Hi - scared

[namccor]

Someone i know (i will call him Sam) extracted base DMT from MHRB earlier in the year- Sam tried a variety of ways to smoke 50mg - first Sam smoked with some parsley flakes...Sam smoked base DMT about a dozen times before Sam learned the best way to smoke was through vaporizing - Sam bought a "crack" pipe - carefully weighed 50MG and smoked DMT for the last time. Here is what Sam thinks happened then and what has been happening since during or just as Sam drops into REM sleep.

Sam went to a quiet place - loaded 50mg into a pipe - he heated the bottom of the glass bowl until vapor formed in the pipe then inhaled the vapor...he held it for 15-20 seconds exhaled and heated the bowl again for a second draw...he held it for 15-20 seconds...and started to feel the DMT "take" him...as had happened before...he quickly heated the bottom of the bowl for a third draw...the bowl filled with dense white vapor...Sam inhaled all the vapor...the DMT had "taken" sam...he did not remember what happened to the pipe or lighter...he did not remember whether his eyes were open or closed as the experience started.

From what Sam remembers - the "trip" involved 3 distinct phases as follow:

Phase I - crashing an ancient party
Phase II - the raping/abyss/skull man
Phase III - spinning rainbow hexagons

Phase I - what Sam remembers is "seeing" a machine within the machine it seemed that Sam was being "offered" more glimpses into what Sam thought was the origins of "all things" that "just around the corner" was the "face of god"...a macro view of "all that is" this feeling/place began to feel like Sam should not be "seeing" "it"...Sam remembers looking "down" onto a complex multidimensional ever changing conveyor belt of all that has ever existed - the core of the "program"...sam distinctly remembers thinking to himself "so this is IT" ...omnipotent - clarity of the origins of all things...he remembers thinking..."this is ancient"...thinking "trillions upon trillions of years evolution created this" "it" (this program/machine) seemed intelligent/...then the trip changed...Sam got the distinct feeling that "i should not be here...i have been seen"...and what was an all encompassing feeling of "knowing the secrets"...turned to Phase II.

Phase II - the conveyor belt of ancient time and intellectual evolution stopped...an entity...what Sam thinks was a "skull man" came into "view" the "space" Sam was "traveling" through (macro view) became very confined...as if Sam were now inside something very organic/oozing...fear...unbridled terror set in...Sam's perview went from macro (phase I) to micro...his reality felt like he was in a corner/inside something/paralyzed...cornered by "skull man"...Sam felt as though the "walls" were caving in around him what was more is Sam thought that whatever was "happening to him" was for "all the marbles" that his soul was at stake...on his "left" (from Sam's "perspective") was an oozing black/brown precipice that Sam could barely see "into"...it was an abyss/blacker than black...fear/terror gripped Sam as he struggled to not looked into the abyss that appeared to not have a "bottom" to his "right/center" was "skull man"...then between the abyss and skull man a "drill" composed of what seemed to be trillions of rotating samuri sword tips spun into and out of Sam's mind/soul - the tips were so finely pointed so close/so sharp...spinning/morphing/re-spawning tips...the "drill" would continue moving back and forth...each time Sam thought skull man was forcing sam closer to the edges of the abyss trying to compel Sam to "give something up" to surrender something...Sam distinctly remembers thinking to himself..."this is how it ends"....Sam thought he was about to die...Sam kept saying, "naw...naw...naw"...he was breathing heavily/over breathing/heaving...he threw up on himself/he pissed on himself he felt the heat/warmth of his puke/piss...the swords kept coming...the abyss drew nearer and nearer...each time Sam "fought back" (only by not giving in) the swords would back off slightly only to come in at what seemed to be a new angle/a new thrust deeper into Sam's soul/heart/being...the swords were black and white only...just as Sam "knew" he was going to "die" and that he would be forever in this oozing black abyss...just as he was about to "break" almost as if his will to live was gone a bright spec of light appeared above and to the right of "skull man"...Sam focused on this very faint spec, brighter then anything sam had ever "seen" before and sam muttered only two words..."namaste/love", "skull man" immediately vanished, the swords vanished, the oozing abyss vanished.

