Please encourage me to smoalk dmt

[Voidmatrix]

After my initial time dipping my toes in with changa, I did about the same amount a few nights later but got a bit nervous about my environment and backed out of going deeper.

Today I smoalked freebase(15mg) for the first time in well over a year. I met a pretty and friendly underwater flower. It was flapping its petals in the breeze of the underwater currents sending the message that the water is fine. The water is just fine.

I have never felt that feeling of 'home' that people speak of on DMT until this time; it felt safe, accepting, and comfortable. It felt nice to be there again and now I want to dive into it. I was tempted to right then and there, but I want to let this happiness and excitement from such a simple experience continue to run through me awhile longer. The relief from my fear is so great. Tonight I'm going swimming!

This put a big smile on my face That's very good news.

Be sure to share how your "swim" goes

One love

 

[RowRowRow YourBoat]

It went swimmingly! I had 3 more experiences last night and they were all great. I don't want to hijack this thread with a bunch of trip reports but I am thankful for all the advice in this thread and do want to share my success in thanks and encouragement of others. I just went back and re-read this thread and reminded myself of who all shared what and how helpful everyone's words and advice were.

Overall every trip was like a welcome and a kind lesson. Maybe they always had been before but I couldn't comprehend, these were all slowed down and simplified to exactly the point where I could understand. My last and strongest experience was like a repeat of one of my first ever trips; I met an entity I recognized except this time it was just gentle and understandable enough that I got be present in it instead of being overwhelmed and forgetful. Hyperspace felt like it bent over backwards to help me and allay my fears, not just by showing me compassion and courteousness in these experiences, but in going back and explaining the fear I have been holding onto for a year. Everything was for my benefit and I was so happy and thankful for that.

Like I said, I won't hijack this thread, but I want to reiterate that many things said here and there in this thread gave me the courage and the tools to jump back in so thanks again to everyone for sharing.

And to you who still needs the encouragement: I hope you do find the courage and when you go back I hope something wonderful happens. This took me a few weeks to work up to, even though there were days where I really wanted to dive in but felt it wasn't right. I finally got that feeling that the time was right yesterday and it really was. So, to go back to the very first reply of this thread, Voidmatrix was just right in saying:

[...] listening to the impulse that drives you towards the molecule in the first place may help and allow you to "just do it."

All the same, to state a tautology, when the time is right, the time is right. You'll get there.

Push yourself, but also listen to yourself.

 

[Voidmatrix]

I love reading these things thank you so much RRRYB.

My dealings with this have been over several years, where the progress can best be described as a waveform with a trough that is rising slightly through each period. I enjoy hearing when others get there quickly.

After the honeymoon period, DMT shows its true breadth.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

There's something I am curious about and would like to discuss. It may also be very helpful for pointy hat as well.

I've been dealing with this difficulty in entering the space as deep as I'd like for a few years now. The time has allowed me to notice certain patterns. Despite having isolated several "reasons" why it's hard to bring myself to the depths of experience that I desire and would be fulfilling (such as depression, confidence, not allowing certain things for myself, etc), they all seem to miss the mark and the essence of the overall conundrum. Does anyone else have a hard time putting why it's difficult into words?

I can't remember the last time that I had a "bad" experience, or that I didn't "handle it." I can have a great experience (though rarely allowing myself to do more in a given setting), but the same feeling of difficulty arises the next day. It gets stronger as more time passes from the last engagement. It's an algorithm, where it seems as though the amygdala (seat of emotive processing and response, development of memory, and the fight/flight/freeze response) overrides the prefrontal cortex (seat of behavior, personality and decision-making and action-taking). Is this part of anyone else's experience?

This difficulty and trepidation that we all seem to deal with seems like it may come with the territory and it's up to us to just go for it.

One love

 

[PedroSanchez]

for me it feels like nerves, like i am about to blast off into the unknown with no turning back
somehow there is often a feeling of "what if something goes wrong" even though i know noting will go wrong and have only ever had a single scary trip, which i later decided wasn't scary after all. once i launch i remember that it was all irrational fear, so i do not fear physical consequences during my trip. knowing this still doesn't help the nerves though so i guess i also have a difficult time putting it into words.

 

[Voidmatrix]

for me it feels like nerves, like i am about to blast off into the unknown with no turning back
somehow there is often a feeling of "what if something goes wrong" even though i know noting will go wrong and have only ever had a single scary trip, which i later decided wasn't scary after all. once i launch i remember that it was all irrational fear, so i do not fear physical consequences during my trip. knowing this still doesn't help the nerves though so i guess i also have a difficult time putting it into words.

