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Freedom111888

Freedom111888

Rising Star
Hi, I'm Brandon. I'm really interested in connecting with people and learning how others have integrated psychedelics into their life, what they've have learned, what practices they use, what their intentions are and things like that. I guess you could say I'm interested in the human side of things and the details of what your long term experience has been like.

I grew up with trauma but also had a deep experience of how amazing life is and how mind blowingly amazing it is to be aware of anything. The normal view of my society seemed really dull and just oriented around gaining meaningless things. As a teenager I encountered LSD, Mushrooms and Ayahuasca.

These were the first experiences of having a clear mind. You know, when all the tangled thoughts and feelings drop away, and there is just this pristine and simple moment with nothing lacking? As a teenager those moments were deeply inspiring.

Psychedelics also forced me to face very difficult things inside me from the trauma. Intense fears and residual memories that contained lots of pain and discomfort and energetic imbalance. At least a decade of psychedelic use was centered around surrendering to these things and learning to tolerate the full range of the human experience.

After that I spent a few years doing intensive meditation practice. I had gone to a week long mediation retreat, and it totally blew my mind. Aspects of the psychedelic experience were experienced in that retreat, and I realized it was possible to access them in daily life. I moved to a retreat center and was blessed with the opportunity to practice meditation and related practices full time.

After that I came back to the "real world" to integrate what I had experienced and also to test out how stable the mind really was. It turns out there was some really intense trauma stuff that the mediation had uncovered, and moving back to the world I suddenly encountered triggers and was experiencing severe PTSD. I went through a couple of years of relieving hellish experiences however was able to recover through a variety of means, and no longer experience PTSD.

I am at a transition point in my life now, and am not sure where to go next or what to do. Lately DMT has been calling to me again. If any of this resonates with you please reach out.
 
Resonance felt here. In particular, in this moment, it's calling me, even though I don't feel prepared for even a,subbreakthrough experience (dealing with some depressive symptomspresently). But I still may, since it's calling, and I've learned that doing it when it calls can be some of the most valuable of experiences.

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us.

Relative to your interests in others' experiences and usage, it depends on the week for me. It's always a sacred moment when I do it, even when an experience is had on a whim. This week for example, I've done DMT, with one ROA or another, and in varying intensities most days this week. Some weeks I don't do it at all. The periods and types of integration depend on a variety of factors including level of integration needed based upon information received after an experience, how well I handled it, and so on. Lately, I am finding I need less time to integrate, and even more so when the experience spills its effects over into my life.

My intentions entail, exploring, healing, growing, transforming, learning, surrendering, and depression management. It's always in someway philosophic and spiritual.

I too find meditation to be invaluable, and while I had been oblivious to psychedelics in high school, I nevertheless began meditation practice during my teenage years that are still with me and growing and transforming today. I would love to go on a retreat at some point and think it's awesome you lived in one for a while.

Your PTSD upon returning to the real world sounds like an effect of culture shock. Unsurprising given the dichotomy between two such different spaces.

My DMT use has helped tremendously in finding balance and direction, especially recently. I hope the same occurs for you.

Welcome again.

One love
 
Thanks for responding :)

Your response makes me think about it a little more, I've been very busy with work and various responsibilities lately, so I had dismissed the idea without really contemplating it. I'm realizing that was just an automatic reaction. Hmmm....
 
Freedom111888 said:
Thanks for responding :)

Your response makes me think about it a little more, I've been very busy with work and various responsibilities lately, so I had dismissed the idea without really contemplating it. I'm realizing that was just an automatic reaction. Hmmm....
Click to expand...

I understand that completely. Do you think that some of that automatic reaction may be connected to an unconscious trepidation about journeying (and if so, that's okay, kinda nature of the game for some (like me)).

Let us know how it goes when you decide to. Maybe it'll be today :).

One love
 
Oh yes for sure! :)

It can be such a courageous thing, to give up both one's universe and one's sense of self.

I really appreciate this little back and forth dialogue its giving me a lot of perspective. I was just reading about emesh vapes and will order something this weekend. Maybe next weekend :)


BTW if a week long meditation retreat appeals to you I'd highly recommend it.
 
Freedom111888 said:
Oh yes for sure! :)

It can be such a courageous thing, to give up both one's universe and one's sense of self.

