PARK MEMOIRS II

[jamie]

I had a very close friend tell me 2 days ago that I was "tripping alot lately"..like as in too much..

But see I dont agree really..becasue what is good for her..isn't necessarily what is good for me..and vice versa..we are all at different places along different paths..

I feel the calling now more than ever in my life to work more with the medicine..with ayahuasca specifically..and i dont really know why but i feel that i need to work ONLY with ayahuasca for at least a while now..and not any others..she came to me as "the queen" and my allegiance is with her..I feel like I have been working with so many various entheogens that its like constantly switching channels and never really watching one whole movie..and aya is one movie I really want to see..

anyways great report antrocles as always:d

 

[antrocles]

i know just what you mean my brother. i've been working (darn near exclusively) with vaped DMT for so long...and so extensively...that now i just feel like i know this "language" better than any other and i don't want to waste time learning a new language. i am actually "conversational" now with this medicine and i think that if you can get to that point with ANY entheogen then you have made your connection and found your teacher. that Daniel Sieberg guy is all about Salvia. Leary was all about LSD. everyone has their way of connecting and it really and truly needs to be just that: a connection. not something that just blasts your skull into shrapnel...but something you can see the gift in pretty much straight away. i knew from the first time i worked with DMT that my gift of being able to surrender was being exploited to it's fullest and that this was something i would work with and grow with for the long haul. this wasn't a "fun ride" or a "trippy experience". it was as if i found a part of myself i had stashed away in this molecule to be found later and to let me know that i was on the "right path".

my sister, my friends...many who know me and how passionate about this i am have all voiced their fears and concerns. i have deep love for all concerned but ultimately i know that i have never done anything that has been so positive for my life as this. every possible area of life that they would worry about has been IMPROVED as a result of my work. physically, mentally, financially, athletically....i'm just better all around for having used DMT everyday for the past year.

it's the SPIRITUAL part that seems, at it's very core, to be providing the biggest problem. in truth, when a soul truly grows spiritually, it comes with a tremendous shift in perception. people can deal with changes in physical, emotional, etc...MUCH BETTER than when someone they love has a spiritual shift. it is the 'heart of the person' that is now different and most people are very afraid of that. they don't know "who they're dealing with" anymore...

the "path" can be very hard at times. waking up and deciding that the way you once lived was not in alignment with a higher self....and higher calling...that's some serious shit for those who love you and want you to be "consistent" in who you are. it takes a deep love and understanding to allow a person to grow spiritually and not need them to stay in one place so that they always feel secure in their own construct of life...

nelson mandela put it best when he said, "there is nothing noble about shrinking so that another person won't feel uncomfortable around you." he also said, "we are born to make manifest the glory that is within us. it is within ALL of us. and as we allow our own light to shine, we unconsciously allow others to do the same."

you keep working with your queen my brother. i will keep working with the great unknowingness. we will both meet at the same place... i believe this 100%.

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

 

[cellux]

the ideal of "commitment" is replaced with the inability to be anything else.

Oh, how much I prayed to get to that level. I read about it first in Buddhist scripture. "The state of irreversibility", Felt like the final gift, when I can finally drop all the responsibility, not having to care about things any more because the Eternal will continue do so within and without me. When the question of being ego or not ego becomes irrelevant - yeah, I remember that - the fire of knowledge burning up the questions (one of the usual hilarious solutions, never could think of that). Everything becoming weightless.

So...

I never had the luxury of KNOWING for sure that I am on my path. I always felt that I'm off of it. I always wanted to get to the point when I can know for sure that from now on, I only have to go and "plow on" towards my destiny, without doubts. But I could never get there. (Maybe enlightenment consists purely of that: becoming a faithful servant of God, as God.)

(Sorry for the incoherence. Hope something gets through.)

 

[cellux]

there is no "fucked up" quality to me as a result of what i've been doing.

