I thought that I'd follow up and post a bit about my first experience. I certainly don't have the vocabulary to describe what transpired but here's an attempt:
Yesterday at round 5:00 I set up an alter. I lit a candle and smudged the area with a little white sage to clear the area that I’d set up for the ceremony.
Sunset was at 5:22. I rang my singing bowl, asked for guidance and stated my intention.
At 5:45 I measured out 250 mg of the harmalas and mixed with a few ounces of orange juice and a splash of lime juice. (The acids help to activate them.) I drank the mixture down . It tasted a little funny, maybe sour and bitter, but it wasn’t bad.
At 5:55 I measure out 80 mg of DMT and repeated the process – allowing the MAOIs to get a little bit of a head start.
I turned on a ‘sounds of the rainforest’ sound track, turned on some other ‘electric’ candles and out all the lights then laid down on the living room floor and stared at the tongue and grove A frame ceiling that comes to an apex directly above.
~ 6:15 While I had a fair amount of apprehension about what I’d gotten myself into – I felt a bit of relaxation come over me Perhaps this was the MAOIs starting to take affect. I would periodically close my eyes to see if I’d experience any closed eye visuals. (CEVs)
At first there were a few fleeting bright colors that would quickly dissipate and weren’t visible with eyes open. I’m wondering if what I’ve extracted will actually work.
6:25 these CEVs turned from flashes of color into elaborate geometric technicolor shapes and patterns. They were moving and changing too rapidly to discern.
6:35 the CEV patterns became OEV patterns that decorated the ceiling and walls... dancing, whirling, and shifting in the most beautiful way. Somehow it felt familiar, safe and beautiful. I looked outside and the moonlight (just a few days from being full) lit up the snow-covered mountains and pines. The snow sparkled and glistened. The beauty and warmth from the moon and twinkling stars was beyond description. This immense beauty had been here all along but I’ve been so stuck in my head that I can’t remember the last time I’d looked up at the night’s sky and just stood there – completely awestruck. I’d truly stepped into the most magic place. I was overflowing with a sense of gratitude and gave thanks for everything surrounding me.
Nothing could have prepared me for this experience.
By 6:45 – although the time line gets a little fuzzy here – the visuals intensified more and more. While I never completely lost connection with my body or sense of self, material reality gave way to a rainbow colored matrix of energy. My body, the chair that I sat on, the floor, out the window and the stars were all an electrified and interconnected lattice. It was incredible.
Perhaps around 7:00 a voice within asked if I was ready to see some things about my life. I gave my consent. The words “My drinking” pop into my awareness. I immediately felt a sense of nausea and dread overcame me. I grabbed the bucket next to me and began dry heaving.
The previously beautiful rainbow grid began to get very distorted and I became very uncomfortable and disoriented. I wanted it to stop. I wasn’t ready for this. I was shown how beautiful life is and how far my stuck patterns of behavior and thinking are preventing me from experiencing the joy of life.
7:20 I was given a respite from this suffering and I became aware of my surroundings and the electric glow of absolutely everything. I said to myself “It’s got to be 7:20” I sat up to look at the clock. In that instant it turned from 7:19 to 7:20. Time seemed to be passing at an extremely slow rate – if at all.
7:20 – 8:20 Somewhere in this timeframe I believe that the experience peaked. It’s hard to say as it would come up in waves – cycling from fear, terror, and disorientation to glistening, sparkly, magical beauty that inspired awe and overwhelming gratitude.
I was shown the many opportunities that I have to make things right in my life and to change lifelong dysfunctional patterns that no longer serve me or those around me. The nausea has subsided for the most part.
8:25 – 9:00 The nausea has subsided but I begin to wonder if this experience will ever stop. I want it to stop. I swear that I will never do this again. This feels like a really long time to be in this place. I become aware that my suffering is merely the contents of my subconscious.
9:10 – I’m feeling tired. I lie back down and feel a sense of release and relief. I’m thankful for the little things. The pillow under my head. The couch. The beauty of everything and the opportunity to have this experience.
10:00 - I drink some juice, eat a handful of and go to sleep.
Today I feel wonderful and alive. I went to the coffee shop for breakfast. The girl at the counter is beautiful, warm and friendly. She’s in school. We talk for a few minutes about her life while my latte is being made. I feel this amazing warm connection to her. An appreciation for
how kind and beautiful of a soul she has. It’s not a sexual thing. She just sparkles. I never would have noticed this before. I’d have been too busy wrapped up in the dark cloud of my monkey mind. This sense of wonder and a feeling of a radiant glow has continued throughout the day. Will it last? I have no idea but I am enjoying it today. In the past when I’ve tripped on lsd or mushrooms or peyote, I’ve always felt like an empty banana peel the day after. Today I am appreciative of people and things for who and what they are in this moment. Life is a wondrous gift and it’s easy to fritter away on things that don’t matter.
