My Death, part II

[mrblonde01]

Hi Gibran2,

I'm so happy I found this post. I felt like I was the only one who had an experience like you had. I would like to get your opinion about my experience of which i've written the following report:

Hi all,

Just got out of an intense DMT experience that I would like to share with you and get your opinion about.

I've done DMT before, about a year ago now. That one was amazing, I was in a different dimension and felt love, a great overall experience.

About an hour ago, I did it the second time. I loaded 'the machine' with about 30 mg and took a hit. I was in my bedroom, and I saw the room illuminate within seconds. I laid back and closes my eyes, and then it began.

I felt like my body was in shock. There were no closed eyes visuals I can remember. It was as if I had been crying for a long time. Then, the feeling of 'dying' came over me. Now when I say dying, I mean no physical pain or anything, just my body and consciousness 'giving up', letting go and becoming totally still, dissolving in a repetitive fractal for all eternity (I try my best to explain it, the actual experience was much more complicated, beyond words). It was as if I had died in another dimension, and the DMT brought me in contact with that dimension and made my body 'remember' that I died. After a while, I came back to my self again, realised everything was okay, and I was back in the familiar dimension again and tried to make sense of it all, which of course I couldn't. On the one hand, I was so happy to be alive, it certainly makes you appreciate life! But on the other hand, why did this happen?

My previous DMT trip was so wonderful, what happened? I had similar experiences like this on Mushrooms (a double dose), and more recently even with 2CB (one and a half 18mg pill), it's like I remember dying every time I trip now. I did LSD a couple of weeks ago, and that was great though, really positive experience.

I really have no idea what to make of this. Does anyone of you had a similar feeling or experience?

I may have oversimplified it, it did not actually feel like dying in a sense of dying in this world, it felt as if my consciousness, in that state, remembered that in a different dimension, I have died. It felt like "Of course! I have died!" And in that psychedelic state, I remember that that happened and had to come to terms with it. Naturally, I guess I resisted that feeling. The death felt very real and I do not want to die. Could it be that that resistance is keeping me from being 'reborn' again? It is so hard to explain and classify these feelings, but they are very real, and I'm looking for some guidance.

 

[dark-king]

very interesting read gibran and live

But I have a question to you guys (and to others who had similar experiences of I must have definitely died type)

Why did you think this ? Did the trip take so much time ? I understand the subjectivity of time is hard to tell and the clock impossible to read, but still how long would you guys estimate that had passed in your head ? Did you feel like stuck for an hour/day/week ?

Did you have one or more endless loops and couldnt focus so it made you assume death ?

Because I didnt breakthrough and this is what I am mostly scared of.

Can't your rational mind/ego tell you during the experience: "hey it's ok I took x y z and in a short while (well I just have to wait an hour maybe ....it will pass... its made to pass ...it will pass.... every minute now effects will diminish ..." ...this is what I really mostly need to know.

thanks for helping and sharing

 

[gibran2]

very interesting read gibran and live

But I have a question to you guys (and to others who had similar experiences of I must have definitely died type)

Why did you think this ? Did the trip take so much time ? I understand the subjectivity of time is hard to tell and the clock impossible to read, but still how long would you guys estimate that had passed in your head ? Did you feel like stuck for an hour/day/week ?

Did you have one or more endless loops and couldnt focus so it made you assume death ?

Because I didnt breakthrough and this is what I am mostly scared of.

Can't your rational mind/ego tell you during the experience: "hey it's ok I took x y z and in a short while (well I just have to wait an hour maybe ....it will pass... its made to pass ...it will pass.... every minute now effects will diminish ..." ...this is what I really mostly need to know.

thanks for helping and sharing

Here are some points that might help clarify:

1. The experience was unlike any breakthrough I had before or since. At that point, I already had many breakthrough experiences and was very familiar with their general character.

2. There was no sense of a body whatsoever. I was completely removed from my physical body and its senses and sensations. I knew I had a body, and I knew where it was, but it was quite clear that’s not where “I” was.

