I have been blessed with an understanding and compassionate doctor in psychiatric medicine (I am tapering off benzodiazepines; it's been a long and somewhat complex process, full of pain and suffering) who is open-minded to Rx Ketamine therapy for dendrite extension and antidepressant properties. In this thread, I will report on the effectiveness and curious experiences of medium to higher dose pharmaceutical racemic ketamine in relation to my story.
Today was the first session where I really went into "the sweet spot" of dissociation, where it is not too much to fragment the ego (it can get there easily), but enough to "detach" or "separate" one from one's usual thought sewer in a perfectly introspective way.
To be clear, a lot of my goals are for real medical healing in the context of addiction, chronic pain, depression, psychiatric medicine tapering, and more, not just pushing the substance to bring back absurd reports (I am sure there will still be some anyway)
SESSION:01
CONTEXT;
9:45 PM - 75 hours post opiate binge after 10 days clean and just barely feeling "normal" again after triggering my ANS / reward pathways.
60-70MG Intranasal Spray, sitting in the backyard, beautiful night, wind flowing in and out, chilling with my chacruna and cacti, and other plants
When we put on my favorite track of all time for experiences (Ott - A Shower of Sparks), we were moving. By the middle of the song, separation occurred. Pain ended. Self observation became detached, truthful, and fluid. Not emotional this time, but analytical.
I will use the word separation in many senses with the ketamine experience because it is an apt and descriptive word for a lot of the "feeling" one will experience when using this substance at proper therapeutic levels. It's quite unique among other psychedelics, but it has a familiarity with ego detachment we all know.
Free to laugh at myself, cringe at myself, but most importantly, identify identity markers that aren't as important as we make them.
I breathe, listen, think, breathe, listen, think, and it's all so much slower and more settled than the buzz and hum of daily life. Just me and the wind. The song dips in tone, then bursts forth with vocals as a huge swell of wind raptures around the gazebo, perfect universal timing, what's new.. Peace..stillness..calm and capable presence of thought. Tranquil. Still. Moving. Flowing.
Processing seeing someone else being robbed and hurt, detachment from my own experiences with it, we all learn we all live, idgaf how old you are.
Calm in a storm. I feel less related to popping pills and sipping lean than I have in a while..
Thoughts about fear in my career, why? It's just a body, time, execution.. math.. linear when zoomed out. Don't be afraid, there's no point, don't get emotional, execute, very few are blessed to make money off their mind alone.
+2 hours after the main "detachment" phase, calm, writing this, no anxiety, pain downregulated, feelings neutral, and relaxed. Not usually how I feel, happy to let thoughts be slow, 75% slower than I usually run. It's nice.
The operating system feels like it's running cold and at pace, and I'm not complaining.
Will update feelings this coming week/weekend in comparison to my "normal." (my normal is not yours, I am undergoing a hard time in life) but I'm sure we can all relate to the hard times.
Grateful for this substance to be here when it needs to be here, it seems very misunderstood. Happy to be working with someone to contribute to the study of this, and happy to share with the Nexus. Will follow up with a little AI summary of the mechanisms of action for the science folk.
+ More experiences to come as I move through the year, in which I expect to be one of the most important healing years of my life.
love all
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Today was the first session where I really went into "the sweet spot" of dissociation, where it is not too much to fragment the ego (it can get there easily), but enough to "detach" or "separate" one from one's usual thought sewer in a perfectly introspective way.
To be clear, a lot of my goals are for real medical healing in the context of addiction, chronic pain, depression, psychiatric medicine tapering, and more, not just pushing the substance to bring back absurd reports (I am sure there will still be some anyway)
SESSION:01
CONTEXT;
9:45 PM - 75 hours post opiate binge after 10 days clean and just barely feeling "normal" again after triggering my ANS / reward pathways.
60-70MG Intranasal Spray, sitting in the backyard, beautiful night, wind flowing in and out, chilling with my chacruna and cacti, and other plants
When we put on my favorite track of all time for experiences (Ott - A Shower of Sparks), we were moving. By the middle of the song, separation occurred. Pain ended. Self observation became detached, truthful, and fluid. Not emotional this time, but analytical.
I will use the word separation in many senses with the ketamine experience because it is an apt and descriptive word for a lot of the "feeling" one will experience when using this substance at proper therapeutic levels. It's quite unique among other psychedelics, but it has a familiarity with ego detachment we all know.
Free to laugh at myself, cringe at myself, but most importantly, identify identity markers that aren't as important as we make them.
I breathe, listen, think, breathe, listen, think, and it's all so much slower and more settled than the buzz and hum of daily life. Just me and the wind. The song dips in tone, then bursts forth with vocals as a huge swell of wind raptures around the gazebo, perfect universal timing, what's new.. Peace..stillness..calm and capable presence of thought. Tranquil. Still. Moving. Flowing.
Processing seeing someone else being robbed and hurt, detachment from my own experiences with it, we all learn we all live, idgaf how old you are.
Calm in a storm. I feel less related to popping pills and sipping lean than I have in a while..
Thoughts about fear in my career, why? It's just a body, time, execution.. math.. linear when zoomed out. Don't be afraid, there's no point, don't get emotional, execute, very few are blessed to make money off their mind alone.
+2 hours after the main "detachment" phase, calm, writing this, no anxiety, pain downregulated, feelings neutral, and relaxed. Not usually how I feel, happy to let thoughts be slow, 75% slower than I usually run. It's nice.
The operating system feels like it's running cold and at pace, and I'm not complaining.
Will update feelings this coming week/weekend in comparison to my "normal." (my normal is not yours, I am undergoing a hard time in life) but I'm sure we can all relate to the hard times.
Grateful for this substance to be here when it needs to be here, it seems very misunderstood. Happy to be working with someone to contribute to the study of this, and happy to share with the Nexus. Will follow up with a little AI summary of the mechanisms of action for the science folk.
+ More experiences to come as I move through the year, in which I expect to be one of the most important healing years of my life.
love all__________________________________________________________________________________________
![[:]](/data/avatars/s/58/58936.jpg?1707488068){kind=avatar}
