Honestly?...I'm terrified

[teksponge]

Hello from the wet and wonderful UK!

I have followed this site for ages but never thought that the answer to some of my problems could literally be staring me in the face, by the means of a trusted and caring community.

Some very brief backstory. I have battled with alcohol and substance abuse from the age of 16 onward. Now 25 I am at a stable level where I am comfortable being sober, however when I drink I like to drink a lot. I have a real passion for mushrooms and have done extensive personal research with them (although not quite to the 5DGISD level) and have thoroughly enjoyed connecting with my own emotions.

I have always been a budding clandestine researcher/experimenter and Spice has never been unavailable to me.

However my experience with Spice has almost always (bar a few minor quantities to test purity) been in conjunction with alcohol. The reason behind it is purely a confidence issue. I love to read experiences with Spice and spice alone, and constantly envy the teachings it gives others. I know that I have never experienced a mid-high hit without alcohol, but I can tell that there is nothing beyond the mindless confusion and messy 'gobbildygook' geometric chaos that it shows me if I continue like this.

I believe that I am terrified of taking the 'leap of faith' due to my sensible approach to modern life, paying bills promptly, being on time, playing by the rules, yada yada yada.... All of which I resent, but feel I cannot alter due to my upbringing.

Has anyone experienced this and has worked themselves up to higher, more confident levels? Or is it just a case of setting everything nice, loading up the hit, meditating and GO! (Because there seems to be no preparation for what entails)

Thanks for dropping in on my post. I would love to hear any views you have.

Appreciate finally becoming a part of this community.

Kind regards,

teksponge

 

[WarpedDimension]

I understand. I was a binge drinker for a long time. A weekend drunk. I never saw it as an issue as I rationalized that I deserve to relax and throw a few drinks down my gullet. Drinking is fine and dandy when you can drink a couple or few beers, rather than finishing off a twelve pack of beer and then go searching for the whiskey, next thing you know you are dang near blackout drunk.

I never drank to build confidence to vape some DMT, rather I would get drunk and suddenly it was a good idea. I did this on a few occasions and I got nothing out of my experiences, more gobbitygook as you have stated. However, after these few experiences I found that alcohol started to disagree with me. Was this DMT hinting at something? I dunno.. I know this though.. I was drinking to excess and that simply is not healthy. I decided to quit drinking altogether.

I have struggled with binge drinking and lots of pot smoking for a long time. It was a certain mindset. I feel at this point that this mindset belongs to someone I used to be. I took a deep look at why I drank and smoked so much weed. In doing so I realized that it was dulling my senses and was escapism at it's finest. It was a habit. A bad habit. DMT showed me how these habits were hampering me in my life. So... I stopped. I would also like to mention I quit smoking cigarettes all about the same time.

I play with the idea that one day I can revisit weed and alcohol. I am not sure if it is like a security blanket thinking in this way. I imagine myself being able to have a drink with friends socially and being fine. The thing with alcohol is when you get enough in you it changes the way you think. It changes your rationalization.. next thing you know you are wasted again. It's a hard thing to deal with. Weed and alcohol are like old friends. It kind of sucked to say goodbye.

My suggestion is to look at the reasons why you binge drink. Go into it and be very honest with yourself. Is this something that is holding you back? It is causing problems in your life? If the answer is yes, then stop drinking, reset.

How far you want to go into these DMT experiences is a matter of intent. Do you want to see more? Is this important enough to you that you make it a priority to enter into these experiences with the intent to learn about yourself and the universe that surrounds you? You stated that this is a confidence issue.. I cannot relate to that other than alcohol does lower inhibitions and it can make it seem like it's a good idea. The mind is dulled enough to where you are like "Screw it, let's smoke some DMT!". I dunno.. I think it's a bad idea. It's a waste of DMT.

How many experiences in my life did I miss because I was busy drinking and smoking weed? How many experiences were dulled out and reduced? It seems to me that I missed alot over the years. I missed out because of habit and also I was masking pain deep within. I looked at this and found the pain. It was hard to look at and deal with but over time I have some to realize that this pain does not belong to me any longer.

I was fragmented. I have built myself up from the ground up. It sometimes feel like the old me is dead. I am no longer this being attached to the pain. I was able to let it go one piece at a time. I am still working on this! It requires attention and I give it the attention it needs. I am a new me. I am a better version of myself. I am aware. I am aware of why I do anything anymore. I see the whys.