3. The mental clarity was exceptional. I could clearly reason about my situation, and based on what was happening to me, it was very easy to conclude that something happened to my physical body that resulted in my death. I thought that I might have had a heart attack (runs in the family), but there was no way to know – I was removed completely from my body and my Earthly environment.

I can’t stress enough how different this experience was from all others. Due to this extreme difference, it was very easy to conclude that the experience wasn’t a DMT experience. And logically, if it wasn’t a DMT experience, then what was it? A death experience was a logical, rational conclusion based on what I was experiencing and had experienced prior.

4. There was no looping at all. Just a series of breathtaking visual experiences (would have been quite enjoyable if I didn’t conclude I had died!)

5. Although there was a timeless quality to the experience, I didn’t feel like I was gone for very long. It felt like I was gone for maybe 30 – 40 minutes or so. In reality, I think I was gone for about 20 minutes.

 

[mrblonde01]

Gibran2, have your read my post (2 up)? I would like to know your thoughts about it. I've had the exact same feeling on mushrooms and 2cb before. Whichever psychedelic journey I take, it seems that most of the time it shows me my own death. On another forum there was a suggestion that this is quite normal but normally you'd get 'reborn', and that maybe I'm blocking that.

 

[uz1l0v3r]

I'm keeping my eyes peeled for part 2. I recall some of Rick Strassman's volunteer believing that they had died (one of whom was a doctor himself) during the trip, so maybe it's not all that unusual (you just need a big enough dose).

I may be jumping the gun here, but if we say for argument's sake that this was a true NDE (at least in the sense of subjectively experiencing the hereafter, rather than being actually close to death from a heart attack etc), why did you not encounter those who had already passed over? I only say this because it appears to be a common theme in NDEs.

I hate the idea of there being a life after this one, but one utterly bereft of the beings that I have loved so much during this existence. I think I'd rather there be nothing at all, rather than have to live for eternity and never see them again.

 

[gibran2]

Gibran2, have your read my post (2 up)? I would like to know your thoughts about it. I've had the exact same feeling on mushrooms and 2cb before. Whichever psychedelic journey I take, it seems that most of the time it shows me my own death. On another forum there was a suggestion that this is quite normal but normally you'd get 'reborn', and that maybe I'm blocking that.

I’ve had a number of experiences where I experienced a very explicit ego death. One time I was literally crushed out of existence. A very challenging experience.

Other times I’ve lost my identity to one degree or another. Some people might describe experiences of these sorts to be death-like.

But in the experience referenced in this post, my ego/sense of self was fully intact. I was totally disconnected from my body, so I couldn’t make any objective assessment of its condition. As I said, due to the unique nature of the experience, it was easy to assume I had died – I had gone too far and wasn’t coming back.

There also was what I suppose you could call a rebirth – I had to “go back to sleep” and dream myself back into existence. Is that a rebirth?

 

[gibran2]

I'm keeping my eyes peeled for part 2. I recall some of Rick Strassman's volunteer believing that they had died (one of whom was a doctor himself) during the trip, so maybe it's not all that unusual (you just need a big enough dose).

I may be jumping the gun here, but if we say for argument's sake that this was a true NDE (at least in the sense of subjectively experiencing the hereafter, rather than being actually close to death from a heart attack etc), why did you not encounter those who had already passed over? I only say this because it appears to be a common theme in NDEs.

I hate the idea of there being a life after this one, but one utterly bereft of the beings that I have loved so much during this existence. I think I'd rather there be nothing at all, rather than have to live for eternity and never see them again.

I don’t think an experience of the sort I had is entirely dose-dependent. Of course, you need a large enough dose to have effects, but in my opinion a larger dose doesn’t make such an experience more likely. I had somewhere around 27mg – a typical/average dose for me. Why the experience turned out the way it did is anybody’s guess.

Not all NDEs involve encountering the departed, and I’m not sure myself that I had a “genuine” NDE. But at the time I was solidly convinced that I wasn’t coming back.

To say “I hate the idea of there being a life after this one” implies that there is a separation between phases of subjective experience. This is not necessarily the case.
I sometimes define death as “an awakening to one’s higher self”.

