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Letting go...

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EssCee

EssCee

Rising Star
I have had a really good teacher here who took some time out and tried to help me get over all the fears that come with being older and stuck in your ways (not to mention I follow a mono-theistic religion wholeheartedly).

Letting go scares the crud out of me. I have to go, it's too strong of a meme to ignore.

My mentor has pushed me towards zen meditation, I had a checklist that is complete. I saw friends I've known for over 30 years tonight who reminded me who I was, not who I am since I had some really tragic things happen in my life.

I feel like I am stronger, I can feel the air under me and know who and where I am, what I believe and what I know is right and wrong. Who I love, who I'd die for and who even though I really don't like. I'd still carry them off the street and give them my bed.

I am not sure if that is strength or weakness, I am not entirely sure what letting go means, for me. Someone who is always in control of everything.

Any extra advice is welcome.. T minus 2 days. I want to do this right, but that want to control everything down to a T in itself may be the problem.
 
Squatting Bear said:
Click to expand...
Hah Pandora would laugh at me for taking advice from Rogan.

The next is really appropriate.. hits home.. thanks. I think I was meant to hear that.


Thank you Squatting!
 
This topic has come up many times. I have brought it up myself. I don't have time to write a proper response at this moment. In the mean time check out the other posts related to this topic. Use the search tab for 'letting go'.
 
Thank you. I have searched for a very narrow set of subjects and learned quite a lot over the last 4 weeks or so.
Have a friend who offered to come over, while that wont help with my control issues, it will with pre-flight jitters. and the guy who is advising me just say to say "Hello?" without expectation.. I think I can do that.

From everything I have read, you keep your reason, intellect and sense of self (though that transforms into a sense of all at ego death from what I could tell.

The problem is.. as far as I can tell.. I am feeling partial effects of Ego Death before I ever cross, just by mentally preparing. Every part has been very heartbreaking. Not in a way that is painful, but like a wife getting away from an abusive husband and she still loves him. <--horrible analogy but only one I could think of this late.

In that same analogy, the cab is waiting downstairs, I just have to have the faith in myself to step in.
Trying to grasp "not needing to be" is ok and semi comfortable, I think I came to terms with my own death in my 30's. Having my world shattered is much more of a journey than the fear of injury or death. My identity is more valuable than my life. Not sure how I know that, but it really is how I feel.
 

Found a good one same type from Alan Watts. I can't be scared of me.
Well maybe before my first coffee. :surprised

-SC
 
You say that you follow a monotheistic religion whole-heartedly. If you really do, what is the worry? The worry is because it is not entirely whole-heartedly that you follow. You want to retain something. Leave it all for your deity to carry, come what may. The One that created can also take care.
 
Thanks guys!
By Sunday night.

Trip you posted the authors my mini-guru posted.

I have my bonzai tree, my cross that has been blessed by at least 8 priests who have done ceremonies for me and my family, my protective avatar (Archangel Michael), a GVG, enough jimjam to let a horse cross and a good sense of humor. My Death Note to record any glyphs, a camera and microphone.

Only thing I lack is a Ovaltine Decoder ring at this point.

:)

Thank you TGO, Zhoro, Trip

EDIT: TGO thank you for sharing that story! Reading now.
 
You must let go of your bonzai tree, cross that has been blessed by at least 8 priests who have done ceremonies for you and your family, your protective avatar (Archangel Michael), your GVG, your jimjam, your Death Note to record any glyphs, your camera and your microphone.


Notice I left one out
 
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