I have so many questions

[TransientC]

Hi friends, I recently arrived back from my first pharmahuasca experience and come with immense curiosity seeking any answers you may have.

I will begin with the experience itself. I ingested a capsule with 250mg harmaline followed by 150mg of Fumarate 30 minutes after. I don't believe I broke through this time, but I did see its eyes just for a split second, whoever it was. They were human eyes, but I did not breakthrough and leave this realm to meet whoever was there. I recall being disappointed that I couldn't breakthrough during the trip but right now it's very difficult for me to feel negatively about anything. As for what I was able to experience, it was memories from my childhood and my past, mixed with memories of dreams and the places that I was in them. It was so intense. I thought about my family and my relatives, and I remember feeling an abundance of love, that I wanted to express to my cat, my dog, my mother, those who were immediately close to me. I can't recall when the last time was, if there was any time, that I felt true happiness, and this gave me a taste that I don't want to go away. Looking in the mirror, I saw nothing negative in what I saw reflecting back at me, none of the negative thoughts that usually come up when I think about what I'm lacking. Most importantly, I was smiling by default, it felt as if I was keeping a relaxed straight face but the smile was there unconsciously, and I feel the need to greet anyone whose eyes meet mine with this smile, something I would never have done before.

Will this happiness last? Do I need to do this often to keep it? Will the effects of it stay? Those are my questions. I feel a large amount of confidence and a boost to my self-esteem alongside the great amount of happiness. I can't imagine how much better my life would be if I could just stay in this state of mind.

 

[PlantPipeline]

Hi TransientC

This sounds like a beautiful experience you`ve had. I have not taken pharmahuasca myself, but I can relate a lot to the "gratitude"-state you describe. From time to time I have those trips that leave me loving every aspect of existence and accepting everything as it is.

In my view, true happiness has a lot to do with experiencing the whole spectrum and loosing attachements/letting go.
Therefore I try to not chase the happiness to hard and gripping myself to it. If I do so, I can get frustrated quite fast, because I judge myself at every emotion/event, which doesn`t approve with my desired image of happiness.
My experience tells me, that all feelings should have their room and happiness includes all kinds of emotions. I guess without the negatives and the sadness, I would forget what happiness means, cause there wouldn`t be anything to compare .

This said, I am of the opinion everything that arises in us, has its right and its not possible to stay in one mindset all the time. More important than trying to be happy all the time, I`d say is transforming/channeling the "other" emotions into something useful.

To your other questions: "Do I need to do this often to keep it"? / "Will the effects of it stay"?
I think more important than the frequency of tripping, is how much you work with the message in your daily life...nothing wrong though with tripping regularly (in general), as long as one is aware that it`s not the substance which makes the difference, but you.
Concluding, I`d say how much you have to trip and how strong the positve effects last, is strongly connected with your willingness/effort of intergration!

I hope my post was not to far off:roll:

Take care
PlantPipeline

 

[TransientC]

Thank you for your wonderful answer PlantPipeline.

There's no doubt I will be able to apply the wisdom you've shared with me towards the continuation of this journey. The happiness and state of mind I was blessed with after my experience was fleeting, and chasing after it and becoming attached to it would only leave me with sadness and frustration as well. However, the things I wanted to do, change, and what I felt about myself are still fresh in my mind. I will put effort into integrating that message like you said, and I'm certainly eager to learn more from this magical substance.

 

[Scruboftheib]

I second Plant Pipeline. You gotta do your homework. Everytime I trip good or challenging I try to figure out what I need to do or change, and that's my homework.
Not all trips are good and make you happy. Some are challenging especially if you don't do your homework. The challenging ones tend to be the most life changing for me

Peace and love
Mac

 

[DmnStr8]

Purpose. If you can see a purpose in yourself in such a way that it cannot ever be denied, then you will carry this with you forever. Through pain and anguish to happiness and joy. This sense of purpose creates a tremendous amount of gratitude within myself. Gratitude for every moment that you get in this life.

The words we used to describe out emotions and our experiences in life can limit our very being. Happiness is a word and it has a definition but it certainly does no justice to the true emotion of happiness. Contentment is a good word. Contentment is a very good word I think. Just being ok in every situation you find yourself in. Everything becomes this OK thing all the time, even when things get tough in life.

If you want this feeling to keep with you, then remember it now. Pay attention to this gratitude you feel with the finest detail. Absorb it and remember it the next time you have a bad day. Give gratitude for the jerk in traffic that just cut you off. Give gratitude for the worst you get and everything else is easy.

Purpose. Contentment. Gratitude.

I feel like if these three things are in place, then everything like hapiness flows into your life rather easily. It becomes much easier to let old negative habits fall to the wayside. It becomes easier to live with compassion and love. It is one thing to say it and another to live it. All of these things I am talking about here I certainly still need to learn for myself. I am a student. I know nothing. I start there.

Good luck in your adventures in life!