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"I am an inter-dimensional being and I'm here to share my gifts."

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Rising Star
Hello, I'm Quasi-J. I've been in the psychedelic world for over 5 years now, beginning recreationally and gradually waking into the deeper possibilities of these compounds. Most of my adult life I have been extremely fascinated with psychedelics on an intellectual level and have spent a lot of it doing research of various kinds. I've come full circle in many aspects of my being and am incredibly grateful that my life led me to a place where I could discover these medicines and uncover their deeper potential.

Most of my early recreational, doof/festival experiences were LSD-based. My first and only (I think) P. cubensis experience gave me the first glimpse of "oneness". Acacia changa gave me the first infinitessimally subtle glimpse of my repressed trauma. Later on I began exploring P. subaeruginosa as a method of gradually uncovering layers of my trauma. For a long time it seemed preposterous that this thing could have happened to me, and I maintained a very solid determination to balance my lvel of trust with mistrust of my experiences and I think I've come to a good place regarding my interpretation of my experiences, even as layered with cryptic and abstract elements as they are.

My life has brought acacia back into my life with the surprise invitation of a long-lost friend and the subsequent attendance of an entheogenic/ethnobotanical conference. I've been very carefully dabbling with changa, but I'm still somehow afraid of the breakthrough experience and have not yet broken through on any form of DMT.

That title phrase there is what I kept iterating to myself while wandering about outside toward the end of my very first ayahuasca experience last weekend. Another thing I kept repeating was "EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!"

I'm so incredibly grateful to the vine for our meeting. She wasn't anywhere near as visionary with me as she was with many of the others in the weekend retreat, and we didn't end up getting as deep into my trauma as I initially had hoped. But toward the end of the evening she gave me some pretty preposterous revelations about my inter-dimensional identity which had me jumping and pacing around outside, and staring wide-eyed at the stars and spinning around at the same time.

The acacia courtii and rue on the second night was deeply confusing and unsettling... I was really excited to meet the courtii spirit but it just gave me some really weird stuff... A friend has told me that rue can often be depressing but this doesn't seem to be the experience for everyone. Ultimately though I suppose it gave me what I needed. The healing over the weekend challenged me to do a lot of crying in order to catch up with it. Well that's the way I'm phrasing it to myself anyway.

Anyway the most important thing I received this weekend was a sneak peek into the flipside of nihilism and an insight into my transpersonal splendour which has given me a solid boost to my self-respect/esteem/love, which was lacking despite how far I know I've come on my journey. Knowing that I'm this wonderful being that travels dimensions to experience lifetimes in various place to acquire and share knowledge is quite beautiful, if rather preposterous and difficult to communicate effectively. It's also helping me to get off my arse and start attempting to manifest my being.

I've had this account for a while but lacked the motivation to make this post, or even to really do much with my life; I was so stuck on nursing my trauma that I forgot to actually live. I'm volunteering at a charity store and actually am really having a nice time. I still don't really know what I want to do career-wise but I do have more insight into the directions in which I can manifest my being.

I really feel very special and beautiful now.

I'd like to be promoted to full membership because I really have developed a very mature relationship with these compounds and I feel that my perspective on things can be valuable to discussions and I would also really like to connect with more medicine people who are learning how to live authentically.
Your friends probably didn't actually see more than you. The more you get into this the more you're going to realize that people over exaggerate their experiences. People are weak and will say almost anything to feel special :lol: . Rue is cheaper and more dependable but like everything else in life you get what you pay for. Rue gives me horrible anxiety and gave me depersonalization disorder for well over a year. For me mimosa and caapi feel a lot more positive and loving. I think it's really cool that you're volunteering at a charity store. The best way to get over a low self esteem is by helping other people :) .. Welcome to the nexus :) ....
Seems like you've come a long ways maturing yourself Quasi-J...Good for you!

Welcome to the Nexus!

It seems to me from what you've written here that you will be a good addition to the community. You've earned my up-vote.

Take care and may you find your Peace.
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