Phase III - just as "skull man", the swords drill abyss vanished- sam's view turned to a "forest" of hexagons "tubes" that were spininng. The hexagons were colored purple/pink/yellow/blue - sam's fear immediately went away he became calmer/but still wrecked/exhausted - still breathing erractically somewhat, but calming...these hexagons spun through and around sam...sam relaxed more and more...until he began to see familiar "human" stuff...like the wall of the room he was in/the pile of puke in his lap and down his shirt...he could tell his eyes were open now...he could see his legs - the "trip" was ending is what sam thought. Then sam was able to feel the ground he was sitting on...he forced himself up into a standing position...then he said to himself, "they know i know".

He opened the door...walked outside...calmed his breathing - retrieved what was left of his DMT...grab the pipe and made a fire...he destroyed the pipe and what remained of his DMT. He has not smoked DMT since - nor will again.

This is as best Sam can recall what seemed like eternity, but was likely only a few minutes in length, what has Sam most concerned now is what has been occurring to him since this trip during sleep. Following is a typical "session" that has occurred approximately 2-4 times a week sometimes up to 3 times a night.

Sam will go to bed around 9 ish...just before/as he drops into a deep sleep...something attempts to "consume" sam...sometimes "it" attaches to the leg or shoulder...a few times it was the skull...but whatever part of sam's body is effected ...it is dematerialized...literally...as his leg, for example, is being "dematerialized/consumed" sam wakes abruptly ...startled...terror/fear/panic, and as quickly as sam awakens...the sensation stops. Sam is nearly convinced that if he were not to awake...his whole body would be swallowed into "something"...Sam feels as though he is being consumed into something not of this world/dimension that his body is being literally "sucked into" something beyond this realm. Sam has gotten somewhat used to these sessions...and each time he feels less terrified, but still very fearful...as if something is trying to "eat" him. Sam falls back asleep fairly quickly now, but in the beginning Sam would force himself to stay up. One night a few weeks back Sam slept with the light on after a particularly "strong" session...it happened again to sam later that night - sam was physically forced to sit up in bed and was saying, "no no no" as this sensation was attempting to suck sam in to "something" - Sam opened his eyes just as he was sitting up and the room (keep in mind the light was on) seemed as though it was fragmented...the entire room seemed pixilated...as if Sam was on an LSD trip (sam experimented in high school with LSD). When sam was able to focus as he was sitting up - the sensation stopped and the room came back to normal.

Sam is pretty freaked out about what happened and what continues to happen. Anyone else experience a trip like this? anyone else getting "sucked" into something?

 

[Enoon]

Hi namccor,

welcome to the nexus. I think sam had a traumatic experience with DMT and that the dreams sam is experiencing are what his mind is producing because of this. Nightmares and the likes are normal after traumatic experiences. sam will need some time to get over this, but I'm pretty convinced that there is nothing actually trying to eat him up, other than his fear itself.

As a means to integrate the whole thing I highly recommend writing what he experienced down (like in a diary) in a more detailed fashion, where he can put personal and intimate thoughts down - nothing anyone else needs to read. I would go through all the different feelings I experienced and think about what they imply.

What also can help is doing things. Tell sam to work out, go hiking or participate in some kind of activity where he can get his mind off of this thing, when he's not working on his diary.

Sam can also try to converse with the thing that is trying to swallow him, try asking it what it wants. Sometimes things seem evil to us because we don't understand them or because we are repressing them and they become externalized and other, while they are actually a part of us. Perhaps by entering into a dialog and facing this thing without fear sam can overcome it.

I hope sam feels better soon.
be well

 

[5-htp]

Hello Namcor,

Sounds to me, dealing with this could be risky as some changes could be permanent and leave a scar on your soul.

Your experience was incredible deep. Like breaking through the breakthrough to the point of ego-death. I have never been so far, you sure rocked that crack pipe :/

If nothing Enoon wrotes helps you, you could visit a doctor and ask for a mild antipsychotic. Maybe take Seroquel before going to bed, it's a mild antipsychotic with short half life, so if you would take say 50mg per day for 2-3 weeks you may be over it (and the sleep is really deep but with mild to no hangover).

After reading your aftereffects again.. You should visit a doctor or risk permanent psychosis.

