friken
I have gazed into the eyes of insanity and returne
I decided to smoke dmt last night and had a death experience. I wish I could recall all the amazing details but here goes…..
I was super stoned listening to music. After first minor hit of dmt I got the body shakes. Most severe I’ve had from dmt/weed…. Like a really bad fever. I piled as many covers and pillows as I could to warm up. I distinctly recall having the feeling that if I hit the dmt one more time I will die. The thought came while in a dmt-like trance. I also already knew that I was hitting it again as if it was not a choice at all… just a fact of the sequence of pre-selected events that make up my life. I was right. The trip was absolutely mind blowing. It was a realization that I had already died and understanding why now was the perfect time for my death. All the life pieces wrapped up neatly, fit together like the most well designed puzzle ever. It all made sense. The meaning of life, the puzzles of existence… what I learned…. I felt… welcomed to what was next but also felt a clinging onto life…. Barely. It was a choice to stay dead, as I had graduated…. Or to come back to life. There was a caveat though… to keep living will be a shadow of possibility and not part of my actual life -- maybe a better description would be that continuing life would not be part of my spiritual growth anymore. My life has ended now regardless of if I wanted to stay around to see more possibilities. It is hard to articulate what that means…. Almost like I’m more less observing now instead of participating. It felt amazing to have ‘graduated’.... And seeing all the parts come together was perfection… life wrapped up in that moment was both the perfect timing and massive release / relief. I didn’t have to go any further. The struggle was over. I felt split…. I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to come out of that trip… or that I even wanted to. The only three things that had me considering staying…. love of my life… my kids… and a life passion project I had not finished yet. That’s it… the rest was super easy to let go of.
This was truly an epic experience…. Instead of white lights and loved ones… It was more like DMT space massively, expanded consciousness and the knowing that I was ok and exist outside of this human experience. That I have always existed outside the human experience and have decided to remember my true nature as I wrap up this life experience. That my human experience had deep profound meaning and I could clearly see exactly how all the puzzle pieces of my life fit within the larger context of higher realities… and it was all perfection. It was a sense of ‘catching up to the fact I had already died’. Almost like I died before even being born and just now ready to accept that I am not alive. Or maybe I died in a plane crash a while ago and ‘life’ continuing was only because I hadn’t let go yet. I hadn’t accepted that I was dead. I have often felt that my back and neck pain are premonitions of my death. A sort of paying it forward to feel the chronic pain in life so that when I die I don’t have to feel the full brunt of the pain all at once. This trip was confirmation of that premise…. I saw the details of my death and how it all fit but the death itself, the how, and gory details was not as interesting as the feeling that I graduated, and how much meaning my life had…. How special the experience was… how perfect it all fit together in the larger picture of my true nature. That the infinite consciousness, me as god, is simply not complete without the perfection of my human life.
I was super stoned listening to music. After first minor hit of dmt I got the body shakes. Most severe I’ve had from dmt/weed…. Like a really bad fever. I piled as many covers and pillows as I could to warm up. I distinctly recall having the feeling that if I hit the dmt one more time I will die. The thought came while in a dmt-like trance. I also already knew that I was hitting it again as if it was not a choice at all… just a fact of the sequence of pre-selected events that make up my life. I was right. The trip was absolutely mind blowing. It was a realization that I had already died and understanding why now was the perfect time for my death. All the life pieces wrapped up neatly, fit together like the most well designed puzzle ever. It all made sense. The meaning of life, the puzzles of existence… what I learned…. I felt… welcomed to what was next but also felt a clinging onto life…. Barely. It was a choice to stay dead, as I had graduated…. Or to come back to life. There was a caveat though… to keep living will be a shadow of possibility and not part of my actual life -- maybe a better description would be that continuing life would not be part of my spiritual growth anymore. My life has ended now regardless of if I wanted to stay around to see more possibilities. It is hard to articulate what that means…. Almost like I’m more less observing now instead of participating. It felt amazing to have ‘graduated’.... And seeing all the parts come together was perfection… life wrapped up in that moment was both the perfect timing and massive release / relief. I didn’t have to go any further. The struggle was over. I felt split…. I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to come out of that trip… or that I even wanted to. The only three things that had me considering staying…. love of my life… my kids… and a life passion project I had not finished yet. That’s it… the rest was super easy to let go of.
This was truly an epic experience…. Instead of white lights and loved ones… It was more like DMT space massively, expanded consciousness and the knowing that I was ok and exist outside of this human experience. That I have always existed outside the human experience and have decided to remember my true nature as I wrap up this life experience. That my human experience had deep profound meaning and I could clearly see exactly how all the puzzle pieces of my life fit within the larger context of higher realities… and it was all perfection. It was a sense of ‘catching up to the fact I had already died’. Almost like I died before even being born and just now ready to accept that I am not alive. Or maybe I died in a plane crash a while ago and ‘life’ continuing was only because I hadn’t let go yet. I hadn’t accepted that I was dead. I have often felt that my back and neck pain are premonitions of my death. A sort of paying it forward to feel the chronic pain in life so that when I die I don’t have to feel the full brunt of the pain all at once. This trip was confirmation of that premise…. I saw the details of my death and how it all fit but the death itself, the how, and gory details was not as interesting as the feeling that I graduated, and how much meaning my life had…. How special the experience was… how perfect it all fit together in the larger picture of my true nature. That the infinite consciousness, me as god, is simply not complete without the perfection of my human life.