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Marriage

Migrated topic.
I don't really care for the whole notion of marriage. If you find someone you'd like to stay with for a while, then stay with them. No need to sign a paper to make it "official". All that paper means is insurance, and I don't like insurance companies that much either.

Every wedding I've been to is just a huge waste of time and money. If I found someone I'd like to stay with, I'd rather travel the world with them. If we still love each other at the end of it, then she's a keeper.
 
I've been flippant, although I firmly stand behind not wanting kids, tonight or any other. It's the one mistake I didn't make. Yet.

However marriage is more vague. As I get older, approaching 50 years on this rock, I would like companionship into the final days. I'm just not in a hurry, I'll know her when I meet her. If she can understand me , laugh at my jokes, empathize with my pain and grasp my worldview, then maybe.

I've very much been into codependency and have attachment issues. I sleep with someone and do t want them to go. It's been bad. If anyone recalls any of my "girlfriend is driving me insane" posts a year or more ago, well...

That said I recognize that and identifying an issue leads to solving it. I've been working towards learning to share love and intimacy (whatever that means in it's various definitions) compassionately and while have not had the opportunity to put it in action with a lover successfully forward to the time when I can. To practice giving love generously and accepting it graciously.

As far as kids go, yeah BEING a kid was the best part if my life and I know that denying myself a child of my own is denying a love that I can never know without doing so, but I feel it may be a neccesary sacrifice.

I'm pretty certain I could raise a pretty good revolutionary but a happy one, i dont know. And that's too much for me. While I doubt it, WHAT IF my kid interacted with the world line I have? What if he turned inward and to things like heroin as did I? What if he ended up an adult homeless and struggling? I'd never know if it was from me it not. I think reserving a soul from this place shows love for humanity- I live by several rules, one of which is to strive to cause no suffering....
 
Western marriage, what's it for? Tax breaks? Or declaration to the world, a bit like pretending to have a life by always posting what you did on facebook, otherwise it didn't happen ?

Some sort of small ceremony would be nice though, something cultured and romantic. Invite close friends only, family optional. A small hut by the sea under the stars with lots of candles and incense and stuff. That would be cute. Aww. :love:

....What?

Shut up.
 
If you have someone you plan to be with for years (and live in the states), it's worth getting the official doc signed, just for the tax breaks and legal benefits. If you do have that person, you'll want hospital visitation rights and things of that nature. The ceremony and all the accouterments are largely pointless in my eyes though.

Also, I feel obligated to make a tired joke:

MAWAGE. Mawage is what bwings us togwether towday. Two wuv.

Blessings
~ND
 
Orion said:
Western marriage, what's it for? Tax breaks? Or declaration to the world, a bit like pretending to have a life by always posting what you did on facebook, otherwise it didn't happen ?

Some sort of small ceremony would be nice though, something cultured and romantic. Invite close friends only, family optional. A small hut by the sea under the stars with lots of candles and incense and stuff. That would be cute. Aww. :love:

....What?

Shut up.
Click to expand...


:love:
 
image.jpg

The deed is done.
Nice little corsage of Australian natives.
😁
 
I would prefer to be with a woman who wouldn't want to limit our personal freedom by demanding marriage, but that trait is something I would compromise on if the woman were amazing in every other way... I think I've found such a woman, so my principles will be put to the test :)

[YOUTUBE]
 
Let every moment pass equally, and cherish each with undivided attention.

Cherish also your time apart.

Please be thoughtful always of what you are saying.

If you can't read her, you can't lead. Be the leader.

Have confidence, integrity, respect, and faith in yourself and your intelligence as an individual.

"And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course."
 
I tend toward the sentimental, and I did just attend my sister's very expensive wedding this weekend, so maybe my answer is a little biased. But I think marriage as a concept is sweet, assuming you find the right person and the reasons are good.

However, how often is this really the case? The media constructs this idea that we all need to get married to be "normal" and that the average American adult subject is married. So while we can say, "People should be able to do whatever they want, man," many people are manipulated and coerced into wanting certain things from life.

When my sister first started dating her husband, she complained to my family that "he's ugly and I don't like him." Then at the wedding there was a speech about how "she loved him and his eyes from the first moment they met" which my immediate family recognized as BS. People want romantic lives and stories like in movies and TV, but this is rare and hardly ever, if ever at all, the case.

I do not like this kind of hypocrisy. Why can't she admit that their meeting was not perfect? Why can't she admit that maybe their relationship is rough around the edges? And they're a pretty good couple; I can only imagine how some other dysfunctional, power-grabbing couples operate.

If you cut the media influence, financial incentives, arrangements, coveting, and hypocrisy, I love marriage and I think it is somewhat a natural instinct. Humans enjoy mates. But if most men had the chance, wouldn't we spread our seed everywhere around the world? Maybe desire for a single long-term mate is more of a female thing, as their biology requires a mandatory 9 month commitment for offspring. I'm not a biologist so I don't know.

Regardless, aging and dying alone (physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually) is a sad prospect, and if you can find the right soulmate for the journey, I think it can be a very beautiful ride. :)
 
Married to Ms. Steppa for about three years now, while beeing together for 17 years (we both are 32)...still love it.

We had a small wedding with friends and the closest family. So it wasn't too expensive. Also wedding presents...not that it really matters but after the wedding there was a huge "+" on the bottom line.

It's not like that I needed to get married or sth. ...but as the promise to stick together was already made a long time ago we could also just make it official. Oh man...and how happy she was. It was a great day.

I give it a 9 out of 10. Would marry again. 😁
 
Yeah, marriage isn't really for me. Im of the group here that if you cross paths with someone that you fall into a groove with, someone that over time you develop something to where words cant describe, someone you can be yourself around and vice versa, then legal documentation shouldn't have to enter the equation.

On a funnier note, one of my favorite comedians and his take on marriage. :d

[youtube]
 
RAM said:
But if most men had the chance, wouldn't we spread our seed everywhere around the world? Maybe desire for a single long-term mate is more of a female thing, as their biology requires a mandatory 9 month commitment for offspring. I'm not a biologist so I don't know.
Click to expand...

Humans are strange since there seems to be an abundance of tournament males and pair bonding males. Actually, I can comfortably say humans are a tournament and pair bonding species. I've seen plenty of women who are highly combative with other women. The whole idea of pair bonding is highly steeped in romanticism. With tournament humans, their goal seems to be sex driven.

I'm a romantic, but I also see myself as a lifelong bachelor. I don't have commitment issues, but many of my life goals are incompatible with most women. I don't think a potential mate would approve of me as a partner if I told her my goal is to be a hermit in the jungle till the day I die, which is true. I'm not sex driven, but more love driven. I've done the whole "getting laid" thing, and it's boring. I'd rather make love. But I'd also rather live my life in isolation. I'm complicated.
 
i made and lost fortunes in my 2.5 marriages.
and ,they hardly affected my love life at all.

as for kids, those that know me realize thats absurd.
kids would just contam the lab.
 
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