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Polyamory

Migrated topic.
endlessness said:
The Hermit, it did happen to me that my gf was seeing other people while I wasn't, and it certainly made me learn a lot, made me have to deal with all my fears and insecurities. It's definitely easier when both are seeing others simultaneously, but I think it was a great learning experience and I think it made me much less prone to jealousy/attachment/fears now. I feel our relationship is much stronger by having gone through such experiences.

For those that are monogamous, I have a question.. When you are together with your partner, after the initial infatuation phase has subsided, when you see a pretty/interesting person, do you not feel attracted to that person? And I dont mean whether you want to act on those feelings, but wondering if you feel anything at all...

Personally, I definitely feel attraction to others and wonder how it would be. Each woman is a whole new universe that I wonder how it would be to explore. Of course from a practical stand point I'm not going to have a relationship with every woman I'm attracted to (also because I don't 'make a move' on every one and if I did I'd get lots of 'no's lol), but if I feel like it could somehow fit into my current life, why not? I obviously talk to my gf and we see how we all feel, the context of how we live and how exactly it would work on practice, and if it works, it works, and if not, we can learn from the experience and move on.
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It really is an interesting debate. I've been in poly 'arrangements', but always kept myself emotionally detached / aloof. They were far more about freedom and enjoyment than deep connections, or strict relationships. They always seemed to naturally fizzle out / move on.

In my current mono relationship I see lust / attraction to others as a sort of plague more than anything. I agree that each person is a whole universe to explore, and while I've traversed many galaxies in my time, it'll take me the rest of my life to truly explore this one 😉

I've been playing around with some different tantra practices, and discovered some really interesting things - when I cultivate a sacred bond to this (quite amazing) singular person, the other women in the world fade out, lose any and all appeal. When I stray from that course, and indulge in a very base, physical bond, I become physically interested in people that I know deep down I really don't want to be with, not in any permanent sense. That feels like it waters down what I have to give the person I love. So in my current experience, I go with the former.

In the end as you say, if it works for both of you, why not? 😁
 
For me it will depend on the person / people involved.

I am not against the idea, but far from saying it's right for everyone. I see myself leaning a lot more toward the attitude of monogamy than most people. To me it is more interesting and I feel there are aspects of it yet unplumbed.

I think that it is not a desire to 'own' the other person that is behind the default one to one pairing but a much higher minded characteristic at play that is intrinsic to consciousness itself, and charmingly innocent.

"To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love"

And the world is too big too terrible too wild too old for us and our life-span and our ideals to not be also perishable. And polyamory seems a responsible conclusion for those older who have suffered what we all suffer and still have something resembling traditional values to bear up out of their heart, in honor of the marriage that bore them.

But love itself is charmingly innocent in it's conception and so as long as it lives as a word so also will there be problems with it and all proceeding affairs through it, because it is a concept with faults and with bounds too narrow and scope too deep to be rightly contained.
 
endlessness said:
For those that are monogamous, I have a question.. When you are together with your partner, after the initial infatuation phase has subsided, when you see a pretty/interesting person, do you not feel attracted to that person? And I dont mean whether you want to act on those feelings, but wondering if you feel anything at all...

Personally, I definitely feel attraction to others and wonder how it would be. Each woman is a whole new universe that I wonder how it would be to explore. Of course from a practical stand point I'm not going to have a relationship with every woman I'm attracted to (also because I don't 'make a move' on every one and if I did I'd get lots of 'no's lol), but if I feel like it could somehow fit into my current life, why not? I obviously talk to my gf and we see how we all feel, the context of how we live and how exactly it would work on practice, and if it works, it works, and if not, we can learn from the experience and move on.
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I have been with my wife 5 years so far.... We are still in the infatuation phase - I just keep getting more and more into her.

I wanted to be poly when we first met and we talked about it a few times.... But before we ever went there things changed and I stopped wanting other women. I can still appreciate other womens sexy-ness, but I dont feel any need to have more sexual partners. Sometimes I cant even keep up with my wife!

When I meet amazing women I feel like I can connect with them without having sex.... Actually I find deep conversation to lead to much deeper connections then sex does. I also feel like - I could explore a tiny bit of many universes (or women), or I could really get to know my favorite universe deeper then anything else I have ever known.

I will also say - many relationships have lots of drama. My wife is the first girl to really treat me the way I want to be treated and appreciate me so deeply. I dated many girls before her and never had anything close to this level of connection. So part of it for me might also be I just dont need drama from other girls when I have such a drama free wife. When I am friends with girls we get along great, and I'd rather keep it that way.

Maybe one day in the future my wife and I will try to branch out and experiment with out relationship, but right now I feel like it gives me everything I need and want and more. I love taking good care of her too, and I only have so much energy - I like to really focus on spoiling her and treating her better then anyone else ever has rather then spreading my attention too thin.... And when we need larger community - we have really good close friends who are super open and supportive, even without us having to sleep with them :)
 
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