Whispers
Rising Star
I don’t have a long history with psychedelics, my journey starts a little over two years ago in fact, in my mid-twenties. Prior to this, I haven’t had a long history with drugs at all nor alcohol or cigarettes. I have been sober for the vast majority of my life and in some ways I am happy that I made the decision to abstain, it helped me keep focus on my goals and kept me away from the trap of addiction which many people like myself do sadly succumb to. I may talk about this in more detail as I go on but have not quite decided what I want to disclose at this point.
I decided to re-enter education as a mature student, I suffered with social anxiety at this time, however I had made such improvements to my life leading up to this that I was able to take the leap and live full time on a college campus which was a immense milestone for me.
At college I was introduced to cannabis by the college stoners, it was a crowd that resonated with me, a very calm and relaxed atmosphere that helped with my nerves. For the next two years I was enveloped in stoner culture, I felt like a bit of an odd one out, but people seemed to gravitate to me so all was good.
During this time I was introduced to a few other drugs such as MDA, MDMA and Ketamine.
The first drug I tried after cannabis was MDMA at my fist illegal rave and it was one of the best nights of my life and for months I basked in the afterglow of my experience. I have only tried MDMA two other times since then and I think I will continue to use it in situations where I otherwise would not be able to enjoy myself sober due to my social anxiety.
I should mention that my anxiety has decreased significantly since then, it gave me a new perspective that I desperately needed and was missing for many years and I am so grateful to the people who took care of me while introducing me to this new substance.
During my first experience with MDMA, I tried a balloon of nitrous oxide and I felt as though the information coming from my senses was digital and pixilated rather than linear, I had always been interested in altering my perceptions, even the aura from an ocular migraine gets me excited.
Maybe 6 months after this I tried MDA at a national park, I was told this drug had hallucinogenic affects, but I had none, my friend did however and I was fascinated by what he had to say about his experiences.
Fast forward another 6 months and I went on my first mushroom hunt, I consumed my find but sadly had no effects, I decided I would grow my own, and I did. So far I haven’t taken a large dose but enjoy the distortions and beautiful colours and details but what I love most about these substances would be better explained with my experience of ketamine, I had an awful experience with this stuff, it knocked me sick but when I got time to appreciate it, it felt as though the filters of my brain had been lifted, I could see as though I was looking through a fish eye lens, I could see in detail things in all sides of my peripheral vision and it was fascinating.
For me it is the fascination with what these substances reveal to me about how my brain takes in information and translates this to my consciousness. Similar to circuit bending, it can tell you a lot about the inner workings of your mind and this is what fascinates me the most.
I was told about DMT by a friend I met at the beginning of my first year of college and since then I had acquired some plant materials so that I could one day extract this compound myself. Its hidden away in a rather clever secret stash for over a year now and it may stay that way for many more months (or years) until I am confident enough to extract it.
My friends actually advised me against it, that it was to dangerous to try and do so on my own, but I feel very confident in my abilities that I could do so safely given enough time and research.
I haven’t disclosed to anyone that I have these materials, as someone with a history of social anxiety I am used to keeping things quiet.
Right now I am taking my time, I have a lot keeping me occupied but I would like to start wrapping my head around the chemistry. Chemistry was never my favourite class.. in fact I was quite dim at high school, my introverted years came after this time and in that time I self-taught myself, even overcoming my dyslexia despite years of being told I was dyslexic. I didn’t have the grades my college course required, but I got in on the strength of my personal statement and proved myself through my assignments that I could tackle the extended course which they moved me up to.
My preferred scientific area is physics and I read (well, listen to) many books on the subject, particularly in regards to quantum physics, Its just a fascinating topic to me.
I am a bit of a Jack, being knowledgeable In many different areas but to no extent a master of any specific subject which I regret somewhat.
I really am proud of how far I have come, from the person I was to the person I am now. I was very unhappy after puberty up until my late teens.
I guess I will come out and say it. I am unfortunately a transsexual person and suffered with this infliction until I went through social and medical transition. This changed my world completely and I was suddenly able to feel like myself. Now my life is quite normal and I have put the past behind me, I don’t think its all that important and I hope I am not judged by it, but to relieve your curiosity I am genetically female but live socially (and inconspicuously) as a man.
Anyway, now that I am here, I will mention that I have always considered myself an atheist, I am not spiritual at all despite experiences that I think many may interpret as spiritual (I frequently experienced some wild hallucinations from sleep paralysis as a teen) But I have always needed evidence to justify believing something, which makes the prospect of taking DMT very exciting to me. I want to have my worldview challenged because as of right now, having not tried this substance, I am inclined to believe that the experience of breaking through is just the result of a drug causing us to hallucinate things which have no basis in reality.
