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I got my ass kicked last night.

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dragonrider

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Last night i took some 1P-LSD. The intention was to have a purely recreational experience. A smooth ride. No deep insights, great revelations, no healing stuff, or finding answers. Just have a little fun with it, and not much more. So i took what i would normally consider a strong but still very manageable dose. Somewhere around 275 micrograms.
Here's what happened....

The moment it started to kick in, i immediately experienced ego-death. It litterally washed over me like a hurricane. So i freaked out. Oh my god, this is way too soon. If i ever return from eternity, i would like to remember at least some basic stuff about who i was...i mean, who i AM in real life....like my own name. How can this be happening? Did i accidentally take 400 mic maybe? If i layed down, there would be nothing left of normal, 4D spacetime. It litterally was all vortex. Not even me, being pulled into this vortex. Just vortex. Wild raging vortex, pulsating with energy. Vortexes eating themselves, where the outside would be the inside as well, tieing themselves in impossible gordian knots of suction.

So i started to fight it. It was pure survival instinct that drove me there. I sat up and switched on the lights in my house. And i started to deploy all of the "psychedelic survival tactics" that i've learned through the years. As long as you can calculate how many hours left to go, you are still in control. Somewhat. Find a routine. Something to focus on, and estimate the time it will take. And then re-evaluate the time again. To get a grip. If you can bridge five minutes, you can bridge ten. If you can stay in control for ten minutes, you can also be for 15. If you can bridge 15 minutes, you can do half an hour.

So like an obsessive maniac, i started clocking and writing it down. Roughly every five minutes. And i did this for 2 hours.

But then something happened. After two hours of fighting like this for basically my life and sanity, i realised that i wasn't tired yet. If i had to fight like this for six more hours, i knew i would manage. I just knew that i had the strength to do it, if necessity would require this.
I could let go. It was safe to let go. There was no need to panic.

So i switched of the lights, and lay down again. And it was vortex all over again. But this time there was no ego obliteration. It was ME that was witnessing these vortexes.

And then i realised that this was all highly symbolic for my life. For the kind of person i am. I realised that much of my life is about this tension between being in control and letting go. There's always been this very rational side on the one hand, and this very wild, passionate side of me on the other hand. And there this very fine line. A very thin line, where you can have both. Where you can experience the beauty of things, AND "capture" it. See it, understand it. Know it. And i always wanted to be right there. On that very fine line.
Because i have a talent for being there. Because i could help people by being there. I could help overly analytical people to loosen up a little, and experience the beauty of things. And i could provide some grounding to people who may sometimes tend to get lost in that beauty. And i've always been able to do this because i knew both sides so well. And because i was right in between the two.

After a while i decided to take a walk through the forest nearby. It was a cold night. Everything was covered with a thin layer of frost. I could feel the cold wind on my face. It was wonderfull. I think i love winter as much as i love the summer. I love how everything changes with the seasons. The beauty of summer is maybe a little more exuberant. But there is something magical about nature, dealing with the cold of winter. Some creatures hybernate, while others choose to fight. Just like the trees. Some hybernate, and some don't seem to care much about the cold. But sleeping or fighting, there is life everywhere.
 
Good report. You write that the trip started way too soon. How fast after taking in? And what is the ‘normal’ timespan before it kicks in?
 
dragonrider said:
...

So i started to fight it... And i did this for 2 hours.

But then something happened. After two hours of fighting like this for basically my life and sanity, i realised that i wasn't tired yet. If i had to fight like this for six more hours, i knew i would manage. I just knew that i had the strength to do it, if necessity would require this.
I could let go. It was safe to let go. There was no need to panic.
Click to expand...
I love this part. You knew you could keep fighting it out if you wanted, that gave you confidence to drop the military act all together :love:
 
strtman said:
Good report. You write that the trip started way too soon. How fast after taking in? And what is the ‘normal’ timespan before it kicks in?
Click to expand...
It normally takes quite long for it to realy work. Two hours before i start getting slight psychedelic effects, and then it takes another thirty minutes for it to have the full effects of it. The come-up is always realy slow. It never peaks immediately. That takes a couple of hours as well. Now the first psychedelic effects started after about ninety minutes and it took maybe fifteen minutes to have the full effects, and it was like peaking immediately. And then it got stronger and stronger.

