Good day fellow explorers,
I have been quiet for a while again, for a couple of reasons. One of them is me trying to spend time rather in nature or being productive/being creative, instead of in front of a screen. The other is that mayor life changes lie ahead and require a lot of focus.
Anyway, yesterday I drew something I thought fits in here. But first I want to tell you a little about the background of this drawing...
About two months back my honeymoon phase with DMT ended after many beautiful and fascinating experiences in hyperspace. The last one I had back then was different though and left me unsure about how to proceed for weeks.
Usually I have always prepared myself mentally and physically for my journeys until everything felt right. That one evening however it was more like "I am bored, let's vape some DMT". I just made some enhanced leaf and decided to try it out.
I broke through in an instant. No tunnel, no patterns. I found myself in a place, which reminded me of the inside of a circus tent. There where lot's of little beings performing something down in the circus ring. When I entered, they stopped doing what they where doing, turned towards me all at once and "said" to me "This isn't what we are here for." I replied "Okey, okey I understand."
You know these scenes in old western movies, where the protagonist walks into a saloon and everything goes quiet? This is how I felt like, just being in a circus instead of a saloon.
Just after they conveyed their message to me, the scenery disappeared and I was back in my garden. I don't know how much time passed by, but it felt like the experience lasted no longer than a minute.
This has occupied my mind for a while. Surely I knew what I did wrong and how I can avoid this from happening again. But it still took me a while to try it again.
For weeks I had the feeling that something malicious is waiting on the other side, just for me to dare and visit again. So instead I started to work on integrating the experience through meditation and time outside in nature.
After a while it didn't feel like whatever was waiting for me over there was waiting for me any longer. This is when I felt I am ready again, so I aimed for a light sub-breakthrough experience to test the waters. I don't want to go too much into detail, other than I felt that I am welcome again, which is all I wanted to find out.
I learned something, that I was always suspecting. DMT is not suitable for recreational use or a remedy against boredom. It's sacred and this is how I will treat it from now on, without exceptions.