Hi everyone!
Very happy to be here, I've seen some brilliant minds at work here and I'm pleased to have found a place where I can always come back and learn something new and unexpected. Hopefully, I'll be able to give a little back at some point.
Weeks ago I used altogether 300mg of spice in few days (without actually breaking through) and felt like in a "cathedral" of light and in most beautiful surroundings, peeking into the world of the dead (I presume), occasionally meeting cheerful, dancing creatures, smiling a lot myself...
More recently, I worked with acid and found it astonishing, having had only one bad trip because I felt deeply hurt (in a child like state) during an interaction with a person I did not know and whose shadow overwhelmed me. Good lesson in any case, pointed out some old weaknesses in me.
But in the last few days (using over a gram of spice in only two days or so, and probably wasting a lot of it since my technique is somewhat imperfect) - I had several breakthroughs into strange dimensions, some extremely unfriendly and bizarre, other beautiful and breathtaking. At certain points I suppose I went a little too far in concern to my body/brain/psyche limitations.
There are a few trips that I'd very much like to share here:
1. On one occasion I OD'd and felt moving at great speed into complete reduction all the way down to what is "my" attention. I had no body, no emotions, not even a sense of identity... or even a sense of time. As far as I can guess, I was dead. At one point I started to come back, found myself lying on the floor, remembering gradually who I am in this world - or to be more precise - who this being I call myself is. This is what I later read from others to be called "ego death".
2. The other experience (or a set of them) that came the very next day, I dedicated the entire night to this "ritual". I took around 400μg of acid and in the middle of this trip felt I'm already half-free from my clinging on to what I overly took for granted. This was my most beautiful and moving acid experience. I've had my most complete moment of stillness, balancing on a thin thread of light, in union of masculine and feminine force, and everything was... being. (All the) while I was observing myself observing. I spent the trip mostly alone and came to see some aspects of life that deeply correspond to Buddhist teachings I was familiar with - but never seen them with such clarity or intimacy. Later on, I took on spice on top of acid and broke into a dimension in which I faced an "authoritative entity" that asked me, not in my language or any I knew, but rather I could read it's "thoughts" through intention: "Who are you and what do you want?" I never ever faced such terror in my life that I can remember, except in fear for someone I care for. No place to run or hide. I have no analogy good enough to describe the forcefulness and simplicity of that interaction.
In regards to the second experience, I had no reference point as to who or what I am - nor what I was doing there. I felt I was intruding and this being could, as far as I knew, demolish me in an instant. I was stripped down to awareness, left with perhaps a little more. I had no sense of time, no plug to pull out and abort, absolute panic from the depths of my being in the middle of this alien world. The sense of authority this being gave me implied, in my interpretation, that it could be much older and more intelligent then me - therefore gravely dangerous. But on top of that, I realised I had only one card to play and that is to take refuge in my innocence and (as strange as this may sound) - become a demon of fire myself. Instead, I shied away, not knowing what the consequences might be, somehow I got to the end of this "nightmare" (that I feared may last forever)... and melted back into my home. I felt then and there as if I set in motion something that cannot be reversed. Slowly, as I was coming back, in panic, almost reached toward a tab of Valium (kept for acid emergencies) but quickly realised there is absolutely no point in trying anything, this spirit-play is way too immense for my petty attempts of fleeting. I was so happy to be back. Also, for a moment there, I sobered up from acid, perhaps by means of shock.
Later I continued using spice, having collected my guts, all in the same night. I awoke some force from within me and spoke in a vibrant language that (so to say) reflected self-awareness and also courtesy towards all other beings - I felt I started to express myself. I despise patronising in real life and I came to know that I despise this rude "authority" in spiritual realms. My voice changed during the effects of spice, it became resonant and powerful, I spoke "in tongues" (but really, it reflected my inner feelings and made perfect sense to me). I even made a deep respectful gesture to all the beings that were present there, that they are more than welcome to join my presence. The spice wore off and I had no way of going back. I felt disappointed. I suppose maoi would enhance these travels but I'm not yet familiar with those substances...
Even some time after I was back from the spice (space) trip, I still spoke in this "spiritual language" and I enjoyed it very much - my being was unified in its expression. At some other times on lower doses I started singing and this also helped me root, humming in very simple tunes without words - there doesn't seem to be much that can be carried to the other side, but feels like it depends on the physical body very much - I apologise here for excessive guesswork.
