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Letting go of the ego

Migrated topic.


Rising Star
(mind)Set: Apprehensive (as usual), but happy.
(physical condition) Set: healthy
Setting (location):Laying under duvet with blindfold
time of day: 21:15
recent drug use: none
last meal: can't recall

Gender: m
body weight: 75kg
known sensitivities: None
history of use: weekly for a few months


Substance(s): Freebase DMT
Dose(s): 40mg in two inhales (so probably 20mg first breath, then the second was really an afterthought and I'm not sure how long I held it in for)
Method of administration: vaporised from liquid pad in VapirRise 2.0


Administration time: T=0:00
Duration: a few minutes
First effects: usual triangulation and fractaliseway of realitease
Peak: pretty quickly say 40 seconds in, could not look at clock at this time :)
Come down: ??
Baseline: 25 mins?

Intensity (overall): 3
Evaluation / notes:

Pleasantness: 2
Implesantness: 0
Visual Intensity: 3


Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 3 Highly elated and positive.


Hi Nexus,

Was not intending to post every report, but this one felt again like a bit of a revelation (to me). My intent was absent apart from that in my last visit I was told they were working on me and so I felt good to return, even though I did not feel I had progressed or developed over the last week.

This one started like all others, the doctor/magician leaned over me from its outline geometry which began to gain dimensions. Looking into my mind, weighing my soul, pulling me into hyperspace.

The next part was at first really confused. I was in hyperspace, but there is a lot more of that blue light outside of the ever moving fractals I always see. The blue is like a pure blue light sky, but inexplicably I feel it has limits, like a room.

Now I get these nagging thoughts, repeated/repeated I cannot recall what all of them were exactly but each formed a shape like a layer and form. All the shapes centered on that centre of my vision. I have in the past wondered, and even asked why everything is centered for me on a point.

Well these thoughts came, kind of felt like there was a problem unsolved sometimes, Once was the sensation of breathing and it became a bothersome thought (which formed a shape), or a sound interrupted and it became a thought, or I remembered my wife or what I was doing. Each time it became one of these objects and I struggled to free myself from it to return to the trip.

Near the end I realised that I could try to let go, really try and let go. As I did so the shapes became smaller and revealed more of the blue. Letting go was to let go of everything that I am, all my thoughts, my connection to anything that I think of as me.

I didn't quite manage it.

Then the gentle return began.

Somewhere in the blue they were encouraging me, but when it was obvious that I had failed one of them seemed quite miffed. He took it upon himself to challenge me on the return - visions of blood gushing into the shapes and textures on the right hand side (for some reason this darker more aggressive part is always on the right if it happens). It was more the feel of aggressiveness at me - and it felt more like a challenge than an attempt to harm.

So I held its gaze and thought "come on then". Then "click", the left side of my vision (and mind?) switched off like a light switch leaving only the right hand side. I held his gaze all the way out and smiled.

But that aside - the message I felt from this was very interesting:

The shapes and forms I see are my mind (OK, that doesn't exactly sound like a revelation), but that the reason I don't get much further is because these shaped and forms (always centre stage, blocking my view from the wide beauty) are my thoughts, my ego. I need to drop it and move forward.

I've read quite scary ego "deaths" on here and other places, but this was almost like a request for me to do so, like asking permission or easing me in slowly, getting me ready.

I was left feeling that I need to work on meditation before I go again.

My personal goal is not Enlightenment, and I don't feel like this is the Zen one with everything thing trying to be achieved, more like getting over myself and then being able to properly listen.

Oddly though, more than ever I have a desire to return. But this contradicts my feeling that I need to work on stuff before going back.
Very interesting report, thanks for sharing! :thumb_up:

Have you ever read The Psychedelic Experience by Timothy Leary, Ralph Metzner and Richard Alpert? They speak of the ego death much differently than many people I find online. For them it is almost the entire point of the experience.

I have to agree with your feeling that your should "work on yourself" for a little bit. Maybe just some intrinsic thinking but reflection is always good! Your week long breaks seem to be doing just fine! Perhaps you can read the book as preparation. :lol:

I am also a big fan of meditation and the authors of the book, mainly Richard Alpert, are as well. This always helps me quite a bit, before and after journeys to hyperspace.

Good luck on your future travels and your quest to listen! 😁
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