Even keeping all of the above in my mind, it's still hard, as if there's something I'm still missing (though minds of the space tell me otherwise...). Hence why so much of my present use is therapeutic. Right now is a good example, since I'm anxious and "off," so will be taking a few medium hits of changa, but have no intention of actually going anywhere.

One love

 

[ShadedSelf]

Id like to point out that you both seem to bring up reasons why you should not feel certain emotions.

" I can't remember the last time that I had a "bad" experience, or that I didn't "handle it. "
... Thus I have no reason to be scared or have any problem going deeper.
And it does sound like you guys have no reason to be emotional.
Yet the emotion persists, and no amount of intellectual understanding seems to satisfy it.

I like to give emotions their own space, listen to what they are trying to say, perhaps things could actually go wrong, thats certantly a possibility, weve seen that before.

Emotional energy lives in its own realm as does the intellect, emotions might not be rational to the intellect, but I assure you they have their reasons to be there.
One is not supposed to override the other, both can coexist in harmony, though thats definately not allways the case.

It can be a bit dissorienting when the emotions come from undiggested experiences too, thats when they start to feel irrational, they dont really mirror the present experience, yet they make their appearance, seemingly uninvited.

Honestly, I dont think I have a less general answer, personally I have very good reasons to be scared of going into this experiences.
They can be quite challenging, and its not every day that I am willing to face that depth.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Id like to point out that you both seem to bring up reasons why you should not feel certain emotions.

" I can't remember the last time that I had a "bad" experience, or that I didn't "handle it. "
... Thus I have no reason to be scared or have any problem going deeper.
And it does sound like you guys have no reason to be emotional.
Yet the emotion persists, and no amount of intellectual understanding seems to satisfy it.

I like to give emotions their own space, listen to what they are trying to say, perhaps things could actually go wrong, thats certantly a possibility, weve seen that before.

Emotional energy lives in its own realm as does the intellect, emotions might not be rational to the intellect, but I assure you they have their reasons to be there.
One is not supposed to override the other, both can coexist in harmony, though thats definately not allways the case.

It can be a bit dissorienting when the emotions come from undiggested experiences too, thats when they start to feel irrational, they dont really mirror the present experience, yet they make their appearance, seemingly uninvited.

Honestly, I dont think I have a less general answer, personally I have very good reasons to be scared of going into this experiences.
They can be quite challenging, and its not every day that I am willing to face that depth.

I tend to be pretty head-on with my emotions, so to clarify, it's not so much avoiding or not feeling certain ways, but rather how to get these feelings to not be a hindrance to what I'd like to do and what my goals are anymore. I'd rather conquer my fear than allow it to conquer me, but that doesn't entail a lack of presence of said fear.

What you quoted above happens to reflect ways in which this fear comes to the surface, that is to say it brings about worry about "handling" the experience and whether something "bad" will happen. Granted I do deal with mild paranoia.

One love

Edit: I may have stated this before, but I will admit that all of this does highlight certain fundamental disconnects with myself.

 

[pointy hat]

I'm grateful for the direction this thread has taken!

I've been reading over everyone's thoughts and experiences and have gained some insight and ease-to-mind on topic of just putting the pipe to ones mouth and ripping it already.

Think I waited a bit to long to specifically respond to people but I'll probably try to pick out the things that really resonated and respond when I have the chance to dig in.

Thanks to everyone who has chimed in, I hope the discussion will continue <|:•)

 

[Voidmatrix]

I'm grateful for the direction this thread has taken!

I've been reading over everyone's thoughts and experiences and have gained some insight and ease-to-mind on topic of just putting the pipe to ones mouth and ripping it already.

Think I waited a bit to long to specifically respond to people but I'll probably try to pick out the things that really resonated and respond when I have the chance to dig in.

Thanks to everyone who has chimed in, I hope the discussion will continue <|:•)

I'd like to thank you for opening the door to this topic in a manner that allowed such a conversation to blossom as it has

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

Today I had a little bit of a revelation: aside from the inherent unexplainable fear, I have noticed that there is some anxiety about receiving insights similar to one I received in my second hyperspace journey ever. The insight was provided by the space and a being. And it wasn't bad at all, but instead lofty, and I felt it put me on a pedestal, which made me extremely uncomfortable. So much so that I don't feel comfortable articulating what it was. And also, so much so that I have repeatedly been in denial about it, even over a decade later.

It's good to be aware of what may be impacting us, no matter how small or long ago..

