Electro Monk
Rising Star
fellow nexians, let me introduce myself.
i am a middle aged male northern german anarchist who has come recently into contact with etheogens. since childhood i have developed my own nihilism, in the abscence of suitable role models in my family i was forced to reject morals and rules i was told, and made me my own morals and values.
neurologically, my experience with continued psychological violence has left me somewhat twisted. it seems some of my receptors do not work as they do in the average person. i am extremely tolerant to hallucinogenics and need very high doses to trip. dmt is the one exception i know of, where i react to doses as i expected from literature.
this numbness of my serotonin receptors is also what i have identified as the source of my depressions.
another quirk of mine - i think one i was born with - is that i do not have the ability of visual imagination. i am incapable of imagining a white dot. though my brain sometimes decides to show me images, i can not MAKE it show me what i want.
i also suffer from visual sow, an effect like film grain overlay over my vision.
this leak of imagination, love, dogma and fantasy resulted in me being an adamant atheist. if you cant proof it, it does not exist.
dmt changed this for me though. i am a very confused atheist now, and at times, do not know anymore what not to believe. this is both challenging and beautiful for me. beautiful because i feel i locked away a lot of joy in my life, and challenging because a dogma per definition is a safe state of mind to live in.
i am a middle aged male northern german anarchist who has come recently into contact with etheogens. since childhood i have developed my own nihilism, in the abscence of suitable role models in my family i was forced to reject morals and rules i was told, and made me my own morals and values.
neurologically, my experience with continued psychological violence has left me somewhat twisted. it seems some of my receptors do not work as they do in the average person. i am extremely tolerant to hallucinogenics and need very high doses to trip. dmt is the one exception i know of, where i react to doses as i expected from literature.
this numbness of my serotonin receptors is also what i have identified as the source of my depressions.
another quirk of mine - i think one i was born with - is that i do not have the ability of visual imagination. i am incapable of imagining a white dot. though my brain sometimes decides to show me images, i can not MAKE it show me what i want.
i also suffer from visual sow, an effect like film grain overlay over my vision.
this leak of imagination, love, dogma and fantasy resulted in me being an adamant atheist. if you cant proof it, it does not exist.
dmt changed this for me though. i am a very confused atheist now, and at times, do not know anymore what not to believe. this is both challenging and beautiful for me. beautiful because i feel i locked away a lot of joy in my life, and challenging because a dogma per definition is a safe state of mind to live in.