I suppose that I never technically wrote a conclussive eighth voyage trip report, for a number of reasons. Primarily, who am I to boldly declare anything about the ineffible? And also, I sense that a lot of folks here have had a very similar quandary... there are just no feasible words that properly encapsulate the experience. Yet I am compelled to share what I have come to feel is fundamentally, most profound in it's Omniversal nature. For reaching out to touch the face of Brahman and then, being utterly surprised that it is one's own face... is mind stopping and ego shattering, but before the soul reaches God-realization... it explodes into formlessness, wholly erased within the blinding whiteness of the absolute, purely effulgent emptiness, wholly void of any iota of division!
My eighth immersion was an epic 5-MeO fusion of the finite self within the unlimited web of the infinite, the Omniself reawakening. A dissolution of my dream identity and an experience of always having been undifferentiated conscious-awareness. The Alpha and the Omega undivided forevermore, yet paradoxically, rebirthed anew within this present now, as the cosmic dance whirls on and on... and on. So, how does one travel as an individual soul, deeply into the blinding whiteness of the nondual state and encapsulate the spirit journey in mortal wording?
Language itself is perhaps the most dualistic phenomenon in human behavior. It deals with symbols which are representative of the kind of reality in which things exist appart from one another, co-existing as a cohesive whole. But how does one capture the indivisible? At least, conceptually and linguistically. So when the subject/object dichotomy vanishes, or rather, dissolves back into the source of all being... there becomes this enormous task of talking about the non-dual state, The Godhead, awakening afresh from the dream of dualism. It cannot really be done in a literal sense. At least not enough, eh?
That being said, today is the day following my ninth immersion and I thought I might share of my musings and observations from the previous soul flight, number 8 in a carefully measured series of rituals. I had put into words various fragments and ideas but was unable to fashion them into an interesting thread to read. Perhaps I might just cut and paste them herein? As a caveat, it must be strongly noted that nothing at all can be spoken of during full eclipsing mode. From the state of full unification, there is no mortal self to bear witness to anything at all. This dream bubble of a solid self is popped effortlessly and within the roaring silence of eternity... who then is there to bear witness or try to speak at all?
Still, upon approaching seamless union and the eventual return to perceptual cognizance, much can be recalled. I consider the recollections to be shards of some immeasurable crystalline design. Sparks from an eternal flame, which burns so bright as to blind the mortal entity and rob it if it's fixed identity. Ultimately, I humbly feel that hints and tidbits of remembrance can effectively be culled and recorded, pre and post-peaking only. So, here are a few odd pieces of a worded collage of sorts, jotted down following my 8th journey with this most sacred of molecules. I had intended on weaving an elaborate verbal tapestry in honor of the anointment but then the whole Covid-19 paradigmn threw me so far off track that I never quite got around to it.
So, I am now offering these verbal sketches as a sort of ode to the medicine. A fragile and wholly imperfect attempt to capture the entirety of the cosmos with a glass jar. Please pardon the irony but my aim fis ever true and my love for you all is as genuine as a baby's first inhalation. Without further adieu, here are a few scraps of insight and epiphany that I'd sincerely wish to share. Perhaps in hopes of mapping out a wee bit more of this immense, overwhelmingly powerful catalyst into Infinity.
The first snippet: Kundalini, spontaneous Mudras and the cascading flow of Amrita.
"Good evening, folks. I wanted to discuss some off the impressions I have observed just prior to peaking and post peaking, during my solo ceremonies with this powerful sacrement. There have been several repeated phenomena which occurred during all of my eight journeys with 5-MeO. Of course, during the full immersion... one dissolves wholly into the blinding neon whiteness. There ceases to be any difference between the inside and the outside, self and other, light and darkness. All thoughts cease to arise as one's very self, likewise, ceases to maintain any iota of corporeal reality.
