Hard experiences/lessons... feeling attacked

[Skizm88]

This is my first post. I've had two difficult experiences after maybe 20 DMT trips. I mean there were a few SOMEWHAT difficult experiences (Am I dead?) but they were bearable. I thought I was getting a handle on the effects. I wanted to go further and see more of the entities... thus far I'd only SEEN them about 3 times.. a shaman who looked into my body/soul, some dancing elf things, and the outlines of figures behind a technicolor tapestry.These experiences were mostly good, some orgasmicly good.
So, last night. I was irresponsible. I was experimenting with BDO (a GHB prodrug) taking .5 ml every 20 mins until I got to about 3 ml since I want to be able to use it to sleep after trips on certain things and was finding my tolerance to it. So 3 ml into the BDO, I get the idea that I want to meet some aliens (this is the most irresponsible intention I've ever had with DMT, usually I go in just wanting to watch and learn) and rip about 45 mg's of DMT in 3 vaporized hits. It went like this- *Euphoria, geometric shapes in my room, I'm transcending, this is beautiful -then- *"YOURE GOING TO DIE" I was being told by nobody I could see, and the room's walls were flying in at me, attacking me, telling me I'm dying while I'm having faint pictures of my family flash by me, but here's the thing.... I was rolling around dodging things, turning over, trying to crawl away from my attacker (I don't have this attacker situation in my past, at least, not that I can recall). It was physically threatening, scary, and terrifying, and I had been physically moving the whole time.
So tonight... no BDO, no drugs/alcohol at all prior to the DMT. I sit, meditate for about 20 mins on nothing, just watching my breath and clearing my mind. Then I loaded 40 mg of DMT and hit it twice, not even caring to smoke ALL of it. The room I'm in alters a bit and I feel like the DMT is PISSED at me again. Like, furious, like I'm not heeding it's warnings to me. I'm not flying through hyperspace, objects are being hurled at me, assaulting me, and I'm mentally flinching and doing everything I can to keep my mind from my body so that my body isn't flailing around. I managed to remain still, laying down, but it was very hard. I've hallucinated many times before, and I've always known I was tripping and didn't react, but there was a GRAVITY to these experiences, something that crossed the line. I couldn't see my attackers, it was more DMT as a whole, making me want to give in and flinch, flail... basically to have a seizure if I didn't fight against it.
I apologize for my recklessness, and I know I'm crossing the line into abuse and not use. I am going deep into the rabbit hole and getting bitch-smacked it seems.
Has anyone else ever been so PHYSICALLY affected? I'm concerned it's either an underlying medical thing (I don't have any that I know of), my subconscious, or something beyond the physical. IDK what it is.
I know this is a rambling wall of text but I've been shook and just wanted to share. Something that was so beautiful is turning into a nightmare.

 

[GLTASN]

I would try asking the entities for their guidance and protection from being too scared before you partake. I feel like they do not like drugs and when you treat spice like drugs they disagree and fight you. if you approach it as a sacred ceremony and ask them for help they deff seem more receptive. I even had one entity act flirty and flipped up her/its dress(not sexual at all, just fun teasing,) as she/it slipped inbetween the patterns.

 

[Exitwound]

This is my first post. I've had two difficult experiences after maybe 20 DMT trips. I mean there were a few SOMEWHAT difficult experiences (Am I dead?) but they were bearable. I thought I was getting a handle on the effects. I wanted to go further and see more of the entities... thus far I'd only SEEN them about 3 times.. a shaman who looked into my body/soul, some dancing elf things, and the outlines of figures behind a technicolor tapestry.These experiences were mostly good, some orgasmicly good.
So, last night. I was irresponsible. I was experimenting with BDO (a GHB prodrug) taking .5 ml every 20 mins until I got to about 3 ml since I want to be able to use it to sleep after trips on certain things and was finding my tolerance to it. So 3 ml into the BDO, I get the idea that I want to meet some aliens (this is the most irresponsible intention I've ever had with DMT, usually I go in just wanting to watch and learn) and rip about 45 mg's of DMT in 3 vaporized hits. It went like this- *Euphoria, geometric shapes in my room, I'm transcending, this is beautiful -then- *"YOURE GOING TO DIE" I was being told by nobody I could see, and the room's walls were flying in at me, attacking me, telling me I'm dying while I'm having faint pictures of my family flash by me, but here's the thing.... I was rolling around dodging things, turning over, trying to crawl away from my attacker (I don't have this attacker situation in my past, at least, not that I can recall). It was physically threatening, scary, and terrifying, and I had been physically moving the whole time.
So tonight... no BDO, no drugs/alcohol at all prior to the DMT. I sit, meditate for about 20 mins on nothing, just watching my breath and clearing my mind. Then I loaded 40 mg of DMT and hit it twice, not even caring to smoke ALL of it. The room I'm in alters a bit and I feel like the DMT is PISSED at me again. Like, furious, like I'm not heeding it's warnings to me. I'm not flying through hyperspace, objects are being hurled at me, assaulting me, and I'm mentally flinching and doing everything I can to keep my mind from my body so that my body isn't flailing around. I managed to remain still, laying down, but it was very hard. I've hallucinated many times before, and I've always known I was tripping and didn't react, but there was a GRAVITY to these experiences, something that crossed the line. I couldn't see my attackers, it was more DMT as a whole, making me want to give in and flinch, flail... basically to have a seizure if I didn't fight against it.
I apologize for my recklessness, and I know I'm crossing the line into abuse and not use. I am going deep into the rabbit hole and getting bitch-smacked it seems.
Has anyone else ever been so PHYSICALLY affected? I'm concerned it's either an underlying medical thing (I don't have any that I know of), my subconscious, or something beyond the physical. IDK what it is.
I know this is a rambling wall of text but I've been shook and just wanted to share. Something that was so beautiful is turning into a nightmare.