Hot damn, DMT is weird... and I LOVE IT! :LOVE:

One love

 

[Tomtegubbe]

Today I had a little bit of a revelation: aside from the inherent unexplainable fear, I have noticed that there is some anxiety about receiving insights similar to one I received in my second hyperspace journey ever. The insight was provided by the space and a being. And it wasn't bad at all, but instead lofty, and I felt it put me on a pedestal, which made me extremely uncomfortable. So much so that I don't feel comfortable articulating what it was. And also, so much so that I have repeatedly been in denial about it, even over a decade later.

I believe the molecule tests us if we are pure in heart and worthy before we are allowed to go deeper. The hyperspace can indeed give you incredible insights that have real world value, but the tough part that requires maturity is how you are able to handle this. In a sense, you are in a special position to have the privilege to experience these things, but the deeper your understanding gets the more you should be able to understand that this is not so much about you personally but about the wisdom and the mission that transcends your current form.

That's at least what I've gathered from my experiences of being put on a pedestal in the hyperspace. I think it's analogous to having power. Generally most people enjoy power, but the power is best put into the hands of people who don't get too fascinated in the power itself but use it for the greater good.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Today I had a little bit of a revelation: aside from the inherent unexplainable fear, I have noticed that there is some anxiety about receiving insights similar to one I received in my second hyperspace journey ever. The insight was provided by the space and a being. And it wasn't bad at all, but instead lofty, and I felt it put me on a pedestal, which made me extremely uncomfortable. So much so that I don't feel comfortable articulating what it was. And also, so much so that I have repeatedly been in denial about it, even over a decade later.

I believe the molecule tests us if we are pure in heart and worthy before we are allowed to go deeper. The hyperspace can indeed give you incredible insights that have real world value, but the tough part that requires maturity is how you are able to handle this. In a sense, you are in a special position to have the privilege to experience these things, but the deeper your understanding gets the more you should be able to understand that this is not so much about you personally but about the wisdom and the mission that transcends your current form.

That's at least what I've gathered from my experiences of being put on a pedestal in the hyperspace. I think it's analogous to having power. Generally most people enjoy power, but the power is best put into the hands of people who don't get too fascinated in the power itself but use it for the greater good.

Thank you for that, and I certainly feel similarly, which is why I tried to jump off the pedestal as soon as I noticed I was put on it (which led to my third and most powerfuljourney). Simply, out of fear of an inflated ego and a compromise to humility, I've spent years trying to ignore, reframe, and/or diminish the aspect of the experience in question. Upon reflection however, I feel that I'm starting to assimilate it in a productive and balanced way, though still feel some anxiety over it...

And perhaps the space and entity felt like I was ready and/or mature enough to receive the message, but I'm not confident I was... :lol:

One love

 

[Koduckushi]

Today I had a little bit of a revelation: aside from the inherent unexplainable fear, I have noticed that there is some anxiety about receiving insights similar to one I received in my second hyperspace journey ever. The insight was provided by the space and a being. And it wasn't bad at all, but instead lofty, and I felt it put me on a pedestal, which made me extremely uncomfortable. So much so that I don't feel comfortable articulating what it was. And also, so much so that I have repeatedly been in denial about it, even over a decade later.

I believe the molecule tests us if we are pure in heart and worthy before we are allowed to go deeper. The hyperspace can indeed give you incredible insights that have real world value, but the tough part that requires maturity is how you are able to handle this. In a sense, you are in a special position to have the privilege to experience these things, but the deeper your understanding gets the more you should be able to understand that this is not so much about you personally but about the wisdom and the mission that transcends your current form.

That's at least what I've gathered from my experiences of being put on a pedestal in the hyperspace. I think it's analogous to having power. Generally most people enjoy power, but the power is best put into the hands of people who don't get too fascinated in the power itself but use it for the greater good.

Thank you for that, and I certainly feel similarly, which is why I tried to jump off the pedestal as soon as I noticed I was put on it (which led to my third and most powerfuljourney). Simply, out of fear of an inflated ego and a compromise to humility, I've spent years trying to ignore, reframe, and/or diminish the aspect of the experience in question. Upon reflection however, I feel that I'm starting to assimilate it in a productive and balanced way, though still feel some anxiety over it...

And perhaps the space and entity felt like I was ready and/or mature enough to receive the message, but I'm not confident I was... :lol:

One love

This is pretty insightful to me. My current reason for keeping out of Hyperspace, or even knocking on the door has been this exact "being placed on a pedestal" feeling. I'm trying to avoid having an entity, or my own perception after the experience, making me feel like I know something otherworldly to laud over others. I've come full circle in my absence from the space and am now pondering if it's good for me to trip on it. Granted, I haven't had a bad experience to speak of. I'm worried of how I might interpret my experience. Perturbed by the idea that I may become "over bearing/holier than thou" again when talking to friends about my use of spice. I don't want to become some "pillar of the community" or "healer/shaman" type of guy, but I feel I've come off that way in the past. I'm just a guy trying to figure myself out using the [Strangest] tool available to me.

