Pharmahuasca - manageable, then wanted an ambulance

[Nibbana]

PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Nervous, but excitable
(physical condition) Set: Healthy, fasted 4 hours prior
Setting (location): Home
time of day: Approx. 13:50/early afternoon
recent drug use: Nil
last meal: Oats and fruit, approx. 09:00

PARTICIPANT
Gender: Female
body weight: 50kg
known sensitivities: MDMA always lasts longer than expected
history of use: First timer for this, novice otherwise

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): Syrian Rue tea, freebase DMT
Dose(s): 3g rue, 70mg DMT
Method of administration: DMT dissolved in lemon/ACV (apple cider vinegar) water


EFFECTS
Administration time: Tea=13:20, DMT=13:50
Duration: 8 hours
First effects: Light haze near windows, slight lines trailing, light geometry
Peak: Approx. 15:00
Come down: Approx. 22:00 (due to 1/4 Xanax)
Baseline: Next day

Intensity (overall): 3-4 (went from quite a bit to extremely)
Evaluation / notes: After consuming part of a mandarin around 17:00, intensity went from about a 2 to 4.

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: (0-4) = 2
Unplesantness: (0-4) = 4
Visual Intensity: (0-4) = 3
.
.
.


AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: (0-4) = 1, probably due to Xanax
Afterglow: (0-4) = 0


REPORT
Hadn't tripped in a while, and Nibbana (I am Nibbana's partner) suggested we go on a journey.
We began in the early afternoon as to avoid his parents coming home and any disturbances at the peak.
Both of us had come in with a mindset of addressing the routine boredom in our everyday life and frustration at not knowing 'what to do' with ourselves. We were constantly stuck in an existential rut and hoped to look at these things in our trips - something we understand substances can bring to light.
Our experiences started off well, both of us purged maybe 30-45 mins after DMT started to take effect.

My eyes were super heavy and I started to see lots of visuals, mostly fractals but in triangles and squareish geometry. Some things I tried to bury came to light, like my bad relationship with my parents and brother (I recently cut them off). Another which had been in the back of my mind was animal slaughter. I eat meat and even though I work in an ethical space I never made the switch or have lately attempted to cut down my animal products for anything other than pure hedonism/selfishness and it weighs on my mind.
The trip would alternate from dark to light – sometimes I’d feel an odd, creepy, dark theme start to emerge. The colours would turn to red and purple, I’d see some dark, evil faces in the form of patterns and fractals. Sometimes I’d see animals suffering. Menacing presences they were, but I’d tell myself things were okay and Nibbana I loved him and it would lighten up again. At some points I was dancing, and when I felt much loved especially by Nibbana, I’d emerge almost as a baby with a sense of pure adoration – being adored and loved that is, and everything being lovely around me. I thought when I was dancing in the bed about a friend that loved to dance which I thought was sweet. I even had a passing vision about the adult industry and if I’d ever participate – the answer was no!

Ultimately, everything was going fine.
Then Nibbana got a call from his mother. Voting was on and it was compulsory. We had no good reason not to go, and I wasn’t coming down quick enough. My tongue was frequently poking out, rolling around, and I was licking my lips like a lizard throughout. I could barely stand and found it incredibly difficult to form a sentence without my tongue having its own party.
Nibbana was freaking out, dampening the trip (though I don't blame him), so he broke up a bar of Xanax. I accidentally crushed it, but still tried popping what I thought was part of the bar in my mouth - a sign to him I was f*cked.
He ended up telling his mother I had severe menstrual cramps and she left me alone, but he had to go to the voting place. His adrenaline apparently kicked in and he left for a while.
I requested a mandarin to try to sober up and this is where things took a turn for the absolute worst. :|

Nibbana was gone and I tried biting into the mandarin, so desperate to try to sober up and get something into my system I wasn't repulsed by.
Suddenly my vision was worsening and it was impossible to even sit up! I lay down and found myself seeing a recurring green shade with patterns in my vision. I couldn't lift more than my head and was parched. Everything intensified and I found myself so out of control physically and mentally it was no longer enjoyable or tolerable even. I've had bad trips previously on mushrooms that shook me, but never with such intensity.
Everything was blurry and I thought I was literally overdosing. I couldn't even call for an ambulance, I just wanted to come down and I couldn't even try to find a Xanax (which I'd never used) to do that.

