It this were true my path would be so much easier and I would not be taking a serious (read desperate) look at jamie's post. Nor preparing myself for fully conscious traumatic procedures routinely described as "the worst day in my life by far," after having already had some real dooseys.
But the thoughts are greatly appreciated. I wish it was just a food block or that a surgery would make it go away. But that is not the case.
This is my current Major Life Transition. We all have them. They are not easy. The final one is death. Each one (I don't know about the final) teaches us big lessons, causes growth, but changes our functioning and lives. It's part of being human.
I'm lucky I live in a time and place where my only resort is NOT the shaman because if that was the case I would have begged her or him to break my skull open with a stone so hard my brain leaked out or opened my arteries with a sharp piece of obsidian, this time last week. By the time I got treated, it took me 6 shots of morphine (in about a 12 hour period) that were 1.5 times the regular dose to be able to live in a world that was nothing but pain. Nothing. Frankly, I don't remember much of the details and this is a good thing.
Nasty Surprise. Yet, nice to have some answers, as indicated as I had been spiraling down for awhile in more ways than one.
Wishful thinking and positivity have their place here for sure, but they aren't going to get me through this. This is NOT a matter of attitude, LOL. Unless it's the attitude of the hyperspace nanocities that make up my cellular self.
At least the usual low grade cacophany in my head has decided to check out. They don't like this at all and are utterly silent.
One thing I'm having a problem with is anger. It's HUGE. And I'm recognizing it for what it is. A seriously crappy way for me to deal with pain. I've been joking that I'm skipping denial and depression, but that bargaining has it's place, anger is HERE and that I hope acceptance will come soon.
Peace & Love
But the thoughts are greatly appreciated. I wish it was just a food block or that a surgery would make it go away. But that is not the case.
This is my current Major Life Transition. We all have them. They are not easy. The final one is death. Each one (I don't know about the final) teaches us big lessons, causes growth, but changes our functioning and lives. It's part of being human.
I'm lucky I live in a time and place where my only resort is NOT the shaman because if that was the case I would have begged her or him to break my skull open with a stone so hard my brain leaked out or opened my arteries with a sharp piece of obsidian, this time last week. By the time I got treated, it took me 6 shots of morphine (in about a 12 hour period) that were 1.5 times the regular dose to be able to live in a world that was nothing but pain. Nothing. Frankly, I don't remember much of the details and this is a good thing.
Nasty Surprise. Yet, nice to have some answers, as indicated as I had been spiraling down for awhile in more ways than one.
Wishful thinking and positivity have their place here for sure, but they aren't going to get me through this. This is NOT a matter of attitude, LOL. Unless it's the attitude of the hyperspace nanocities that make up my cellular self.
At least the usual low grade cacophany in my head has decided to check out. They don't like this at all and are utterly silent.
One thing I'm having a problem with is anger. It's HUGE. And I'm recognizing it for what it is. A seriously crappy way for me to deal with pain. I've been joking that I'm skipping denial and depression, but that bargaining has it's place, anger is HERE and that I hope acceptance will come soon.
Peace & Love
And i hope that everything goes well for you, or that you at least come to peace with everything. 
All the best, Pandora. I hope all goes well and look forward to seeing you around soon. My prayers are with you. Stay strong and always look to the light, may god speed your travels. 
