thecosmicjoke
Esteemed member
Foreword: This post serves more as a place for me to document my own experience. It probably won’t be very appealing to anybody reading because of the personal thoughts that arrived and that only apply to me in my life.
This was one of the big ones, one of the hour-long (if not longer) DMT sessions. Occasionally the DMT will call to me, and tell me that it’s really time to dive deep. This happens very rarely, and it occurred today.
Ironically, I realized it was “one of the big ones” when the first few hits brought me to a vantage point above a grey giant, whose shoulder was disintegrating into a pattern of blue cubes rotating in on themselves.
Another hit brought me hurled forwards to an undefined point, and the trip took place as I was reeling backwards into myself. The visions, as I was coming backwards to myself as if on a reversed rollercoaster, were first grey and ambiguous. As I continued to retreat, in aid of more DMT, the dark spaces formed colossal couples holding hands and walking towards me. In the background was first a mother, and then a father, who walked separately, turned to me, and gave a thumbs up. The couples holding hands became people I know, such as myself and my fiancé, and of Zach and Lauren. I continued reeling backwards, and was met with a section of sexy, silhouetted women, whose curves were only defined by a faint light from beyond them. Each individual woman took up a cube-like space, and they each occupied a cubicle in my vision. I saw that these were not women that I didn’t know, but that they were each unique depictions of my fiancé. An inner voice, commanding like a father would be, illustrated to me that- in a way I won’t understand- my fiancé and I belong together, and that this is the way it is meant to be. It is crucial that I respect her and hang on to her as if my life depends on it. I thought that maybe if I were a cog in the machine of the universe, in order for the cog of my life to function properly, she must be in it- and this will have an unforeseen and necessary impact on the future. This isn’t as narcissistic as it sounds, I see it more like cogs functioning properly in a colosal machine.
With another hit, the scenery changed, but I continued to glide backwards into my normal perspective. I walked through my memory of yesterday, of seeing how Dr. Cleveland behaves with the female technicians we work with, and how it is inappropriate for a married man. I saw visions of him cheating on his wife. While I don’t hold any truth to these visions, thinking about it deeply does leave me feeling like he would at least be willing to cheat on his wife, if he hasn’t already. His behavior with the women at work clearly indicates a lack of respect for his wife, because I’m sure she wouldn’t appreciate seeing it. I imagined that, while he may have everything one could want from an outside perspective, his inner life must be broken by his lack of respect for his wife. I reflected on my own life and saw how crucial it is to treat my fiancé better, to respect her, and saw my shortcomings of my attitudes towards her.
The true message of the trip was over, but I continued with more DMT. The vapor this time was dense, and hit like a bullet in my chest. I was catapulted forwards again at indescribable speed, and felt as if my lungs were ripping apart. My heart began racing as I was brought to the outside of a carnival funhouse. Each piece of the exterior was infinitely geometrically unique, an amalgamation of geometric, cosmic bells and whistles. I was told this was a “once in a lifetime experience”, and I know that was something I would not turn away from. I took another pull, the carnival funhouse churning with life. My heart raced, my lungs suffered. I was sweating and hanging on for dear life, but this pull of the DMT only brought me closer to the entrance of the fun house. In an attempt to enter, I took another large pull of the DMT vapor. It felt like my lungs were going to rip apart from the density of the vapor, I could literally feel the DMT coursing through my body and trying to exit through my sweat, snot, and tears (all of which were occurring). The fun house disintegrated, and my only vision was of simple lightning bolts surrounding my heart. I felt like my heart was going to explode, literally. This was the end for me, I actually for a second (after many intense psychedelic journeys and countless experiences) thought that I might die. My heart was working so hard to push this DMT out of my body that I thought it might burst. And so I closed my eyes, relaxed, and waited for the experience to be over. And very quickly, within seconds, I felt the twitches in my muscles relax, my heart slow to a serene pace, and I laid within myself until it was over.
I think it’s time to be more conservative with my DMT use. DMT is, and always has been, one of my favorite things to experience in life. I have gained much benefit from it, and take every chance I can to get to journey with it. However, I have noticed lapses in my memory begin to develop. The experience with my heart today made me realize that I am not completely impermeable to negative effects of DMT - and while all of the literature says its nearly impossible - I actually think I could have had a heart attack from DMT today. This isn’t to scare anybody who reads, and I don’t want anybody who is anxious about trying DMT to think that it will induce a heart attack. I’m pretty well adjusted in my life, and DMT is maybe my favorite thing. It’s hard to dial back on what’s your favorite thing.
Much love. Respect your wives and your bodies.