I became irrational in my thinking, convinced I was dying and became terrified of dying the way I was. I kept telling myself I didn't want to be another statistic - someone dying of drugs or killing themselves whilst on drugs. It was the most misery I've ever felt in my existence, and the most hopeless too. As a result, I was frantic and unable to ring anyone, so I started yelling for help. We live in suburbia, so I'd hoped someone would hear (I'm actually glad they didn't). I kept screaming "HELP!", and calling for our dog. I'd repeat the house address as if I'd called our emergency services line in my head. I'd be thinking of screaming and it would be happening at the same time.
Eventually, Nibbana arrived home and came to me. He asked if I was yelling because he heard something. I later found out his father stayed home when he went to vote, perhaps outside... :shock:

I couldn't comprehend what was happening. It looked like Nibbana was allowing me to overdose because he was too selfish to cop the fall if I died. I thought everyone was in on it and was allowing me to suffer and die. I thought I was about to be beaten by Nibbana, something he'd never done to me. My mind was crazy. I kept screaming for help while Nibbana tried to reassure me I was going to be okay. For some reason I also thought he was going to overdose me on Xanax so I'd ask for water, but "without the Xanax". He begged me to stop screaming and eventually I did.
Nibbana decided I needed the Xanax because I had lost it and I agreed somehow. 1/4 bar went in and not long after I began settling and babbling incoherently. This went on for a while and I was conscious of speaking nothing but jibberish (just noise) yet I didn't stop myself.
Once I was coming down pretty hard I felt like a zombie and asked for food. Nibbana fed me some congee soup and I felt a little better, just exhausted. He'd bang on something to try keep me awake so I could at least get calories in and shortly after I forced myself to brush my teeth and sleep.

The next day I felt a little dissociated and couldn't believe how bad I felt the night before but for some reason, this trauma did not stick like the first time I took mushrooms. I told myself I'd never do drugs again, however that might change. It was unfortunate voting happened to be on that one weekend, and that after the mandarin it seemed things peaked to the maximum intensity I've ever known.

All in all, interesting experience and quite terrifying. I'll always approach things with even more caution (I wasn't very experimental before anyway). And I haven't eaten a citrus fruit since! :!:

 

[Jees]

People should have a very large undisturbed window of time available.
All part of set and setting, the very basic of basics.
You probably know that already, it's just one gotta do it.
"No calls" are part of that.

BTW you're still here :thumb_up:

 

[Elrik]

To your credit, you did handle it :thumb_up:
I've been close to where you went, not quite that intense but close. Fear and panic are sometimes a part of it and as much as we may not believe it at the time those experiences can help us. Eventually. If we integrate them instead of reject them.
One of the times I got closest to where you went it was also after eating. On aya or pharma eating anything can prompt a sudden increase in effects, usually this is smooth and like a second peak but sometimes it hits shockingly hard. In my instance I knew I wasnt tripping as hard as I should have given the whopping dose I took so I ate an apple and my ears stuffed up and started buzzing, my heart rate shot through the roof and I started to panic like 'oh god, I made a mistake this time'. I survived it too, and in retrospect found some value in that experience.
Personally I dont give myself the option of xanax, I got rid of my emergency supply. I feel that, for me at least, having an emergency escape hatch makes me think too much along escapist lines. I grow more from just having to face whatever comes and live through it.

Dont decide right now if you will, or will not do psychedelics in the future. Accept the experience you had and try to integrate it into you.

