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My first trip

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Well I finally went in. Just a little bit ago.

My e-mesh equipment arrived. After work, I spent some time reading through the e-mesh instructional post on this site to make sure I understood the settings I needed to set on my T200. I had heard that people have a harsh and hot inhale so I wanted to get it right if I could. I cut my mesh to length per the instructions, weighed out 25mg of spice on a folded sheet of paper, pinched the ends and gave it some taps onto the mesh a little at a time, gave the mod a quick fire to melt it, and continued till it was all on.

Put it off to the side and did some work, while I debated..."do I really want to know?"

I took a shower, said a prayer, put in my ear monitors and a song I figured would be a nice one to listen to if I died, put on my wool cap and laid in my hammock. I left the lights on because TBH I was scared to turn them off my first time. I put the nozzle to my lips and started the inhale then pushed the button. I have no idea how long I breathed in. Felt like 10 seconds, and then I held my breath and started counting. The inhale was easy, no harshness, and I was thinking "Did I make it wrong, did I setup the mod wrong, what now??"..and then I felt it kick in, like "no backing out now". I quickly dropped the mod into a pocket on my hammock, and pulled my wool cap down over my eyes. I got a taste in my mouth that pretty much matched what the spice smells like and then warmth down my body, and then patterns (and I remember thinking I recognize these and wanting to remember them but I can't now). I was seeing cartooney outlines of faces, and it did seem like something was trying to get in my line of sight, but I intentionally didn't focus on it. I could feel my jaw shaking and my pulse, and my neck tightening, and then I kind of just 'let go'. I was debating if I just died. Everything was just 'relaxed'. Everything just felt ok. Everything seemed beautiful. Then I could feel it wearing off after a while, so I pulled my hat up and watched the popcorn ceiling in my house move around for a while.

It was about 8 minutes, because the 9 minute song was repeating.

So, I opened my RDA and looked at the screen and there is still a bunch on it. I guess I didn't do a good job of getting it all off, and probably could have taken more, but I'm kind of ok with how that trip went for a first trip. I really appreciate all of the tips and guidance this site provided. I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow, but right now I feel good. :)

Edit: Sorry about the photos. I don't know how to flip them on this site.


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Yooooooo! Congratulations, I'm glad you've started your journey of self-knowledge with this powerful tool.

Doing it alone has an extra bit of nervousness, I know that perfectly, and the fact that you have been able to do it is already crossing a rather difficult threshold, so I'm very happy for you Dex. I think that doing so alone has a lot of benefits, such as facing and overcoming the fear of taking that first hit. You've traveled to a place that very few people visit, it's like summiting a mountain or visiting virgin land. In a way, just because of that, after my first trips, I remember, I don't know how to explain it, noticing that I walked down the street more upright, with more confidence.

To put it in perspective, at the beginning I did approximately 6 "tandem jumps" accompanied by a facilitator, reaching 10+35mg. which are already intense trips. They taught me how to extract and the day came to do it alone, and do you know what happened? I smoked the initial load (10mg) with difficulty due to the tremors of nervousness, I closed my eyes, I lay down and I had no visuals of any kind:

-"Well, mmmmmmmmm, okay, tomorrow if that I make another try" I blew out the candle I had set up as lighting and lay down to sleep, hahahaha.

So I think for a first time on your own you've done a "superb initiation".

I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow

In fact, it is highly recommended to simply "be attentive" in the hours/days after if there are small changes, no matter how slight, something you did every day automatically and now you don't, something that made you angry and now you see it as something unimportant. From that sort of thing I assure you that useful things can be extracted.

Big hug brother!!!
Falcata said:
Yooooooo! Congratulations, I'm glad you've started your journey of self-knowledge with this powerful tool....

Hey, thanks Falcata.

I actually went back in after I wrote this because I had so much left on the mesh and I wanted to try to remember more now that I knew what to expect. This time the pattern was red but I don't remember the specifics even though I really tried to, but it's really more of a 'feeling' than anything else. Still a bit scary when you're not sure if you're breathing. Both times as I came out of the trance I took a deep breath like I had just been revived or something. Not sure why, but it stands out. Both trips were about the same length of time, so I'm guessing I got 10mg each time, and there was still a little on the mesh.

I think the next time I do it, I will do it during the day, and someplace with a nice view. I don't feel the need now to rush back out and do it again, which is odd because I'm usually impatiently curious about how to push further when I know there is more, and I'm really not here. I feel like, if there is a breakthrough to be experienced, it'll come when it does, and there is no need to push.

I learned how to make it, I learned how to use it, I experience the effects (not all of them obviously), and as you stated it's a tool of self-awareness.

So I will take your advice and just be attentive to the things around me. Honestly, the 'breakthrough' I'm hoping to get eventually is 'ego death' that I've heard about. I'd really like to just not care about trying to constantly prove my worth to people. If I can get there, it's worth it.
I just came back from another trip.
This one was absolutely beautiful, and I have no words to describe it.
I think my wattage may not have been set correctly on my mod the first time, because I increased the wattage to 30 watts this time and it was a little more harsh, definitely used more in one shot, and the trip was much stronger.

There was no breakthrough, and I'm not letting go. I know I'm not.

This is my 'right after trip' thoughts without much time to process what I just saw, but right now I feel like this isn't something I'm supposed to see yet in my life, and going beyond what I just saw is terrifying to me.

This mothball smell is something odd.
Any ideas on how to get rid of the smell?

I quit smoking many years ago, and don't vape or do anything else. During my walk today as my lungs were going, I actually got a hint of 'mothball' flavor in my throat out of nowhere. Is this normal?
As I mentioned in other answers, I think that making the entry through several progressive shots instead of doing it in a single one is more advisable. The entry is smoother, slower. In any case, every step is a learning process. As for the taste, yes, DMT has that peculiar smell and taste, some people dislike it, I for one love it. The smoke "scratches" in the throat so I always use water pipes to cool the smoke and be more comfortable, with people who do not smoke I usually use "recycler" bongs with a clay bowl to cool the smoke even more.

Regarding the "Breakthrough" and "death of the ego" I think to remove the expectations about it would be the most advisable, I make you a c/p of something I published yesterday in this post trying to express what is my vision and what was my route to get to have them:

(...)I deeply believe that it is NOT necessary to reach the Breakthrough or the death of the ego for the experiences with DMT to have a deep and positive effect, in fact, in my case the suicidal thoughts and the internal dialogue that did not stop to crush me in a constant and obsessive way disappeared in my first 10 trips, without having experienced a Breakthrough. I was already "cured", to continue navigating these worlds should be a conscious and reasoned decision. So my main advice would be that you should eliminate the expectations about it and simply focus on identifying, in each trip and step you take, what things it has brought to your life, if that experience has served you well, what lessons you can extract from the emotions you have lived, maybe it will make you come to the conclusion that you have had enough and you have achieved your goals, whether you have reached the Breakthrough or not.
Falcata said:
As I mentioned in other answers....

Falcata, I truly appreciate your guidance here.
I did forget to mention in my last post that because I had so much left on the mesh after my first 25mg load, and suspecting that I was only getting about 10mg, I dropped the dosage on this last one down to 10mg (and still didn't get it all, but just a little liquid left on the mesh afterwards)....or my scale is way off. I also remade my mesh without the wings, because I think they were acting as a heatsync and causing uneven heating in the middle of the mesh.

I responded to your main post. I really enjoyed it and thanks for writing it.
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