Deep within what I call, "the eclipsing", there is naught but undifferentiated formlessness and no one to witness such a state of being/non-being. During the full blown whiteout experience, the nondual field absorbs everything back into Source energy. Brahman. I can only imagine why it allows for the dream of individual self, only to shatter the illusion with such force it sends the ego into a temporary oblivion, even as it creates the potential for every possibility, form, substance and circumstance. The greatest mystery and the closest thing I know to limitless love is this blessed experience, facilitated by this miraculous compound. No other molecule that I've imbibed, has so much divine presence or such immense spiritual impact.
Ascending into this fulcrum of pure whiteness, I was accutely aware of Kundalini activation snaking it's way up my spinal axis. At each chakra interphase, sweeping/flowing energy intersects at each the central point and rises in said fashion to the next higher crossroads (so to speak). As the geyser-like force reached my heart, there was this incredible blooming sensation. The energy made my material heart feels as if it might burst! Stroking out during a medicine journey would be so counterproductive that it hardly needs mention. Lol. Upwards the release arise. I was almost choking with ecstasy as the power expanded into my throat region. I gasped for air and then, chanted OM for what seemed an eternity. Who was that singing? Where did the sound begin, inside or beyond myself?
So unlike every other psychedelic substance, there was only the briefest of lingering at the Third Eye. This has always amazed me, as so much of the art & science of meditation is focussed intently upon the Ajna chakra. That being said, I did see such effulgence radiating from above, that it was almost too much to hold my gaze upon. Almost, mind you. I was wholly mesmerized by the incredible beauty and radiance shining it's white luminosity into every corner of the empty void of space. Moments later, I felt an unfoldment at the top of my crown, partially to the rear of my head. Some esoteric school in India refer to this a the Bindu, others do not. But the unfolding was like a large flower's petals opening further and further and further still.
Seconds later, I conscious-awareness had arisen to what I label, the 8th chakra. It resides an arm's length above the top of the head. It is not a part of the physical body, yet, it is rather like the puppeteer maneuvering the marionette of the individuated soul throughout it's dreaming journey. Beyond this level is always so difficult to describe, call it the 9th chakra or the seat upon which God takes as a manifestation within creation. There is no duality within said field of existential being. There is this almost primordial, haunting idea/declaration/expression, "I am here... I have now become awakened within this present moment." Whose notion of being existent elludes me, for where there is but The One, who actually hears this message?
Then what seems to take an eternity in the making, there is naught but an absolute quietude. A stillness that defies any quantification. No sonic vibrations, no pulsations of radiating holy light. No one to witness the miracle of creation, the blinding effulgence, nor surrender to the undifferentiated glory of The Unified Field. This will always remain shrouded in complete mystery, for without the usual mental conditioning of perceiving reality as a subject-object dichotomy, oneself evaporates like so much smoke in a breeze. Only upon returning from the grand eclipsing, can the state encountered be integrated and comprehended to any degree.
Traveling with this molecule has always included, up on my return to self, quite a bit of spontaneous hand mudras and gesturing. Almost as if a language far more geometric than verbal, flows into crystallization. Often too, I am still chanting OM and still drinking in the nectar of Amrita, which pours from above into the chalice of my mind's heart. It overflows into every cell of my corporeal, physical body. Fine tuning one's auric body and healing the bio-organism which gently holds my soul with the confines of the time-space-continuum. Cascading down upon my thirsty soul like the blissful waters of eternity. It pours outwards through my tear ducts and inside of my head, it drips sweetly from high up within my nasal cavity. It's nectarine taste is immortality itself. Truly, I humbly feel that such miracles are the finest blessings gifted from the Source."
Eight epic journies, eight enigmatic self-shattering voyages now experienced. While I composed this trip report yesterday, the occurence happened one month ago on August 10th. It has taken me four weeks to ground the experience and translate much of the dynamic into written language. Here and there, over the last month, I jotted down memories and impressions. While these "snippets" are fragmentary... they still vibrate with the ineffable energy of 5-MeO-DMT. I'd like to post s few of them here now, as an accompaniment to the more rationally composed posting seated above. Okay?
