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Outside of it all

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DmnStr8

DmnStr8

Come what may
My last two DMT trips I have felt outside of my experience. An observer. I have begun to see everything that I am as separate when I am in this state of being. My emotions, my feelings, my thoughts and memories are all separate from this observer I feel to be.

When this happens and I identify with the observer. I become the observer I then find that I watch it all disappears and I am just in a place of being. Nothingness and everything at the same time. More of a feeling as when I am in this state I do not remember much upon my return. I find I lose myself more and more on my recent trips.

I started to see myself in others. Taking on this observer kind of mindset in real life. I would lose myself in just looking at a flower or tree or cloud or my daughter. It feels like that is the way I am always supposed to be. That this experience that I am having called life is only a thought in the observers mind. Separate.

It is a wonderful feeling to fall into this state but it has caused me to question my personality to the point where I don't even know who I am anymore. An identity crisis in some ways. Not in a negative way but a confusing, don't know which way to go way. Lost but ok being lost. Not in a panic. Just looking for the right path at the moment. Checking the map so to speak.

I don't stress about it too much but I don't know anyone who is into psychedelics like I am. I have no one to bounce this stuff off of. It has weighed on my mind lately. Has anyone ever experienced anything remotely similar to this? Any advice on finding and building the new self from the ground up by choice from the observer viewpoint? Or just let it be and don't try and find any path? I lean towards the latter. Letting go and just letting my life unfold and watching it. It is almost like I have no control over it anyway. Like I am watching a movie of my life. Strange and wonderful feeling to be honest. But I feel like I need to grab for something at the same time. Death throws of an old way of thinking? I don't know.... Anyhow... Thanks for any and all responses to this!

Have a great day!
 
Yeah, I am going through a similar kind of thing. Sorry I don't have any answers for you. I can tell you what I think at this time.

I think its important for us to learn how to get to this state that you describe as the observer state. Maybe we aren't meant to live out our lives in this state though. I do think its important and something that most of us are not good at, and we probably could all use practice of it in varying degrees. I think it can help us identify with others, and not allow the negative feelings like fear, anger and hate that sometimes engulf us to affect our decisions. In this state we can use our knowledge and feelings to guide us in tough times, rather then reacting in a bad way.

This state could also allow us to delve deep into personal traumas and work through them, freeing our selves from their chains. And I believe it can help us achieve a dismantling of self that we no longer wish to be, and help facilitate the rebuilding of one of our choosing.

I think to feel a little lost and confused at this point is normal. I can relate because I have been feeling it lately as well.

What has helped me is to look at the problem a little differently. Instead of worrying about the big picture and things like where I should be in the future, what I should have accomplished, what my positive impact on the world should be and how I am going to achieve those things, I try to be in the present and look at the exact decision I have to make right now in the present. I try to make the best decision I can based on what I know and feel is right and then how it will move me in the direction of the things I wish to accomplish. Even if I don't know where I want to be or what I want in 5 years, I feel that if I just focus on making as many decisions as I can in the present based on what I know and feel is right, my actions will then be united with my believes. I believe if one can achieve that, it does't matter much if they know where they want to go, they will get there anyway.
 
ehud said:
Yeah, I am going through a similar kind of thing. Sorry I don't have any answers for you. I can tell you what I think at this time.

I think its important for us to learn how to get to this state that you describe as the observer state. Maybe we aren't meant to live out our lives in this state though. I do think its important and something that most of us are not good at, and we probably could all use practice of it in varying degrees. I think it can help us identify with others, and not allow the negative feelings like fear, anger and hate that sometimes engulf us to affect our decisions. In this state we can use our knowledge and feelings to guide us in tough times, rather then reacting in a bad way.

This state could also allow us to delve deep into personal traumas and work through them, freeing our selves from their chains. And I believe it can help us achieve a dismantling of self that we no longer wish to be, and help facilitate the rebuilding of one of our choosing.

I think to feel a little lost and confused at this point is normal. I can relate because I have been feeling it lately as well.

What has helped me is to look at the problem a little differently. Instead of worrying about the big picture and things like where I should be in the future, what I should have accomplished, what my positive impact on the world should be and how I am going to achieve those things, I try to be in the present and look at the exact decision I have to make right now in the present. I try to make the best decision I can based on what I know and feel is right and then how it will move me in the direction of the things I wish to accomplish. Even if I don't know where I want to be or what I want in 5 years, I feel that if I just focus on making as many decisions as I can in the present based on what I know and feel is right, my actions will then be united with my believes. I believe if one can achieve that, it does't matter much if they know where they want to go, they will get there anyway.
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing that! I appreciate your look on things, and agree with you on many levels!
 
Namaste DmnStr8,

DmnStr8 said:
... it has caused me to question my personality to the point where I don't even know who I am anymore. An identity crisis in some ways. Not in a negative way but a confusing, don't know which way to go way. Lost but ok being lost. Not in a panic. Just looking for the right path at the moment. Checking the map so to speak.
Click to expand...

