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IndigoBloom

IndigoBloom

Rising Star
Hey Everyone!

IndigoBloom, here! Came to this forum to expand my knowledge on all things DMT, and really, to be around people that have the same mind-set as I...

So, I had my first DMT experience the other day sitting at my office desk. With strong apprehension, I used a pookie to vape the material. Very new to the whole process, I'm sure I torched most of what was in the pipe, but I did manage to pull 4 (albeit, really bad) tokes, holding for about 10-15s... My desk seemed to be very pronounced and the wall I was looking at (plain drywall) seemed to be broken into squares, each square was either recessed further into the wall or jutting out. These squares weren't normal, very geometric, squares upon squares inside, very beautiful.

But, when it came time to close my eyes, I found that I couldn't surrender myself. I was too focused on breathing, almost as if I was afraid I would stop breathing. Also, my EGO wouldn't let me go, I wanted to cling to this materialistic world as if it was my safe zone. When I closed my eyes, I felt a little scared, so I would open them again. That was my first trip.

My 3rd trip, last night, I feel like I vaped properly, inhaled a humongous dose (felt big to me), AND immediately the same fear resurfaced. I thought, why have I done this again? I don't want to be here. Let me feel safe in the normal world. And once again, I closed my eyes... watched a technicolored female outline dance in front of me, I couldn't help but fear for my breathing, it became overwhelming, so I opened my eyes again. Strongly believe that had I taken another toke I would've broken through. But, do I, myself, my subconscious want to go there?


I guess this is why I came to this forum. To explain and seek answers. To gain guidance, and help, so maybe my next journey won't be so scary, or maybe someone can help me let go. (Will I actually stop breathing if I don't think about it? And, how can I enjoy a breakthrough whilst thinking about my lungs and breathing and gripping onto this material world?)

I want to go, and not be afraid.
 
I experience a lot of the same issues when on DMT. I would say that maybe one in seven attempts at breakthrough are successful. There are of course the physical difficulties in vaporizing and inhaling enough, but the limiting factor is usually the, "Oh shit! Why am I doing this? I don't know that I am ready to submit to this experience."
It's a very personal experience and people will tell you to try this, try that, but in the end, it's for you alone to learn how to approach. When you get some more attempts under your belt, the apprehension will get a little easier.

The fear is healthy and never goes away entirely.
 
Hey IndigoBloom!

Welcome to the Nexus, my friend!😁

Just thought I'd share these quotes for you. They might help you deal with your fear. Or not.😁 Who knows. Anyway, something to think about, at least.:thumb_up:

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Click to expand...

Trust inyour own wetware; your psyche and your body will be reunited.Worrying will only prolong the process.
Click to expand...
 
Thank you so much for the warm welcome and reply to my story! I have been doing this alone, alone in my room every night, but also alone in a sense that I have no one to talk to about my experiences. Figured, the spice is such an introspective delight that I didn't need any exterior influence. But, after a few doses, I feel I need to express what I have gone through so far, in order to better understand what is in store for me later and how to handle things from here on out.

Last night was the highest dose in one toke I have taken thus far, held it in for atleast 20s as well. It hit me like a freight train. I think I would've enjoyed it a little more if I wasn't so focused on my breathing. Also, when it came on strong, it felt as if my mind was resisting - big time. The spice was rushing me through this door that my mind didn't want to go through.

Tonight, I will heed your advice and try to let go. Let's hope this isn't a chronic thing for me! :thumb_up:
 
I hear a lot of people talking about holding the hit in for 20-30 seconds. This might be necessary for some people to efficiently absorb the vapor, but for myself I have found that holding it in for more than about 10 seconds is not necessary and makes it so that recovering my breath for the next hit takes too long. By the time I'm ready for the next hit, it is hitting me hard enough that the apprehension sets in and there is way too much focus on breathing. There might be more to absorb after 10 seconds, but you're sacrificing a couple milligrams at most for the ability to get another 20-30mg into your lungs.
 
G'day IndigoBloom 😊

I've been with a few people when they've gone in deep. To the point where they're completely unaware of the room around them, even with their eyes open. I found it comforting to observe that their breathing remained steady.

Do you have anyone you can share this experience with? Personally I felt it was easier to relax when I knew there was someone I trusted beside me. It was actually the last thought that I had before surrendering recently.. "If something goes wrong, he'll look after me."

If that's not possible, find strength in the fact that you're not the 1st person to sail these waters & the only negative accounts I've heard of involve fear. Not suffocation. ☺

Good luck on your journeys.
 
Thanks for the insight, Oskar!

This should help me tonight as I toke away in my room. 😁

No one to experience it with and no one to talk with either. I would like to get a friend involved, but I feel spice is something you can't say "here, try this!". LOL
 
Last night's trip was a complete fail. I swear I loaded 50 mg but my smoking technique is god awful! The spice inside the bulb still looks fresh (Yellow in color), which is good right?? . . but, I feel like I barely vaped the material last night...

Onward to do more research!

PS- This questionnaire is tough as sh!t!!! :shock:
 
Yes, yellow is good. I have got white/clear crystals a few times from double re-x, but upon evaporating that last bit of naphtha, they always yellow a bit from exposure to the air. I have even used dark orange material before. It's not ideal and tends to burn the airways more, but will definitely get you there if you are set on it.

Early on, my most successful attempts were using acetone to dissolve the spice, mixing with a small amount of dry parsley, evaporate the acetone, and loading into a regular pipe.
 
syberdelic said:
Early on, my most successful attempts were using acetone to dissolve the spice, mixing with a small amount of dry parsley, evaporate the acetone, and loading into a regular pipe.
Click to expand...

So, you made your own home batch of changa?
 
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