Just a few odd snippets:
"One long slow inhalation and a deep pause... then rapidly skyrocketing into an immense field of undifferentiated energy, pulsing in unison with my drumming heartbeat, opening a portal into infinite light, as I dissolve into the effulgent heartbeat of the void. I had the sensation of falling out of myself. Or was it far deeper into myself? I felt the immediate need to crouch forward in the yogic tortoise pose, for I could scarcely tell up from down but still held on the the idea of having a physical form. One that might topple the wrong way and potentially get hurt. Seconds afterwards I had no feeling of being with the 3rd dimension. No cognizance of existing within the time-space-continuum or of being human. I was aware only of the high frequency vibration and the neon whiteness absorbing me into it's immaterial fulcrum. I couldn't even question to myself if I even existed at all."
"As the geyser-like force propelled my consciousness higher and higher, I was ripped suddenly from my ordinary ego mesmerism. Now I was experiencing a blindingly white flood of immeasurable energy. It consumed me in a matter of a handful of passing moments. I floated within an effulgent vortex of absolute formlessness for what felt like days, weeks, years... if not even whole series of lifetimes (shuffled like a deck of cards within ancient, yet, unborn and infantile hands)! While this sensation overwhelmed my rapidly shifting awareness, I was being incrementally washed away by an omnipresent, oceanic presence. I harnessed my intent , overcame my fears and released myself willingly. I have used the analogy of an Alka Seltzer tablet bubbling and dissolving within a glass of water, in the past before, and while silly on many levels, it is accurate in my experiences. It seems most apt at describing the energetic dissolution of the fragile human ego-self, under the potent spell of this sacrament."
"I humbly suggest, that if there has been anything of true value gained from over 45 years of formal sitting meditation, it is the gradual capacity to hold silent witness to immaterial realms of existential reality. The attunement developed to keep an unwavering point of focussed concentration upon sheer emptiness and the bloom of incorporial energies. That being said, even one's individual subjectivity is pretty much erased from the immensity of the 5-MeO experience. I personally find it rather impossible to keep myself centered within the unitive, nondual and simultaneously, try to encapsulate that expansive state with human wording or effectively describe the undifferentiated field of the Infinite. One cannot be both indivisible consciousness and be an objective, separate observer. When the eclipsing is anointed, everything finite and tangible melts into the blinding luminosity of the Clear Light of The Void... gone like so much charred ash blown away in a gust of ineffable wind."
"The sequence and duration of the eclipsing must have ensued for some time. It turns out it was close to forty-five minutes, as clocks and digital devices measure such things. That being said, it felt like an eternity in the making, yet, the buzzing rush also existed without any iota of time or conversely, of timelessness. The primordial now. Eventually, from far, far away it came echoing... I Am. Am I? Yes. That is all I knew, I Am. Who am I? What am I? What I felt I was... was wholly indeterminable, all I knew was that I existed within the innermost, epicentrical core of everything... yet, I was fundamentally no-thing at all. I now feel that in our deepest vital center, we are all fundamentally impossible to limit or contain, let alone to even grasp. We are each and all of us, also entirely enigmatic phenomena."
"Perhaps the greatest paradox is that to be centered within the indivisible state... one needs to release one's separation from the oneness. I have gone very close to the blindingly bright effulgence of the peak, several times but as my mind and very selfhood stops... there comes a point of either observing the phenomenon or being the phenomenon. When the last veil is torn asunder, an infinite pause takes place within the pilgrim's entirety of being. Within such a vast and empty void... there are no selves. Not even Christ consciousness or Buddha Mind are allowed to fracture the unbroken unity. It is herein that the Divine spirit is born anew, reborn as a timeless, substanceless pulsation. Almost like the beating of a heart?"