As far as working up the courage to go all the way with DMT without alcohol. Well.. how much do you want this in your life? Facing fears can be very liberating. It can provide a sense of strength that maybe you did not know you had. What is it that you fear? Go into that. Look at it and pick it to pieces. When you feel you are ready to experience DMT without drinking, you will know it. You will know it by how you begin to prepare yourself before a DMT journey.

I have found before and after the experience to be just as important as the experience itself. Don't be hard on yourself during this process. Everything that you are, your fears, your drinking excessively is perfectly fine. Accept this. This is the attention you need. Treat yourself as a child and help yourself along the way. Positive self talk is very important. You need to soothe yourself. This postive self talk can definitely aid you during a difficult experiences both in waking life and any psychedelic experience, no longer relying on the assistance from outside sources like alcohol or fill in the blank here ______. Lay down your crutches. Walk. One step at a time. Heal yourself.

I hope that helps in some way. My intention is to relay my own experiences in hopes that it may resonate with you. If it does not now, perhaps a little down the road it may. Keep us posted on how your doing. I feel you will be able to offer powerful insights into your own inquiries here in the future. I am rooting for you!

Good luck my friend!!

 

[Northerner]

Hey teksponge

I've also struggled with alcohol in my past and used it in conjunction with spice. The two are not really compatible though. I do know where you're coming from.

Your reconfirmed feeling/belief that you cannot alter who you are because of your upbringing has an echo chamber like effect. The only thing that is actually a fact in life is that you are constantly changing. Imagine saying to yourself that you can be whoever you like because you are you and are able to change yourself as you will. It opens new perspectives as to who you can choose to make yourself into. It's also the truth.

All that said, I can think of several ways you can eliminate the apprehension and potentially get more from the experience without alcohol.

* The thought of taking DMT comes into your head, and you go and do it immediately without any further ado.

* The thought comes to you so you spend some time relaxing and meditating for 15 minutes, then you do it.

* You plan a day/week/month in advance and reconfirm to yourself over this period why, then when the time comes you are resolved and do it.

It's just the beginning of a journey though, the short time that you are away, the real journey begins when you come back. It's really the period afterwards that makes the difference, what you think about what you saw and how you apply that into what you see in your life. It can just be a lightshow or it can be a revelation of enormous proportions, or it can be both, or neither. I guess you shouldn't get too many expectations going into it either.

I hope you find the courage and what you are looking for mate.

Best wishes.

 

[Maxtraxx]

I understand...

I was fragmented. I have built myself up from the ground up. It sometimes feel like the old me is dead. I am no longer this being attached to the pain. I was able to let it go one piece at a time. I am still working on this! It requires attention and I give it the attention it needs. I am a new me. I am a better version of myself. I am aware...

Well.. how much do you want this in your life? Facing fears can be very liberating. It can provide a sense of strength that maybe you did not know you had.

...Lay down your crutches. Walk. One step at a time. Heal yourself.

Remarkable words, YouAreWeAmI!

There is a power for change and growth in the spice, that exceeds any other catalyst, perhaps save for real life joy or trauma.

@teksponge:
When you are ready, I would go for the full shebang.
Don't dabble with "try out" doses, because they do not take you where you want to go.
Make sure you have a solid ROA and a high quality set and setting.
If the experience does not change your life, it will at least change your frame of mind.
And likely in a very positive and constructive way.

Good luck friend.

 

[Jees]

...go for the full shebang.
Don't dabble with "try out" doses,...

I understand why you say that but imho there are more ways&why's&hows to use entheogens than 1. These different ways should not compete with each other imho, rather be complementary to each other.

For example I work in unhealthy shifts. A sub BT dose helps to reset my system, no need for a bull blown session to re-set my disrupted bio rhythm. I feel like to have had a week long vacation afterwards and I've been yawning like 100 lions and lost 2 buckets of spontaneous tears in the come down. Just what I needed.

I would wait for feeling totally energized (not tired or exhausted) as a condition to take higher doses, it would be with another incentive all together. My very worst sessions were those when my energy level was not well enough to take on a 'heavy load'. YMMV.

There are interesting things in sub-BT-country, evidentially not the max of WHOOOOoooo, the centre of gravity lies somewhere else then. Pity not everyone can appreciate/discover the latent soul-food in that area, it's not a waste for those who do find particular benefits.

I know you're right in what you're after, I only wanted to question a potential one sided view on entheogen use. If top of tops is what people after, great! If people want to match Valentino Rossi's way how he races, cool! More power to them, but for me biking has a ton of alternatives also to light up my life.

