Mr.Peabody said:
I have noticed on very intense trips that I can access past trips. It seems as though you are afraid or have had this happen regarding your bad LSD trip, so I know what you're talking about. I have two thoughts on this. If you don't resolve it, and worry about it it will always be there, which I'm sure you know. I don't know if you can confront it head on or not, but that may be the key.
Sooner or later I guess I need to start my own thread about all this, seems like I always end up talking about it in someone elses'.
There's a lot of info on the initial bad experience
HERE.
I haven't tried working with any sort of cactus yet, and you're right I probably should. I've been curious about peyote for years but it's never presented itself, and I've never really gone searching. I assume it will show up on it's own when it's time to take that step, like mushrooms eventually did.
In my particular case this old trip appears to be something that's burned pretty deeply into my subconscious, whether I think or worry about it beforehand seems to have much less to do with it recurring than the relative dosage of whatever I take. I've gotten back there accidentally before by going deeper than I meant to, like eating 2G of PE and expecting it to be a mild experience like 2G of B+. I wasn't worried about it at all really, low doses like that had never caused it before. I didn't realize PE was like double strength. Up until then, I was optimistic that the chemical pathway of shrooms was different enough from LSD not to take me back there. But then here comes the associated sound in my head, and the fear, and the same old thought-loop that kept me away from psychs for so long.
The only way I've found of confronting it, is going there anyway, and gradually trying to teach my subconscious that it's ok, I can have these sorts of experiences and NOT live out the old "prophecy" that my mind telling me very loudly IS going to come true. Right NOW! Having low dose experiences fairly regularly seems to be helping, slowly... I go out into the water a little bit and come back unharmed, and each time it tells that damaged part of me "see, it's ok, it didn't come true." But when I go too far out, it's still there, getting in the way of ever really having any OTHER kind of experience.
DMT on it's own doesn't seem to take me back there the way that mushrooms (at least cubes) can, and by itself has never triggered any of this stuff. Then during the most intense part of my Caapi/DMT experience, the sound was there, but I was able to ride it out and didn't get stuck in the loop. I tried to just commune with the moment, and express my gratitude to whatever, for keeping me safe. But as soon as the peak wore off and I was able to move around again, the fear came on. Thankfully that didn't last too long and I distracted myself with drawing on the comedown. I wasn't worried about flashbacks before this either, because DMT on it's own had always felt so safe, and doesn't seem to come with that same "insane" thought distortion time-loop thing for me. I can still think relatively normally, and basically just observe whatever is happening.
I really thought DMT and Caapi would feel the same, just last longer and maybe take me futher into hyperspace. The bad trippiness aspect lurking around the edges really caught me by surprise. And like I said at first I thought it was just the remainder of the mushrooms I'd had earlier in the day being amplified, but now I'm being told it would have been pretty much the same thing without them, so I just don't know anymore. All I can think to do now is get ahold of more caapi and try it again seperated by at least a week from mushrooms, and see just how similar they really are for me. If I still go back there, I might be stuck dealing mainly with vaped DMT alone until I can work through this.
