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I'm afraid to go back.

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Jambra

Jambra

Rising Star
Last month I had my first DMT experience. I smoked freebase DMT crystal surrounded by Changa herbs through a bong all in one large hit and I was in another realm before I exhaled. I was alone for this experience as I have been for all my first psychedelic experiences.

When I fell back as soon as my head hit the bed I forgot I had smoked DMT I recall seeing my sister and close friends circling me looking down upon me, I was certain I was dying and all I could do was look back at them as dark silhouettes to a white washed background staring down at me with sorrow.

My eyes must have been slowly opening and closing as I passed out as I remember having the sense of fading from them with each fade lasting longer than the last before finally being fully engulfed by this dark and empty realm.

Everything was dark but there were definitely visuals, moving patterns that seemed neither far away or close.. I viewed them in the same way that you would view an object in your bedroom with the lights off; you know it is there but can only just make it out. Looking into the patterns gave me the feeling of falling in whichever direction I looked. There was absolutely nothing else there, I was not even there I was a part of "it" this was death and it made complete sense to me "Of course! Death is nothing, this is nothing. How else would it be? You cease to exist" those weren't my very first thoughts though they were "I'm dead.. FUCK! I'm dead!" I remember hearing this echo for what felt like eternity I distinctly remember wishing I had thought something else as that was an unpleasant thing to hear echo for the rest of eternity.

The thing is I was for the most part okay with that environment, or rather I accepted it. The thing that truly hurt me was the loneliness, I was absolutely alone I had never felt so far away and so certain that I would never meet another living entity ever again.

Everything felt like it was moving at this point I was expanding as if I were the universe and spinning like a quasar while continuously collapsing in on myself at an accelerating rate and this felt like it went on for an extremely long time it was immensely uncomfortable. I really feel like my soul had returned to the universe and became one with literally everything a complete overload.

After what felt like an eternity I came to the realisation that I must find some peace in this chaos because it was never going to stop and unless I could find some form of peace I would surely go insane. Having that realisation was calming in itself as if the fact that I was aware of that was enough and I had all the time in the world to find it because there was no time I looked within myself for anything that felt good in any way and I found my memories.

Once I had my memories I was in control of how I felt, the chaos was still happening but if I focused on the memory it was as if the chaos was only happening in the background I discovered I could focus on the chaos and feel it's terrible power again and then jump out of it back into a memory and I remember loving it my conciousness would literally feel like it was having a full "body" orgasm when I would return to the peace of the memory this intense energy vibrated through me that forced me to groan with pleasure - it wasn't sexual at all but that is the best way I can describe it, the longer I would allow myself to plunge into the chaos the stronger the vibrations were when I was back.. I jumped back and forth many times I remember worrying that I was addicted and wouldn't be able to stop if I didn't get a grip of myself so I did and I started just observing the memory and calming down and using the peace of the memory as a place to think.

The memory was one from my childhood, in the garden with my little sister on a nice sunny day just playing.

This is when I began to wake up, the imagery of the memory was merging with the view of my ceiling albeit an extremely colourful and fractal ceiling I remember beginning to hear a song playing that sounded very loud with amazing clarity although it was actually playing very quietly in the background it sounded beautiful and I could feel a huge grin on my face, everything felt beautiful the visuals were astounding moving my head back and forth was the only way I could really make out the objects in my room as the colourful fractals were so intense I remember laughing out loud with joy I was so happy to be back with a new realisation and awareness.

I knew now that we made this world, we want the human experience we want it so we can learn, love, feel, touch, smell and most importantly make connections with other life forms share the experience of life with them and love together. That is my opinion anyway, this trip taught me that and it has been burned into my very being as an unshakable belief, something I have never experienced before.

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So that is my problem I had the most painful and terrifying experience of my life, the loneliness was just.. heartbreaking? words fail me and that felt like it was forever I know I was only gone for 20-30 minutes but the "reality" doesn't matter when I was there it felt just as real and there was no time.