 

[namccor]

hi - sam has reached out for some help. so far an MD and a psychologist - who sam sees weekly - say it is ptsd - that sam should think about 1) taking western meds (zoloft?) 2) stay off all "drugs" - like coffee/weed 3) recreate what happened in an effort to exercise what ever it is out (huh? sam can't even put words to what happened - it always turns into "metaphor oatmeal").

ego death? - shrink says not likely - shrink also says sam "broke" something in his brain...sam's brain seems fine.

thanks

 

[5-htp]

hi - sam has reached out for some help. so far an MD and a psychologist - who sam sees weekly - say it is ptsd - that sam should think about 1) taking western meds (zoloft?) 2) stay off all "drugs" - like coffee/weed 3) recreate what happened in an effort to exercise what ever it is out (huh? sam can't even put words to what happened - it always turns into "metaphor oatmeal").

ego death? - shrink says not likely - shrink also says sam "broke" something in his brain...sam's brain seems fine.

thanks

Sam did the right thing there. PTSD sounds reasonable and would fit the symptoms. Western meds can be evil that's for sure. They mask or remove the symptoms of an illness but don't cure the cause. Zoloft is an SSRI, so I would think it's to help with anxiety.

Staying of drugs, especially the weed sounds very reasonable to me as it may potentiate the negatives.

As with dealing with the experience, so much happening so fast, maybe you forget about aspects over time. And maybe if you stay of the weed and manage the anxiety, you could treat it like a bad dream.

Because maybe after all, that is just what it was, a bad dream ? (You could tell that to yourself because after all, nobody knows)

With ego-death I meant just in the experience where you get to a point when something smashes you and you become something else or nothing or everything

Sam can also try to converse with the thing that is trying to swallow him, try asking it what it wants. Sometimes things seem evil to us because we don't understand them or because we are repressing them and they become externalized and other, while they are actually a part of us. Perhaps by entering into a dialog and facing this thing without fear sam can overcome it.

This is very well said and would mean for Sam to integrate the experience which would cure the cause of the symptoms.

Maybe Sam could use his dreams to confront the entities from the experience and make sense of it.

 

[Jarl Von Hoother]

Well PTSD will affect your mood, just as well as how drugs interact with it.

Sam should do it when he is happier, have him listen to some Terence Mckenna

I hope he's oaky and didn't indeed 'break something in his brain' -wha?

thank you for sharing

 

[Enoon]

namccor, Sam could also try using paints / colors to express some of the feelings of the experience or try something like free associate writing. Even metaphor oatmeal can help, but I suggest that while trying to explain what happened Sam tries to relate anything he can come up with directly to himself and his life and mental state. Perhaps this way he can find the center of his distress within and dissolve it.

wishing Sam luck on his journey toward integration.

 

[Bill Cipher]

I'm sorry to hear that you/Sam are having a rough time currently. Know that you haven't broken anything and that time is your greatest ally. You've had a traumatic experience, and even the most positive high dose experiences require a lot of integration. I think it's pretty logical that you're fearful of letting go - and falling asleep requires that, which is triggering a panic response.

Understand that this will pass. Enoon's suggestions are all very good. Put down all drugs for the time being (other than those legitimately prescribed - that is a decision between you and your doctor, and no one here is qualified to make that determination) and make an effort to take care of yourself physically. Look for a creative outlet to try and express your feelings and experience, and just know that with the passage of time everything will be just fine.

 

[Pandora]

Hi namccor,

Welcome to the Nexus. Thank you for submitting that detailed Introduction Essay.

That was an AMAZING trip/breakthrough report. Sam went very deep this last time didn't he? You know, we are all so anxious to look into the abyss, we psychonauts, but sometimes I suspect we forget that the abyss also looks right back into us. This is NOT easy work we do. We are NOT in this to get high (though I don't mind if that happens ) but to gain insight and growth. At least a lot of us are.

You know, everything I write here is simply one woman's opinion. Neither I nor anyone else here is qualified to give you medical or psychiatric advice - we are not professionals, when we are we are not YOUR professional. We only know you by what you text here.

5-htp, please STOP giving medical advice here and on other texts. Please STOP immediately with blanket statements such as

PTSD sounds reasonable and would fit the symptoms. Western meds can be evil that's for sure.

- you are grossly unqualified to comment in this way on namccor's or anyone else's situation here without couching such statements heavily with "In my opinion," or "I'm no doctor but I believe ABC and I believe this due to XYZ - here's the references."


I am very sorry that Sam had this happen and is dealing with such a heavy duty aftermath. I and others here have had really rough DMT rides where the aftermath had wide ranging psychological and even physical manifestations in our lives. In my opinion, the integration with these is difficult but more than well worth attempting. HUGE leaps in growth can result. Again, it's just my opinion, but I have seen it happen more than once here at Nexus, including with myself.