If you are inclined to continue usage, try converting your fear trips into love trips. It is easier said than done, but it can be. Try grounding music during trips.

If you keep getting dark vibes, think about taking time off and just generally rolling it all over in your head, answers will be found.

 

[Skizm88]

Thank you friends. And to DmnStr8 - I can't message you back as new member but I wanted to say that was beautifully said. I can relate to the feelings of gratitude after the death experience, the desire to thank somebody for what they have shown me and allowing me to come back. I have not integrated my experiences as well as you have it would seem, but I do think about them constantly and I believe you have helped me along a bit.

 

[Skizm88]

Update: SO I continued to use DMT every night, usually twice, along with 1, 4 Butanediol (which I'm in the process of tapering off of. I wanted it initially for sleep, and it does knock me out at around 4 ml, but I wake up as soon as it wears off, leaving me awake and in the end more sleep deprived than restful. I could probably keep re dosing, but the smarter choice is to drop this shit.)

Long story short, along with using 2cb about twice a week, I've gone through about 800mg of spice in a month. I scaled my doses back to about 30 mg after my difficult trips, and had a couple of trips that were nice. But the last like 5 times I smoked, I didn't trip. I even ramped my dose back up to 50 mg the last two times and took it in two hits (using a glass oil pipe, same DMT and pipe that killed me at least 3 times before).

All that happens to me now is I see a vague twisting, dark shape with my eyes closed, very similar to mushrooms. (Not the bright, realer than real, technicolor visions of yore) I tend to nod out a little bit, daydreaming, but very much in touch with reality and just waiting for the drug to be metabolized out of my system. It's a waste.

I've seen other threads where people said DMT "shut them out". And no, my vaping methods aren't perfect, but this problem is beyond that. I will begin taking 5HTP and try to control my usage of DMT, quit BDO, and get more sleep.

Hopefully the entities will welcome me back.

 

[brainbutter]

This is my first post. I've had two difficult experiences after maybe 20 DMT trips. I mean there were a few SOMEWHAT difficult experiences (Am I dead?) but they were bearable. I thought I was getting a handle on the effects. I wanted to go further and see more of the entities... thus far I'd only SEEN them about 3 times.. a shaman who looked into my body/soul, some dancing elf things, and the outlines of figures behind a technicolor tapestry.These experiences were mostly good, some orgasmicly good.
So, last night. I was irresponsible. I was experimenting with BDO (a GHB prodrug) taking .5 ml every 20 mins until I got to about 3 ml since I want to be able to use it to sleep after trips on certain things and was finding my tolerance to it. So 3 ml into the BDO, I get the idea that I want to meet some aliens (this is the most irresponsible intention I've ever had with DMT, usually I go in just wanting to watch and learn) and rip about 45 mg's of DMT in 3 vaporized hits. It went like this- *Euphoria, geometric shapes in my room, I'm transcending, this is beautiful -then- *"YOURE GOING TO DIE" I was being told by nobody I could see, and the room's walls were flying in at me, attacking me, telling me I'm dying while I'm having faint pictures of my family flash by me, but here's the thing.... I was rolling around dodging things, turning over, trying to crawl away from my attacker (I don't have this attacker situation in my past, at least, not that I can recall). It was physically threatening, scary, and terrifying, and I had been physically moving the whole time.
So tonight... no BDO, no drugs/alcohol at all prior to the DMT. I sit, meditate for about 20 mins on nothing, just watching my breath and clearing my mind. Then I loaded 40 mg of DMT and hit it twice, not even caring to smoke ALL of it. The room I'm in alters a bit and I feel like the DMT is PISSED at me again. Like, furious, like I'm not heeding it's warnings to me. I'm not flying through hyperspace, objects are being hurled at me, assaulting me, and I'm mentally flinching and doing everything I can to keep my mind from my body so that my body isn't flailing around. I managed to remain still, laying down, but it was very hard. I've hallucinated many times before, and I've always known I was tripping and didn't react, but there was a GRAVITY to these experiences, something that crossed the line. I couldn't see my attackers, it was more DMT as a whole, making me want to give in and flinch, flail... basically to have a seizure if I didn't fight against it.
I apologize for my recklessness, and I know I'm crossing the line into abuse and not use. I am going deep into the rabbit hole and getting bitch-smacked it seems.
Has anyone else ever been so PHYSICALLY affected? I'm concerned it's either an underlying medical thing (I don't have any that I know of), my subconscious, or something beyond the physical. IDK what it is.
I know this is a rambling wall of text but I've been shook and just wanted to share. Something that was so beautiful is turning into a nightmare.