If OP is mainly interested in a top race, he should follow your suggestion.
I just wanted to offer a grey zone in between.

:thumb_up:

 

[Maxtraxx]

If OP is mainly interested in a top race, he should follow your suggestion.
I just wanted to offer a grey zone in between.

:thumb_up:

@Jees

I agree with you that lower doses have their value and are worth the experience in itself.
But I believe that the sub BT experience is often ambiguous and confusing and that it is more difficult to appreciate than the full BT.

Going back to sub BT after BT, I believe, you have a completely different approach and expectation, more relaxed, more open, more sensitive. All those things are not there, IMO, before the experience of a BT.

In general, I would probably suggest to start by "trying", as I did myself. But to me, it sounded like, OP would likely not venture further from a sub BT experience...because of the ambiguity and confusion and unfulfilled expectations of the sup BT experience.

 

[teksponge]

How far you want to go into these DMT experiences is a matter of intent. Do you want to see more? Is this important enough to you that you make it a priority to enter into these experiences with the intent to learn about yourself and the universe that surrounds you? You stated that this is a confidence issue.. I cannot relate to that other than alcohol does lower inhibitions and it can make it seem like it's a good idea. The mind is dulled enough to where you are like "Screw it, let's smoke some DMT!". I dunno.. I think it's a bad idea. It's a waste of DMT.





As far as working up the courage to go all the way with DMT without alcohol. Well.. how much do you want this in your life? Facing fears can be very liberating. It can provide a sense of strength that maybe you did not know you had. What is it that you fear? Go into that. Look at it and pick it to pieces. When you feel you are ready to experience DMT without drinking, you will know it. You will know it by how you begin to prepare yourself before a DMT journey.

I have found before and after the experience to be just as important as the experience itself. Don't be hard on yourself during this process. Everything that you are, your fears, your drinking excessively is perfectly fine. Accept this. This is the attention you need. Treat yourself as a child and help yourself along the way. Positive self talk is very important. You need to soothe yourself. This postive self talk can definitely aid you during a difficult experiences both in waking life and any psychedelic experience, no longer relying on the assistance from outside sources like alcohol or fill in the blank here ______. Lay down your crutches. Walk. One step at a time. Heal yourself.

I hope that helps in some way. My intention is to relay my own experiences in hopes that it may resonate with you. If it does not now, perhaps a little down the road it may. Keep us posted on how your doing. I feel you will be able to offer powerful insights into your own inquiries here in the future. I am rooting for you!

Good luck my friend!!

@YouAreWeAmI

Firstly thanks for the response and the positive wishes!

I think my first steps will be to cut out the alcohol routine. Clear my head before setting out to experience the true intentions of the DMT.

I also think that I need to invest some time into creating my own personal 'machine'. The oil pipe has too many negative connotations what with it being used predominantly to smoke meth etc in modern society. For me it is a little too intense seeing vapour fill a scorching glass pipe and then have to commit to sucking it through a fragile glass mouthpiece.

Thanks for taking time to write as much as you did! Sorry I have been short with my response, my work day is very long winded and I have little time to spend on the computer before I have to go to sleep again

 

[Jees]

I read your point Maxtraxx and one can be torn by hanging in-between realms without the analgesic effect (is that the right wording here?) of a larger dose, the sub-BT can be difficult in it's own right. Lately we had someone here using the sub-BT plateau as a huge sexual lever, people are creative

 

[Jega]

Don't mix alcohol and DMT - not even a single drink. It's the wrong mindset and it's frowned upon by 'the other side' - you could get a hard experience to get you to realise this, or you can just wise up now and learn the lesson the easy way. Personally I'm not a proponent of using DMT with anything that dulls the senses. It's easier to dive into cold water than to edge yourself in - I say go for it and take a decent dose with no chemical crutches. If you're scared, so be it- I think anyone of reasonable intelligence would be at least very nervous approaching something like this - but you're capable of growing and in time it won't feel so daunting. DMT is kind- even when you're challenged it's for your highest good; you've just got to get the message.

Picture this- a horror film- scariest monster you've ever seen- creeping up behind a guy alone in an apartment and he's going about his business and doesn't notice it. Horrible things are going to happen....

Same film, same monster... this time the apartment's empty save for the monster. Not so scary when nobody's in danger, is it?

