A memory of the wheel of parallelity
4 units gin
1 bong hit of '40x 335mg standardised extract', salviastore.co.uk brand
September 2008
Circumstances
We were sitting at the table with Led Zepp 'Early Days' on the stereo. I had had a few gins and was about to go out with my friend S, but felt the need for the release of being mildly wasted on something, so I asked S if she would mind if I smoked a small amount of Salvia first. She was cool with that, so I got the bong out and loaded it with an estimated third of the amount I'd smoked during my last, spiritually divine Salvia trip because I was only looking for threshold effects this time. I smoked the lot in one long draw and held it in for a count of ten.
The Experience
As soon as it hit me, I just said 'Oh no'. My body started repeating itself to the right in perfect clarity and I had to keep snapping my head to the side to snap myself from the repetitions and prevent the effect from continuing to infinity and blocking my vision entirely. I laughed the nervous-skunk-laugh and said 'I did too much' then grabbed the Salvia, the bong and S's hand and pulled her into the bedroom. I was worried that I would be acting weirdly to her and would freak her out. I stuffed the Salvia away in a drawer both so that I wouldn't smoke any more and so that she would have to stay sober to look after me until I came down.
While fighting off the effect, I had a vivid memory that I believed at the time to be of something that happened to me the first time I took Salvia. I was certain that I was recalling an until-now completely forgotten memory of how my body had began repeating itself until all I could see was hundreds, thousands, millions of me all fitting together perfectly like an Escher and all repeating rotationally into infinity in a wheel. I remembered the terror of a complete destruction of all ego in realising that my existence was meaningless, that I was so un-unique in this horrific wheel of suffering in which I was so evidently not the me at the centre. Then as the wheel turned it became apparent that it was one of many inexplicably connected 3D cogs, and as these cogs turned I realised that I was soon to be crushed by another cog and feared the end of my existence as another me came closer and closer. This 'memory' wasn't happening in front of my eyes, but haunted my consciousness in graphic detail as if it had truly happpened before. I saw it at the time as an insight into the place where every me from every parallel universe is connected together in the infinite, horrific and meaningless suffering that is existence.
S held me and smiled and said 'How are you feeling?' so sweetly and I burrowed my head into her neck and closed my eyes. I opened them again and the effect returned, so I continued snapping my head to break free and closed my eyes every now and then to keep the 'memory' from actually happening again in reality. Then I started telling her about what was happening, still snapping my head away periodically to avoid the effect. After about ten minutes the effects had subdued and I felt securely in that which we call reality. I was left awestruck and humbled and pondered whether the memory had really happened. S told me that as soon as I had smoked the Salvia, I had started sweating and then jerking my head around like a chicken, presumably as I tried to break away from the repetitions.
Conclusion
I still have no idea whether this genuinely was a real memory from my previous trip, or merely a false one planted in my mind this time around. It is interesting that on the previous trip the drug had perfectly recalled across my eyelids the memory of a psychedelic video that I had previously watched. Whether Salvia recalled a forgotten memory, or implanted a visionary false one, I'll never know, but either way this is another reason why it inspires me with awe and wary respect.