Hello Friends :)

[kegz]

Hey everyone! Just joined today after having my first homemade experience yesterday which ended neither bad nor good but left me a bit nervous. I posted about it in "First Steps to Hyperspace" if you wish to read. But wanted to come here and tell you more about myself. First of all I'd like to say the main reason that I am here and made an account is that I don't have many friends in real life or know anyone that I could feel really comfortable trying to explain these things to and I believe that talking about your experiences can give you further insight into what they mean.

A little background on myself:

I'm about to be 27 years old in March. Life so far has been anything but simple. When I was about 14 years old I started to get very interested in lucid dreaming and out of body experiences. Then I began to get interested in learning everything I could about all drugs. My mother had a problem with opiates and xanax at the time and I would see her nodding out in her chair at night and I was so curious that I eventually started to take some of her meds. I overdosed and was immediately sent off to a wilderness rehabilitation center. I wish I could tell you that the bad parts of this story ended here but they don't. I ended up in a very nasty addiction and I could not stop the downward spiral. Eventually leading into Heroin, Methamphetamine, and Crack/Cocaine. When I was 23-24 I mostly only had one friend that I had known since high school and we were close because we supported each others addiction. After having a fall out with him one day he told me on the phone that he was going to kill himself and my mentally unclear/withdrawing idiot face said, "Fine then fck you!". The next day he was found dead in a hotel room from purposely overdosing. (He'd been very suicidal so I had kind of accepted that this would happen but I felt so guilty for what I had said). This opened my eyes that I needed more help and one day my weed dealer told me about her friend that went to Mexico to do Ibogaine. I knew a lot about it from research and knew that it could help with opiate addiction. I was sold and after talking my family into supporting my trip to Mexico I was gone. Unfortunately after the Ibogaine I made the mistake of staying in a halfway house for 6 months which really tore me down seeing everyone else relapsing. I came back to NC and slipped up again.. To the point where one of my doses was enough to kill multiple people that have no tolerance. Out of fear I ran back to Mexico this time at a different place. This time after the Ibogaine (which I struggled with) they offered to let me try 5-meo DMT. I was guided into meditation and drew cards etc and ended up having the most amazing and gentle, spiritual experience. This time I came straight back home and now I have been clean for 2 years. Although never happy... I started to get worse and worse suicidal thoughts in my head and it came to the point where I actually put my gun to my head one day. This worried me and I decided I needed to do something. So I recently acquired some crystal dmt and tried it yesterday having a not-so-great experience.

I'm really here to learn more, I want to learn to handle the anxiety and feeling of blasting off better. I feel like I could learn a lot from DMT but last night I learned that I have to do it the right way and not have anything really bad on my mind at the time of ingestion. Ever since I got off drugs I've had crippling anxiety and haven't met any friends. I would love to meet some people near me who are open to these types of topics but I don't know where to even begin to go to meet people who are into spritual growth through psychotropics/dmt. So here I am Hope everyone is having a great weekend and I look forward to speaking with you all. Thanks for reading!

 

[Incal]

Hi Kegz

I think I saw a documentary about those wilderness rehab bootcamps, just wow!

Sad to hear about your friend but no-one responsible for the lives of others ( unless they are an abuser, Karma will find you ).

Have a trawl through the vast library of knowledge that is the Nexus. You may find many answers to your questions. There are many threads on here as to DMT/Aya/Iboga and addiction.I'm not the best person to advise on overcoming addiction with psyches ( sceptical ) as an old guy near fifty and I still sometimes smoke H, smashed a lot of coke three days ago on anniversary of father's death and have a point of meth beside me right now. I have my first ever addiction worker meeting this week.

I notice you say you acquired the DMT. I have never done so even though seen it for sale on dark net. I have only extracted for myself and a reducing number of folk I feel would get it. So I encourage you to look into some sort of extraction there is something special about doing this rather than trusting a dealer who steps on and lies about everything they sell.

I know we are on different continents but for online support stay here! And in real life I came across a rare few who sort of get it it in yoga, reiki and shaman groups.

Have a great weekend yourself.

 

[kegz]

Thanks for your reply. I extracted it myself I was just unsure if I was allowed to say that when I posted the original.

 

[05hun]

congratulations on getting clean, and on being a tough, determined and honest person. sorry about your friend. great that you now have a place to share stuff that you can't discuss in meatspace.

gently as you go!

o5hun

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

Sounds like you have been through quite a lot.

For whatever reason I was reminded of the below quotes:

Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others -Tim Leary

329. If for company you cannot find a wise and prudent friend who leads a good life, then, like a king who leaves behind a conquered kingdom, or like a lone elephant in the elephant forest, you should go your way alone.

330. Better it is to live alone; there is no fellowship with a fool. Live alone and do no evil; be carefree like an elephant in the elephant forest.

-Dhammapada verses

...probably because I am a fairly reclusive individual, I enjoy solitude, and in most cases I simply want to be left alone.

...however, there are a small group of individuals, good hearted, intelligent, unique, and talented individuals Which compose my group of friends. These are all amazing people, all of which are able to further myself, and influence me in a positive and productive manner.

...find the others, and you will know what to do.




-eg