I personally have absolutely positively sworn off all DMT use (I'll NEVER do that again!) at least three times. Somehow, as the integration happens, as the months pass, I do eventually wind up coming back to it. Now. that's just me. Sam may have a different path, I don't know. I do know that there is a great Health & Safety section here including some stuff on integration. Here's a link. DMT-Nexus Wiki:Health and Safety - DMT-Nexus Wiki

Again, just my opinion, but it almost sounds like the trip is coming back to Sam as he enters the hypnagogic phase of sleep - right before he actually drifts off. I cannot help but wonder what would happen if Sam met the attempted body possessors with a "love/Namaste" type response? What would happen if he just surrendered and continued to relax into it? Would he drift off into regular sleep? Or would he enter into a more profound triplike altered state? I'm just curious. Sam should only attempt something like this if he feels the call.

Also, I cannot help but wonder - does Sam meditate? If not he may want to try to take that up. I'd recommend daily meditation. I know it has helped me clear some of the chaos in my own mind.

In my opinion, Sam's best ally is time, and yeah, he shouldn't be doing substances during this time. Instead, like Enoon said, he should be doing things that embrace life, reality and health.

I certainly hope for the best. I was very very impressed by that trip report and hope that you will participate actively in his forum namccor - you are a good writer.

Again, welcome to the Nexus.

 

[namccor]

namccor, Sam could also try using paints / colors to express some of the feelings of the experience or try something like free associate writing. Even metaphor oatmeal can help, but I suggest that while trying to explain what happened Sam tries to relate anything he can come up with directly to himself and his life and mental state. Perhaps this way he can find the center of his distress within and dissolve it.

wishing Sam luck on his journey toward integration.

thanks enoon - i have been reading a lot here - views vary wildly related to dmt - is what we experience within each of us before the experience or does something from somewhere else effect the experience. i lean towards something outside of me...has effected me. philip goddard here:

Clarity of Being — Homepage

A uniquely effective mindset, working model and methodology for self-actualization, replacing traditional aproaches with one based in genuine understanding

www.clarity-of-being.org

speaks specifically to what you said about dissolving these entities that exist as a type of rouge programming in our sub-astral plane...mutant energy if you will...with no consciousness - and no power over us.

 

[namccor]

I think it's pretty logical that you're fearful of letting go - and falling asleep requires that, which is triggering a panic response.

Thanks Art (can i call you Art for short?) - i do not understand why we must sleep - have always thought it was a bit odd...like as we sleep no one is watching the store. now i think it is more then odd - i actually think our defenses are down and whatever wants to mess with us - can (and does) while we sleep. my shrink thinks i experience sleep paralysis - incubus - to that i say nope...i have had that feeling that i am being watched during sleep and paralyzed to doing anything about it...i have had that "feeling" of suffocation...but what i speak of is not that...what happens during my sleep from time to time is the "actual" dematerializing of a part of my body that only stops when i awake in terror.

Understand that this will pass. Enoon's suggestions are all very good. Put down all drugs for the time being (other than those legitimately prescribed - that is a decision between you and your doctor, and no one here is qualified to make that determination) and make an effort to take care of yourself physically. Look for a creative outlet to try and express your feelings and experience, and just know that with the passage of time everything will be just fine.

thanks - yeah time heals all wounds...perhaps in this dimension. i am sober today - and expect to be sober tomorrow. my head is clear...my concerns are very real.

 

[namccor]

Hi namccor,

Welcome to the Nexus. Thank you for submitting that detailed Introduction Essay.

hi pandora - first off - i see you too see the US turning into a police state (in your avatar box)...i agree with you.

That was an AMAZING trip/breakthrough report. Sam went very deep this last time didn't he? You know, we are all so anxious to look into the abyss, we psychonauts, but sometimes I suspect we forget that the abyss also looks right back into us. This is NOT easy work we do. We are NOT in this to get high (though I don't mind if that happens ) but to gain insight and growth. At least a lot of us are.

the abyss oozed...it was beyond foreboding...beyond fear...beyond terror...it was into eternity...and it was dark black...beyond black...beyond evil. i have hung up my spurs...if i cross paths again with the abyss...it will be on the "other side" of a lifeless body...not a second before...and i hope to be better prepared then i was.

You know, everything I write here is simply one woman's opinion. Neither I nor anyone else here is qualified to give you medical or psychiatric advice - we are not professionals, when we are we are not YOUR professional. We only know you by what you text here.

i get it - i have looked lots of places for an anchor to begin to understand my experience...this place is the closest i have come that offers a sympathetic virtual ear for me...diversity is key - and varied opinions help me.

In my opinion, the integration with these is difficult but more than well worth attempting. HUGE leaps in growth can result. Again, it's just my opinion, but I have seen it happen more than once here at Nexus, including with myself.

i think i want to agree with you pandora - and perhaps over time i will, but right now it feels a lot like i have broken a multidimensional seal...i let a genie out of its bottle...and i think that genie is inside of me.

I personally have absolutely positively sworn off all DMT use (I'll NEVER do that again!) at least three times.

i saw what i "think" i needed to "see" - now i just need to process "it" and that, in my mind, will take the remainder of my physical (and perhaps spiritual) live (s) - IF EVER - to do. it was so easy to extract the substance...i feel like i was unworthy of the trip...and maybe "others" see it that was too.

Again, just my opinion, but it almost sounds like the trip is coming back to Sam as he enters the hypnagogic phase of sleep - right before he actually drifts off. I cannot help but wonder what would happen if Sam met the attempted body possessors with a "love/Namaste" type response? What would happen if he just surrendered and continued to relax into it? Would he drift off into regular sleep? Or would he enter into a more profound triplike altered state? I'm just curious. Sam should only attempt something like this if he feels the call.

precisely what my shrink said...precisely what i intend to do. thank you

Also, I cannot help but wonder - does Sam meditate?

not nearly enough...i am currently improving on my frequency...i am currently reading from Philip Goddard's website:

Clarity of Being — Homepage

A uniquely effective mindset, working model and methodology for self-actualization, replacing traditional aproaches with one based in genuine understanding

www.clarity-of-being.org

In my opinion, Sam's best ally is time, and yeah, he shouldn't be doing substances during this time. Instead, like Enoon said, he should be doing things that embrace life, reality and health.

agreed...clear today...i think balanced (to the extent anyone can be "knowing" what i "think" i "know").

you are a good writer.

ty

 

[MomentOfTruth]

That was an AMAZING trip/breakthrough report. Sam went very deep this last time didn't he? You know, we are all so anxious to look into the abyss, we psychonauts, but sometimes I suspect we forget that the abyss also looks right back into us.

One of my favorite Nietzsche lines!

Good luck in your recovery, nammcor

 

[namccor]

Ok, so I apologize for the brevity and lack of clarity in my previous post. I can't relate to many of the particulars in Sam's trip, but in my own recent drug-induced insanity I do recall “oscillating” between a “point of light” and some kind of “dimensional rift/void.” Since I've escaped that state of being, I've been dealing with some residual effects, one of which includes having very dark and fearful dreams wherein I try to escape my predicament with more fear and other tactics, which are met with varying degrees of success. Some of these attempts have failed and only sunk me even deeper into fear, others seem to help me avoid dealing with the dream for the time being. That's what I can mostly relate to, and wanted to tell you that you were not alone with. And I'm also dropping psychedelics. Thanks to everyone who gave advice in this thread, as it is very pertinent to me as well.

thanks likewise

I have been combing trip reports and found this one:

Once I believed I WOULD NEVER DO DMT EVER AGAIN. Beware dark and hostile forces... - DMT Experiences - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

THERE ARE SOME SERIOUSLY HOSTILE FORCES THAT ARE TRYING TO CAUSE ME GREAT HARM. What I just endured I would hope no one should ever have to endure. I was tortured and abused for eternity and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I tried just letting go and going with it but no matter what I did these evil forces were determined that I suffer as much as possible. This is no projection of my psyche these are seriously hostile relentlessly evil forces that take great pleasure in making others suffer. They are still trying to exert their influence on me 25 minutes after administration. This is what happened:

After taking 2 extremely large hits (dose = 45mg white DMT) I was in and there was no turning back. 'OH MY GOD MAKE IT STOP! NO! NO! NO!' but I knew there was no way to end it. These evil forces rammed something repulsively horrible into my throat (imagine a hairball made of a thousand dead locusts) and I choked and gagged but it made no difference - I could feel them forcing it down harder and wanting me to suffer. I said ‘Lets stop this please I'll give you anything!’ but the intensity just got greater and greater. I tried to stop resisting and just go with it but submission made no difference. They threw me around the most horrible areas of hyperspace while beating and torturing my soul mercilessly. They kept making me choke on these horrible locusts, and I begged and pleaded for them to stop but they were truly merciless and had no desire other than to cause me as much suffering as they could. The whole experience looped, beginning with forcing this horrible thing down my throat then flinging me to hell-like environments while abusing me in ways I didn’t think possible. It looped again and again and I felt my soul get beaten and tortured for an eternity. I tried everything - resisting, submitting, crying out to guardians for help - but I was truly and utterly helpless. I kept thinking ‘there must be a meaning behind this loop’ but it just felt like mindless horrifying torture.