 

[fink]

When you stand on the edge of a cliff, even though the water looks inviting and the height is easily survivable, the hardest part is to jump. All our anxiety comes from the need to make a decision. Once the decision is made one way or the other, the anxiety evaporates instantly. A human with no decisions to make is usually content. For me it is that simple with DMT. I'm not afraid of the aftermath at all. I'm only afraid of the decision while multiple options are still open.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Today I had a little bit of a revelation: aside from the inherent unexplainable fear, I have noticed that there is some anxiety about receiving insights similar to one I received in my second hyperspace journey ever. The insight was provided by the space and a being. And it wasn't bad at all, but instead lofty, and I felt it put me on a pedestal, which made me extremely uncomfortable. So much so that I don't feel comfortable articulating what it was. And also, so much so that I have repeatedly been in denial about it, even over a decade later.

I believe the molecule tests us if we are pure in heart and worthy before we are allowed to go deeper. The hyperspace can indeed give you incredible insights that have real world value, but the tough part that requires maturity is how you are able to handle this. In a sense, you are in a special position to have the privilege to experience these things, but the deeper your understanding gets the more you should be able to understand that this is not so much about you personally but about the wisdom and the mission that transcends your current form.

That's at least what I've gathered from my experiences of being put on a pedestal in the hyperspace. I think it's analogous to having power. Generally most people enjoy power, but the power is best put into the hands of people who don't get too fascinated in the power itself but use it for the greater good.

Thank you for that, and I certainly feel similarly, which is why I tried to jump off the pedestal as soon as I noticed I was put on it (which led to my third and most powerfuljourney). Simply, out of fear of an inflated ego and a compromise to humility, I've spent years trying to ignore, reframe, and/or diminish the aspect of the experience in question. Upon reflection however, I feel that I'm starting to assimilate it in a productive and balanced way, though still feel some anxiety over it...

And perhaps the space and entity felt like I was ready and/or mature enough to receive the message, but I'm not confident I was... :lol:

One love

This is pretty insightful to me. My current reason for keeping out of Hyperspace, or even knocking on the door has been this exact "being placed on a pedestal" feeling. I'm trying to avoid having an entity, or my own perception after the experience, making me feel like I know something otherworldly to laud over others. I've come full circle in my absence from the space and am now pondering if it's good for me to trip on it. Granted, I haven't had a bad experience to speak of. I'm worried of how I might interpret my experience. Perturbed by the idea that I may become "over bearing/holier than thou" again when talking to friends about my use of spice. I don't want to become some "pillar of the community" or "healer/shaman" type of guy, but I feel I've come off that way in the past. I'm just a guy trying to figure myself out using the [Strangest] tool available to me.

It's funny, because I do guide-work :lol:

I've learned to have an "open door" policy in interpreting what occurs in hyperspace; I'll entertain the ideas that an experience is just a byproduct of my own mind, that it is something external/foreign to my mind, a mix of the two, etc. Same goes for most things that it has to tell me or that I receive by being in the space. How many ways can I look at this. I find it too mysterious and enigmatic to often get direct gleanings of information to always interpret, especially since it seems to get weirder the more I work with it. So, perhaps an open door and grain of salt interpretation?

When you stand on the edge of a cliff, even though the water looks inviting and the height is easily survivable, the hardest part is to jump. All our anxiety comes from the need to make a decision. Once the decision is made one way or the other, the anxiety evaporates instantly. A human with no decisions to make is usually content. For me it is that simple with DMT. I'm not afraid of the aftermath at all. I'm only afraid of the decision while multiple options are still open.

Dude, I'm telling you, this phenomenon for me is so wild and as much as I explore it and have spoken about it on the Nexus, I still don't feel like I've hit the core of it. It never used to be like this. :lol:

One love

Edit: And then accidents happen... and it was weird and wonderful... and good thing to help cope and ground me through some tough stuff going on and my sense of being overwhelmed.

Edit: And I fully empathize with the sentiment of not wanting to come off high and mighty, or better than anyone. I have a categorical refusal to feeling "special" for a variety of reasons. One of the reasons why receiving certain compliments and comments of observation from others tends to make me uncomfortable, throws me off, and confuses me. I've learned to just simply interpret anything of that sort as part of their personal truth.