Here is how I feel you in this regard:

When the psychedelic begins to reveal the secrets to someone, there are a miriad possible responses. Most people don't even notice there was a secret revealed. Most of those who notice, dismiss it (most usually through rationalization), thereby immediately cutting the deepening process at that point. Then there are those - I call them "dreamers" - who are inclined to believe, they go into it and start to explore. Most of these inner explorers, when they start to seriously work with the energy, have to face their dark side. The demons come out and become manifest in tests, decision points both in the inner and the outer experience. Most people cannot past these tests. Their dark side (perhaps it's a dark side implanted by the world) is too strong and when it meets the energy of Light, it retreats. This retreat (fear perhaps?) becomes a rock, an obstacle on the path which must be worked through before one can continue. Most people *would be able* to overcome these obstacles, if the culture they grow up in knew about the psychedelic landscape. If we had (real) shamans, these people could go to them and ask for help. And the shaman would know what to do, would assign them the necessary work to do (most likely not in the entheogenic state, but in everyday life!) which could help them release that specific block, thereby letting them continue and arrive at their destiny.

Then there are a few who have their karma set up in such a way that they can successfully overcome each of these tests/difficulties entirely on their own. If one of these people finally gets to the peak, he/she turns back and comes back to the world to help. That's how the shamans of the next era are being born now. And I came to believe that you are one of them.

(The flip side of this post - the rationalizing part, when all of this is shown to be infantile daydreaming - begs to be written. But I leave that to another time. Or perhaps another member who is better suited to the task.

 

[antrocles]

you touch me so deeply with your words my brother. it's enough to bring tears. to be "seen" or "understood" during a time when you feel that nobody could possibly see or understand you... this is very much how i feel, though i am careful not to announce it too loudly....i'm terrified of being seen as having any kind of "complex", etc... the truth is that, YES, i have been waking up. alone. i have gone beyond fear in the world of infinite being. i understand what the gift is and am learning how to actually "work" with it. all i have ever wanted to do FROM DAY ONE has been to help others get to where i am at. i even knew just in reading reports and working with friends early on that my ability to surrender and "be" was not a common ability and IMMEDIATELY i started posting on the nexus about how to best work with DMT.

it felt and still feels like i really have some sort of "connection" to hyperspace. like a part of me was waiting there for me to find it. like there was a true higher purpose to it all.

i will simply to continue on as i have been doing. i will work with DMT daily and deeply. i will guide and support others who express the desire to wake up and "un-learn". it is the most important thing to me and i am poring all of my energy into a new structure of life that allows me to do these things without being distracted by the illusion that's already calimed enough of my physical life so far.

as a pro cyclist, whenever i would feel super "clear" about a race (ie: visualize winning, etc.) i would also be filled with a sense of ego. it would be ME who would be winning.

this path i have now found myself on....it's so new and amazing. i've never felt SO CLEAR about what i want to do, but at the same time i feel absolutely that this needs to happen far beyond ME or MY EGO. this needs to happen for a much higher purpose.

thank you for "seeing" me, cellux. it is such a gift.

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

 

[elphologist1]

no way i can go back and no real desire to. my sadness is not out of depression but rather out of a seeing through an illusion i have bought into for too long. a deep felt disenchantment with the shiny things that once held me distracted.

I'm not an expert on religions so I can't say which one(s) say this, but I've often heard that "Birth is but a sleep of forgetting". Assuming this is in fact true, why do you suppose we forget past lives and the details of spiritual realms when we are born? I think knowing too much about other realities can make it difficult to accomplish our purpose in this reality. While I know that smoked DMT bears little resemblance in content to an actual near-death experience, both experiences do seem to show glimpses of a larger reality. In my readings on near-death experiences, its fairly common for people who have "come back" from these experiences to have a hard time initially dealing with being back in this world. Depression and anxiety are fairly common symptoms.

I guess the question is - does frequent DMT smoking help you with what you feel is your mission and purpose here? Do you enjoy it, and has it made you more effective, confident, happy, etc.? If so, I think it is a good practice. Otherwise, from a strictly practical and not in any way moral perspective, I'm not sure of the benefits of frequent use.

elphologist

 

[Kazoo...]

You say tomato and I say tom-a-ta',
You say Shaman and I say Bodhisattva',
Together we,
In perfected harmony,
Share the light,
For all who wish to see.....
...he he....




"DeepMeditationTherapy" ...... love it!!!! Now there's one for the quote room:wink: