HOLY SH*T my first dmt trip

[5A8R3]

So I have just experienced DMT for the first time and infact it is my first intense psycedelic having only experienced the giggly/bouncy stages of salvia years ago.

And what a trip it was! I will futilely try to explain with words where I have just been:

Made a lung from a water bottle - I find them good to get large hits of smoke at once, easier for me than a bong.
Started with 70mg changa (50/50) - slight physical elation, nothing more
Upped to 150mg - Visual effects watching shadows dance like wisps of smoke on the ceiling. More of a buzz
Determined to breakthrough, burned 220mg, struggled to take whole lung but forced it in. I knew straight away I was going to be in deep.

Immedately felt sharpness in my body and a buzz like I am full of electricity. Laid back and groaned. My voice was different, more tinny and had a sense of being broken into pieces.

Next thing I knew I was looking at my lightshade thinking "what is dmt?" and a second later I was gone again, somewhere I can't really explain having thoughts about triangles and trinities of life.
All of a sudden I was back exactly in the same moment looking at this lightshade thinking the same thing "what is dmt?". It felt like de ja vu, then agian I was gone.
Back for a third time the exact same moment! This lighshade coming onto focus and me realising what is going on. "I have been here before!" I am thinking, and laugh out load exclaiming "what a mindfuck!".
My eyes are not working as usual. They cannot focus for more than a split second and everything looks like it is travel in still frames - everything seems triangular and sharp.

I get concerned I will be stuck in this loop so I turn my head away from the lampshade, sink into my mattress and stare at my hand. I cannot look at my hand properly! It is shaking all over the place! My eyes wont stay still...
I get a feeling of regret and anxiety, I have to get back to my normal state. Something sinister is hiding behind this experience. Why do I want to return anyway? I remind myself that I don't care to die right now and somehow I remember this is temporary.
I give up focusing on my hand and fall into a gaze. This is when stars begin to appear and suddenly I am floating in space, my eyes half closed.
I emerge into physical awareness and regain the sense of my body for a second. This seems to ground me and I am aware then effects are winding down.
I look again at my hand and how the light around it seems to gain in intensity, I feel bathed in it. Not a second later it darkens again.
Then I am mezmerised and feel what I can describe as universal love. An image comes into my mind that I cannot fully describe. I see a face like a trollface and from it springs fractal patters and helixes of light and colour.
I lay absorbing the immense complexity of this image with the feeling of joyous love.
Everything winds down and I relieve my bladder, taking a moment to stare at myself in the mirror watching my breathe and seeing the many shades of pigment that make up my skin. I feel self love and fulfillment.
I get into bed and stare at the ceiling. The shadows dance like whisps of smoke as if they are alive. I am surprised I am still feeling the effects after what must be 10 minutes of starting at dancing shadows, realising that with every movement of my eyes the shadows take a new form.
I am glad I took such a large dose.

The two most impactful moments are the triad of de ja vu and staring into a fractal image of a trollface.
Glad I had meditation music to sooth this journey.

Thanks for reading.
Thoughts?

 

[5A8R3]

I should note that practice meditation fairly regularly and did so prior to that trip which may have helped keep a stable perception on the proceedings of that trip however I don't remember having the urge to maintain awareness of my breath, maybe that is something to consider next time I am under/over/inside. I am also surprised at the level of lucidity I was able to maintain even at the strongest point of the experience i.e. I was able to rationalise my perception of the loop and negotiate it when I became fully aware of it. I remember that point - after seeing that point for the third time I gained an awareness of my body staring at the lampshade and suddenly felt my right eye twitching slightly from a perception of being in the centre of my head. That awareness cascaded into the desire to end the loop.

I am interested in obtaining an experience of the spirits described by Terence Mckenna and it is very possible I could interpret the experience of the jester-like visage as revealing a structure of beauty of reality while feeling bathed in universal love.

I wonder if the jester character is an artifact of my consciousness or something external.
I should ask the community: what do you do to communicate with entities you experience and do you feel they are internal or external?

 

[DmnStr8]

what do you do to communicate with entities you experience and do you feel they are internal or external?

My communication has been very limited. It is more like they communicate with forced emotions and thoughts. In some ways this feels like a manipulation if the thoughts and emotions are negative. I have felt like I was being toyed with a few times.

Smoking some changa from a bong one night I had a very odd experience with an entity. I laid back in my bed and it was dark and silent. I was in and out of this reality. Soon I could not tell if my eyes were open or closed. The visions were swirling all around me. I felt like something was with me. The swirling visions would transform into horrific faces and seemed antagonistic they way the approached me and got into my face. Like they wanted a reaction.

I was in a very good state of mind this night and laughed. A deep and hearty laugh! The sounds reverberated the whole environment. The entity that was with me instantly transformed and was laughing with me. It seemed to transform from a terrifying face into one of joy in a split second. Everything changed because I laughed.

I learned a lot from this particular journey. It showed me that I have more power than I think I do in hyperspace. It can all seem so out of control sometimes. My set and setting were perfect. My mind was at ease and I didn't buy into any fear. It was ignored. It just simply could not exist with the frame of mind I was in.

Long way to answer your question I know. I feel like something was with me. Something was trying to communicate with me or at least interact with me, even if just to get a reaction. It had no power unless I gave it. It was in my control in some ways. That tells me that this entity was from within. I think emotions and thoughts translate their vibration into a psychedelic experience. Everything comes from within. Its all the illusions of the mind presenting itself as imagination.

These entities could very well be real. It's feels so real! It feels like it is more real than this reality sometimes. But I still think that much of how we experience these entities has to do with perspective. How do you see these entities? In an instant they can transform according to how we perceive them. That is odd.

The Chonyid Bardo, mentioned in the Tibetan book of the dead, is the intermediate period in which one experiences visions of deities, Heaven and Hell, and Judgment. From my understanding you face peaceful and wrathful deities. One can not progress further in the bardo until they pass the deities tests. One must recognize these deities as part of the self. The peaceful and wrathful deities are the same. We only perceive them differently because we buy into the thoughts and emotions that create fear and retreat when we are cornered by a wrathful deity.

I dunno. I read this stuff before I had that odd changa trip. Perhaps I am reading into. I will tell you that it feels real, like you can recognize yourself in these entities, whether they are internal or external. I have thought about this a lot and I feel that what I am trying to say here applies to every entity that I have ever encounter on DMT. That is why I feel it is like practicing dying. If what the Tibetan book of the dead says is true than I am on the right track.

I don't look forward to dying at all but I would say that the knowledge I have gained from taking this perspective could prove to be very valuable should I end up in hyperspace when I die. I will know where I am and can calm my mind. That's a tough set and setting though. I mean your stuck there. There would be no escape. It would be tough to keep your fear at bay and pass the tests of the entities or deities.

Anyhow.. Just kind of putting my thoughts out there. Plain and simple is I have no idea. The questions are unanswerable, but I do enjoy thinking about it. Its a puzzle to keep my monkey brain busy. It will never solve the puzzle. The mind will never solve it. May sound cliché but the heart is what knows. That's how I feel.

 

[AcidShard]

Welcome 5A8R3,
I agree with what Dmnstr8 said about entities being a manifestation of the mind - to a certain extent.
I had a experience with enhanced leaf recently where I was met with a dark entity trying to scare me, and I just stayed calm and even smoalked moar, ready to face whatever it was in me that was showing itself.

It changed into a blue skinned goddess radiating energy, and lifted my arms up and moved them around like I was a puppet on a string, showing me her power. It felt like she was showing me the power she had over me and could make me do whatever she wanted, but she was loving and was just showing me to try to convince me it was real or something.

I was in awe. It was very light hearted though, and she then moved my hands into animal shapes like a shadow puppet play you would do for kids, she played with my hands and it was such a feeling of pure, innocent fun like I was a young child again.
When it was time for her to go, she filled me with an energy and my hands felt like two powerful magnets attracting each other.
Very cool stuff.

So I think I believe that they are a manifestation of our own minds, but also exist externally somehow.
Or maybe what is in our minds shapes them somehow, i don't know.

Just because it's happening in your head doesn't mean it's not real.

Anyway, welcome to the nexus, nice report!
Be careful with doses that high though, if it all vaporizes properly, you will be in for a BIG surprise!

Take care,
AcidShard

 

[Naut]

So I think I believe that they are a manifestation of our own minds, but also exist externally somehow.
Or maybe what is in our minds shapes them somehow, i don't know.

Just because it's happening in your head doesn't mean it's not real.