Obviously I also had one of the most amazing experiences of my life as well though and I'm extremely eager to dive in again and see what else is out there, but I am terrified I will end up there again and I feel like I have got all I need to know from that place I couldn't bare the loneliness again. I would love to experience these lovely entities many DMT users speak of or the beautiful worlds they find themselves in.

Apologies for the length of this post I had planned to write no more than two paragraphs but everything felt too important to prune.

I deeply appreciate you taking the time to read this though, thank you.
 
Your post was very well written and I am glad that you shared it! Gave me chills as I read that to be honest. I have had a few DMT journeys that were very similar to what you described. I am sure others have experience similar as well, so you are not alone in your feelings.

I try and focus on what empowers me and not what scares me. My experience have really made me look at our reality in a whole new light. A positive light. When I think of darkness I appreciate light. I know the darkness is there. Without the darkness the light could not exist. Contrast. Dark and Light define each other in some ways. Which has more value? I feel they are completely equal to make a whole. They must balance. Everything finds a balance. Everything equals out. This universe is always balancing itself in darkness and light! Why would we be any exception?

So we experience something amazing and terrifying. Balance.
 
DmnStr8 said:
Your post was very well written and I am glad that you shared it! Gave me chills as I read that to be honest. I have had a few DMT journeys that were very similar to what you described. I am sure others have experience similar as well, so you are not alone in your feelings.

I try and focus on what empowers me and not what scares me. My experience have really made me look at our reality in a whole new light. A positive light. When I think of darkness I appreciate light. I know the darkness is there. Without the darkness the light could not exist. Contrast. Dark and Light define each other in some ways. Which has more value? I feel they are completely equal to make a whole. They must balance. Everything finds a balance. Everything equals out. This universe is always balancing itself in darkness and light! Why would we be any exception?

So we experience something amazing and terrifying. Balance.
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Thank you that is lovely to hear I'm very glad you enjoyed it I'm also surprised and flattered that it could invoke that kind emotional response within you. I'm relieved to hear that you and others have had similar experiences because so far all I've been met with when I've shared this experience are odd looks and confusion -obviously the DMT-Nexus is the place to be! Have you posted any of your experiences similar to this? I would love to read them if you have.

That is a fantastic observation I can certainly relate. With that in mind it makes complete sense that my trip was so amazing, without the terror it would not have been. I will try and focus on the benefits of my experience going forward and hopefully find the courage to take another dive I know deep down my desire to go back is greater than my fear.

:thumb_up:
 
I have told myself a few times, "I'm never doing DMT again." Some of the experiences can be very traumatic, troubling, and even feel like dying. But in the end as I begin to integrate my experience and learn things about myself, the value of it becomes apparent.
The one experience that I had the most trouble with was the one that finally got me to give up on alcohol and cigarettes and to come to terms with a childhood trauma.
 
I started calling the place "the afterlife." I think there are a lot of aspects to it. I've been alone many times and visited many times. No 2 trips have been the same, so I would recommend reserving judgment on death being a lonely nothingness. I've seen different.

Syberdelic,
DMT beings instructed me to quit smoking cigarettes. They became gross after that. I was a pack a day smoker for 20 years... Everyone talks about how long it's been since they quit. I don't actually know myself - 4 months, give or take a few weeks. I didn't tell anyone or ask for help, I just became a non-smoker. Weird stuff!
 
Seems like a common theme the alcohol and cigs. Imagine if Phillip Morris read this, he'd put you in jail and take all your stuff if he caught you with a little vial of dmt.

@ Jambra, I'm still new to all this but so far both of my experiences have been in a way where the second was a Part 2 in answer to the first and how I reacted. It seems dmt works in the same fashion as salvia (when salvia isn't teasing you) in that you actually are communicating with something. A sentence or statement has structure, like books or movies or projects and tasks. This is all hypothetical but I wouldn't be surprised if your next journey in doesn't touch on these "lessons" in the same manner as your first experience. It already showed you, and you responded, mission accomplished sucessful communication.