To me, there is no need to worry. What you experience seems to be a loosing of the strong attachment to your individual story of your "little imagined self". Confusing may arise when I am looking for something to grasp on, an outlasting idea of myself, in which I (my mind) hope(s) to find truth and order to finally find peace.

Like ehud said, we can always come back and allow yourselves to live and love in the presence, ... what is.

Inside, outside, upside, downside, flipside, it seems to be me all the way, OM, tseuq
 
tseuq said:
Namaste DmnStr8,

DmnStr8 said:
... it has caused me to question my personality to the point where I don't even know who I am anymore. An identity crisis in some ways. Not in a negative way but a confusing, don't know which way to go way. Lost but ok being lost. Not in a panic. Just looking for the right path at the moment. Checking the map so to speak.
Click to expand...

To me, there is no need to worry. What you experience seems to be a loosing of the strong attachment to your individual story of your "little imagined self". Confusing may arise when I am looking for something to grasp on, an outlasting idea of myself, in which I (my mind) hope(s) to find truth and order to finally find peace.

Like ehud said, we can always come back and allow yourselves to live and love in the presence, ... what is.

Inside, outside, upside, downside, flipside, it seems to be me all the way, OM, tseuq
Click to expand...

Thanks tseuq!
The "little imagined self" is very accurate description of how I feel. Very reassuring to read your words!

Namaste!
 
DmnStr8 said:
I started to see myself in others. Taking on this observer kind of mindset in real life. I would lose myself in just looking at a flower or tree or cloud or my daughter. It feels like that is the way I am always supposed to be. That this experience that I am having called life is only a thought in the observers mind. Separate.
Click to expand...

I had this for a couple of weeks and just went around with a smile on my face. Becoming the whole of experience. Enjoy it while you have it and try to remember how to be it.

As for how you are supposed to be.. I think that's up to you. I don't think there is any right way to be, each has its beauty - the trick I think is being able to move between these states of being like rooms in your house. You have just discovered a new room.

I started to feel the pull back to living as a visceral focused participant, whilst I was in that state I could not really work, not with intellectual pursuits that required sharp focus. But now that I am back riding this personality and position I can't quite recall how to get back there. I think I would need a good bit of time, and perhaps strong intention to do so.

So I am also interested but now as one who can only remember that state, and doesn't now seem to have time to go there.
 
upwaysidedown said:
As for how you are supposed to be.. I think that's up to you. I don't think there is any right way to be, each has its beauty - the trick I think is being able to move between these states of being like rooms in your house.
Click to expand...

Sound like a flexible mindset, which seems to be a factor of long-term "healthiness". :thumb_up:

tseuq
 
Hmm, not sure where to start with this. Thoughts are kind of all over with this.

My life anymore feels as if it's third person; not in a literal sense, but more of in a mental sense. Like, I feel that whatever situation im in at any given point in time, im able to sit back and just observe, without direct effect on the witness, it feels as if the 'me' (whatever that even is) is outside of any outward influence.

In some ways it feels like I AM all those situations, though im not directly OF those situations. (if that makes any sense lol)

The I, the ME. Feels like nothing more than an ephemeral complex of thoughts consistent enough to give the illusion of a sort of solidarity, a sort of continuity, the supposed "I". Where am "I" at? When thought's still, who's there?

Feels like I am existence, literally, albeit temporarily localized within a set of physical parameters (body), at least at one level. Then again boundless.
 
Tattvamasi said:
My life anymore feels as if it's third person; not in a literal sense, but more of in a mental sense. Like, I feel that whatever situation im in at any given point in time, im able to sit back and just observe, without direct effect on the witness, it feels as if the 'me' (whatever that even is) is outside of any outward influence.

In some ways it feels like I AM all those situations, though im not directly OF those situations. (if that makes any sense lol)

The I, the ME. Feels like nothing more than an ephemeral complex of thoughts consistent enough to give the illusion of a sort of solidarity, a sort of continuity, the supposed "I". Where am "I" at? When thought's still, who's there?

Feels like I am existence, literally, albeit temporarily localized within a set of physical parameters (body), at least at one level. Then again boundless.
Click to expand...

Yes that's the one. Its a glorious feeling. A kind of realisation of a bit more of what we are, I really want to say more on it but I am struggling to find words that make any sense. I would say its like becoming lucid in a dream, except we have just become lucid in life - however physical reality is not as fluid and rapidly malleable as dreams, but do you feel it IS malleable? Like the weather follows our mood, things appear because we thought them - but I am not the only controller... I don't want to start to sounds too nuts so I'll change subject.

But then the call to focus back on the person, the body, the ego, and like losing lucidity in a dream you cannot feel it 100% any more. And yes, for me it feels like a focus thing, like I am narrowly focused when normal but its real wide focus for the 3rd person view, and I become the pavement, sky, architecture, the other faces - the feel of the current moment - its all me.

But even when not wide focused I still know it is there, I may now be driving the car - but I know I am not the car, soon I will hopefully get chance to pull over and get out again.

The next part is, how the hell did we get here from DMT, I am guessing that is what we have in common here. I am sure people have done serious meditation to get similar results, perhaps when it is a slower journey to get there you can be more prepared?
 
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