Greetings!
I am a man of 40 years old. I live in Belgium. A big reader. Not married but in a relationship. Librarian by profession. My background is that of a cultural catholic (so not truly a believer, but I grew up in the milieu nevertheless, even though my parents were not believers the culture is still there in a vestigial way, qua general attitude). I guess I am mildly neurotic, I have been on antidepressants for over a decade (this started with tinnitus). I have always led a "normal" life, being able to work.
I have recently succeeded in having somewhat of a trip on dmt, after two previous fruitless attempts. I had been long interested in the substance, through watching youtube video’s (Terence McKenna), reading Strassman’s book, which I had found by chance in a secondhand bookshop.
As I am ever intrigued by “profound stuff”, for example I read a lot of philosophy, I was just very eager to try DMT. Having previously taken moderate doses of mushrooms, lsd, as well as less moderate doses of cannabis. I am also familiar with more recreative drugs like speed, coke and xtc, mdma.
Testimonies which I’d heard of DMT were always reporting a sort of life changing, perspective changing experience, far reaching hallucinations which to the one experiencing them feel very “real”. I had heard from several reports that it changes the way you think about dying.
Having had my mother pass away two years ago, I was also very interested in what DMT could teach me about death. Was it true that death was not to be feared? That there is an afterlife?
A good friend was able to obtain it, and I went to his house as soon as possible to try it.
I had done my research, knowing how to prepare it, how to prepare the setting.
It was when evening fell, in a spacious greenhouse, decorated with lots of soft lights, we had some Indian chanting music on. My friend sat next to me to take the pipe from me.
My friend had been able to obtain a gram of the substance, and we took roughly 1/20th of the gram and put in the pipe. I vaped it up in one go.
Immediately I was sucked into what seemed like another dimension. My friend told me afterwards that my eyes were still opened, which surprised me.
What I experienced is hard to describe. I didn’t get a lot of visuals. I had the sense that I was in hell.
Everything was dark, as if I was in space, in general. I had the feeling that I had entered hell and that I would be there forever. I felt like crying (outwardly I showed no expression, except a brief look of astonishment in my eyes). I felt like this was the truth about the universe. I had screwed up and I had found the portal to hell. And now, for my curiosity and general badness, I was being punished.
Forever I was to exist in this “true” dimension, suffering for eternity. (another depressing thought i had was that this was the true destiny for the whole of the universe)
But then I started hearing the music again (Indian chanting on spotify) and this brought me back a little. I managed to glance beside me and slowly my friend reappeared.
He looked very concerned and sympathetic, as if he knew I had gone through something bad.
The first thing I said to him was “Don’t do this”. He looked “enhanced”, had a bit of an elfish vibe to him.
I told him I was very glad to be back and that I felt as I had been to hell.
I also said I’m glad you’re here to witness this, you have to remind me of what I’m telling you.
“Are you still “on” it?”
“Yes, I still feel it. But I’m ok now. I’ve been to hell, but I’m glad I witnessed it. I have the feeling that I have to change my life. ”
“But you’re a good person. How should you change your life?”
“I don’t know yet. This I’ll have to find out. I felt at one with the cosmos, but in a bad way. I felt the whole universe is evil. I have to start to investigate how I myself can be less evil, if that is possible at all. Because I don’t want to go to hell. But I am thankful for this revelation”.
Apparently, so my friend told me, throughout I had kept my eyes open, and the period when I had “tripped” had only taken about two minutes. At my feet were, dark wood chips. This can explain the sense of darkness.
I think this was not quite a "breakthrough" breakthrough. I didn’t enter any dome, didn’t see any colorful things, no entities, no shape shifting. It was very abstract and insular. A sense of horror and eternity. A sense of the true hidden reality, rather than the world of “representation” with which we are occupied usually.
I didn’t know whether this “hell” was the true reality, or if it appeared to me as such due to my own status of being a sinner. I don’t know if this line of thinking makes sense to any of you (I would love to hear your response, especially from those who have tripped many times on dmt. Is this usual? Is this some kind of “portal” before the actual breakthrough?)
I am now impressed with the idea that I was shown the existence of “hell”. I have to investigate whether I can be “saved”. But I also really want to do it again, to see if next time, I have revelations of a different nature (I would love to explore more, and find out about “helping spirits” of any kind)
As I said I am on antidepressants (SSRI). I had a slight hangover from the previous day (I had also been a bit irritable this day). And right before the trip I had drank about three beers and had a meal. so perhaps, my "set" was unfavorable?
I would love to hear any remark/feedback on this cursory report of my first dmt trip. Feel free to ask me any questions. Thanks for reading!