Now that doesn't cancel out new lessons, or further explaination of the first lesson but in my experience in things that actually communicate with you they actually get really over joyed and like to show you how happy they are that you were receptive to what they wanted to say.

If it were me I'd dig in again, no fear, and see what else they want to say and show you. These things aren't like alcohol or cocaine etc. where it's the same thing over and over and your mind actually dulls and wanders into dark territory. Some of these things have a very real structure so I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't go back to that place either ever or until enough time has passed that it has faded from your conscious memory and a refresher course was called for.

Of course I could be completely wrong, it's very rare, but it happens.:p
 
syberdelic said:
I have told myself a few times, "I'm never doing DMT again." Some of the experiences can be very traumatic, troubling, and even feel like dying. But in the end as I begin to integrate my experience and learn things about myself, the value of it becomes apparent.
The one experience that I had the most trouble with was the one that finally got me to give up on alcohol and cigarettes and to come to terms with a childhood trauma.
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Thank you, I definitely feel the same way the experience for me was beyond worth it I would never take it back I wish everyone could experience this spice, imagine if it was a ritual all humans partook when they finished High School before they join the "real" world one last lesson!

That feeling of dying, it's a funny thing I guess the feeling of leaving yourself and this world behind is the scary part but really when you're there you have probably never felt so much in your life you couldn't be more alive! I read somewhere that life is like a raindrop falling into a body of water that resonates well with me now more than ever.

sublimer said:
I started calling the place "the afterlife." I think there are a lot of aspects to it. I've been alone many times and visited many times. No 2 trips have been the same, so I would recommend reserving judgment on death being a lonely nothingness. I've seen different.
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Thanks that is good :d , I do reserve judgement it was more a fear I held than a absolute belief when I speak about my experiences like this I try to speak from the perspective of the part of me with absolute belief as I find it makes it easier to communicate my experiences but still part of me will always remain sceptical and scientific. I've since had experiences that have shown me alternatives as well which have put my mind more at ease.

asher7 said:
@ Jambra, I'm still new to all this but so far both of my experiences have been in a way where the second was a Part 2 in answer to the first and how I reacted. It seems dmt works in the same fashion as salvia (when salvia isn't teasing you) in that you actually are communicating with something. A sentence or statement has structure, like books or movies or projects and tasks. This is all hypothetical but I wouldn't be surprised if your next journey in doesn't touch on these "lessons" in the same manner as your first experience. It already showed you, and you responded, mission accomplished sucessful communication.

Now that doesn't cancel out new lessons, or further explaination of the first lesson but in my experience in things that actually communicate with you they actually get really over joyed and like to show you how happy they are that you were receptive to what they wanted to say.

If it were me I'd dig in again, no fear, and see what else they want to say and show you. These things aren't like alcohol or cocaine etc. where it's the same thing over and over and your mind actually dulls and wanders into dark territory. Some of these things have a very real structure so I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't go back to that place either ever or until enough time has passed that it has faded from your conscious memory and a refresher course was called for.

Of course I could be completely wrong, it's very rare, but it happens.Razz
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Thanks Asher 😁 I think that is a really great way to look at it and I appreciate you sharing with me. The feeling of communication is definitely real.. So I suppose in a way I did meet an entity even if it didn't reveal itself to me in a physical way something definitely communicated a message to me thanks for helping me see that. Quite peculiar how we can be staring at something but not really see it ..until we do!

Safe travels.
 
YW. I'm wanting to get back into the dmt headspace and remember someone (I can't remember who to give them credit but) said before they go in they take a few really light hits just to break the ice. So I tried it and just took the smallest hit possible to still taste it and I must say on a "microdose" level dmt is great. It feels like an adrenaline rush but without the required life threatening or thrill seeking edge to it. Really pleasant and I think would be quality for a meditation setting. I didn't know that 😁

Is there much talk about microdosing dmt like there is with mushrooms or even LSD? I don't seem to recall any but I think it would work out great for some people. It seems to sharpen colors, sounds etc. but more importantly thoughts. It would be great if you could quid a dmt containing leaf like you can with salvia and get the slow gentle effects on a prolonged timeline and just sit back in a dark candle lit room with maybe some mellow music and fall back into your thoughts for a few hours while chewing away.
 
