Internal debate on whether to take the leap of faith

[Mz.Gypzy]

While I can understand your desire for intense transformation and a rebirth experience, a breakthrough does not always produce that effect. Sometimes easing into it can be more beneficial.



I had the same desire the first time I sat down with DMT. I wanted to make sure I achieved breakthrough, and I did. I over did it a bit. Thinking bigger was better.

And honestly, it scared me aware from it for a while, when my intentions where to work with
It regularly.

What I'm trying to say here is, it might be better to start slowly and build a relationship
With it.
This stuff can be more bizarre and intense than you could even begin to imagine.
And if you go full blast the first time it has the possibility to make you take a
Few steps back.
On the other hand, it could be exactly what you need.
Milage may vary.


I say go for it! Get your clocks cleaned. But be careful in the process.
Welcome to the Nexus.

 

[Felnik]

I agree completely with mz gypzy on that . Great advice
It's about building a longer term relationship with it to really
Get the benefits . Easing in always a good starting place

 

[Studio1one]

I totally understand what you are saying about outwards solutions to inner problems. And once you get the message hang up the phone, it is wise words for sure.

One of the reasons I am looking to DMT is because I have never picked that phone up, never even heard the message, never mind had time to assimilate it.


I mean, my mind is pretty much made up here. I think it is a journey I need to take, I guess I am just scared that if I break myself as hard as I want to with it, I may come away worse than I started.

One thing I do know is that change takes time. I am pretty impatient and one of the biggest lessons I still need to learn is how to slow down and not rush through whatever it is I am working on or experiencing. That being said sometimes you do need to make a decision, as it sounds like you have done, and follow its path wherever it takes you.

I don't think you will come away worse per se, just that you may not find what you are expecting or hoping for, and that may not be a bad thing. I still would suggest that you try a form of ayahuasca first or at least do it as well. It will give you a slower pace and more time to extract lessons from and also will give you a glimpse of what you can expect from a spice journey. In my case it made my first journeys on spice feel a bit more familiar with a sense of deja vu, if that makes sense.

If you do decide to extract I also suggest using the Max Ion tek as that one really embodies patience. You may want to first do Cyb's salt tek which is a simpler take on the Max Ion to get a feel for what you are doing.

Take your time and please be careful and safe. You waited this long, no need to rush now. Also this is meant as much for me as for you, so please don't take this as preaching.

Not like preaching at all. Only a fool doesn't listen to those who have more experience than them in a specific area.

You read me will there in many ways, like all people I have strengths and weaknesses. I believe I know my weaknesses reasonably well and lack of patience and lack of attention to detail are certainly not my strengths.

On the flip side to that I have great enthusiasm and am a starter and a doer. It is very rare that I have come across people who have that explosive energy to make things happen, start projects and create lots of momentum, who are also patient and attentive to small detail and vice versa. I have known them and been in awe of what they can achieve and create.

Being aware of this fault I have always tried to work on projects with people who are the opposite to me, those that are slow and steady, make sure all detail is correct and perfect but don't have the vision, energy and risk taking nature that creates from nothing. Yin and yang if you will.

Anyway, I digress completely now from the point, just to say nope, not read as preaching well read and well received.

 

[Joshua2112]

Have you researched other possible psychedelic means to an end? DMT has a LOT to offer that's for sure however your statements reminded me more of experiences with 5 meo DMT or salvia rather than n,n DMT. From my experience They are more of the ego disintegration/reassembly type substances. They scare the crap outta me though. Mind you I avoid and have issues with ego death LOL.
You said you had considerable experience with LSD and psilocybin. Have you considered going another route and exploring your inner self through MDMA? You seemed a little hard on yourself. Your past, what you've become. MDMA can have a magic of its own and the literature related to its therapeutic value is growing. Perhaps you might want to check out some of the MAPS info on MDMA.
I'm not saying don't do DMT or that DMT isn't the means to your desired ends. It's been posted on here a million times though and bears saying again. DMT will leave you with more questions than answers. To quote myself, 5 minutes after every journey, "reality is ridiculous"
Safe journeys, whatever path you decide to travel.