A part of me hopes I am wrong.
Thank you for taking the time to read to the end, I’m off to give the questionnaire another bash!
:thumb_up:
I decided to re-enter education as a mature student, I suffered with social anxiety at this time, however I had made such improvements to my life leading up to this that I was able to take the leap and live full time on a college campus which was a immense milestone for me.
At college I was introduced to cannabis by the college stoners, it was a crowd that resonated with me, a very calm and relaxed atmosphere that helped with my nerves. For the next two years I was enveloped in stoner culture, I felt like a bit of an odd one out, but people seemed to gravitate to me so all was good.
During this time I was introduced to a few other drugs such as MDA, MDMA and Ketamine.
The first drug I tried after cannabis was MDMA at my fist illegal rave and it was one of the best nights of my life and for months I basked in the afterglow of my experience. I have only tried MDMA two other times since then and I think I will continue to use it in situations where I otherwise would not be able to enjoy myself sober due to my social anxiety.
I should mention that my anxiety has decreased significantly since then, it gave me a new perspective that I desperately needed and was missing for many years and I am so grateful to the people who took care of me while introducing me to this new substance.
During my first experience with MDMA, I tried a balloon of nitrous oxide and I felt as though the information coming from my senses was digital and pixilated rather than linear, I had always been interested in altering my perceptions, even the aura from an ocular migraine gets me excited.
Maybe 6 months after this I tried MDA at a national park, I was told this drug had hallucinogenic affects, but I had none, my friend did however and I was fascinated by what he had to say about his experiences.
Fast forward another 6 months and I went on my first mushroom hunt, I consumed my find but sadly had no effects, I decided I would grow my own, and I did. So far I haven’t taken a large dose but enjoy the distortions and beautiful colours and details but what I love most about these substances would be better explained with my experience of ketamine, I had an awful experience with this stuff, it knocked me sick but when I got time to appreciate it, it felt as though the filters of my brain had been lifted, I could see as though I was looking through a fish eye lens, I could see in detail things in all sides of my peripheral vision and it was fascinating.
For me it is the fascination with what these substances reveal to me about how my brain takes in information and translates this to my consciousness. Similar to circuit bending, it can tell you a lot about the inner workings of your mind and this is what fascinates me the most.
I was told about DMT by a friend I met at the beginning of my first year of college and since then I had acquired some plant materials so that I could one day extract this compound myself. Its hidden away in a rather clever secret stash for over a year now and it may stay that way for many more months (or years) until I am confident enough to extract it.
My friends actually advised me against it, that it was to dangerous to try and do so on my own, but I feel very confident in my abilities that I could do so safely given enough time and research.
I haven’t disclosed to anyone that I have these materials, as someone with a history of social anxiety I am used to keeping things quiet.
Right now I am taking my time, I have a lot keeping me occupied but I would like to start wrapping my head around the chemistry. Chemistry was never my favourite class.. in fact I was quite dim at high school, my introverted years came after this time and in that time I self-taught myself, even overcoming my dyslexia despite years of being told I was dyslexic. I didn’t have the grades my college course required, but I got in on the strength of my personal statement and proved myself through my assignments that I could tackle the extended course which they moved me up to.
My preferred scientific area is physics and I read (well, listen to) many books on the subject, particularly in regards to quantum physics, Its just a fascinating topic to me.
I am a bit of a Jack, being knowledgeable In many different areas but to no extent a master of any specific subject which I regret somewhat.
I really am proud of how far I have come, from the person I was to the person I am now. I was very unhappy after puberty up until my late teens.
I guess I will come out and say it. I am unfortunately a transsexual person and suffered with this infliction until I went through social and medical transition. This changed my world completely and I was suddenly able to feel like myself. Now my life is quite normal and I have put the past behind me, I don’t think its all that important and I hope I am not judged by it, but to relieve your curiosity I am genetically female but live socially (and inconspicuously) as a man.
Anyway, now that I am here, I will mention that I have always considered myself an atheist, I am not spiritual at all despite experiences that I think many may interpret as spiritual (I frequently experienced some wild hallucinations from sleep paralysis as a teen) But I have always needed evidence to justify believing something, which makes the prospect of taking DMT very exciting to me. I want to have my worldview challenged because as of right now, having not tried this substance, I am inclined to believe that the experience of breaking through is just the result of a drug causing us to hallucinate things which have no basis in reality.
A part of me hopes I am wrong.
Thank you for taking the time to read to the end, I’m off to give the questionnaire another bash!
:thumb_up:
