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Hello Everyone!

psychonuaghty

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Hello everyone!

I'm glad to have found you and this forum.

I am a recent retiree and father of 2 sons.

I have always appreciated the magical abilities of psychedelics to open the door to other levels of consciousness.

I am relatively new to the molecule. Thus far I feel it may be a powerful tool to achieve transformation or growth if used properly.

My other interests include:

Philosophy
Psychology and mental health - we're all a little crazy. 😄
Fitness
Music
Meditation

See you around!

Psychonuaghty
 
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Welcome to the Nexus, @psychonuaghty :)

I am also a father. My son will be 7 this week. I would love to hear how your Entheogenic adventures and insights have helped you as a father, and also how fatherhood has changed your relationship with psychedelic medicines.

There are definitely many Nexians who share your interests, so I have faith you will make some fast friends here. Feel free to stick your nose into our chat channel :D

Safe travels, and welcome,
Sv
 
It always warms my heart to see psychonauts becoming parents. Knowing that those people, who have seen the mystical other, who have tapped into the infinite potential beyond, are now raising children, gives me some hope for the future of our kind. Glad to have you around, @psychonuaghty, you've been a joy to interact with!
 
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Hello @Subtlevibrations,

Thanks for welcoming me.

It is nice to make your acquaintance. Congratulations on being a parent. 7 years is a great age!

Its interesting that you should ask about fatherhood and entheogens. This came up in a recent psychedelic integration circle I attended.

I can be a prideful person and I have my flaws. Sometimes I get a little worked up if things don't go as planned. My younger son had his 16th birthday last weekend. His Mother and I are divorced but we get along quite well. It was her weekend to have him at her home but the arrangement allows a few hours for me to visit with him for his birthday.

I bought him a used car for his 16th birthday and have been hiding it until that special day to unveil his gift. His birthday card even alluded to him getting a car as it included a gift card for some fuel, which he will need. All I needed was a chance to bring him back to my place and show him his gift, which we could work on together until he finishes earning his drivers license.

Two days previous, my son told me that he is having a sleepover at his Mom's house on his birthday. Ok Cool. No Problem, we can get together for lunch instead of dinner. The next day he informs me that he is spending the previous night at a friend's home for that person's birthday. Now I am beginning to sweat. I see my opportunity to get him over to the car hiding spot diminishing. I can't stop thinking about how I am going to make my plan work so I can feel good about myself as a parent. I start to rant to my girlfriend! "I feel like a cork on the ocean and I don't know when I will get to see my son" I was still holding hope for a quick lunch between his back-to-back sleepovers and I feel like I am trying to force my 3rd wheel into his program. My son is a very kind and empathetic boy whom just likes everyone to be happy. I know he wasn't trying to avoid me. He's popular because of his kindness and gets lots of invitations. I should be happy for him. However my distress was growing. I was standing by in the AM waiting to see if I will actually get to see my son and heavily embarrassed because now I plan to show up with no gift or card (because the card will give away the surprise). I was really "bent" so to speak. I was on an emotionally turbulent roll and feeling mental anguish. I was freaking out.

Since I had the time, I decided to have a Vaporhuasca ceremony.

I started with a little meditation and set my intentions. I was hoping for some insight to my anguish and to learn how to improve myself.

I vaped some spice and immediately felt my muscles relax. The tension melted and my body just said "aaaah".

Then I knew it was Karma time... I was met by a friendly but knowledgeable "entity" that told me that I was being selfish. The message was that this day was for my son, not for me. Then the trip turned a little dark. There were scary images and it's like my psyche was threatening to show me just how selfish I was. I didn't want to find out. I've never experienced this before, but I wanted out right away. I wanted to get right to work employing the patience I now realized I was lacking.

Luckily I left hyperspace shortly after and didn't have to face my deeper selfishness which presented itself as dark images. I may have gotten up from my seat a bit too soon, but I was emotionally refreshed. My angst was completely gone and replaced with purpose. I was able to see that giving didn't mean what I thought, but giving meant showing up, being patient and radiating love, not pushing or forcing love. Soon afterward my son called me and we arranged a time to meet for lunch. I was relieved to know I would see him on that day. However I put away my pride. I just showed up and took him out for a hamburger. No card, no gift. I told him that his gift was coming and he was fine with that. He didn't care what he got so long as I was happy. It was his birthday but he was worried about me.

We had a wonderful lunch that day. I have yet to give him his car and his birthday card. That should happen when we are together this weekend.

I also had a recent exploration where an entity told me "You silly guy, the house always wins!" Oh the connotations in that message, but so true on a cosmic level!

I realize that these are simply thoughts, and that they probably came from my own mind, but I receive these messages from a place that seems to know me better than any therapist could. It is uncanny.

I don't believe that I would have shown up as healthy "mentally" if I hadn't checked in with my spirit guide that day.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Cheers!
 
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I enjoyed reading your self-reflections and experience. Thanks for taking the time to write that up :)

I truthfully try to avoid smoalking if I'm feeling "disturbed" by the waves of life, but have also had experiences that were quite softening and calming, so I can understand your thought process and intentionality.

Your son sounds like a nice person. Usually a good sign their parents did something right... :)

It is certainly both intriguing and also a bit jarring the way the spice can cut through every mental layer of superficiality, every neurosis, every preconceived notion, and meet us exactly where we really are. I had an experience not long ago, maybe three months; reading your experience brought it to my mind...

I went through a period of time where I was too intentional with my journeys. I was getting hung up on having a "productive" or "insightful" trip, to a point that I wasn't allowing myself to fully surrender to, accept, and most importantly remain open to any experience. A certain chasing after the ineffable and non-mundane. This particular experience comes from the height of that era. I began my ceremony with a simple meditation, and set the intention to encounter the Divine; to be inspired. As the experience unfolded, I saw a nutcracker entity (?) with a large wooden cane walking. As he got nearer he approached me, and I heard him communicate the thought: "You wanna see God? Right here, buddy!" He pointed his large black cane right at my chest, which seemed to "leap" out of the space he was existing inside of, much like a 3D movie. As his cane made contact with me, I was "pulled" into a cosmic toy factory of sorts.

Somehow I knew everything was wooden despite existing in hyperspace. Russian nesting dolls of a cosmic variety rolled on past me, seemingly on a conveyer belt of sorts. Two robot arms grabbed a framed image and began to spin the image, one arm each holding the opposite corners of the frame. As it rotated rapidly it was like a drumroll... the big unveiling!!! What crazy vision would I behold on this cosmic tablet from the mystery toy factory????

It was a picture of me, my kid, and my parents. Actually a selfie I actually took of all of us together. A feeling of deep familial warmth washed over me. I knew beyond doubt that the being I was looking to behold, the Divinity I wished to come in contact with, had become me, my kid, my folks. "Enjoy your regular human life, " I could hear echoing in my mind, "the Supreme Being loves you so dearly it has become you. Enjoy the ride."

Peace and Love
Sv
 
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Hello @Nydex and thank you for the welcome. Your words are kind. I agree with you. It is great to know that those who have seen the mystical beyond are raising children. I hope to guide my children toward an appreciation for the mystery of life. I was adopted at a young age by wonderful parents. I found my paternal bio family 2 years ago, however I didn't get to meet my Father who had recently passed. It turns out that my bio Father was a psychonaut as well. My newly found bro says that our Father was a very nurturing parent. My father and my brother took LSD together in the woods near the coast before he died. I had the pleasure of spreading his ashes in that very spot with my new brother and sister as they welcomed me into the family fold. Generational magic!

@Subtlevibrations Thanks for sharing. I should avoid smoalking when I am feeling "disturbed" by the waves of life. This was the first time I let that happen. I hope that I have learned from this impulsive error. I believe that was a factor in my experience turning darker.

Thank you for taking the time to write about your experience. You offered a beautiful description and I love the message about your family and life. It gave me goosebumps. That may be the most touching trip report I have ever read.

Spice certainly does have a way of meeting us where we are. I appreciate your feedback regarding letting go and fully accepting the experience. I would like to work on that in the future. It sounds like you are more comfortable going deeper into the experience than I. I am a bit apprehensive and try to stop at just enough spice to "breakthrough" or "go to hyperspace" but not so much that I see that much detail or form a lasting narrative.

May I ask how your journeys are coming along now that you are trying to be less intentional? Do you have any suggestions for me? I suspect that if I learned to let go and be more open to the experience that I may be able to delve deeper? What are your thoughts on this? Also, how do I know if I have gone deep enough?

Thank you again for sharing.

"Enjoy the ride"

Peace
 
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Hello @Nydex and thank you for the welcome. Your words are kind. I agree with you. It is great to know that those who have seen the mystical beyond are raising children. I hope to guide my children toward and appreciation for the mystery of life. I was adopted at a young age by wonderful parents. I found my paternal bio family 2 years ago, however I didn't get to meet my Father who had recently passed. It turns out that my bio Father was a psychonaut as well. My newly found bro says that our Father was a very nurturing parent. My father and my brother took LSD together in the woods near the coast before he died. I had the pleasure of spreading his ashes in that very spot with my new brother and sister as they welcomed me into the family fold. Generational magic!
Reading this just brings a tear to my eye. I can only imagine how powerful of an emotion that is. To feel this primal, pure human connection, freed from any and all prejudice...glad to have you among us. <3
 
Thank you for taking the time to write about your experience. You offered a beautiful description and I love the message about your family and life. It gave me goosebumps. That may be the most touching trip report I have ever read.
Thanks for your kind words :) it caught me a little off guard to be honest; it has definitely taken me some time and attention to integrate and digest that one. Its easy to feel discontentment as a human, but remembering that experience helps me to trust the current of creation and the waves of my life even when they are difficult, boring, or confusing.