What spice showed me was that I am far more than I thought I was, and deep inside of me I kind of knew this already. Not in some egoic sense, but in a way of being a force of life that won't be threatened and will set on fire in face of any being that corners me. But by that firestorm I actually mean (and hope) as a raging fire of attention... never a source of pain for others. In my heart, I know this is just a wish. I have no such power of awareness yet to free myself from all fear and give myself so completely to what is.
3. The day after that, I took a strong dose of spice again (no mg scale used at any point throughout these experiments) and my body felt extremely "electrified", went into a semi-violent and spontaneous adjustment of the spine which took on a straight, erect form... with my head facing the ceiling and eyes rolling back. Well, I was enjoying every minute of it, in a way, however strange the whole situation was.
Suddenly, I felt elevated through several "floors of dimensions" and into some kind of a space-ship-like room where one entity showed me the most beautiful ball of light with, now familiar, engravings that had a life (?) and transformed as if in a writing that seems to be spread all over these realities, like being a part of the very fabric of existence - whether spiritual, material or both. They kept this ball of light very carefully in some sort of a housing (designed to keep it safe?). I came back somewhat shocked and deeply sad because of what I've seen (I cannot remember why these emotions...!). My body was shaking as if electric currents were still flashing through it... as if my nervous system was adapting - or was simply overloaded. I loved the part of being so alive. I did not like the "déjà vu feeling" at all, there was some immense sadness associated with what they showed me, something I was reminded of there (by them) but could not later recall what. I might not be ready.
I've read, some of you mention these "fabergé eggs"? Does anyone know what they are exactly?
One more fascinating thing, on two occasions, I stared at the mirror coming off spice and seen my face decomposing before my eyes, with intricate details, such as eyelids gently peeling off... But I had to stare very persistently, every time I would blink it would start from the begging. I recently found here (after the experience), on this forum, that "aya" roughly translates into dead/corpse/soul... Blew my mind... again.
This question might seem naive to some of you who've been flying into hyperspace for years - is "speaking in tongues" and the "moving engravings" I've seen all over these dimensions actually a part of some communication/identification system?
Thank you and bless you all.
t.
P.S. I would like to add that these personal earthquakes increased my overall outlook, self-control... And... the feeling is so positively shocking that it feels permanent. I feel humility and empowerment after these intense sessions.
EDIT: The original post has been deleted due to some personal reconsiderations, but in essence stays the same. Big hug to The Grateful One for encouraging me.
Very happy to be here, I've seen some brilliant minds at work here and I'm pleased to have found a place where I can always come back and learn something new and unexpected. Hopefully, I'll be able to give a little back at some point.
Weeks ago I used altogether 300mg of spice in few days (without actually breaking through) and felt like in a "cathedral" of light and in most beautiful surroundings, peeking into the world of the dead (I presume), occasionally meeting cheerful, dancing creatures, smiling a lot myself...
More recently, I worked with acid and found it astonishing, having had only one bad trip because I felt deeply hurt (in a child like state) during an interaction with a person I did not know and whose shadow overwhelmed me. Good lesson in any case, pointed out some old weaknesses in me.
But in the last few days (using over a gram of spice in only two days or so, and probably wasting a lot of it since my technique is somewhat imperfect) - I had several breakthroughs into strange dimensions, some extremely unfriendly and bizarre, other beautiful and breathtaking. At certain points I suppose I went a little too far in concern to my body/brain/psyche limitations.
There are a few trips that I'd very much like to share here:
1. On one occasion I OD'd and felt moving at great speed into complete reduction all the way down to what is "my" attention. I had no body, no emotions, not even a sense of identity... or even a sense of time. As far as I can guess, I was dead. At one point I started to come back, found myself lying on the floor, remembering gradually who I am in this world - or to be more precise - who this being I call myself is. This is what I later read from others to be called "ego death".
2. The other experience (or a set of them) that came the very next day, I dedicated the entire night to this "ritual". I took around 400μg of acid and in the middle of this trip felt I'm already half-free from my clinging on to what I overly took for granted. This was my most beautiful and moving acid experience. I've had my most complete moment of stillness, balancing on a thin thread of light, in union of masculine and feminine force, and everything was... being. (All the) while I was observing myself observing. I spent the trip mostly alone and came to see some aspects of life that deeply correspond to Buddhist teachings I was familiar with - but never seen them with such clarity or intimacy. Later on, I took on spice on top of acid and broke into a dimension in which I faced an "authoritative entity" that asked me, not in my language or any I knew, but rather I could read it's "thoughts" through intention: "Who are you and what do you want?" I never ever faced such terror in my life that I can remember, except in fear for someone I care for. No place to run or hide. I have no analogy good enough to describe the forcefulness and simplicity of that interaction.