Third take... same apartment, same monster... but this time it's a robot in place of the guy. The guy's in another state and he's manipulating the robot through a virtual reality headset. It's like he's there but his body isn't. He may get scared, but the monster can't physically hurt him. Not so scary as an observer, is it? DMT is like this- if you've checked the list of contraindicated drugs, you don't have heart problems and you don't have a history or proclivity for psychosis, you're good to go.

So, and I say this in the nicest possible way - stop being a great wet lettuce and take the leap. You're more than capable. Happy hyper trails.

 

[Psilosopher?]

Don't mix alcohol and DMT - not even a single drink. It's the wrong mindset and it's frowned upon by 'the other side' - you could get a hard experience to get you to realise this, or you can just wise up now and learn the lesson the easy way. Personally I'm not a proponent of using DMT with anything that dulls the senses. It's easier to dive into cold water than to edge yourself in - I say go for it and take a decent dose with no chemical crutches. If you're scared, so be it- I think anyone of reasonable intelligence would be at least very nervous approaching something like this - but you're capable of growing and in time it won't feel so daunting. DMT is kind- even when you're challenged it's for your highest good; you've just got to get the message.

Picture this- a horror film- scariest monster you've ever seen- creeping up behind a guy alone in an apartment and he's going about his business and doesn't notice it. Horrible things are going to happen....

Same film, same monster... this time the apartment's empty save for the monster. Not so scary when nobody's in danger, is it?

Third take... same apartment, same monster... but this time it's a robot in place of the guy. The guy's in another state and he's manipulating the robot through a virtual reality headset. It's like he's there but his body isn't. He may get scared, but the monster can't physically hurt him. Not so scary as an observer, is it? DMT is like this- if you've checked the list of contraindicated drugs, you don't have heart problems and you don't have a history or proclivity for psychosis, you're good to go.

So, and I say this in the nicest possible way - stop being a great wet lettuce and take the leap. You're more than capable. Happy hyper trails.

This, this and this again.

Treat DMT with respect, like a parent. It's not respectful to visit your parent's when you are completely blind-drunk. So, don't combine alcohol and DMT. Even though the nerves with DMT is much higher than visiting parents (i hope), the rewards for jumping in with a clear mind is indescribable.

When DMT "knows" that you are treating it seriously and with respect, it'll show you the good stuff. So, when OP says "I love to read experiences with Spice and spice alone, and constantly envy the teachings it gives others", maybe stop being envious and go there yourself.


Don't drink, preferably in general. Bare minimum, don't be drunk or have a drink before DMT. Even smoking ganja can dull the experience.

 

[Maxtraxx]

I read your point Maxtraxx and one can be torn by hanging in-between realms without the analgesic effect (is that the right wording here?) of a larger dose, the sub-BT can be difficult in it's own right. Lately we had someone here using the sub-BT plateau as a huge sexual lever, people are creative

Yes, analgesic to the possible chaos and confusion.
I read the thread you are referring to.
Creative, indeed.

Personally, I am light years away from that association, but that may also be age related :{
The spiritual ecstasy I experience on BTs is utterly pervasive and dwarfs any of my physical sexual climaxes. That is not to say that I did not have very profound and intimate "lovemaking", but IMO, that what you intimately share with another person is in a whole different category from the spice.

 

[teksponge]

Hey teksponge


All that said, I can think of several ways you can eliminate the apprehension and potentially get more from the experience without alcohol.

* The thought of taking DMT comes into your head, and you go and do it immediately without any further ado.

* The thought comes to you so you spend some time relaxing and meditating for 15 minutes, then you do it.

* You plan a day/week/month in advance and reconfirm to yourself over this period why, then when the time comes you are resolved and do it.

@Northerner

Thanks for the advice!

I think what I plan to do is cut out the alcohol routine whilst keeping the thought of committing to the hit in the back of my mind. I think after a few weeks as you said the thought will come and as long as the setting is right.

 

[teksponge]

I understand...

@teksponge:
When you are ready, I would go for the full shebang.
Don't dabble with "try out" doses, because they do not take you where you want to go.
Make sure you have a solid ROA and a high quality set and setting.
If the experience does not change your life, it will at least change your frame of mind.
And likely in a very positive and constructive way.

Good luck friend.

Thanks for your response Maxtraxx

You will be glad to hear in the short space of time of actually becoming part of the DMT Nexus I am not planning to do any low dose hits anymore and have committed to myself that the next hit I take will be a BT dose.

I have about 1400mg harmala freebase from peganum harmala seeds (Eventually! About 250g seed wastage due to trial and error) , however I don't feel I am ready to prolong the experience as of yet. Going full sober and taking the 'leap of faith' dose is a huge step for me, so at this time I am quite happy just to break through.