 

[Sabnock1990]

If this happens again, throw up, trust me on this. Anytime i've found myself really overwhelmed, i throw up (even if it's after everything has been absorbed) and once i throw up, things calm down over a few minutes and i'm able to regain my composure.

3 to 4 grams of Lemon Balm would definitely come in handy as well, i've included it with my Aya many times and it really helps to reduce the intensity, anxiety, panic, fear, terror, all that. Lemon Balm contains Rosmarinic Acid which inhibits GABA Transaminase which raises the levels of GABA in the brain, so it's as useful imo/ime as, but safer than, xanax or other benzos. I've always taken the Lemon Balm either with the Rue/Harmalas, or with the DMT/DMT-containing plant tea or residue, but it kicks in within about 5 to 15 to 30 minutes and you can really notice how calming/soothing and relaxing it can be while on Aya/Pharma.

Music also helps out A LOT! Listen to instrumental music (preferably) with headphones, especially during the come up as that determines the direction your experience will go. Allow the music to shift your headspace/mindset into a more positive direction, the music will get the experience flowing, just focus on the music, not on thoughts, clear your mind, center yourself, stay calm and relaxed, let go/surrender, breathe, and focus on the music.

Also if you feel like you're dying, just know that it's common, and you're not actually dying, it may feel like you're dying, but it's an ego death, just surrender and let go/release, accept your death, don't let fearful thoughts make you think anything other than you're going to be alright, and once the come up stabilizes and things smooth out, you'll be just fine.

And yeah, if you eat something mid Aya/Pharma, it can kick things in a bit more sometimes, if one's digestion is a bit sluggish.

 

[Nibbana]

To your credit, you did handle it :thumb_up:
I've been close to where you went, not quite that intense but close. Fear and panic are sometimes a part of it and as much as we may not believe it at the time those experiences can help us. Eventually. If we integrate them instead of reject them.

Thank you! Gosh, that sounds insane - though I do agree there's value in these experiences! Kudos to you too for handling yours and 'riding it out'. I do agree not to have the escapist mindset, especially because there's seemingly a lesson in everything, although I think we both found it difficult given my screaming as well
Also, I'm very surprised about the eating thing... won't be trying that again!

 

[Nibbana]

3 to 4 grams of Lemon Balm would definitely come in handy as well, i've included it with my Aya many times and it really helps to reduce the intensity, anxiety, panic, fear, terror, all that. .


Also if you feel like you're dying, just know that it's common, and you're not actually dying, it may feel like you're dying, but it's an ego death, just surrender and let go/release, accept your death, don't let fearful thoughts make you think anything other than you're going to be alright, and once the come up stabilizes and things smooth out, you'll be just fine.

And yeah, if you eat something mid Aya/Pharma, it can kick things in a bit more sometimes, if one's digestion is a bit sluggish.

Woah, lemon balm?! Just looked that up and see it's a common health product but I never ever would have imagined something like that... Thanks for the mention!
If a good ole vomit is supposed to help I'll definitely give it a go... alongside the balm and trying to stay grounded.
It's incredible how convinced I was that I was dying, and amazing it was all in my mind.

 

[grollum]

@ShamensStamen: are you talking about 3-4g of dried lemon balm herb/leafs?

 

[Sabnock1990]

@grollum - Yup, 3 to 4 grams of dried Lemon Balm leaf. I make a cup of tea by steeping the shredded leaf in a cup of hot water covered with a lid for about 15 minutes, then filter out the leaf matter, squeeze out all the liquid, then sweeten the cup of tea and consume it either with my Rue/Harmalas or with the DMT-containing plant or mushrooms or what not.

@Nibbana - Yeah Lemon Balm works wonders ime, really smooths out the intense come up and makes things gentler/more relaxed, still powerful, but definitely smoother and less intense/dreadful/hectic, the difference with and without the Lemon Balm is so obvious ime, it really is a useful herb. And yeah you may vomit anyways but if things get intense again just vomit again and things should calm down, that's really the only thing i've found to be good about the vomiting is the relief that comes after.