Whatever it is they seem to carry a vocation of understanding that I sure as hell can't match!

 

[Sunnyside]

These comments help me try to come out from under my rock a bit and try to talk about my experiences.
It is not easy for me, for whatever reasons.
The OP asks 'how to communicate...'.
I read folks' comments here, that there seems to be direct communication - '... the entity said to me, and so I said to the entity...'.
But I don't have that communication.
And when I say that to the people who observe me - that I don't interact - they say "Oh yes you do!".
I can seem to get reactions, mostly of pure joy, from them - the beings and entities I meet in hyperspace - if I make words (mostly involuntarily), or sing (at re-entry I realize I'm doing a high-pitched hum, or perhaps an om), and a couple of times, I realize I'm kind of throwing something for/to/with them, again provoking love and joy. An observer was laughing so hard as I was making them - and me - laugh and love and cavort.
Maybe that last part helps you to understand why it's not easy for me to try to explain.
Anyway, another piece of it, for me.
DMNSTR8 mentions laughing, when faced with something that was less than amicable-appearing. I'm right there, also. I see something like that, I just smile, and they smile and laugh right back. Or laugh. Or, when I'm really in deep, I'm howling with love and joy and laughter and wonder and trying to understand the woman that sits magnificently on top of my ceiling fan, and maybe tossing her a lightning bolt or just bellowing "LOVE" to her.
That's probably enough for me. Actually way too much disclosure. Back under my rock.

 

[5A8R3]

I will take this moment to thank everyone for sharing their insights - I will meditate with them in mind later before my next adventure.

My communication has been very limited. It is more like they communicate with forced emotions and thoughts. In some ways this feels like a manipulation if the thoughts and emotions are negative. I have felt like I was being toyed with a few times.

Interesting that the negative seems like manipulation. Makes me curious what would happen if one also rejected the euphoric feeling as being a manipulation, in a way treating it as equal to the negative. Where would you reside in this case? I may attempt this tonight.
However communicating without words seems very similar to how McKenna described it.

I can seem to get reactions, mostly of pure joy, from them - the beings and entities I meet in hyperspace - if I make words (mostly involuntarily), or sing (at re-entry I realize I'm doing a high-pitched hum, or perhaps an om), and a couple of times, I realize I'm kind of throwing something for/to/with them, again provoking love and joy. An observer was laughing so hard as I was making them - and me - laugh and love and cavort.

Now this gives me an idea. In many ancient cultures one should present a gift when meeting people. Maybe if I were to present something next time I sense an entity. A conscious offering...but what to offer? I get the feeling it can't be something physical.

I will also make greater attempt to directly commune, forcing a question out loud if I am able. I guess my first question will be "who are you?". We will see.

Thanks again for your replies. Observing the trip is one thing, if I could direct it to a degree, that might open some pathways. Your insights are an excellent contribution to that goal.

So, if you were to offer the spirits something, what would it be?
Following the thoughts of Don Juan, awareness might be the greatest gift. What else does one really have in that situation? Making some kind of gesture that I give the entity my whole attention; maybe it will take me deeper. However I feel that is already a given.

 

[DmnStr8]

So, if you were to offer the spirits something, what would it be?

Love, joy, compassion, respect and gratitude!



P.S.
That is pretty much offering friendship now that I'm thinking about it more!

 

[5A8R3]

I saw something like this except infinitely more detailed and deep. Imagine at each node of the structure there is a face with light beaming from its mouth.

 

[5A8R3]

2nd orbit just achieved.
Slightly lower dose than before - quite different experience.

Watching the back of my eyelids as it takes hold. It's like someone turning the contrast up. Geometrics appear in black and white.

That familiar buzz. It's like the humm of high voltage equipment. Tangy.
It's similar to puting reverb on a guitar - like my whole perception becomes echoed. Is that why time gets distorted?

This changa tastes great.
Lie back, shut my eyes and watch aztec-like patterns evolve like flowing neon lights.
Im aware of the candle-light to my left. I feel like a woman is in the light watching over me. I feel her warmth.

Much shorter trip this time. I think I found my breakthrough threshhold and I didn't reach it this time. This may be the waiting room I've heard about.
Last time was much more...perception shattering.

Don't know why I'm so nervous prior to the event.
This is magnificent.

Quite futile making plans to achieve things in that state though. Seems like I can do nothing but go with the flow.