 

[ardhout]

You made me remember now something from my trip this afternoon, which I already forgot.
I saw clearly that if I could readjust myself more frequently to my inner self that that would prevent straying off too far and prevent excesses in normal life, like depressions, getting angry without reason etc., in other words, more time and possibilities for adjustments back in the right direction.
I also find staying close to my center quite difficult. I'm 3 year younger and also busy with work and family life.
Before spice, I had some Ayahuasca experiences (once a year). I felt I needed them more often but could not repeat that more frequently in my life because i was 2-3 days away for that every time.
It provided very rich experience, hours and hours of continuously new insights piling up. Days and weeks after the experience still feeling very close to my center.
Anyway, I started with DMT spice now and hope to find the same as in the hopes you have.
From all your fears you wrote down, I guess you already know or have seen half of them in normal life, why so afraid if you already know?
My whole life I also hoped for a golden substance to rebuild myself completely in a big bright flash but I think I must be happy with the small glimpses of insights I get now and then and from that it's imo 'hard' work to know yourself.
One advice I can give, try IBOGA (ibogaine) in a group setting. It will give you hours of possibility of digging inside yourself and get answers on life questions. I got in one weekend more answers than with one year of therapeutic talking.
I don't know if available in the UK, otherwise NL is not far away :thumb_up:

 

[Giving Eagle]

I agree completely with mz gypzy on that . Great advice
It's about building a longer term relationship with it to really
Get the benefits . Easing in always a good starting place

I agree as well. I don't have any experience with pure DMT other than a small admixture to Sonoran Desert Toad excretion (which was the most fantastic experience I have ever had by the way), but I do have a lot of experience with Santo Daime (as in the drink, not necessarily the traditions associated with it. I came there also expecting a certain ego-death. After 5 years of it I still haven't and every time it boils down to the fact that it is a great ride to slowly peal the onion. Many people carry much pain with them, and unleashing it all is not always the best course of action. Going layer by layer, also means you can understand and integrate. And in this is understanding who you are, from all kinds of angles and perspectives.

Another great tool for this is astrology. There are some things in a birth chart which can give very strong indications of your talents and challenges in life. There is something called a south node (which is your main talent) and your north node, which is your main challenge. The book "Astrology for the Soul" is a great tool for this.

 

[Spaced Out 2]

I agree with giving eagle in that peeling away the onion layers was what worked for me. It's almost like you were describing me in your original post other than I don't run my own business and I'm a year younger. I've been on the dmt journey for 2 years now. Since then I have quit smoking, which I thought was impossible for me, but it helped me realize what I was doing to myself, I don't drink alcohol anymore, and I've almost quit smoking weed to the point that a quarter oz. for the whole year is what I mean by almost. I used to smoke weed as much as cigarettes, but along my experiences I've learned it was a masking agent or a crutch to dull the everyday BS. After my first time,they are right you'll raise a billion questions, but for me it felt as if I just woke up for the first time in a long time. I attribute all of this to the use of dmt and all the wonderful info on the nexus, it all helped me make real changes in my life as well as deal with inner issues. I don't feel all bottled up, I feel like I did in early nineties! And it's one of those things that if you don't think it is or has broke you down to where you want then you don't have to do it again. Imo I think that you would find a your center that you are looking for. Don't have to go full blown from the get go either. Meditation on a key element before hand helps. Develop a ritual. Set and setting important too. Hope any of this was helpful in the slightest. As with any of the paths you choose to take, be safe.

 

[lexiqon]

Hi Studio1one,

It sounds to me like you are ready for this. I believe DMT can show you what you are seeking - but only briefly. It's important to take the time to integrate the experience to really have a lasting impact on your life. As you know respect and care to set and setting are also imperative. I've only had experience with DMT enhanced leaf but I highly recommend that. In a 1:1 ratio a cone should be enough for a breakthrough.

If you are dedicated to this path, it's something that will happen in time. Our ego is essential for our operation within society however it is our identification with it that is the cause of our suffering. When we let go of that identification and identify with our consciousness, things fall into place.

My suggestions would be to also read up on the ego - when you understand it you can start to see through it. Eckhart Tolle deconstructs it very well in A New Earth.

Ask yourself "Who Am I?" as you already have and really explore that question as deeply as you can based on your own experience. Conversely you can approach from a "Who Am I Not?" angle.