Jees said:
Very interesting there RLM.
Does the 'resilience' also shows outside intoxication?
- Many people have scary or annoying dreams sometimes, have/had you?
- Are common emotions also lesser peaking as the average person?
- Stressing situations? E.g. how are important exams felt?
- ...
Thank you.
Nah. I'm pretty average all the way around except in this one chemical arena.
When I was under ten, I used to be so scared of practically everything that my mother couldn't leave me alone for very long without me shrieking in terror at whatever horrible thing I was imagining. I had some terrible things happen to me quite young that probably made that worse. Even G-rated movies provided me with nightmare fuel. I cried for three days over the concept of death at five or six years old. At seven, I was consumed with finding a purpose. Not just a job or whatever but the purpose for ME, all that I was, to even exist. My mother has said she didn't know whether to laugh at me caring so much about it so early or what.
Post-ten, I had a handle on my fears. Movies no longer scared me beyond the usual jump-scares. Scary stories might give me a delighted shiver but would not impact me after it was over like it did before. I still had nightmares and still do, but they don't really have much power over me after I'm awake. But I was filled with rage. I was a very, very, very angry teenager. I got into a lot of fights. Some broken bones, the usual split lips and black eyes, et cetera. I was out of control, my own or anyone else's.
Into my early twenties, I was like that. Just a ball of emotion. Woke up irritated, went to bed enraged. I was a terrible person, really. I made some poor girl at a McDonald's cry. It was awful.
I'm much better now, I think. I hope. I'd rather laugh than cry or fight. In fact, appropriate or not, laughter is generally my first response to anything. I don't take much in life very seriously but I try not to let that hurt the people around me because I know that just because I don't see the value in getting worked up about something doesn't mean they don't. I still
feel.