275 mic is quite strong indeed, but normally i can easily take a walk outside while peaking on it, without even the fear of getting lost.

I don't know what caused it to be so strong this time. Maybe i accidentally ingested more than 275 mic. When i was cutting a 3/4 piece from a blotter i did hold a strip of blotters in my left hand for a while. Maybe some moist from the fridge, or sweat, transported some of the 1p-LSD from some of these blotters onto my fingers? When it's on your fingers and you don't know, it's in your mouth as well.
 
That's a good trick to keep track of time like that during a rough trip.
I had an over the top LSD dose miss-calculation episode once that
spiraled me into a full blown panic-anxiety attack.
My sister, who's a physicians assistant came to my rescue with some Adivan
after I called her in utter desperation.
It pulled me out of the abyss.
I can relate to what you said about that
duality of staying in control and letting go.
I've experienced some trips as that same duality playing out simultaneously.
One part of yourself is awestruck by the visuals and the power of the experience
while another part of the self is in a complete panic fight or flight existential crisis.

One of my main long term themes is learning to let go more into the psychedelic
experience with less fear.
Ironically I've discovered I have fear around losing control and letting myself go into
some of these more powerful trips with out anxiety.
It sounds like you did a great job of taking control of your trip.
 
Nice report dragonrider.

Finding the reason to let go when you've accidentally overdone it is a great thing. I have a doggo that comes and checks if I'm okay when I end up spread eagled or curled up in a ball, fixes me every time. Any reason is a good reason to feel okay. :love:

You probably got a hot spot on one of your tabs hey, one tiny undissolved shard on the blotter. It happens.

One time on LSD I discovered the meaning of life, wrote it in 5 different colours on both sides of a piece of paper with an addendum on a 2nd piece of paper. It was a beautiful circular reasoning that eventually destroyed my fragile sanity and sent me into a deep hole. LSD can be a very cruel mistress.

As said before, 275 is a pretty strong dose, not near the 100 I would call recreational. But hey, if that works for you.
 
dragonrider said:
As long as you can calculate how many hours left to go, you are still in control. Somewhat. Find a routine. Something to focus on, and estimate the time it will take. And then re-evaluate the time again. To get a grip. If you can bridge five minutes, you can bridge ten. If you can stay in control for ten minutes, you can also be for 15. If you can bridge 15 minutes, you can do half an hour.

So like an obsessive maniac, i started clocking and writing it down. Roughly every five minutes. And i did this for 2 hours.
Click to expand...
Wow... We're all different, but this sounds like creating pure hell for oneself. Just reading about it made my insides turn a little, as I imagined doing and experiencing this while in a difficult high-dose trip.

One of my go-to tactics for moments when I feel lost, as long as I have enough ability to navigate consensus space, is to bring up some positive artwork or picture that I can use to extrovert. Videos and music tend to be problematic in such a state, but pictures are usually good, especially if it radiates a positive energy both in its theme and its color palette. This, combined with making my body comfortable, usually helps me over the hardest part.

If I'm with a partner, then curling up in their lap and regressing is even better.

Watching the clock and writing the time... that sounds like something a Greek god would mete out as divine punishment.
 
I now think that maybe the ROA of 1P-LSD was responsible for what happened. The one thing that realy was different this time, was that i held the blotters under my tongue for maybe more than a minute, before swallowing them.
With good old LSD-25, i never noticed a difference between oral or sublingual administration.
But it may be that 1P-LSD works way faster sublingually, than if swallowed. And also that the the course of the experience, timewise, is different. It could be that with sublingual administration, the peak comes immediately instead of after a few hours. It could also be that the whole experience is more dense this way: stronger and more intense, but shorter.

That could also explain why the experience felt much more manageable after two hours. Normally, that's when you would START peaking.
 
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