After what felt like lifetimes of abuse, I finally started regaining awareness of my body. I put my hands up shouting 'HAVE MERCY! HAVE MERCY!' and looked around the room frantically as I could still feel them around me. I begged them to stop but they never would. The only reason the abuse began to feel like it was coming to an end was because the DMT was wearing off. I thought how lucky I had been in my life up until this point that I had not been beaten up or hurt badly by anyone but this made up for it all. It was worse than being killed because it was endless sheer terror combined with this gagging of dead insects in my throat, and it happened over and over. I sat in my room for a long time extremely shaken up and hoping to god they didn’t come back. I got caught in another loop, this time a thought loop of thinking I wasn't yet safe and trying to work out why this happened to me. I kept muttering to myself 'there are seriously hostile forces that want to make me suffer'. I looked at my watch and only 11 minutes had passed. I immediately agreed that I will not be smoking DMT ever again. The feeling of locusts in my throat persisted for so long afterwards, and I tried to vomit as I felt this horrible dark energy inside me that I felt needed to come out. I dry heaved but didn’t feel any better and this horrible scratchy globus in my throat persisted for the rest of the evening.

this is very close to what i experienced.

i guess the good news is - our soul/chi/life energy - is very hard for them to "get"...seems like we have to give up something...

the bad news: i think "it" awaits us after death...a hades if you will - book of the dead...moving through the duat...all the ancients speak of this place.

i also find it interesting that the more one smoked (50mg+) the more one was offered a "view" into eternity...that in the end...really was nothing more then a trap.

 

[namccor]

BigMac posted this:

Once I believed I WOULD NEVER DO DMT EVER AGAIN. Beware dark and hostile forces... - DMT Experiences - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

of everything i have read...this post brings me the most comfort - self love/emotional inbalances...makes sense to me.

just remember, my friend it happens to the best of us.
ive been spooked off dmt as of recently due to some gripping experiences.
i will say this...
although it is true that apperception is malleable and that the mindstate can be molded and flexed [in certain situations]...
ive found its best to be absolutely neutral going into a dmt trip.
Have no stigmas or lurking thoughts left unresolved or any demons chasing your shadow.
I realise that this task is near-impossible to achieve flawlessly, and yes, there are times where dmt is simply going to rape you no matter how you slice the cake.
But take note of this dmt is heavily affected but conscienceness; easily swayed by current minstate.
whether you believe me or not, i never believed the words im telling you now,
until i began to have a period of sucessive, outrageously terrifying, malevolant -type trips.

and then of course i realised eventually...
i needed to extract myself from the process and consider that maybe, just maybe these demons i was visiting during that time were not so much 'strangers', but rather, just as much inside me as they were alien.

and so...
i took a break, re-evaluated my own personal psyche, took some time off from dmt to ascertain the experiences i had had, and eventually, after i'd relaxed a bit and returned to my neutral, more meditative non-inclined unrestricted version of myself... thats when i started using dmt again.
and let me tell you brother, nothing but pure light.
brilliant experiences; the jawdropping kind.

Equally terrifying though still can be any [and probably most] dmt exeriences whether 'love-bound' or malignant.
The difference is of course,
feeling the awesome afterglow
that is the infusion of higher-being and excitement and divinity and mystery upon returning from hyperspace,
rather than alternatively feeling as if one should go huddle in a blanket and cry himself till no more tears come out, and fear these kinds of things that revel behind closed doors.

and this observation is completely non-coincidental, but rather a recurring theme with my dmt use. periods of breaking, re-evaluating and integrating and returning back towards what is essentially, the light of dmt,
so maybe its a similar process for others, im not sure.

fact is...
if you feel really fucking amazing about yourself and have a general diligence and awareness of your daily activities, your emotions, thought-processes...
and if you feed your 'self' the knowledge and thirst for self-fulfillment it so rightfully deserves...
then you will be strong and soulful.

and after all this, whether you get raped, scared shitless, massacred, or defeated or dug into a ditch by dmt,
well itll be entirely non-circumstancial.
because youll be returning from hyperspace back to a place [aka mindstate] where you are ok and accepting of whatever comes your way.
negative energies and influence aint got shit over simple, endearful, oh-so-sexy, self-love.