I also think it's a lot to do with what the intent is. I had one experience recently that resulted in tachycardia and i honestly thought i was going to die...... that my heart was going to explode.

I was so wrapped up in seeing more and more and more, that i wasn't respectful in my approach and i believe i also received a warning of some kind. I say follow that inner voice telling you to back off, i think our intuition/sixth sense is often the voice of reason, yet sometimes we have to hear it many times to accept it. I think taking a break will help you gain re-entry. I experienced 'lockout' after about 5 days of thrice-daily usage. I also felt it to be a waste of precious spice.

Good luck, hope you get back in soon!

 

[DmnStr8]

If you fear being locked out then go into that, follow it through. What if you are locked out forever? How does that make you feel? Go into that....

Deal with those emotions and then go back with no expectation of being let in.

People who would like to become buddhist monks would go to the temple and ask to be let in. The monks inside would say "We have no room for new students, please leave." Those who really wanted to become a student would sit on the steps, sometimes for days, waiting. The monks would leave food and water each day for the student but would not allow them in. Sitting, waiting, not knowing. After some days the monks would come out and say "Come in brother, learn with us". It was a test. How bad did they want to be there? I guess it was their way of weeding out those who were less commmitted.

So, wait outside the gates..........................

 

[xss27]

Maybe you're burnt out and expecting too much from your system. The energy to generate all the visions and experiences has got to come from somewhere, and I don't think it's a free lunch.. nothing ever is. Maybe you're also generating some emotional and mental turmoil because you're expecting too much and getting denied, not knowing why, and experiencing frustration/anger that is coming right back at you.

It reminds me of the time I was younger and into lucid dreaming, out of body experiences etc. I would get very frustrated sometimes when I felt like I was glued to my body, or in a lucid dream and couldn't punch through this sort of invisible wall inside the experience.. or if I did then immediately another scene would manifest. I was desperate to 'get out' and face some reality. At some point it sort of dawned on me there was no 'out' and nowhere to go, because it is all here. I was looking in the wrong direction.

 

[Skizm88]

My whole psychedelic journey began with the desire for out of body experiences. I tried astral projecting for years sober and didn't succeed then in my teenage years I had an OBE with DXM and have been chasing that since. I think it was the desire to prove to myself that I had a soul? Looking for more than just the material realms? But I'm slowly learning that it's much more complicated than that, not so black and white as a physical vs spiritual realm.

 

[xss27]

Is that your desire right now though?

I think quite a few people start off with your original desire to find some sort of answer, but things change along the way. Psychedelics are enchanting.. bright colours, euphoria, thinking you're seeing entities, angels or whatever you want. It's easy to lose sight or track of yourself, and then ending up justifying what is to an outside observer clearly substance abuse.

DMT changed my perspective but it generated more questions than it resolved. If you want answers then sincerity and determination are what you need, and intuition to help guide you.. and I think you know what you're intuition is telling you.

 

[Beatriz]

Dear Skizm88,

There's no shame in getting in a tiff with the entities. A lot of people see them as spirits, gods, emissaries, or something else to be obeyed and adored. This is not necessary. Whatever they are, they have been with our race since the time when those were the only identities that we could imagine for them. Did they get used to veneration? Is that the origin of their cryptic behavior?

They must have loved the priests of the Aztecs, who ate their P. cubensis in honey and returned to report their visions of Quetzalcoatl and the dark gods of the underworld. I have no idea what they thought of cutting the hearts from living victims, but they surely sat by and watched.