Cheers for the advice! I am still interested in using ROA in the future, possibly as pharmahuasca

 

[teksponge]

...go for the full shebang.


If OP is mainly interested in a top race, he should follow your suggestion.
I just wanted to offer a grey zone in between.

:thumb_up:

I think I have done too many low doses now, anymore would be a complete waste.

The plan is to get myself to a point where I can just go for it.

Wish me luck! :lol:

 

[teksponge]

Don't mix alcohol and DMT - not even a single drink. It's the wrong mindset and it's frowned upon by 'the other side' - you could get a hard experience to get you to realise this, or you can just wise up now and learn the lesson the easy way. Personally I'm not a proponent of using DMT with anything that dulls the senses. It's easier to dive into cold water than to edge yourself in - I say go for it and take a decent dose with no chemical crutches. If you're scared, so be it- I think anyone of reasonable intelligence would be at least very nervous approaching something like this - but you're capable of growing and in time it won't feel so daunting. DMT is kind- even when you're challenged it's for your highest good; you've just got to get the message.

Picture this- a horror film- scariest monster you've ever seen- creeping up behind a guy alone in an apartment and he's going about his business and doesn't notice it. Horrible things are going to happen....

Same film, same monster... this time the apartment's empty save for the monster. Not so scary when nobody's in danger, is it?

Third take... same apartment, same monster... but this time it's a robot in place of the guy. The guy's in another state and he's manipulating the robot through a virtual reality headset. It's like he's there but his body isn't. He may get scared, but the monster can't physically hurt him. Not so scary as an observer, is it? DMT is like this- if you've checked the list of contraindicated drugs, you don't have heart problems and you don't have a history or proclivity for psychosis, you're good to go.

So, and I say this in the nicest possible way - stop being a great wet lettuce and take the leap. You're more than capable. Happy hyper trails.

I have decided that the BT is happening the next time I decide to smoke. No low doses. No mental impurities.

I remember once I tried to desperately breakthrough one morning when I was drunk by loading a large amount into the bowl and basically trying to suck down as much as I could in one go.

This resulted in a very confusing and immobilising state where everything in the room had a ghost of itself and was spinning round and round in my vision. At the point of realising I was in lay there like a drunken idiot with no clue as to what he was doing, a presence entered the room which felt like the grasshopper from James and the Giant Peach, although I could not see him. The entity entered my experience and very quickly started assessing what was going on, saying things like 'Hmm what's going on here then?' and 'ohh tut tut tut'. Almost like a kind teacher would do.

Bu ye after this I basically stopped trying to breakthrough.

I'm feeling positive about my next steps though

 

[teksponge]

Don't mix alcohol and DMT - not even a single drink. It's the wrong mindset and it's frowned upon by 'the other side' - you could get a hard experience to get you to realise this, or you can just wise up now and learn the lesson the easy way. Personally I'm not a proponent of using DMT with anything that dulls the senses. It's easier to dive into cold water than to edge yourself in - I say go for it and take a decent dose with no chemical crutches. If you're scared, so be it- I think anyone of reasonable intelligence would be at least very nervous approaching something like this - but you're capable of growing and in time it won't feel so daunting. DMT is kind- even when you're challenged it's for your highest good; you've just got to get the message.

Picture this- a horror film- scariest monster you've ever seen- creeping up behind a guy alone in an apartment and he's going about his business and doesn't notice it. Horrible things are going to happen....

Same film, same monster... this time the apartment's empty save for the monster. Not so scary when nobody's in danger, is it?

Third take... same apartment, same monster... but this time it's a robot in place of the guy. The guy's in another state and he's manipulating the robot through a virtual reality headset. It's like he's there but his body isn't. He may get scared, but the monster can't physically hurt him. Not so scary as an observer, is it? DMT is like this- if you've checked the list of contraindicated drugs, you don't have heart problems and you don't have a history or proclivity for psychosis, you're good to go.

So, and I say this in the nicest possible way - stop being a great wet lettuce and take the leap. You're more than capable. Happy hyper trails.

This, this and this again.

Treat DMT with respect, like a parent. It's not respectful to visit your parent's when you are completely blind-drunk. So, don't combine alcohol and DMT. Even though the nerves with DMT is much higher than visiting parents (i hope), the rewards for jumping in with a clear mind is indescribable.