I am a man of 40 years old. I live in Belgium. A big reader. Not married but in a relationship. Librarian by profession. My background is that of a cultural catholic (so not truly a believer, but I grew up in the milieu nevertheless, even though my parents were not believers the culture is still there in a vestigial way, qua general attitude). I guess I am mildly neurotic, I have been on antidepressants for over a decade (this started with tinnitus). I have always led a "normal" life, being able to work.
I have recently succeeded in having somewhat of a trip on dmt, after two previous fruitless attempts. I had been long interested in the substance, through watching youtube video’s (Terence McKenna), reading Strassman’s book, which I had found by chance in a secondhand bookshop.
As I am ever intrigued by “profound stuff”, for example I read a lot of philosophy, I was just very eager to try DMT. Having previously taken moderate doses of mushrooms, lsd, as well as less moderate doses of cannabis. I am also familiar with more recreative drugs like speed, coke and xtc, mdma.
Testimonies which I’d heard of DMT were always reporting a sort of life changing, perspective changing experience, far reaching hallucinations which to the one experiencing them feel very “real”. I had heard from several reports that it changes the way you think about dying.
Having had my mother pass away two years ago, I was also very interested in what DMT could teach me about death. Was it true that death was not to be feared? That there is an afterlife?
A good friend was able to obtain it, and I went to his house as soon as possible to try it.
I had done my research, knowing how to prepare it, how to prepare the setting.
It was when evening fell, in a spacious greenhouse, decorated with lots of soft lights, we had some Indian chanting music on. My friend sat next to me to take the pipe from me.
My friend had been able to obtain a gram of the substance, and we took roughly 1/20th of the gram and put in the pipe. I vaped it up in one go.
Immediately I was sucked into what seemed like another dimension. My friend told me afterwards that my eyes were still opened, which surprised me.
What I experienced is hard to describe. I didn’t get a lot of visuals. I had the sense that I was in hell.
Everything was dark, as if I was in space, in general. I had the feeling that I had entered hell and that I would be there forever. I felt like crying (outwardly I showed no expression, except a brief look of astonishment in my eyes). I felt like this was the truth about the universe. I had screwed up and I had found the portal to hell. And now, for my curiosity and general badness, I was being punished.
Forever I was to exist in this “true” dimension, suffering for eternity. (another depressing thought i had was that this was the true destiny for the whole of the universe)
But then I started hearing the music again (Indian chanting on spotify) and this brought me back a little. I managed to glance beside me and slowly my friend reappeared.
He looked very concerned and sympathetic, as if he knew I had gone through something bad.
The first thing I said to him was “Don’t do this”. He looked “enhanced”, had a bit of an elfish vibe to him.
I told him I was very glad to be back and that I felt as I had been to hell.
I also said I’m glad you’re here to witness this, you have to remind me of what I’m telling you.
“Are you still “on” it?”
“Yes, I still feel it. But I’m ok now. I’ve been to hell, but I’m glad I witnessed it. I have the feeling that I have to change my life. ”
“But you’re a good person. How should you change your life?”
“I don’t know yet. This I’ll have to find out. I felt at one with the cosmos, but in a bad way. I felt the whole universe is evil. I have to start to investigate how I myself can be less evil, if that is possible at all. Because I don’t want to go to hell. But I am thankful for this revelation”.
Apparently, so my friend told me, throughout I had kept my eyes open, and the period when I had “tripped” had only taken about two minutes. At my feet were, dark wood chips. This can explain the sense of darkness.
I think this was not quite a "breakthrough" breakthrough. I didn’t enter any dome, didn’t see any colorful things, no entities, no shape shifting. It was very abstract and insular. A sense of horror and eternity. A sense of the true hidden reality, rather than the world of “representation” with which we are occupied usually.
I didn’t know whether this “hell” was the true reality, or if it appeared to me as such due to my own status of being a sinner. I don’t know if this line of thinking makes sense to any of you (I would love to hear your response, especially from those who have tripped many times on dmt. Is this usual? Is this some kind of “portal” before the actual breakthrough?)
I am now impressed with the idea that I was shown the existence of “hell”. I have to investigate whether I can be “saved”. But I also really want to do it again, to see if next time, I have revelations of a different nature (I would love to explore more, and find out about “helping spirits” of any kind)
As I said I am on antidepressants (SSRI). I had a slight hangover from the previous day (I had also been a bit irritable this day). And right before the trip I had drank about three beers and had a meal. so perhaps, my "set" was unfavorable?
I would love to hear any remark/feedback on this cursory report of my first dmt trip. Feel free to ask me any questions. Thanks for reading!
