Hello luv! Welcome
Just reading your post, I get reminded of the beginning of my journey with psychedelics. I was introduced to them in my early 20's. The ride was really rough at first. I always had a lot of anxiety even amidst the magic. They were very inspirational and impactful at the same time. Among my first trips, were some difficult and nice ones:
-Accidentally tripping because I was offered them at a lawn party and the only person who could trip sit me was this guy I had a richer scale 100 crush on.
-Tripping with two 'friends' ...
-Accidentally giving myself ptsd with too much ayahuasca. I was so terrified I almost tried to kill myself. It was extreme
-I had some really amazing trips too in the beginning which inspired me to embody 'Fun-Love' (mushrooms) and feel into the FULLNESS of Life, and
-I attended a very, very calming peyote water prayer ceremony indigenous style, and it was beautiful, the shaman spoke, and like 3 ptsd's got erased in one night it was crazy, and I got extremely disillusioned at the psychiatric and mental health industry as a result.
-I had some other positive trips which were also very inspiring, like dancing in the rain with friends, just walking around on mushrooms by the lake which is so beautiful, looking at flowers on mushies, dancing some more, napping, being with animals.
-I had lots of anxiety in the beginning, with even microdoses. I was very clingy to people.
After the one very hurtful and scary (not bad) ayahuasca trip, I had been so shaken, that my mind said "NEVER AGAIN ~ EVER". I, to this day, feel grateful that a friend nudged me to go with her to the peyote water prayer ceremony which really helped me back onto a healthy psychedelic track because I was an existentially shattered mirror with two feet and two hands during that time.
After those wild times, I decided to take a break from psychedelics to study spiritual/trance/psychedelic cultures as best I could. While I really was so fascinated and in love with them, they were doing so much damage and I was clearly going about things in an unlively way. So I stepped aside to focus on everything about psychedelics, except the psychedelics themselves. The topics of interest for me were encyclopedic and vast.
For people right now who live a lifestyle within a civilized culture, as I am just guessing you might be, I highly recommend you absorb some of the fundamental teachings for eastern spiritual practices, as this spiritual culture has been highly adapted to the lifestyle circumstances of being within civilization. Such things as Buddhism, Zen culture, Taoism(!!) have impacted me wonderfully. Especially buddhism because it gave me some concrete guidelines of things you can do like SIT (on yo ass), eat healthy, try to learn how to conduct your life in fundamentally healthy ways.
I also tried to absorb what I could of indigenous culture, which isn't much, but still what I could gather. There was much I explored in these 3+ years. I really dove into so much. Communication is also a key interest of mine during this time.
My trips after this time period ALL have been really incredible, and I can not emphasize enough how much WHO YOU ARE ~ how you Life, and how you trip, affects your relationship to psychedelic space itself. I have been finding that the buddhist techniques in particular have been extremely powerful in providing a grounding clarity in these spaces, for my first steps back into them. Not only that, I feel like I absorb more of what I experience itself. There is a lot for me to be aware of and navigate, with only a little psychedelic influence at hand. I usually trip in natural settings right now since I have a very externally and earth-centric mindset, unless the environment I'm focusing on exclusively 'internal' then I might do it indoors. I never really trip with music, and I would love to trip with drums, but typically if I am in nature, or I have the rhythm of my breath, that is a sound I am perfectly happy to get carried away with. The ocean and the wind and the sounds of the forest are very eternal and ancient company to have acoustically. Vision is a very powerful sense so tripping at night or in the dark can make a lot of space to dive into other senses. My favorite way to trip is to be sitting criss cross because this allows you to DO hearing and seeing and feeling. It also builds an energetic clarity momentum after 2-3 hours of doing it which can help you have the psychic grounds to confront negative energy. I find that walking around or doing things is nice, and fun, and sometimes with LSD since it's so long I will have a walk in the beginning and end, but mostly I (personally) find that sitting criss cross allows you to bring your full attention to - not what you are doing - but what is happening.
Interestingly in some cultures children even consume psychedelics for fun. Sometimes even babies consume psychedelics, through breastfeeding, or when they are older by drinking. Sometimes people just trance out with rhythms, dancing, sweat lodges, deep sensory deprivations like caves, or various other methods. It's mysterious and a vast space to explore. There is so so so much outside of psychedelics, that is powerfully in relationship to the psychedelic experience. Just because you have had difficulty at first, does not mean that you can't develop an incredible deep relationship. Especially if you feel called to them, or inspired by them in some way, I believe things will eventually work out for you!
This has been some of my journey so far, I hope this can inspire you in some way
Also some random thought tips ~
- If you are feeling very fragile, grounding soothing psychedelics like Mescaline, MDMA, tobacco (natural) can be very heartwarming, especially in a trancelike context. Although they can all be very strong of course, however generally considered more 'gentle' on people.
- If you are feeling panic, fear, learning to Sit (on yo ass) can really help you clarify that fear, and let it rise up, and out. Stillness of a sit, is opposite to fear. It continuously metabolizes adrenaline for you, and the very posture itself of the sit has an energetic effect on your system.
- If you are afraid, unstable, or too humbled, consider doing LESS (of a dose). Go low, and Go slow. Psychedelics are absolutely not about quantity, but about your relationship with them. You bring all you are into the journey, and you are very unique, so tailor things to where your relationship feels good. Also of note is that, psychedelics can really pull emotions out of you. Similar to how someone with house fire PTSD might react extremely strongly to harmless simple paper crinkling sounds, psychedelics can also become far more powerful when things you are reactive to come up.
- Psychedelics ARE extremely humbling, to be respected, and very ultimate and deep.
Thank you for your attention luv
Best wishes