"A turning point began to reveal itself and the free and undifferentiated consciousness that I Am, gradually became denser and still denser, until there was once more, a witness to the sacred vision. An entity capable of feeling ecstasy and deep gratitude.. I had returned from existentially being a light so bright it cannot see itself, to an enraptured lover of the living presence of God. My mind's heart was enshrined with a concentration of love so great it almost seems to yearn for release and self expression. And so, I became myself again and cried tears of profound thanks and a resolve for lasting spiritual redemption. Or so it seems from this side of the looking glass."
My eighth immersion was an epic 5-MeO fusion of the finite self within the unlimited web of the infinite, the Omniself reawakening. A dissolution of my dream identity and an experience of always having been undifferentiated conscious-awareness. The Alpha and the Omega undivided forevermore, yet paradoxically, rebirthed anew within this present now, as the cosmic dance whirls on and on... and on. So, how does one travel as an individual soul, deeply into the blinding whiteness of the nondual state and encapsulate the spirit journey in mortal wording?
Language itself is perhaps the most dualistic phenomenon in human behavior. It deals with symbols which are representative of the kind of reality in which things exist appart from one another, co-existing as a cohesive whole. But how does one capture the indivisible? At least, conceptually and linguistically. So when the subject/object dichotomy vanishes, or rather, dissolves back into the source of all being... there becomes this enormous task of talking about the non-dual state, The Godhead, awakening afresh from the dream of dualism. It cannot really be done in a literal sense. At least not enough, eh?
That being said, today is the day following my ninth immersion and I thought I might share of my musings and observations from the previous soul flight, number 8 in a carefully measured series of rituals. I had put into words various fragments and ideas but was unable to fashion them into an interesting thread to read. Perhaps I might just cut and paste them herein? As a caveat, it must be strongly noted that nothing at all can be spoken of during full eclipsing mode. From the state of full unification, there is no mortal self to bear witness to anything at all. This dream bubble of a solid self is popped effortlessly and within the roaring silence of eternity... who then is there to bear witness or try to speak at all?
Still, upon approaching seamless union and the eventual return to perceptual cognizance, much can be recalled. I consider the recollections to be shards of some immeasurable crystalline design. Sparks from an eternal flame, which burns so bright as to blind the mortal entity and rob it if it's fixed identity. Ultimately, I humbly feel that hints and tidbits of remembrance can effectively be culled and recorded, pre and post-peaking only. So, here are a few odd pieces of a worded collage of sorts, jotted down following my 8th journey with this most sacred of molecules. I had intended on weaving an elaborate verbal tapestry in honor of the anointment but then the whole Covid-19 paradigmn threw me so far off track that I never quite got around to it.
So, I am now offering these verbal sketches as a sort of ode to the medicine. A fragile and wholly imperfect attempt to capture the entirety of the cosmos with a glass jar. Please pardon the irony but my aim fis ever true and my love for you all is as genuine as a baby's first inhalation. Without further adieu, here are a few scraps of insight and epiphany that I'd sincerely wish to share. Perhaps in hopes of mapping out a wee bit more of this immense, overwhelmingly powerful catalyst into Infinity.
The first snippet: Kundalini, spontaneous Mudras and the cascading flow of Amrita.
"Good evening, folks. I wanted to discuss some off the impressions I have observed just prior to peaking and post peaking, during my solo ceremonies with this powerful sacrement. There have been several repeated phenomena which occurred during all of my eight journeys with 5-MeO. Of course, during the full immersion... one dissolves wholly into the blinding neon whiteness. There ceases to be any difference between the inside and the outside, self and other, light and darkness. All thoughts cease to arise as one's very self, likewise, ceases to maintain any iota of corporeal reality.
Deep within what I call, "the eclipsing", there is naught but undifferentiated formlessness and no one to witness such a state of being/non-being. During the full blown whiteout experience, the nondual field absorbs everything back into Source energy. Brahman. I can only imagine why it allows for the dream of individual self, only to shatter the illusion with such force it sends the ego into a temporary oblivion, even as it creates the potential for every possibility, form, substance and circumstance. The greatest mystery and the closest thing I know to limitless love is this blessed experience, facilitated by this miraculous compound. No other molecule that I've imbibed, has so much divine presence or such immense spiritual impact.
