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my sister is in great danger.

Migrated topic.
Again, as I said, if she lives in The Netherlands then pepper-spray is illegal to carry with you and especially to use.
If she ever uses pepper-spray on her attacker she would be charged with assault, if she ever goes to court to fight over child custody that would be used against her.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your concerns, Polytrip.
She should definitely change the locks immediately.
A restraining order is only possible I would imagine if she herself instigated it. She would need evidence to get one. If there is evidence, she should start collating it. A restraining order probably wouldn't stop a true psychopath anyway, so if grave evidence exists then she might want to move. It is the unfairness of this that makes me think that the American way of home defence has at least some justification.
If you are this worried, would she let you move in with her for a short time to provide the security of a male adult? (Not a sexist comment- the presence of her brother should be an obvious deterrant to him)
Moving out of the neighbood, but staying within visiting distance of friends etc would be a compromise to cause minimum disruption to her and her children's lives.
But to cut herself off from everyone she knows, take her children out of school, and disappear... a self-induced "witness protection programme" that is a massive step that not many people would take unless they KNEW their lives were in danger. Does the risk outweigh the disruption and reduction of her and her children's quality of life?
She could also get in trouble then herself for restricting access to his children.
I mean, while I trust you, I don't know this man and it is possible that you are being overprotective. Maybe he's not as bad as you think? Maybe you could be putting additional strain onto her and her children. It's also possible the other way. Maybe your concerns are more than justified.

It's a really tough situation. I'm no expert of course, I would recommend you or she contact a relevent charity who should be able to advise you better. You can advise her, but you can't make her do anything she doesn't want to... it's her life, after all, she chose to be with this man, and now she is choosing not to see him as as much of a threat as you do. I hope it works out :)
 
Thanks for all the advice. As for gun's, pepperspray or using violence; this guy is a war-veteran (yugoslavian civil war), more familiar with all kinds of ways of hurting or killing someone, so i'll be no match for him in a fight, i suppose.
He's definately the craziest person i have ever seen, and dangerous. For instance; when the twin baby's where born, he called a nurse a 'gestapo-officer' because she told him not to shake the baby's, and his condition only deteriorated further, since.
Being a single mother is hard enough on itself, but this is psychologically almost impossible to cope with, for my sister. I visit her as much as i can, each day. But taking drastic step's like moving is just very hard for her.
 
Sounds like your sisters ex has PTSD.

The ex of my girlfriend also is a Yugoslavian war-veteran (Bosnian side). He's a drunk and works for the UN (yeah, I know). He cost my girlfriend a lot of money, time and grief. However, he never assaulted her or hurt her physically.

I hope you sister and her kids will get out of this mess and I still think it's a good idea to get her into contact with help workers.
 
My good friends mother was murdered last year by her psycho boyfriend.She had known he was nuts for years but would not get away from him.One day he came to her house and shot her and himself.

What can you do? If you have a shotgun, then you better know how to use it and dont keep it in the closet where it does no good.I think a taser would be best, she can carry it with her(netherlands?) and they are easy to use.Plus very effective.A good knife would work as well.

But weapons and violence are last resort only.Just dont underestimate this guy like my friends mother did.If she cant move away then she will have to be on guard all the time.It really sucks and i wish the best for her.

And please dont be violent unless its life or death.You might be the one who ends up in jail.
 
Polytrip I am so sorry to hear this, it saddens me greatly when women get trapped in these circumstances.
She must protect herself and her children at all cost. These situations seem to happen all to often i have got family members that are traumatized by their boyfriends or husbands. Why is violence and harsh treatment towards women on the rise. Men should protect their significant others after all they are meant to be protectors not violent and harmful. It seems to be very common in our society today and it really upsets me greatly, why is violence against women on the rise? Again i am sorry, much compassion to your sister and her children.


Much Peace
 
Aegle said:
why is violence against women on the rise?
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I don't think it is on the rise, it's just in the press more often. If anything I'd say that today women are safer than they've ever been, thankfully- it used to be like Saudi Arabia in the western world too, where a woman was regarded as little more than property. It is really sad that the violence continues though, of course. Frustrated people who lack the education to resolve problems peacefully can tend to turn to violence, and as a woman is usually weaker than a man she is more often than not the one on the receiving end.

I hope it works out for your sister Polytrip. Just do what you can to help her, but don't let yourself become mired in worry. Risk assessment followed by appropriate action brings change, but worry is self-destructive :)
 
burnt said:
Again, as I said, if she lives in The Netherlands then pepper-spray is illegal to carry with you and especially to use.
If she ever uses pepper-spray on her attacker she would be charged with assault, if she ever goes to court to fight over child custody that would be used against her.
Click to expand...

Are you serious? People support laws like this?
Click to expand...

If you mean taking justice in your own hands then you have to understand that being judged by an independent and unprejudiced person is a fundamental right, not one to take lighthearted. If everyone takes justice in their own hands mistake will be made and innocent people will get hurt or even die. There are many examples around to show you that a which hunt isn't going to solve problems, even not individual ones.

As for not allowing pepper-spray and tasers to defend yourself, there is also a good reason: better defense means that you get a reaction by means of better, improved and more assault weapons. If you defend yourself with pepper-spray or a taser an attacker who knows this will make sure you cannot use it, you can fill in the means to make that happen by yourself.

I know the USA has a much different stance on having the right to defend yourself and I really don't wont to get into an argument with that but I just want you to know that this is how we work in The Netherlands and though it has it's flaws it does work.
 
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