I've been flippant, although I firmly stand behind not wanting kids, tonight or any other. It's the one mistake I didn't make. Yet.

However marriage is more vague. As I get older, approaching 50 years on this rock, I would like companionship into the final days. I'm just not in a hurry, I'll know her when I meet her. If she can understand me , laugh at my jokes, empathize with my pain and grasp my worldview, then maybe. 

I've very much been into codependency and have attachment issues. I sleep with someone and do t want them to go. It's been bad. If anyone recalls any of my "girlfriend is driving me insane" posts a year or more ago, well...

That said I recognize that and identifying an issue leads to solving it. I've been working towards learning to share love and intimacy (whatever that means in it's various definitions) compassionately and while have not had the opportunity to put it in action with a lover successfully forward to the time when I can. To practice giving love generously and accepting it graciously.

As far as kids go, yeah BEING a kid was the best part if my life and I know that denying myself a child of my own is denying a love that I can never know without doing so, but I feel it may be a neccesary sacrifice.

I'm pretty certain I could raise a pretty good revolutionary  but a happy one, i dont know. And that's too much for me. While I doubt it, WHAT IF my kid interacted with the world line I have? What if he turned inward and to things like heroin as did I? What if he ended up an adult homeless and struggling? I'd never know if it was from me it not. I think reserving a soul from this place shows love for humanity- I live by several rules, one of which is to strive to cause no suffering....