Ascending into this fulcrum of pure whiteness, I was accutely aware of Kundalini activation snaking it's way up my spinal axis. At each chakra interphase, sweeping/flowing energy intersects at each the central point and rises in said fashion to the next higher crossroads (so to speak). As the geyser-like force reached my heart, there was this incredible blooming sensation. The energy made my material heart feels as if it might burst! Stroking out during a medicine journey would be so counterproductive that it hardly needs mention. Lol. Upwards the release arise. I was almost choking with ecstasy as the power expanded into my throat region. I gasped for air and then, chanted OM for what seemed an eternity. Who was that singing? Where did the sound begin, inside or beyond myself?
So unlike every other psychedelic substance, there was only the briefest of lingering at the Third Eye. This has always amazed me, as so much of the art & science of meditation is focussed intently upon the Ajna chakra. That being said, I did see such effulgence radiating from above, that it was almost too much to hold my gaze upon. Almost, mind you. I was wholly mesmerized by the incredible beauty and radiance shining it's white luminosity into every corner of the empty void of space. Moments later, I felt an unfoldment at the top of my crown, partially to the rear of my head. Some esoteric school in India refer to this a the Bindu, others do not. But the unfolding was like a large flower's petals opening further and further and further still.
Seconds later, I conscious-awareness had arisen to what I label, the 8th chakra. It resides an arm's length above the top of the head. It is not a part of the physical body, yet, it is rather like the puppeteer maneuvering the marionette of the individuated soul throughout it's dreaming journey. Beyond this level is always so difficult to describe, call it the 9th chakra or the seat upon which God takes as a manifestation within creation. There is no duality within said field of existential being. There is this almost primordial, haunting idea/declaration/expression, "I am here... I have now become awakened within this present moment." Whose notion of being existent elludes me, for where there is but The One, who actually hears this message?
Then what seems to take an eternity in the making, there is naught but an absolute quietude. A stillness that defies any quantification. No sonic vibrations, no pulsations of radiating holy light. No one to witness the miracle of creation, the blinding effulgence, nor surrender to the undifferentiated glory of The Unified Field. This will always remain shrouded in complete mystery, for without the usual mental conditioning of perceiving reality as a subject-object dichotomy, oneself evaporates like so much smoke in a breeze. Only upon returning from the grand eclipsing, can the state encountered be integrated and comprehended to any degree.
Traveling with this molecule has always included, up on my return to self, quite a bit of spontaneous hand mudras and gesturing. Almost as if a language far more geometric than verbal, flows into crystallization. Often too, I am still chanting OM and still drinking in the nectar of Amrita, which pours from above into the chalice of my mind's heart. It overflows into every cell of my corporeal, physical body. Fine tuning one's auric body and healing the bio-organism which gently holds my soul with the confines of the time-space-continuum. Cascading down upon my thirsty soul like the blissful waters of eternity. It pours outwards through my tear ducts and inside of my head, it drips sweetly from high up within my nasal cavity. It's nectarine taste is immortality itself. Truly, I humbly feel that such miracles are the finest blessings gifted from the Source."
Eight epic journies, eight enigmatic self-shattering voyages now experienced. While I composed this trip report yesterday, the occurence happened one month ago on August 10th. It has taken me four weeks to ground the experience and translate much of the dynamic into written language. Here and there, over the last month, I jotted down memories and impressions. While these "snippets" are fragmentary... they still vibrate with the ineffable energy of 5-MeO-DMT. I'd like to post s few of them here now, as an accompaniment to the more rationally composed posting seated above. Okay?