In regards to the second experience, I had no reference point as to who or what I am - nor what I was doing there. I felt I was intruding and this being could, as far as I knew, demolish me in an instant. I was stripped down to awareness, left with perhaps a little more. I had no sense of time, no plug to pull out and abort, absolute panic from the depths of my being in the middle of this alien world. The sense of authority this being gave me implied, in my interpretation, that it could be much older and more intelligent then me - therefore gravely dangerous. But on top of that, I realised I had only one card to play and that is to take refuge in my innocence and (as strange as this may sound) - become a demon of fire myself. Instead, I shied away, not knowing what the consequences might be, somehow I got to the end of this "nightmare" (that I feared may last forever)... and melted back into my home. I felt then and there as if I set in motion something that cannot be reversed. Slowly, as I was coming back, in panic, almost reached toward a tab of Valium (kept for acid emergencies) but quickly realised there is absolutely no point in trying anything, this spirit-play is way too immense for my petty attempts of fleeting. I was so happy to be back. Also, for a moment there, I sobered up from acid, perhaps by means of shock.
Later I continued using spice, having collected my guts, all in the same night. I awoke some force from within me and spoke in a vibrant language that (so to say) reflected self-awareness and also courtesy towards all other beings - I felt I started to express myself. I despise patronising in real life and I came to know that I despise this rude "authority" in spiritual realms. My voice changed during the effects of spice, it became resonant and powerful, I spoke "in tongues" (but really, it reflected my inner feelings and made perfect sense to me). I even made a deep respectful gesture to all the beings that were present there, that they are more than welcome to join my presence. The spice wore off and I had no way of going back. I felt disappointed. I suppose maoi would enhance these travels but I'm not yet familiar with those substances...
Even some time after I was back from the spice (space) trip, I still spoke in this "spiritual language" and I enjoyed it very much - my being was unified in its expression. At some other times on lower doses I started singing and this also helped me root, humming in very simple tunes without words - there doesn't seem to be much that can be carried to the other side, but feels like it depends on the physical body very much - I apologise here for excessive guesswork.
What spice showed me was that I am far more than I thought I was, and deep inside of me I kind of knew this already. Not in some egoic sense, but in a way of being a force of life that won't be threatened and will set on fire in face of any being that corners me. But by that firestorm I actually mean (and hope) as a raging fire of attention... never a source of pain for others. In my heart, I know this is just a wish. I have no such power of awareness yet to free myself from all fear and give myself so completely to what is.
3. The day after that, I took a strong dose of spice again (no mg scale used at any point throughout these experiments) and my body felt extremely "electrified", went into a semi-violent and spontaneous adjustment of the spine which took on a straight, erect form... with my head facing the ceiling and eyes rolling back. Well, I was enjoying every minute of it, in a way, however strange the whole situation was.
Suddenly, I felt elevated through several "floors of dimensions" and into some kind of a space-ship-like room where one entity showed me the most beautiful ball of light with, now familiar, engravings that had a life (?) and transformed as if in a writing that seems to be spread all over these realities, like being a part of the very fabric of existence - whether spiritual, material or both. They kept this ball of light very carefully in some sort of a housing (designed to keep it safe?). I came back somewhat shocked and deeply sad because of what I've seen (I cannot remember why these emotions...!). My body was shaking as if electric currents were still flashing through it... as if my nervous system was adapting - or was simply overloaded. I loved the part of being so alive. I did not like the "déjà vu feeling" at all, there was some immense sadness associated with what they showed me, something I was reminded of there (by them) but could not later recall what. I might not be ready.
I've read, some of you mention these "fabergé eggs"? Does anyone know what they are exactly?
One more fascinating thing, on two occasions, I stared at the mirror coming off spice and seen my face decomposing before my eyes, with intricate details, such as eyelids gently peeling off... But I had to stare very persistently, every time I would blink it would start from the begging. I recently found here (after the experience), on this forum, that "aya" roughly translates into dead/corpse/soul... Blew my mind... again.
This question might seem naive to some of you who've been flying into hyperspace for years - is "speaking in tongues" and the "moving engravings" I've seen all over these dimensions actually a part of some communication/identification system?
Thank you and bless you all.
t.
P.S. I would like to add that these personal earthquakes increased my overall outlook, self-control... And... the feeling is so positively shocking that it feels permanent. I feel humility and empowerment after these intense sessions.
EDIT: The original post has been deleted due to some personal reconsiderations, but in essence stays the same. Big hug to The Grateful One for encouraging me.
