Hello,
I created that post for the exact reasons everyone of you responded with, and I hope you will take the time to figure out why.
The backing for the post comes from this;
A while back I was in a state of mind that lasted for a year and a half, I was consistently in and out of existance, and I've explained the state of mind so many times by now it's beginning to sicken me, just as an artist may sometimes get sick of his/her most popular song.
I was in a hell that I have only come to compare with two people; both of which were only on forums. One, was a man who spoke of a DMT trip where when he came back down, the elves continued to talk to him ,he was most likely experienceing schizophrenia (I never had voices, or hallucinations while sober). The second man was very recent, and his words struck a chord of the exact match of the first man, except his experience was with DXM.
The first man it is confirmed that he commited suicide. I cannot explain how that felt to me while I read that. I cried, yet I had never met him in person, but I cried because I knew why. I knew what he had felt, his words were mine, but he wouldn't listen to me.
The second man's last words on the forum I was in was "Please, you this is the only place I can go to." That was about a month ago and I'm not very pleased with the outcome.
I realize some of you may have taken the post in a very negative manner, and I intended that. But I wanted to (before the post got too long) explain something - and sorry I was intending it to be the 3rd post, after the first reply - but I was busy last night.
This is what I wanted to explain;
I have been beyond the point of suicidal, where suicide would be too good for me, where I couldn't even imagine feeling neutral, let alone good. I went through an entire year of daily panic attacks that I was going to end up schizophrenic, psychotic, and drooling in a corner while they have me in a straight-jacket. That post basically summed up my feelings toward the end of that year, I cannot even imagine what I really felt towards the peak of that feeling.
But here it is;
During my time in that year I was so envious that others could take psychadelics and have bliss, and feel love, I was so mad. I wanted so desperately to feel the warmth of Mother Earth's palms on my body, yet it was never there. I was always blatantly shown emptiness.
I was so envious of others, that they could feel love, compassion, connectedness. I was mad that I couldn't - why was it that my psychodelic experiences were so empty, so dark and grim? In reality - they weren't. They were just given in a different lens, at a inconvenient time for my psychology to accept.
After realizing, with logic, thought, and meditation, that it does not matter how bad you feel day to day, no matter what your negativity is amplified to - there is no reason to end this. Life is a beautiful thing, whether or not you can see this at all particular times doesn't matter, it's beauty is always existant. It is up to you to gain back your positivity, your bliss & euphoria. Life, reality can be viewed from a spectrum of lenses, it takes a smart mind, and persistance to find the lens that is right for you, the lens that give you happiness.
These communicators, these spells of wisdom, they are unbiased. They give you information through the lens that you have chosen. You are to blame for the feelings accompanied, this is tough to realize, but tis true. But you are plastic, you are constantly changing, day to day, you can change your lens, change your life, see the brightness through the clouds.
Here is a poem I wrote; Don't see bleak upon the rain, as rain is under sun. The sun exists upon your bliss and allows your fears to run. Hold and embrace what you can chase, these entities will be dear to you. Sum your chances, behold your branches, and reach for the upper blue.
I want to thank you all for reading & responding, and think twice for every post, every word.
I created that post for the exact reasons everyone of you responded with, and I hope you will take the time to figure out why.
The backing for the post comes from this;
A while back I was in a state of mind that lasted for a year and a half, I was consistently in and out of existance, and I've explained the state of mind so many times by now it's beginning to sicken me, just as an artist may sometimes get sick of his/her most popular song.
I was in a hell that I have only come to compare with two people; both of which were only on forums. One, was a man who spoke of a DMT trip where when he came back down, the elves continued to talk to him ,he was most likely experienceing schizophrenia (I never had voices, or hallucinations while sober). The second man was very recent, and his words struck a chord of the exact match of the first man, except his experience was with DXM.
The first man it is confirmed that he commited suicide. I cannot explain how that felt to me while I read that. I cried, yet I had never met him in person, but I cried because I knew why. I knew what he had felt, his words were mine, but he wouldn't listen to me.
The second man's last words on the forum I was in was "Please, you this is the only place I can go to." That was about a month ago and I'm not very pleased with the outcome.
I realize some of you may have taken the post in a very negative manner, and I intended that. But I wanted to (before the post got too long) explain something - and sorry I was intending it to be the 3rd post, after the first reply - but I was busy last night.
This is what I wanted to explain;
I have been beyond the point of suicidal, where suicide would be too good for me, where I couldn't even imagine feeling neutral, let alone good. I went through an entire year of daily panic attacks that I was going to end up schizophrenic, psychotic, and drooling in a corner while they have me in a straight-jacket. That post basically summed up my feelings toward the end of that year, I cannot even imagine what I really felt towards the peak of that feeling.
But here it is;
During my time in that year I was so envious that others could take psychadelics and have bliss, and feel love, I was so mad. I wanted so desperately to feel the warmth of Mother Earth's palms on my body, yet it was never there. I was always blatantly shown emptiness.
I was so envious of others, that they could feel love, compassion, connectedness. I was mad that I couldn't - why was it that my psychodelic experiences were so empty, so dark and grim? In reality - they weren't. They were just given in a different lens, at a inconvenient time for my psychology to accept.
After realizing, with logic, thought, and meditation, that it does not matter how bad you feel day to day, no matter what your negativity is amplified to - there is no reason to end this. Life is a beautiful thing, whether or not you can see this at all particular times doesn't matter, it's beauty is always existant. It is up to you to gain back your positivity, your bliss & euphoria. Life, reality can be viewed from a spectrum of lenses, it takes a smart mind, and persistance to find the lens that is right for you, the lens that give you happiness.
These communicators, these spells of wisdom, they are unbiased. They give you information through the lens that you have chosen. You are to blame for the feelings accompanied, this is tough to realize, but tis true. But you are plastic, you are constantly changing, day to day, you can change your lens, change your life, see the brightness through the clouds.
Here is a poem I wrote; Don't see bleak upon the rain, as rain is under sun. The sun exists upon your bliss and allows your fears to run. Hold and embrace what you can chase, these entities will be dear to you. Sum your chances, behold your branches, and reach for the upper blue.
I want to thank you all for reading & responding, and think twice for every post, every word.