May I ask how your journeys are coming along now that you are trying to be less intentional? Do you have any suggestions for me? I suspect that if I learned to let go and be more open to the experience that I may be able to delve deeper? What are your thoughts on this? Also, how do I know if I have gone deep enough?

Definitely still a work in progress hahaha. Only human after all :)
One nice trick I’ve learned is to set the intention to have fun! It’s a powerful way of upleveling the over seriousness of my usual intentions by adding it to the mix. I have done (and continue to do) a lot of self healing with LSD, and one thing it has taught me beyond any shadow of a doubt; sometimes, the most exalted, divine, cosmic, and profound experience are the most fun, also. You can meet God at the party. You can laugh until you cry and realize the Cosmic Joke. You can dance yourself into Oneness with you friends and family. DMT is obviously a non-kinetic substance (you don’t usually move your body much when you take it), but the same ideology applies. Going to hyperspace is fun. It’s okay for it to be fun. It can be fun and a divine ritual. It’s important to allow the opportunity for both.

One thing that usually helps me is to take a very small handshake dose of DMT before really digging in, simply to be reminded of how absolutely pleasant the experience is. I remind myself that this chemical is here to teach and help us. I allow my fear of difficult or disturbing images to abate, but don’t shut out the possibility. Do your best to invite the experience however it arrives, and know that it will be a passing experience.

Depth… a good question. I’ll ramble for a while and hopefully answer your question…

The right depth is what feels right at any given moment. Sometimes it’s nice to accidentally overdo it and go deeper than you thought, but also can be jarring. There’s nothing wrong with following the trail a little at a time. The relative intensity of the experience, and what you take from it, are highly personal. Always consult your intuition. Don’t take a dose that doesn’t feel right.

Relatively, there are fellow Nexians who have used DMT much longer than I and in higher doses. I’ve definitely had some intense experiences, but I don’t think having many experiences is necessary. I think the right experience finds us in the right moment. Try to trust the moment intrinsically and know that you are where you are at the right time.

How deep is deep? There is a parable dear to my heart: A doll made of salt went to measure the depths of the ocean… who was left to report the depth once the doll reached it??

There is also this (translated) mantra from the Heart Sutra: Gone, Gone, Gone beyond, Gone beyond The Great Beyond; Oh! What an awakening!… when we go really deep we realize we haven’t gone anywhere at all.

When you go really far in the sauce, the “I” who goes deep sort of dissipates; a loss of individual identity can occur. In Vedic philosophy it’s called Samadhi. Sometimes, but not always. Lots of people have break thru experiences or entity encounters where their individuality is retained. Everyone is different. We get the message we need in the moment we need it. Trust the Divine Mother to take care of you.

Hope that helps <3
Peace and love
Sv
 
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@Subtlevibrations thank you for addressing my questions so thoroughly. I am blown away by your responses and impressed with your writing abilities. A lot of what you wrote resonates with me, including the self healing.

I love this:

Its easy to feel discontentment as a human, but remembering that experience helps me to trust the current of creation and the waves of my life even when they are difficult, boring, or confusing.

I often draw upon my experiences to steel myself against the waves of life, however I am now going to try to add that element of "trust".

One nice trick I’ve learned is to set the intention to have fun!

I haven't thought of that! I have been waaaay too serious of late. A stranger recently commented "what's up with that serious look?" I didn't have an answer for him, but it struck a chord. I think that "serious" has become my default and I've forgotten to have fun! I am definitely going to employ this in my future journeys and in my life! Perhaps the greater risk is in not having fun! Thanks for this fantastic and simple idea!

You can meet God at the party. You can laugh until you cry and realize the Cosmic Joke. You can dance yourself into Oneness with you friends and family.

Beautiful!! I love the concepts of the Cosmic Joke and meeting God at the party. Why not? It would be helpful for me to recall that God can have a sense of humor. Everything is and will be ok.

Regarding depth:

A doll made of salt went to measure the depths of the ocean… who was left to report the depth once the doll reached it??

This parable fits so well. Thank you for sharing.

@Subtlevibrations your responses are so well thought out and written. You have a special way of listening and opening your heart when you reply. I have no doubt that your Son will forever benefit from your wisdom and guidance.

Thank you again🙏

Peace
 
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@psychonuaghty I’m happy to know my words are of some help to you <3 thank you very much for your compliments. I’ve always been a reader, so I’ve had some practice at parroting lessons I’ve learned along the way in my own words. I enjoy writing and talking about these sorts of things, so thanks for giving me a good reason to jabber :)

Peace and Love
Sv
 
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