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Imbued with a new earth-shattering fear of death

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bismillah

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I drank a mimosa tea with 5g rue and topped off with freebase, and with this began will surely have been the most horrifying night of my life.

I was in a state of utter euphoria for about two hours. I was listening to some Chopin before bed when I suddenly realized that I could die at any moment... I was at once paralyzed with the intense fear that I was going to die. I was going to fall asleep and never wake up. I'll save you some of the poetry and get to the short of it: I don't know how to deal with this feeling. I thought I knew everything there was to know about death, but now I'm terrified to even go to bed.

What's even more funny is that I will have slept and woken up when I read the replies to this thread. Or will I have? I dunno. I probably won't die in my sleep tonight, but you never know.

I guess I'm seeking guidance. How have you dealt with this feeling? Is there even a way to deal with it? Is the only way to resign one's self back to a state of blissful ignorance?
 
I actually think spice has been the strongest tool that I have that has help me overcome what you are talking about.

Blissful ignorance sounds too negative imo
Blissful.... Awareness ^-^
 
I calmed myself fairly well... I did eventually fall asleep totally aware that I wasn't going to die. But there was a brief time during the end of my trip where I was overcome with that intense panic I described, and even reflecting the day after I can't get that same feeling of dread. It's like there's an on-off switch in my brain that lets me realize my mortality...
 
I've been there bismillah-- it's pretty awful.

I see this reaction so often with mimosa tea-- I just don't like it as a method of ingestion... it's too "Russian roulette"

I don't have the numbers, but my memory seems to note that some of the most horrifying trips I read about are with mimosa tea.

What has to rate in the top 3 of the pantheon of the my most awful was just what you did-- except mine was caapi and mimosa tea.

Manic, terrified energy-- malicious heartbeat, pounding in my chest, threatening me with exploding every beat... I couldn't recover, and didn't know solace for an eternity-- I threw up for hours -- all this happened in a fucking RV, too!!!
 
coAsTal said:
I see this reaction so often with mimosa tea-- I just don't like it as a method of ingestion... it's too "Russian roulette"
Click to expand...

Interestingly my experience was opposite to that. My purely mimosa tea experience was warm, uplifting and motivating. Towards the end when I added vaped freebase into the mix is when my manic episode began. Although maybe it was potentiated by the tea? Who knows.

Another thing of note about this trip is that the visuals were very subdued. Even after a sizeable hit of freebase, I had almost no visuals but felt very much stoned.
 
Dude dont listen to chopin on psychedelics...was it the nocturnes? Chopin takes you on a wild and powerful trip and he likes to go down to dark places. Just dance ! Dance death away...in a short time we shall be corpses, so dance, dont curl in the fetal position, nono, dance and smile and meditate.

Glad you handled it ok and are better n_n
 
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