Hello all you lovely people. I wanted to share an experience I had this past weekend, which has ultimately helped me grow as a human being.
I went on a co-created retreat by the coast in the English countryside for 4 days. It took place at a big estate, which housed 150 people. There were all kinds of workshops organised and everyone did their part to contribute (I ran a mandala drawing workshop). When I first arrived last Thursday evening I felt really overwhelmed. There were so many amazing characters and I felt quite intimidated. So much so that when I went to bed that night I was thinking how I didn’t want to be there and definitely didn’t want to trip. The next morning I had the same feelings until the opening ceremony/circle took place. We were asked to break into groups and explain our intention and current feelings. It was then that I realised that most people were feeling the same way. This put my mind at ease and helped me settle in a bit more.
That night I didn’t take any mind altering substances, as I prefer to trip in the day time in order to keep my body clock in check mostly… also sunny day tripping in a natural environment is almost always incredible. So Saturday came and just under 300mg of mescaline hcl was on the cards. I love the ease of mescaline and how empathetically social it is. I do LOVE acid, which was what everyone else was indulging in, but I wasn’t sure if my comfort level was right for lucy to get involved. I made the right choice I feel. There was an event called “Liquid Love”, where a tarp was laid out and a big group of people got naked and covered themselves in oil and slipped around on each other for hours on end. Tripping and watching this was one of the funniest moments of my life! They looked like big slugs flopping about aimlessly. There was a moment of panic as they needed clean hands to feed them more acid. What an amazing thing to witness!
So the trip was silly and funny until I had the idea to get a few people together and go smoke DMT in one of the local fields. We set off with bong and enhanced peppermint in hand. In the end only one other person wanted to smoke it and only had a small dose. I had a small amount to ease me in and I noticed the people who were with me weren’t keeping quiet, as they were all in that trippy giggle mode (which was great really). So I took the bong and walked a little ways away from the group. I still wasn’t sure I wanted to break through, but it felt like something bigger than me had other plans. Almost like it wasn’t my choice. I loaded a large amount enhanced leaf in the bong and had a one hit wonder to hyperspace. Trying to explain the experience wouldn’t do it justice, so I’m not even going try. I came out of it with tears in my eyes and the giggly mescaline trip went in a new direction. It went completely inwards.
I went back to the estate to go into the “tranquility room” to meditate. I then realised a whole plethora of things about myself I had never known before. It explained a lot of why I have trouble loving sides of myself. I also came to the realisation that I don’t need to consistently do nice things for people to validate that I am a good person. I need to accept that I am and just be. I won’t stop doing nice things for people, but the intention behind it has definitely changed. Also that it is ok to feel sad sometimes and I don’t need to always put on a brave face. I always think “fake it till you make it”, but that line of thinking only suppresses these emotions, which can ultimately make it worse. The following day I ate some liberty caps and continued to meditate and contemplate the lessons I learned the day before. I played lots of guitar and sang with groups of people. This filled my heart to the brim.
The transition back into the city was definitely strange. Being in a like-minded community for 4 days felt like home, even though it didn’t start off like that. Coming back into a place with so much hectic energy didn’t feel right. I am now on a new path. I am going to go traveling to India and Nepal in December and I want to volunteer and try help as many people as I can along the way. I am trying to be more open with how I feel in the company of my friends. The openness at the retreat was refreshing to say the least. I am going to continue to carry that through into everyday life.
I feel more gratitude than I ever have. What an amazing thing to be a part of! What an amazing thing it is to be alive! I love you all xxx
I went on a co-created retreat by the coast in the English countryside for 4 days. It took place at a big estate, which housed 150 people. There were all kinds of workshops organised and everyone did their part to contribute (I ran a mandala drawing workshop). When I first arrived last Thursday evening I felt really overwhelmed. There were so many amazing characters and I felt quite intimidated. So much so that when I went to bed that night I was thinking how I didn’t want to be there and definitely didn’t want to trip. The next morning I had the same feelings until the opening ceremony/circle took place. We were asked to break into groups and explain our intention and current feelings. It was then that I realised that most people were feeling the same way. This put my mind at ease and helped me settle in a bit more.
That night I didn’t take any mind altering substances, as I prefer to trip in the day time in order to keep my body clock in check mostly… also sunny day tripping in a natural environment is almost always incredible. So Saturday came and just under 300mg of mescaline hcl was on the cards. I love the ease of mescaline and how empathetically social it is. I do LOVE acid, which was what everyone else was indulging in, but I wasn’t sure if my comfort level was right for lucy to get involved. I made the right choice I feel. There was an event called “Liquid Love”, where a tarp was laid out and a big group of people got naked and covered themselves in oil and slipped around on each other for hours on end. Tripping and watching this was one of the funniest moments of my life! They looked like big slugs flopping about aimlessly. There was a moment of panic as they needed clean hands to feed them more acid. What an amazing thing to witness!
So the trip was silly and funny until I had the idea to get a few people together and go smoke DMT in one of the local fields. We set off with bong and enhanced peppermint in hand. In the end only one other person wanted to smoke it and only had a small dose. I had a small amount to ease me in and I noticed the people who were with me weren’t keeping quiet, as they were all in that trippy giggle mode (which was great really). So I took the bong and walked a little ways away from the group. I still wasn’t sure I wanted to break through, but it felt like something bigger than me had other plans. Almost like it wasn’t my choice. I loaded a large amount enhanced leaf in the bong and had a one hit wonder to hyperspace. Trying to explain the experience wouldn’t do it justice, so I’m not even going try. I came out of it with tears in my eyes and the giggly mescaline trip went in a new direction. It went completely inwards.
I went back to the estate to go into the “tranquility room” to meditate. I then realised a whole plethora of things about myself I had never known before. It explained a lot of why I have trouble loving sides of myself. I also came to the realisation that I don’t need to consistently do nice things for people to validate that I am a good person. I need to accept that I am and just be. I won’t stop doing nice things for people, but the intention behind it has definitely changed. Also that it is ok to feel sad sometimes and I don’t need to always put on a brave face. I always think “fake it till you make it”, but that line of thinking only suppresses these emotions, which can ultimately make it worse. The following day I ate some liberty caps and continued to meditate and contemplate the lessons I learned the day before. I played lots of guitar and sang with groups of people. This filled my heart to the brim.
The transition back into the city was definitely strange. Being in a like-minded community for 4 days felt like home, even though it didn’t start off like that. Coming back into a place with so much hectic energy didn’t feel right. I am now on a new path. I am going to go traveling to India and Nepal in December and I want to volunteer and try help as many people as I can along the way. I am trying to be more open with how I feel in the company of my friends. The openness at the retreat was refreshing to say the least. I am going to continue to carry that through into everyday life.
I feel more gratitude than I ever have. What an amazing thing to be a part of! What an amazing thing it is to be alive! I love you all xxx