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JACOB WRESTLED AN ANGEL? ...piece o' cake...

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fear is energy. energy cannot cease to be. i have become quite good at surrendering to what is so i have not had to truly experience fear like this in, well....ever. i feel like i am a miner and that i've been pulling gold out of my mine for a long time. this fear is gold you see. it is what we get to be challenged by, and by this we are given a golden opportunity to not overcome, but embrace and love it as part of ourselves.
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I once had a thought: what if we could use fear as an energy to do good? I mean: if we could really "embrace and love fear", then we could directly enter into the heart of any human situation. Then the energy that is there in the center wouldn't be forced to manifest as fear - because of our attachments/desires/whatever - but were left there as pure energy, ready to be used for whatever purpose we wish.

Building a machine that can convert shit to gold and then carry all the shit there.

How hilariously psychedelic it would be to say: "Oh you have fears, great, come on, we will be able to do *magnificent* stuff with that! Your darkness is an asset, not a liability! Please, give us *more*, we need it for this cosmic fire we're building."

The darkness which the light side is fleeing from becomes the greatest source of inspiration in the hands of those who get beyond duality.
 
cellux said:
The darkness which the light side is fleeing from becomes the greatest source of inspiration in the hands of those who get beyond duality.
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it's just like a giant black canvas really....SO much potential to support great works of light....

cellux- you complete me. :lol:

this thread has really sprouted some wonderful wisdom. thank you to all who have contributed!!

L&G!!
 
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The thing I notice about my fear is that it has a past a present and a future. As I learn more about myself by looking at the past through my present eyes, comparing what I know now versus then, I find that the blocks I still have can only be eliminated the way the previously conquered fears were, confronting them, saying the things to people they need to here versus what they want to hear, become the example that I would want to follow. I have a ways to go but I am on the path now and with the help of our sacraments and the Nexus and the resources available here, perhaps I have a good chance. Perhaps we will all meet Antrocles in the crotch of the mountains for an annual spice-a-palooza. We have our OWN Burning Man...Many blessings, Antrocles.


Espiridion
 
deepest love brother. you are amazing...

again- i can't tell you how impossible the notion of SO MANY righteous minds and hearts coming together in one world-shiftingly potent community is. the dmt nexus is so very special my brothers and sisters... seriously! take a look around at ANY other entheogen forum and read through ANY of the threads. you will see unbelieveable disrespect, ego, insults, general snobbery, unfriendliness, stupidity, petty foolishness and a whole host of other nonsense that simply does not exist here. we are a family committed to growing and learning...TOGETHER!

i stand in complete support of THAT!

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!!
 
antrocles said:
deepest love brother. you are amazing...

again- i can't tell you how impossible the notion of SO MANY righteous minds and hearts coming together in one world-shiftingly potent community is. the dmt nexus is so very special my brothers and sisters... seriously! take a look around at ANY other entheogen forum and read through ANY of the threads. you will see unbelieveable disrespect, ego, insults, general snobbery, unfriendliness, stupidity, petty foolishness and a whole host of other nonsense that simply does not exist here. we are a family committed to growing and learning...TOGETHER!

i stand in complete support of THAT!

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!!
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Thank god, and The Traveler, and us, for that.
(and the others who look out from my eye windows watching the crescendo rise to it's peak)
 
Man, what a story!!

I red this with full amazement, the part where you lighted your pipe my mouth was actually wide open from amazement....

What a marvelous experience, and what a wonderful place to experience it!

I truely admire the way you just go for it, and dive right into that dark deep uncharted territory without any chance of predicting the things to come, you never know with psychedelics but in a place so deserted and so far from home, it takes lot's of guts that's for sure!

Thanks for sharing this!
 
Spiced said:
I truely admire the way you just go for it, and dive right into that dark deep uncharted territory without any chance of predicting the things to come
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There's a quote from someone...probably McKenna that says that part of the psychedelic/mystical experience is hurling yourself into the void and finding that it's a feather bed.

For me, the more I struggle against my experiences...the more my experiences struggle with me.

Great stuff Antrocles. Part of my enjoyable experience with the Nexus has been your experience reports. They always make for a fantastic read, perhaps add them to the proposed e-book?

Solar blessings x
 
Thanks for shareing, awesome story.
SWIM loves the way OEV subbreakthrough looks in nature... (have not experienced it at night though).
SWIM was amazed by how the colours of things changed to show the natural mineral traces etc which were all blatently obvious after the effects wore off.
Also the area had plenty of large white rocks, they all apeared blue green as the filter that our brains use to make white look white despite the blue sky overhead, just stopped working, appart froma tiny white pebble that shone brightly, and was collected and brought home.
 
thats the way to do it . Talk about facing your fears head on I love it, everyone should try going deep in nature at night and doing that . If you can handle that you can handle anything. It takes alot of inner and outer strength to pull that off. Great great work.
 
antrocles said:
all the while, a part of me trembled in absolute terror beneath this exorcism. i was possessed by my own fear. i was angered by it. my anger raged outward and my fear only grew.

"this is madness", i thought. "i am so angry that i feel this fear. i am so fucking angry!!" and a voice in my head softly whispered something i had heard only just recently in a deep DMT journey.
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I don't know whether everyone knows this and I'm just stating the obvious; but I just found out, thanks to Carl Sagan, that the same part of the brain, the amygdala, is responsible for both fear and anger. This gives us scientific proof that the two are closely related.
 
Yes, great thread. I am reading it and absorbing the deep concepts and ideas in an effort to restart my own smoked DMT experience. Ant, your discussion of fear is inspiring.
 
Brother antrocles, thanks a lot for posting this in your uniquely wonderful style :)
I too have felt this terror you speak of, but mostly it occurs randomly at night for me. Some times during stressful days, I wake up, my third eye feels like it's splitting open, I can see lights pouring into my mind. My sense of body is slowly fading away. I feel this utter terror, irrational, racing and when it becomes overwhelming I ask it stop and things slowly begin to get back to normal. I definitely need to work on embracing this terror. Many thanks for your guidance. The first time this happened, I was staying at a hotel in Seattle, and then this terror..I felt I had to go outside. Hours sped by pondering a lot of things, and confronting many inner demons. The rest of the night I spent sitting and talking with some homeless people. The love I felt for them was overwhelming, they who had got the wrong end of the stick of society, had nothing but themselves and the biting cold, yet braved life with such ease. Many lessons are to be learnt from those whom we call the "poor". This dichotomy of fear and love is truly perplexing. Perhaps we take them both too seriously :)

Much Peace.
 
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