When DMT "knows" that you are treating it seriously and with respect, it'll show you the good stuff. So, when OP says "I love to read experiences with Spice and spice alone, and constantly envy the teachings it gives others", maybe stop being envious and go there yourself.


Don't drink, preferably in general. Bare minimum, don't be drunk or have a drink before DMT. Even smoking ganja can dull the experience.

Hi Pilosopher?

Yes I now completely agree. I've just sent a reply to Jega with an experience that I had which is quite relevant to your post.

 

[Jees]

...I think I have done too many low doses now, anymore would be a complete waste. The plan is to get myself to a point where I can just go for it. Wish me luck! :lol:

I wish you a lot of luck!!

For the record what I personally consider a sub-BT dose (ymmv) is like 20 to max 25 mg FB spice inhaled in one took (Glass Vapor Genie is great) and nothing burnt so the smoke is very nice. BT certainty from 30mg and beyond, but then again there is not much of a certainty, people can be locked out.

You stated to not prefer 'gobbildygook' in the opening post. By times even a successful vape can be gobbledygooked. To address issues and finding answers/insights I'd advocate [oral ROA with a maoi] over vaping spice, the pace is slower. You can choose ROA depending on your preferences.
Aren't we spoiled

... what you intimately share with another person is in a whole different category from the spice.

I concur, so far I could not join the two.

 

[metta-morpheus]

...go for the full shebang.
Don't dabble with "try out" doses,...

I understand why you say that but imho there are more ways&why's&hows to use entheogens than 1. These different ways should not compete with each other imho, rather be complementary to each other.

For example I work in unhealthy shifts. A sub BT dose helps to reset my system, no need for a bull blown session to re-set my disrupted bio rhythm. I feel like to have had a week long vacation afterwards and I've been yawning like 100 lions and lost 2 buckets of spontaneous tears in the come down. Just what I needed.

There are interesting things in sub-BT-country, evidentially not the max of WHOOOOoooo, the centre of gravity lies somewhere else then. Pity not everyone can appreciate/discover the latent soul-food in that area, it's not a waste for those who do find particular benefits.


^ I agree with this a lot. I needed a few breakthroughs in the beginning to open my mind and make me a believer of what’s out there. But now, I personally find much more healing and retain so much more when I play in sub-BT country for a couple hours. I can learn and apply the lessons taught to me by my higher self. And it can be fun because a lot of times I feel like I channel the jester through me instead of seeing this entity. I feel like a jester anyway :lol: there is no right or wrong way to apply psychedelics to your life. It’s all custom. One way works for one, as another way is better for the other.

 

[SimonJester44]

@OP...thanks for teaching me what #5GISD meant....made me feel young again!.....reminded me of this closet in Naperville Illinois......

@OP....while I've I never considered that I had a "problem" with booze....In my more recent days I consider (upon reflection) that it has been a common factor in my more negative experiences than I care to admit. Particularly, when I am deep into it and let an ego train run off the tracks.....Recently this has lead me to reconsider my relationship with ethanol. However, despite that, the two most ABSOLUTELY WITHOUT A DOUBT instructive spice experiences I have had, have included some degree of ethanol in my blood....In neither case was I "shit-faced" simplly "pleasantly buzzed." (about 0.09 BAC; I have a breathalyzer that I use often). I believe that there is a degree of anxiety that the ethanol helps break through. For me, I just don't accept that as quite "pure enough." I think I may have learned all I can from the spice, but I will not accept that as my reality until I can go there without the ethanol buffer....in short, for me it has been useful, but I consider that It is somewhat of a crutch for me, and I can do better.

@Philosopher: I have an affinity for your avatar. In all the most positive psychonotic experiences that I have had, I have felt drawn-up that way.

 

[Jees]

Another way to beak the initial 'fear' for spice is.... spice.
This has not been my personal usual route but a tiny amount in advance (10-15mg or so) is reported to break-in successfully. Like it kind of gives an orientation of the soul. Wait until that feeling subsides (30 min?) and only then go for the full bang.
I don't know what amount mg and waiting time is most efficient, but I'm quite certain this helps in presetting your compass right for the big 'go'.
This eliminates other 'drugs' in your system that could otherwise affect.

Simonjester44: there could be room for different 'drugs' helping each other out. There is however a fine line where they truly help or contra-act. This is experimental area.
Once I had a good combo with kratom and spice. But I would not recommend bc I have no clue any more about doses or other particulars, and it could be different for different people.
Logic says that people should be very careful with combining things!!! A general advise would be to avoid this. People must take full responsibility for their own acts.