Asher7 said:
YW. I'm wanting to get back into the dmt headspace and remember someone (I can't remember who to give them credit but) said before they go in they take a few really light hits just to break the ice. So I tried it and just took the smallest hit possible to still taste it and I must say on a "microdose" level dmt is great. It feels like an adrenaline rush but without the required life threatening or thrill seeking edge to it. Really pleasant and I think would be quality for a meditation setting. I didn't know that 😁

Is there much talk about microdosing dmt like there is with mushrooms or even LSD? I don't seem to recall any but I think it would work out great for some people. It seems to sharpen colors, sounds etc. but more importantly thoughts. It would be great if you could quid a dmt containing leaf like you can with salvia and get the slow gentle effects on a prolonged timeline and just sit back in a dark candle lit room with maybe some mellow music and fall back into your thoughts for a few hours while chewing away.
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Oh yeah! What method did you use for that a tiny pinch of crystals vaped? Have you heard of Changa? That is something I really enjoy you can roll it into a joint (with or without weed) and smoke it to experience the headspace and kaleidoscope vision but without breaking through but if you hit too much you can find yourself slipping through you don't need much. Hiking to a lookout for sunset and sharing a changa doob with your friends is pretty magic :love:

I've never heard of microdosing with dmt it does sound like it could be interesting though, I feel like somebody here has surely tried? I am interested in microdosing though I plan to do so with Mescaline when my cactus is ready just to see how it is I was going to use LSD but despite my love for that chemical I think I would be happier with something a little bit closer to natural especially something that I can create myself.
 
I use an "e-cig" with a dripper instead of a tank. I didn't drip any in there because I was wondering how much was still in there from my last time. Apparently one good juicing can get you a bunch of hits, so it makes me think it's pretty effective in not wasting any of your juice.

I haven't smoked a joint in a long time since I cut down on my cannabis usage and when I was smoking it was "one hitter quitter". Plus it's so expensive and joints let a good bit of smoke get away. I always liked smoking through glass for taste also. The weed around nowdays tastes amazing so I'd just clip little chunks off the bud at a time and each hit is like getting fresh greens and you get all the smoke. I haven't tried changa yet but plan to. I want to try all the roa's and see what works best where and how.

I imagine microdosing mescaline would be great. Most people I talk to think you have to go nuclear for some reason but mescaline is one of those things where even tiny doses are wonderful. When I lived out in the sticks my brother and I would usually have fires and he would drink his beer and I would take a small dose of mescaline and all would be right in the world. Usually we would pass a bowl around. Something about mescaline and fires just pairs together perfectly. So I would lay back in the moss next to the fire and watch the stars while thinking my thoughts. Just one of those combos that makes everything right in the world.

I could definately see how microdosing mescaline would do wonders, in fact I bet if these law making fellows could find it in their hearts to not be....who they are, microdoses of mescaline could replace a rather large number of depression/anxiety etc etc pills on the market.

I can't wait for spring to hit and have another go with some tea, it's almost that time.:)
 
Hey Jambra!


Well written and thanks for sharing your experience and trepidation with us! I too have grown a healthy fear every so often towards this peculiar molecule, and all I can say is that you will know when it is time to return. Time for integration is critical in my opinion. It could even be understood that the apprehension is necessarily created so that we invest the proper time and thought into integrating what that space was trying to impart with us. Either way, you have been bestowed some very special knowledge and knowing that few have the luxury to see and feel. And it is a thing of absolute beauty. Welcome to the beautiful world that exists within/out all of us!!
 
Next time try telling the presence u feel that your here as a friend, and just wana chill hang out.

see if anything changes.

Take into account human realm with passports n visas etc. illegal immigration border patrol.


Theirs a good chance you were viewed as a hostile interloper. and you were not communicating with em .

its worth a shot.
 
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