I really appreciate this little back and forth dialogue its giving me a lot of perspective. I was just reading about emesh vapes and will order something this weekend. Maybe next weekend :)


BTW if a week long meditation retreat appeals to you I'd highly recommend it.
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For various reasons I am unable to do the e-mesh, but am totally okay with that after discovering this, courtesy of another Nexian. Just a recommendation. Do what tickles your fancy.

In pragmatic life, while I'll talk to almost anyone about DMT, very few are as interested or dedicated/committed. The interactions, including the back-and-forths are very valuable to me as well.

I'm thinking about looking into a retreat in my state that I was interested in before the pandemic hit. Then just need to make the time lol.

One love
 
Freedom111888 said:
I spent a long time trying to find a mesh RDA and ended up buying the product you just suggested :)
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:love:

Tidbit to save you time and spice: when it's loaded and you're ready to take off, press the fire button on your mod and hold for 5 to 10 seconds without inhaling. Then let go of the button and then fire again while inhaling. This is a method I've found to be very effective to get it all in one pull.

Happy travels. I look forward to hearing about them.

One love
 
Thanks for the tip, I've only used oil burners before so I'm excited about a new technique.

Its also been a couple years so I'm curious what it will be like, if it will be different.
 
Turns out I only had about 80mg left. I thought I had more. Split it into two doses, wasn't able to break through with that but it was a lot different from the past.

In the past the initial come up or non breakthrough doses felt uncomfortable in lots of ways, energetically, physically and it would often bring up unconscious fears. This time it felt really comfortable, it felt warm in my body, and energetically it felt good too.

I've done a lot of healing with trauma in this interval, and also lots of mediation with the energetic system. I think that contributed to the feeling of comfort with it.

I noticed I am also much more sensitive to it. I could feel the effects for a couple hours after. I think that's because of more awareness of my energy.

I think low dose DMT could be a perfect adjunct to meditation.

I feel really excited about this I appreciate our dialogye Void
 
Freedom111888 said:
I think low dose DMT could be a perfect adjunct to meditation.

I feel really excited about this I appreciate our dialogye Void
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I completely agree seeing as I used changa as a facilitator for my meditation today. One hit sometimes just works the kinks out.

I have enjoyed it as well my friend. Sounds like someone will probably have to perform an extraction soon :love:

One love
 
Wow Void, I feel really grateful for our discussion, it really helped me see how I was being controlled by my fear.

Turns that the stuff I had must have been oxidized or something because

well I got some new stuff and weighed out the same amount

Wow :love:

It is so real! SO so so real! Like instantaneously revealed and cut through my BS :lol:

I have a ton of trauma from childhood, and boom, the residual fears from all that, uncovered!!

Some kind of intelligence was showing me something amazing, I couldn't understand it.

Coming back I felt gratitude for everything, and love.

I see why I put it off for a while, I had to do the work with trauama to be able to surrender to the fear. I feel really excited to keep working with this, I think it is going to be very sobering, grounding and will really help with integrating and comming more to terms with fear.

Also the short acting time frame is super useful, like I can go into it and uncover something and then come back its like I can do frequent and short practice, I think this has a lot of potential for healing.
 
I find that to be an invaluable discovery and I definitely use DMT to confront fear and anxiety. A very worthwhile activity in my opinion.

Give me your best description of what this intelligence showed you. I get not being able to though. More often than not, the bulk of an experience for me is outside any framework of language. I can still see it in the recesses of my memory though.

What are your thoughts and feelings presently? Are you thankful you waited?

As enjoyable as it can be, I find it's ALWAYS work :love:

Still great to interact with you.

One love
 
There was a 2 dimensional object made of identical repeating geometric shapes (triangles, hexagons? not sure) Within each shape there was a background of green, then in the center of the green a beige shape with black lines in it. It sort of looked like a schematic. Then the the objects became three dimensional and started turning inside out.

What was amazing about it was how perfect it was. I don't know why I knew it was perfect, but it was obvious at the time. It seemed to end quickly, abruptly.

Its such an intense practice to have the world (including my body!) dissolve, while simultaneously and instantaneously shown both my ignorance and fear, while also coming into contact with what appears to be some kind of intelligence.

I still feel a sense of gratitude and love, even the next day. I reconnected with a couple people afterwards and felt so open to them.

I am thankful I waited, if I had gone all in at first I don't think I could have surrendered to and accepted it, and may have put it off forever. This feels like the right time. It feels extremely grounding.