"What if we could share the world around us, in all its everlasting pleasures, if by simply taking a look inside the world inside ourselves?" - these are the inward-facets that we must explore in our existence.
and sometimes you will face challenges in this subject; sometimes you will find yourself trembling in the ever-glowing wisp of insidious ideas and deviations, but this is not the true nature of dmt. -imo

i personally believe that dmt is the ultimate reflection of one's highest form of imagination and ability to 'escape' as they say [from reality], but in conjuction unfortunately, tethered by the conscienceness, personality and emotional state of the user.
if you are calm and in control of the above-mentioned, but also free and holding on not to a single thing!,
than dmt will be given liberty to take you to truly breathtaking places.

Some ppl have this gift of letting go and negating they're emotional inbalances very easily. others must work hard at it.
and i would say most ppl will never achieve these abilities or even recognize them as crucial feats.

To summarize, i personally believe dmt is highly-hanging on to humanity; tightly wound with the user's thoughts and feelings.
Not entirely deterministic of what a trip will turn out as, but influencial, undoubtedly.
Conscienceness is a key contibutor to dmt the same ol' way its been with psilcybin and lsd and mescaline alike ['bad trip'].

im sry if this post was rendundant, but im not sure so many realise how entangled and not necessarily chaotic dmt is in actualization. [which could be another ten paragraphs trying to argue that statement alone]
i think ill end here. just thought this was an interesting tip related to dark experiences.
pce

 

[namccor]

things have gotten a bit more intense for me...no longer do i feel a sensation of a part of my body being de-materialized into another dimension...now the sensation is more of an infusion of evil into my body. i am nearly in deep sleep when my body feels as though it is getting "zapped" by something...i immediately awaken and my body gets cold very cold...i remain in a half awake state as a feeling of dread/terror/evil is infused within my physical body...for the next 30-45 minutes as i attempt to rid myself of this darkness my mind is filled with visions of feces/torn flesh/blood soaked hair/reptilian eyes and scales/organic darkness and ooze...the more i try to focus on "light", love, chi, source...the more intense this kaleidoscope of evil becomes...as if it is a mental distraction from "seeing" source...love...here is a session i had about a month ago...

I had an experience not long ago while sleeping...starting from my feet i felt my body fill will pure evil...as it crept up my body through my legs - up my chest to my throat - i felt my eyes begin to swell at the edges as if this evil were spilling outside of me...i thought to myself - "i am drowning in darkness"...just then my mind seemed to snap open - i closed my eyes and was within a void of turtle shells...my mind was "telling" me to "put in on" as if to shield myself from this evil consuming me...my mind wrapped itself around the shells - within a corner of my mind's eye i could see a sword...more sharp than a razor's edge could ever be...so sharp one could see through the blade...my mind reached for the sword - "i" grasped it...i seemed to turn in my head to face this darkness - with shell donned...and sword firmly in my hand i was ready for what seemed a battle for my soul...i opened my eyes...the evil left my body...i cried...then fell back to sleep.

last infusion session i had i touched my body just before i fell back to sleep...it was soaking/dripping wet to the touch...my wife said i was diaphoretic.

 

[G]

Dear god this sounds terrifying. I am lucky to have only been introduced to the more benevolent rooms of hyperspace. I have read many dark trip reports and can imagine the terror.

I can relate to the night terrors. I have experienced sleep paralysis all my life. It's been especially bad the past view months. A shapeshiftimg demon comes to me in the form of people I know irl, it creeps up to my bed and tries to scare me. It fills me with sheer dread.
I struggle and try to break free,to no avail. Curiously enough, when I command it ''in the name of Jesus Christ to be gone'' in my head, it always does.
It seems silly but it never fails me. Try it sometime.

You might need powerful healing after such a deep experience. Ask your higher power for a blessing. I will pray for you the best way I know how.
Never fear namccor (EZer said than done, I know. There is nothing to be afraid of)

 

[Enoon]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, namccor. I really don't have any more advice to give on how to assist integration, but I have something else for now, which might cheer you up.