Just a few odd snippets:
"One long slow inhalation and a deep pause... then rapidly skyrocketing into an immense field of undifferentiated energy, pulsing in unison with my drumming heartbeat, opening a portal into infinite light, as I dissolve into the effulgent heartbeat of the void. I had the sensation of falling out of myself. Or was it far deeper into myself? I felt the immediate need to crouch forward in the yogic tortoise pose, for I could scarcely tell up from down but still held on the the idea of having a physical form. One that might topple the wrong way and potentially get hurt. Seconds afterwards I had no feeling of being with the 3rd dimension. No cognizance of existing within the time-space-continuum or of being human. I was aware only of the high frequency vibration and the neon whiteness absorbing me into it's immaterial fulcrum. I couldn't even question to myself if I even existed at all."
"As the geyser-like force propelled my consciousness higher and higher, I was ripped suddenly from my ordinary ego mesmerism. Now I was experiencing a blindingly white flood of immeasurable energy. It consumed me in a matter of a handful of passing moments. I floated within an effulgent vortex of absolute formlessness for what felt like days, weeks, years... if not even whole series of lifetimes (shuffled like a deck of cards within ancient, yet, unborn and infantile hands)! While this sensation overwhelmed my rapidly shifting awareness, I was being incrementally washed away by an omnipresent, oceanic presence. I harnessed my intent , overcame my fears and released myself willingly. I have used the analogy of an Alka Seltzer tablet bubbling and dissolving within a glass of water, in the past before, and while silly on many levels, it is accurate in my experiences. It seems most apt at describing the energetic dissolution of the fragile human ego-self, under the potent spell of this sacrament."
"I humbly suggest, that if there has been anything of true value gained from over 45 years of formal sitting meditation, it is the gradual capacity to hold silent witness to immaterial realms of existential reality. The attunement developed to keep an unwavering point of focussed concentration upon sheer emptiness and the bloom of incorporial energies. That being said, even one's individual subjectivity is pretty much erased from the immensity of the 5-MeO experience. I personally find it rather impossible to keep myself centered within the unitive, nondual and simultaneously, try to encapsulate that expansive state with human wording or effectively describe the undifferentiated field of the Infinite. One cannot be both indivisible consciousness and be an objective, separate observer. When the eclipsing is anointed, everything finite and tangible melts into the blinding luminosity of the Clear Light of The Void... gone like so much charred ash blown away in a gust of ineffable wind."
"The sequence and duration of the eclipsing must have ensued for some time. It turns out it was close to forty-five minutes, as clocks and digital devices measure such things. That being said, it felt like an eternity in the making, yet, the buzzing rush also existed without any iota of time or conversely, of timelessness. The primordial now. Eventually, from far, far away it came echoing... I Am. Am I? Yes. That is all I knew, I Am. Who am I? What am I? What I felt I was... was wholly indeterminable, all I knew was that I existed within the innermost, epicentrical core of everything... yet, I was fundamentally no-thing at all. I now feel that in our deepest vital center, we are all fundamentally impossible to limit or contain, let alone to even grasp. We are each and all of us, also entirely enigmatic phenomena."
"Perhaps the greatest paradox is that to be centered within the indivisible state... one needs to release one's separation from the oneness. I have gone very close to the blindingly bright effulgence of the peak, several times but as my mind and very selfhood stops... there comes a point of either observing the phenomenon or being the phenomenon. When the last veil is torn asunder, an infinite pause takes place within the pilgrim's entirety of being. Within such a vast and empty void... there are no selves. Not even Christ consciousness or Buddha Mind are allowed to fracture the unbroken unity. It is herein that the Divine spirit is born anew, reborn as a timeless, substanceless pulsation. Almost like the beating of a heart?"
"A turning point began to reveal itself and the free and undifferentiated consciousness that I Am, gradually became denser and still denser, until there was once more, a witness to the sacred vision. An entity capable of feeling ecstasy and deep gratitude.. I had returned from existentially being a light so bright it cannot see itself, to an enraptured lover of the living presence of God. My mind's heart was enshrined with a concentration of love so great it almost seems to yearn for release and self expression. And so, I became myself again and cried tears of profound thanks and a resolve for lasting spiritual redemption. Or so it seems from this side of the looking glass."
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