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This is just a little reflection.

Sometime last week there was a member who made mention of one not being "serious" about doing DMT, or that it's a waste of time, if one doesn't break through and go for breakthrough doses only. Now, while I couldn't take this person nor their stance on the matter seriously, this still dredged up some things that I have been working on for a long time. Things that I had been in a more settled space with before coming across this narrative. It bugs me, because as we all know, I very much want to get into the depths, but I'm just not there right now. I'm not in a space I once was to do so.

Granted, I'm confident that if I had the right sitter I'd be there already, however, I'm stubborn, and as an effect of experience, it would mean more to me to be able to do it alone. So, I could've gone the distance a while ago... but inner strength is important to me. How I see myself is important... now.

Also last week I went on a little bit of a tirade with [USER=9]@Jungleheart[/USER] , observing the inherent flaws and fallacies that others promote with regards to expectations in mental health. To be direct, the idea that, "you just need to live a balanced life, with good food, good water, exercise, etc" and your mental health will fall in line is a fallacy. There are so many variables and effects in mental health that we still don't know the cause or causes to certain conditions and experiences of those conditions. I say this because I eat well (my issue is not eating enough), I drink plenty of water, exercise regularly, among a plethora of other self-care related things and activities... and guess what... I still experience mental health struggles.

Tangentially, aside from this assumption above there comes one of one shouldn't need "drugs" and that if someone is using drugs, they are self-medicating or are escaping. The self-medicating I can see, but this isn't good or bad, but rather how one augments based on their self-medicating that seems to matter. The latter is false though. I can't escape inside the psychedelic space, nor do I want to. More correctly, it's false relative to me and my experience.

This is all poignant to me. It's helping me see the barrier a bit more. It helps to locate what bind is connected to what other bind that holds me back.

I had had a few challenging experiences that I didn't feel good about and as a result, lost trust, or was able to identify a lack of trust, within myself.

I've been getting deeper on my own, but there are still layers to peel.

One of those layers is the part of me that tries to have a problem with what I want to do. So, it doesn't matter how far I journey right now, what matters is getting myself in the space with trust (myself and the medicine/tool/toy) and no compunctions. A compunction is a cue of not trusting myself.

Part of the reason that this is important is that I'm tired of this felt cognitive decline and I'm tired of being anhedonic.

One love

<blockquote data-quote="Voidmatrix" data-source="post: 3953579" data-attributes="member: 5">This is just a little reflection.Sometime last week there was a member who made mention of one not being &quot;serious&quot; about doing DMT, or that it&#039;s a waste of time, if one doesn&#039;t break through and go for breakthrough doses only. Now, while I couldn&#039;t take this person nor their stance on the matter seriously, this still dredged up some things that I have been working on for a long time. Things that I had been in a more settled space with before coming across this narrative. It bugs me, because as we all know, I very much want to get into the depths, but I&#039;m just not there right now. I&#039;m not in a space I once was to do so.Granted, I&#039;m confident that if I had the right sitter I&#039;d be there already, however, I&#039;m stubborn, and as an effect of experience, it would mean more to me to be able to do it alone. So, I could&#039;ve gone the distance a while ago... but inner strength is important to me. How I see myself is important... now.Also last week I went on a little bit of a tirade with [USER=9]@Jungleheart[/USER] , observing the inherent flaws and fallacies that others promote with regards to expectations in mental health. To be direct, the idea that, &quot;you just need to live a balanced life, with good food, good water, exercise, etc&quot; and your mental health will fall in line is a fallacy. There are so many variables and effects in mental health that we still don&#039;t know the cause or causes to certain conditions and experiences of those conditions. I say this because I eat well (my issue is not eating enough), I drink plenty of water, exercise regularly, among a plethora of other self-care related things and activities... and guess what... I still experience mental health struggles.Tangentially, aside from this assumption above there comes one of one shouldn&#039;t need &quot;drugs&quot; and that if someone is using drugs, they are self-medicating or are escaping. The self-medicating I can see, but this isn&#039;t good or bad, but rather how one augments based on their self-medicating that seems to matter. The latter is false though. I can&#039;t escape inside the psychedelic space, nor do I want to. More correctly, it&#039;s false relative to me and my experience.This is all poignant to me. It&#039;s helping me see the barrier a bit more. It helps to locate what bind is connected to what other bind that holds me back.I had had a few challenging experiences that I didn&#039;t feel good about and as a result, lost trust, or was able to identify a lack of trust, within myself.I&#039;ve been getting deeper on my own, but there are still layers to peel.One of those layers is the part of me that tries to have a problem with what I want to do. So, it doesn&#039;t matter how far I journey right now, what matters is getting myself in the space with trust (myself and the medicine/tool/toy) and no compunctions. A compunction is a cue of not trusting myself.Part of the reason that this is important is that I&#039;m tired of this felt cognitive decline and I&#039;m tired of being anhedonic.One love</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Voidmatrix, post: 3953579, member: 5"] This is just a little reflection. Sometime last week there was a member who made mention of one not being "serious" about doing DMT, or that it's a waste of time, if one doesn't break through and go for breakthrough doses only. Now, while I couldn't take this person nor their stance on the matter seriously, this still dredged up some things that I have been working on for a long time. Things that I had been in a more settled space with before coming across this narrative. It bugs me, because as we all know, I very much want to get into the depths, but I'm just not there right now. I'm not in a space I once was to do so. Granted, I'm confident that if I had the right sitter I'd be there already, however, I'm stubborn, and as an effect of experience, it would mean more to me to be able to do it alone. So, I could've gone the distance a while ago... but inner strength is important to me. How I see myself is important... now. Also last week I went on a little bit of a tirade with [USER=9]@Jungleheart[/USER] , observing the inherent flaws and fallacies that others promote with regards to expectations in mental health. To be direct, the idea that, "you just need to live a balanced life, with good food, good water, exercise, etc" and your mental health will fall in line is a fallacy. There are so many variables and effects in mental health that we still don't know the cause or causes to certain conditions and experiences of those conditions. I say this because I eat well (my issue is not eating enough), I drink plenty of water, exercise regularly, among a plethora of other self-care related things and activities... and guess what... I still experience mental health struggles. Tangentially, aside from this assumption above there comes one of one shouldn't need "drugs" and that if someone is using drugs, they are self-medicating or are escaping. The self-medicating I can see, but this isn't good or bad, but rather how one augments based on their self-medicating that seems to matter. The latter is false though. I can't escape inside the psychedelic space, nor do I want to. More correctly, it's false relative to me and my experience. This is all poignant to me. It's helping me see the barrier a bit more. It helps to locate what bind is connected to what other bind that holds me back. I had had a few challenging experiences that I didn't feel good about and as a result, lost [I]trust[/I], or was able to identify a lack of trust, within myself. I've been getting deeper on my own, but there are still layers to peel. [B]One of those layers is the part of me that tries to have a problem with what I want to do. So, it doesn't matter how far I journey right now, what matters is getting myself in the space with trust (myself and the medicine/tool/toy) and no compunctions. A compunction is a cue of not trusting myself.[/B] Part of the reason that this is important is that I'm tired of this felt cognitive decline and I'm tired of being anhedonic. One love [/QUOTE]