We’re all playing a game that we don’t understand. I’m told that the way to win is to treat others well; as if our lives depend on it. Because, in a way we don’t understand, I think they definitely do.
This was one of the big ones, one of the hour-long (if not longer) DMT sessions. Occasionally the DMT will call to me, and tell me that it’s really time to dive deep. This happens very rarely, and it occurred today.
Ironically, I realized it was “one of the big ones” when the first few hits brought me to a vantage point above a grey giant, whose shoulder was disintegrating into a pattern of blue cubes rotating in on themselves.
Another hit brought me hurled forwards to an undefined point, and the trip took place as I was reeling backwards into myself. The visions, as I was coming backwards to myself as if on a reversed rollercoaster, were first grey and ambiguous. As I continued to retreat, in aid of more DMT, the dark spaces formed colossal couples holding hands and walking towards me. In the background was first a mother, and then a father, who walked separately, turned to me, and gave a thumbs up. The couples holding hands became people I know, such as myself and my fiancé, and of Zach and Lauren. I continued reeling backwards, and was met with a section of sexy, silhouetted women, whose curves were only defined by a faint light from beyond them. Each individual woman took up a cube-like space, and they each occupied a cubicle in my vision. I saw that these were not women that I didn’t know, but that they were each unique depictions of my fiancé. An inner voice, commanding like a father would be, illustrated to me that- in a way I won’t understand- my fiancé and I belong together, and that this is the way it is meant to be. It is crucial that I respect her and hang on to her as if my life depends on it. I thought that maybe if I were a cog in the machine of the universe, in order for the cog of my life to function properly, she must be in it- and this will have an unforeseen and necessary impact on the future. This isn’t as narcissistic as it sounds, I see it more like cogs functioning properly in a colosal machine.
With another hit, the scenery changed, but I continued to glide backwards into my normal perspective. I walked through my memory of yesterday, of seeing how Dr. Cleveland behaves with the female technicians we work with, and how it is inappropriate for a married man. I saw visions of him cheating on his wife. While I don’t hold any truth to these visions, thinking about it deeply does leave me feeling like he would at least be willing to cheat on his wife, if he hasn’t already. His behavior with the women at work clearly indicates a lack of respect for his wife, because I’m sure she wouldn’t appreciate seeing it. I imagined that, while he may have everything one could want from an outside perspective, his inner life must be broken by his lack of respect for his wife. I reflected on my own life and saw how crucial it is to treat my fiancé better, to respect her, and saw my shortcomings of my attitudes towards her.
The true message of the trip was over, but I continued with more DMT. The vapor this time was dense, and hit like a bullet in my chest. I was catapulted forwards again at indescribable speed, and felt as if my lungs were ripping apart. My heart began racing as I was brought to the outside of a carnival funhouse. Each piece of the exterior was infinitely geometrically unique, an amalgamation of geometric, cosmic bells and whistles. I was told this was a “once in a lifetime experience”, and I know that was something I would not turn away from. I took another pull, the carnival funhouse churning with life. My heart raced, my lungs suffered. I was sweating and hanging on for dear life, but this pull of the DMT only brought me closer to the entrance of the fun house. In an attempt to enter, I took another large pull of the DMT vapor. It felt like my lungs were going to rip apart from the density of the vapor, I could literally feel the DMT coursing through my body and trying to exit through my sweat, snot, and tears (all of which were occurring). The fun house disintegrated, and my only vision was of simple lightning bolts surrounding my heart. I felt like my heart was going to explode, literally. This was the end for me, I actually for a second (after many intense psychedelic journeys and countless experiences) thought that I might die. My heart was working so hard to push this DMT out of my body that I thought it might burst. And so I closed my eyes, relaxed, and waited for the experience to be over. And very quickly, within seconds, I felt the twitches in my muscles relax, my heart slow to a serene pace, and I laid within myself until it was over.
I think it’s time to be more conservative with my DMT use. DMT is, and always has been, one of my favorite things to experience in life. I have gained much benefit from it, and take every chance I can to get to journey with it. However, I have noticed lapses in my memory begin to develop. The experience with my heart today made me realize that I am not completely impermeable to negative effects of DMT - and while all of the literature says its nearly impossible - I actually think I could have had a heart attack from DMT today. This isn’t to scare anybody who reads, and I don’t want anybody who is anxious about trying DMT to think that it will induce a heart attack. I’m pretty well adjusted in my life, and DMT is maybe my favorite thing. It’s hard to dial back on what’s your favorite thing.
Much love. Respect your wives and your bodies.
We’re all playing a game that we don’t understand. I’m told that the way to win is to treat others well; as if our lives depend on it. Because, in a way we don’t understand, I think they definitely do.
