others are sheep'). Be extremely careful with suicidal thoughts (read point 7). Anything involving violence or ideas that would disrupt other people's lives should be avoided/disbelieved at all costs.

Balance is the key! If one is investing much more time thinking about and putting effort on psychedelic-related issues while neglecting other areas of life (family, work, health, studies), take a long break! Dedicate to life, dont worry, psychedelics will still be there in a few weeks/months/years, no need to rush.

Remember: You may have experienced Eternal Bliss and saw the Fractal All and Everything while interacting with Hyperspacial Beings, but....... The bills still have to be paid, the house still has to be broomed, the food still has to be cooked!
Health is a main priority! It highly pays off both in consensus reality as well as in the psychedelic/hyperspecial realm and one's conscience, if in daily life one is eating healthily, improving interpersonal relations and dealing with emotions, exercising, etc. If DMT/psychedelic use is negatively affecting your health (physical, emotional or intellectual) directly or indirectly, stop taking it, and only do it when one has significantly been working on one's health issues.

Do not make strong decisions during/just after a psychedelic experience. So if you really feel like saying something important to somebody, or quitting your job due to a realization, or any radical decision, write it down but please always wait for the next day (or week or month), to think over and get the perspective from another state of consciousness. If its the right decision, one can still make it afterwards even if one has waited, but if its the wrong decision and one makes it impulsively, there might be no turning back and one can seriously disrupt his/her or other people's lives.

What a great reply, i enjoyed reading this, i never saw this piece about integration. This exactly what dmt does, and now i have a word to explain what its all about:thumb_up:

Also to th OP; Ive been there right with you, when i very first started i had one that completely scared the daylights out of me, it shows you that dmt demands respect! Youll be just fine, brush it off. Try it again when your ready. On a side note, weird how your lighter ran out when you first tried to light that huge dose. Maybe im superstitious, but i watch for stuff like that. Eg. If i knock over my pipe after loading it, i just let it be, when i dont watch these little signs i realize it might have happened for a reason. If it feels right, do it. If it doesnt, then dont! Hope your doing better, dont let this mistake keep you from exploring entheogens

 

[trippybunny]

hey all & any in the future reading.. first post, I had to make an account and say that this thread has helped me immensely. I wish there was more of a support group for integrating without having to read posts on the internet from years ago or feeling like a weirdo trying to express your experience to non-psych people.. Even for the few that do get it, I feel as if a break through can be so personal you are hesitant to speak your fears aloud. The being alone comment especially resonated as that is probably my primal fear which I had to face to reach the blissful warm feelings.. I will post below my account of my first breakthrough (I dabbed it on a clean titanium nail-temp unknown) from about 8 months ago below:

It starts as a blissed out hum as you relax and lay down. The room seems to be fading away. Everything you know seems to be fading away.. You feel the sensation of rapidly falling with no control. The hum get louder.
Then it gets uncomfortable and somewhat terrifying. You feel tight like an overall squeezing. You have to let go of everything. You see everything. You are everything. We are all one.. al-one. You move on to the nothingness. To oneness. Synchronized with the universe’s frequency. A blissed out hum.
And then you see the colors. The cascading layers and layers of colors and they take your breath away. Like stained glass butterfly wings in a web-like veil moving across your plain of sight. You make noises from unexpressed emotions you have never felt before. You are in absolute awe of whatever this is. Yet you are comfortable. You feel warm & safe. There is no pressure on you.
Slowly, the colors become faint. You feel sadness & a sense of longing to see them again, if only for a bit longer. You wish you could show these images imprinted in your mind to someone else. Then, you realize you are in a body. Your heart is racing & there is a clamminess in the hands. You grab the head and face searching for recognition. You feel unfamiliar. You think 'this is it, you've really done it now' You wonder how much time was gone by? When you open your eyes you recognize the room. You feel tired like you have travelled. You are in a sweaty daze of confusion. You are back. Left to unpack and dissect whatever that was.

To note: I wear a fitbit and during the trip my heart rate spiked to 167 and remained over 145 for a few minutes before gradually coming back down. my usual range of active is 80-100 with resting being 60-70..

Also I too thought about the fuel running out thing from OP (funny how the universe works) and to read that as the last comment really solidified my needing to read all of your responses tonight. To remind myself to move forward, but question things. Appreciate more & onwards & upwards. It was the trip I needed, not the trip I wanted.