 

[Jdn717]

The feeling of death during the ceremony is something I feel to be common during a mushroom experience, I haven't experienced this during a DMT session because the duration was too short.
DMT and it's brethren substances I believe are closely related (if not exactly) to the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil as described (literally or archetypically, your choice) in The Bible. If you remember correctly, when Eve heard the cosmic serpents persuasive lie and truth combination and ate from the fruit (mushroom?) she exposed humanity to the ultimate pitfall of death. Yes, the serpent was correct in saying that she would know knowledge of good and evil (not sure why you'd want to know evil), but claiming that she would be like God was demonstrably false.

What I am trying to get at is when under the fruits influence one must be aware of the power struggle that's truly taking place between the cosmic serpent and the new Eve (the Blessed Mother). It is easy for the mind to wander into feelings of disintegration, or feelings of returning back to the dust from which we came from. On the other hand, the "tripper" (hate that term), can also begin to feel the immense love of God, the rebirth, or resureection. Depending on how mature someone is spiritually these lessons can be transformed into real world happiness or real world despair.

I could go on and on about this. But for those who are unaware of Catholic doctrine, the Immaculate Virgin Mary is the new eve, by her choice to cooperate with God (as opposed to Eves disobedience) and bring forth the divine child Jesus (the new Adam) she was promoted to Queen of the Heavens, and it is she who will "crush the serpents proud head". Have you ever noticed the snake under her feet on most Mary statues?

Ciao.

 

[mrblonde01]

Gibran2, have your read my post (2 up)? I would like to know your thoughts about it. I've had the exact same feeling on mushrooms and 2cb before. Whichever psychedelic journey I take, it seems that most of the time it shows me my own death. On another forum there was a suggestion that this is quite normal but normally you'd get 'reborn', and that maybe I'm blocking that.

I’ve had a number of experiences where I experienced a very explicit ego death. One time I was literally crushed out of existence. A very challenging experience.

Other times I’ve lost my identity to one degree or another. Some people might describe experiences of these sorts to be death-like.

But in the experience referenced in this post, my ego/sense of self was fully intact. I was totally disconnected from my body, so I couldn’t make any objective assessment of its condition. As I said, due to the unique nature of the experience, it was easy to assume I had died – I had gone too far and wasn’t coming back.

There also was what I suppose you could call a rebirth – I had to “go back to sleep” and dream myself back into existence. Is that a rebirth?

I think I can say my ego was also intact during this experience. I was still very much me, and felt incredibly sad for my family and friends that I died. It was extremely realistic... 'This is what happens when you die'. It wasn't a concept, a metaphore, I was really shown how it was like. I wish I could describe it as beautiful as you do, I think the language barrier is holding me back a bit here, but when reading your account I feel we had the same experience for the most part.

Did it ever happen again for you?

 

[gibran2]

I think I can say my ego was also intact during this experience. I was still very much me, and felt incredibly sad for my family and friends that I died. It was extremely realistic... 'This is what happens when you die'. It wasn't a concept, a metaphore, I was really shown how it was like. I wish I could describe it as beautiful as you do, I think the language barrier is holding me back a bit here, but when reading your account I feel we had the same experience for the most part.

Yes - it sounds like you had a very similar experience.

Did it ever happen again for you?

That was a unique experience for me. I’ve never had one like it since.

 

[Auroas]

Thank you for sharing, sounds like a very unique experience. I look forward to reading more

 

[Al-Wasi]

I had a very profound experience on dxm years ago that is very similar to this. I only used dxm maybe five times total in my.life. as I'm.not a fan of it st all. However this night I had consumed I larger dose then usual. I ended up laying down on the floor feeling as if I took too much and had poisoned myself.

Unable to move and in panic my spirit or soul left my body and began to rise up. I knew I was dead at this point as I'm looking at my body and my buddy laying on his bed. It was intense and I panicked and panicked. I never accepted d my death. I refused too die and eventually swam back to my body and regained control.

Since this experience my outlook on god and spirituality has changed. I know I'm talking dxm and your talking DMT but this made me re think that trip a lot.

I've yet to have a true psychedelic make me think I've died. I've felt like I fried my brain on LSD and that JD never come down and it was the worst trip ever.

Crazy what these chemicals can do to us.