You came into this experience with the same objective as I did: to witness something foreign to our reality. To meet aliens. And aliens are what I, too, believe the entities to be. Calling them spirits or placing them alongside the superstitions of our ancestors has no explanatory value. Nor should we ever assume that technological sophistication implies recentness. The nearly 14 billion years of universe far exceed the 4.6 billion that it took to deliver humanity from dust to sentience. For a race able to accelerate between the stars or access the hyperspatial foundation of reality, even the vast distances between galaxies might seem trivial. If they wished to access our inner worlds and our thoughts, there would doubtless be many ways of achieving such a goal.

I went in hot like you did, and called the entities exactly what I thought they were: explorers with a perverse sense of humor and an excellent cover story. What better way to maintain plausible deniability than only conversing with intoxicated individuals? Their initial response is negative to this approach. They've thrown me into creepy hooded tribunals, accused me of attempting to kill them, screamed their hatred at me, and even appeared on occasion when I was fully sober. I, too, was put off for a while, but I came back for more.

DmnStr8 presents a nice allegory in his story of the Buddhist monks and the applicants. The entities will eventually let you through if you keep trying. Try to break through hard but infrequently: a few days off between smoking, then one large dose helps reset your tolerance. They have shown me things that are well in excess of the geometrical patterns and cryptic organisms that most people describe.

If they say you'll die, just accept it. You will die. That's how life works around here, and it's fine. Welcome to Earth.

 

[Northerner]

Hey Skizm88,

I too have experienced strong negative reactions. Rather than just pushing through the negative I took time to understand what was being asked of me.

I see DMT as a magic mirror into the soul. It doesn't really show us anything that is not already inside, but can amplify a million times what is. As I began to understand this more I began to better understand my interactions on the other side. I began to get more direct messages as well. Loud and clear.

We tend to know in ourselves that overdoing things in life and not maintaining balance is not ideal, even if we are having one help of a fun time doing that. If we truly feel we should change there can be some unexpected results. I've found that DMT seeks balance, as improbable as that sounds.

It's likely that you already know why you were getting these sorts of experiences, it's just that you haven't taken the time to understand it fully and/or haven't accepted it yet.

 

[Skizm88]

Had a beautiful experience. Went in sober, and the whole world turned a bluish grey color and was soft and fluffy like marshmallow. Reality was pulsing and womb like, and in the folds there was a little creature that was peeking at me. It was childish and playful and was like "watch this!" as reality folded in on itself in beautiful ways.

I was like "wow thanks! But stop now please I'm freaked out, I'd like to go back to reality now."

And the little thing did some tricks making my whole room turn in on itself in beautiful patterns, showing me what's possible if I go into the experience with proper preparation.

My experiences seem to be more womb-like and marshmallowy/blankety than crisp and fractal like. And twice now I've been convinced that I had fried my brain and was now color blind.



On a side note, I keep getting burnt tasting, hot hits that result in the feeling of coming up, but then the come-up stops at like 40% and I feel depressed and sit there waiting for the DMT to wear off since I'm too fd up to re-dose and not up enough to have any sort of meaningful experience. I use a glass oil burner, so hopefully a new one will work better but yea I do believe it's time to move on to a new method of vaporization.


Thank you all for your comments. I've had a few ego death's lately that caused me to plead with God (me? us?) to let me come back to my body, and it's like I had the option to do so and chose to return, which has given a sort of gratitude for being alive.

 

[Jees]

Very nice you had a better one.
Tune vape tech until NO more burn taste.
It's understandable to use superlative wordings after such experiences, but please watch your language, feel free to edit

 

[PsyDuckmonkey]

Skizm88 you sound like you're abusing... DMT every day is excessive, to say the least. Add to this your motivation, to somehow 'prove' to yourself that you're not a merely material existence, well... honestly, it just sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I don't want to tell you what to do and what to not do, but... well... you might want to try to look to paths other than entheogens. Yoga and tantra, for example. Shamanic meditation. In your place I'd cut my use entirely for at least a month.

I don't think there are literal 'entities' standing in the gate of the DMT realm and deciding to mess with you. It's more like the spirit tree in Empire Strikes Back. The only thing in there is what you bring with you. And what you are bringing is fear, uncertainty, self-doubt, and a mindset of running away from something ('reality'? what you fear 'reality' to be?)...

 

[Skizm88]

I thought I had broken through before but no, I hadn't. I'm so confused I'm about to cry like what the hell, I was touching stuff from another dimension. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I'm still coming out of it but I just needed to share with those in the know.