I've been reading a book by Claudio Naranjo which talks about mystic or spiritual journeys and how a lot of the fairy-tales, myths or other stories from ancient times were actually part of mystical traditions meant to teach and explain the spiritual journey of ones interiors. One common theme is that the protagonist of these stories usually finds his treasure, his love or whatever first, after a little bit of his journey, but then comes the time of trials and the hero is cast into a darkness of desperation, threatened and robbed of everything... Only after this time of trials can the hero emerge and really claim the treasure.

What I'm trying to say is that horror that you are experiencing at the moment perhaps is part of a greater path that you are walking, leading to wisdom or a development of your consciousness or whatnot. That's not to say you should not try to fix it - you definitely should. But perhaps seeing your troubles at the moment as a time of trials, like in those myths, will help you keep going and finding a solution.

Good luck.

 

[namccor]

Only after this time of trials can the hero emerge and really claim the treasure.

What I'm trying to say is that horror that you are experiencing at the moment perhaps is part of a greater path that you are walking, leading to wisdom or a development of your consciousness or whatnot. That's not to say you should not try to fix it - you definitely should. But perhaps seeing your troubles at the moment as a time of trials, like in those myths, will help you keep going and finding a solution.

Good luck.

thanks enoon - interesting you say this...before i lay for sleep - i tell my self this is training. a friend at another group posted this to me related to the sword/turtle shell vision/experience:

Hi, I've ran across this type of "sword story" easily a dozen times since reading on the esoteric since this past June. I found it in one or two books among the astral projection writers and have seen long posts of it on several forums of lucid dreaming/astral projection.

I don't know what to make of it, but all of the people seem to be describing themselves as taking up their sword to do battle in the next life? other dimensions? who knows...the swords typically have names, are elaborately decorated, and seem to have a consciousness of their own and they soon realize the swords are coming back to them - that they have wielded them before, and they are regaining an old friend...

i can tell you this...i am about as "average" as they come...hell i might even be considered below average to some...dui...three divorces...i am a good father ...can keep a regular job - i was just seeking a view...glimpse into the unknown...maybe there is a bigger "plan"... what i know is that something wants something i have (that we all have - because i ain't that special) and i have said - if i need to take up a sword and don a turtle shell shield - so be it...if it means i lose my soul in this battle then so be it...and to that thought i cried profoundly...but the alternative - this evil continues without so much as a whimper from me...and that will just not do.

so i do somethings now i think will help - i eat every other day and i try to live with intent in every word/action/thought that acknowledges the suffering of all and relieves the suffering where i can...the food i do not consume is now available for those without.

 

[hixidom]

First of all, nobody knows your mind but you. You are the only expert on your own personal psychology, and so my suggestions should not be taken as informed since I in fact have zero information on who Sam is as a soul and how his particular consciousness operates.

That being said...
Somebody may have already suggested this (there were a lot of long posts that I skimmed through or skipped altogether), but has Sam thought of smoking DMT again in order to better come to terms with what he experienced? Indeed his understanding of what he experienced is mere metaphor oatmeal by now, and so perhaps he can find reconciliation and healing on the plane of existence from which his anxiety originated.

I know that everybody else has recommended that Sam stop drug use altogether and find other recreational distractions, but I think it would be difficult for Sam to find recreational activities intense enough to overshadow his trauma outside of the realm of psychedelic drugs. I recommend something pleasant like MDMA or LSD. (What I am about to say assumes that Sam has little experience with other psychedelics) I think that if Sam continues his experimentation with psychedelics, he will find that his disturbing bedtime experiences are merely a result of his subconscious fascination with an incredible first experience. As with sex, the first time with psychedelics can be filled with anxiety and can even be haunting, as in Sam's case. It's not until one has experimented more with sex or psychedelics that one better understands the experience and, through it, one's self. With such understanding (which primarily comes from additional experience) one becomes wiser and more resilient, and sexual or psychedelic experiences become more enjoyable as a result.

In other words, Sam should relax. He's making too big of a deal out of a DMT experience. I know it seems impossible, but Sam should try to downplay what he experienced as much as possible. He can undermine some of the trauma of the experience by trying to take the experience less seriously. One way to do this is to use DMT again, and again,... What Sam will find is that the trauma of his last experience is replaced by the trauma of a new experience. Eventually one learns what to expect from DMT and then the inherent trauma of the DMT experience is no longer traumatizing.