Do you feel an intelligence in there? I'd love to hear about your experiences, its really nice to talk to someone else who has experience with this.
 
Freedom111888 said:
There was a 2 dimensional object made of identical repeating geometric shapes (triangles, hexagons? not sure) Within each shape there was a background of green, then in the center of the green a beige shape with black lines in it. It sort of looked like a schematic. Then the the objects became three dimensional and started turning inside out.

What was amazing about it was how perfect it was. I don't know why I knew it was perfect, but it was obvious at the time. It seemed to end quickly, abruptly.

Its such an intense practice to have the world (including my body!) dissolve, while simultaneously and instantaneously shown both my ignorance and fear, while also coming into contact with what appears to be some kind of intelligence.

I still feel a sense of gratitude and love, even the next day. I reconnected with a couple people afterwards and felt so open to them.

I am thankful I waited, if I had gone all in at first I don't think I could have surrendered to and accepted it, and may have put it off forever. This feels like the right time. It feels extremely grounding.

Do you feel an intelligence in there? I'd love to hear about your experiences, its really nice to talk to someone else who has experience with this.
Click to expand...

Your first paragraph encourages me to mention fractional dimensions. You'll find that very interesting (if you're not already familiar with the idea).

Hahaha, a very unique experience. It's like it has to strip you of everything you think you are, you think you think, etc in order to get to them completely. Almost as if there is so little isomorphic correspondence between how we pragmatically exist and the nature of hyperspace that our pragmatic minds as they are are generally obsolete.

I too am usually lovey dovey after blasting off and have notices I have more and stronger connections with others in my recent increased frequency of use. Kind of alleviates a great deal of worry I have (dysthymia symptom).

Keep listening to your heart and intuition. I'm glad you waited. You now have much more beautiful journeying to do:).

Before I answer your question, I'd like to provide a caveat. As a practicing philosophic skeptic, I entertain many contradictory ideas about my experience in life and with hyperspace. I paradoxically commit to the ideas in order to fully explore them, but am always aware I could be wrong and that I don't know, and in that sense, remain uncommitted.

So now that that's out of the way, I always experience what seems to be another sapience. Each and everytime, even if they leave me to my own volition. Sometimes they bring me to a space and embed themselves in it, as if to be around me, but to also leave me alone. It also seems like I interact with similar ones regularly, though there are some that I've only been around a few times. Yesterday during a subbreakthrough on changa, there was a "told you so" vibe that was directed at me, but also to themselves. I am very curious as to the implications of the "I told you so" that they shared with each other about me... Whatever minds are there also seem to really appreciate my skepticism and love me that much more for it. It's definitely an odd relationship, but is nevertheless invaluable to me and will continue to be fostered.

One love
 
Voidmatrix said:
Freedom111888 said:
There was a 2 dimensional object made of identical repeating geometric shapes (triangles, hexagons? not sure) Within each shape there was a background of green, then in the center of the green a beige shape with black lines in it. It sort of looked like a schematic. Then the the objects became three dimensional and started turning inside out.

What was amazing about it was how perfect it was. I don't know why I knew it was perfect, but it was obvious at the time. It seemed to end quickly, abruptly.

Its such an intense practice to have the world (including my body!) dissolve, while simultaneously and instantaneously shown both my ignorance and fear, while also coming into contact with what appears to be some kind of intelligence.

I still feel a sense of gratitude and love, even the next day. I reconnected with a couple people afterwards and felt so open to them.

I am thankful I waited, if I had gone all in at first I don't think I could have surrendered to and accepted it, and may have put it off forever. This feels like the right time. It feels extremely grounding.

Do you feel an intelligence in there? I'd love to hear about your experiences, its really nice to talk to someone else who has experience with this.
Click to expand...

Your first paragraph encourages me to mention fractional dimensions. You'll find that very interesting (if you're not already familiar with the idea).

Hahaha, a very unique experience. It's like it has to strip you of everything you think you are, you think you think, etc in order to get to them completely. Almost as if there is so little isomorphic correspondence between how we pragmatically exist and the nature of hyperspace that our pragmatic minds as they are are generally obsolete.

I too am usually lovey dovey after blasting off and have notices I have more and stronger connections with others in my recent increased frequency of use. Kind of alleviates a great deal of worry I have (dysthymia symptom).

Keep listening to your heart and intuition. I'm glad you waited. You now have much more beautiful journeying to do:).

Before I answer your question, I'd like to provide a caveat. As a practicing philosophic skeptic, I entertain many contradictory ideas about my experience in life and with hyperspace. I paradoxically commit to the ideas in order to fully explore them, but am always aware I could be wrong and that I don't know, and in that sense, remain uncommitted.

So now that that's out of the way, I always experience what seems to be another sapience. Each and everytime, even if they leave me to my own volition. Sometimes they bring me to a space and embed themselves in it, as if to be around me, but to also leave me alone. It also seems like I interact with similar ones regularly, though there are some that I've only been around a few times. Yesterday during a subbreakthrough on changa, there was a "told you so" vibe that was directed at me, but also to themselves. I am very curious as to the implications of the "I told you so" that they shared with each other about me... Whatever minds are there also seem to really appreciate my skepticism and love me that much more for it. It's definitely an odd relationship, but is nevertheless invaluable to me and will continue to be fostered.

One love
Click to expand...

I had no idea about fractional dimensions!


"It's like it has to strip you of everything you think you are, you think you think" exactly! So humbling to see all that stripped off. I could see all the thoughts and perspectives and then also see "me" stripped of all the thoughts.

I also commit to ideas to explore them. When i was 5 or 6 I heard about god so I "believed" in god for a while, but then my limited conception at the time didn't seem that plausable so then i stopped. I do that a lot thats cool you do the same thing.

I don't know what to think of what I call the intelligence. If its the unconscious, than wow the unconscious has way way more to it than I have access to in my daily life, and is also way more beautiful and amazing than I've ever heard anyone talk about. I wish I could just sit down with it and have a long long conversation.

This feels very important to me. I can rationalize that feeling but actually I don't know why, its a gut level thing, actually has been a gut level thing for a very long time but its taken 25 years of healing and work with other psychedelics to get to a place where I can actually do this.

How long have you been doing DMT? (I don't really like the word doing but can't think of a good word)
 
I came with an idea (though someone else may have come up with it before me) called phenomenalogical skepticism. If I don't "know" jump in, uninhibited, and see what happens. It's a thought method that seems to bring a lot of understanding and potential insight. Whenever someone asks me if I believe x (which is a complicated question to me, and not as simple as many try to frame it), I usually break things down conditionally.

Because of my skepticism, which I view as an unadulterated honesty with self, I always concede to the idea that the experience could just be me and my neural structuring. All the same, I don't know.

See what transpires for you at lower doses. It's usually easier to assess aspects of the experience in the moment at lower doses.

Many individuals seem to view DMT as an "advanced" experience, so your prior work before embarking with DMT makes sense.

I have been engaging with DMT for approximately 10 years, with a roughly 6 year hiatus. In the past few years, I've been working on developing a very solid and grounded relationship with the molecule. I commonly use "engage" for two reasons: 1. It's an interactive activity. 2. A relationship, almost like a marriage (thanks Tomtegubbe for the analogy); it appears symbiotic and we have to be willing to work with each other.

One love
 
I like the word engage a lot.

I did it again today. I feel so humbled, and so grateful, and this feels like the most important psychedelic engagement in my life.

I saw line drawings of identical faces in rainbow ink. They seemed to be making up a huge rotating sphere. Then I was inside of or merged with another sphere shaped structure made of rainbow colors, however this was a huge prison, seemingly floating in space. At times it seemed like I was looking inside this prison, and at times I was merged with this prison, and this may have been at the same time. Even though the prisoners had no faces and were simple drawings in rainbow colors, I still feel a sense of care and love and sadness for them. While being with this, images of police came to me, and my own fear of being arrested for this substance. I was faced with the intensity of the extreme boundaries of the law.

Then this all disappeared and I'm not exactly sure what was there. I think I disappeared or was appearing and disappearing, and there was a white light in a black void and this represented love and I felt that love is what matters. It was timeless there until the body and my bed and room reappeared.

Its over an hour later and I still feel the afterglow, its as if I just came down from a 6 hour trip on a longer psychedelic. I feel so grateful for all the information and support of this community.
 
I think many of us here can relate to your experiences (self included). And, of course it’s nice having another chemist come aboard. You’ve my upvote. Welcome,
 
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