nitrogenaztec
Rising Star
Hello everyone,
So I was posting here for some months, over a year ago. I wanted to help my life move on and reduce alcohol dependancy... hopefully by using DMT.
Unfortunately it went quite badly for me. I probably did it in the wrong way? But I couldn't have known what the right way was... I ended up stuck in a state of psychosis for about 10 days before I had to be "sectioned" (haha). I actully knew what was wrong and was doing my best to resist it... but the problem is it just wasn't ending.
Its like being stuck with an ocean roaring over you... it doesn't matter if you know the "ocean is wrong" and "the things it is trying to make you believe aren't true"... eventually you get swept under. Even in the calmer moments... I was mostly just not right. I only seemed right while talking to (reasonable) people, but on my own my mind would start to flip out. And I couldn't sleep. Talking to unreasonable people made me flip out more... which isn't good in a society like ours, which is full of them.
Anyhow! So thats all ended, it was over a year ago... I recovered fully. Still alcohol dependant like before, but it was never too bad. But it was blocking me from moving on in life.
I think the problem was that i had "interupted" The trip somehow and I couldn't come back down. Like being stuck on an island in the middle of the ocean. Also there were some pretty scary things that I could just not face or deal with... that I'd have to "go through" in order to come back down. And it seemed soceity didn't want me to deal with them either.
It almost seemed like I'd have to flip out so bad that it would prove the existance of .... SOMETHING to the rest of society. Like that we are all stuck in some weird quantum insane drugged out painful broken reality or something? (and forever too). Not that its true, but thats the kind of thing my mind was having to deal with.
So anyhow... yeah.
Well over the year I had some thoughts. I did used to have good trips... hundreds, when I was younger. Whats different now? Why cant I again? I'm thinking...
"what if the things we have to deal with in that psychedelic realm... can't really be prepared for. Theres no words or understanding that can teach you to DO somthing or NOT do something in order to have a good trip... what if we are having to deal with some state of reality that... the only way to deal with it is to evolve some kind of 'higher-level' structures within your body/soul/aura that deal with matters that normally exist outside of human concepts?"
If you believe that "the aether" exists. Basically i'm saying "what if we would have to train and develop our aetheric body to deal with such psychedelic states?". This aetheric body isn't the same as normal spiritual/energy stuff that even exists doing energy-work or in dreams. Its something else.
And that basically... perhaps "What I did wrong" was to just "jump". Go from not having used anything for years... into using a large amount at once.
Perhaps if I had only used small amounts to "build up my aetheric body"... I could have handled things much better? I used to regularly go to the 3rd and 4th DXM plateau. It was really fun. I enjoyed it. I certainly went to a different place, but not a bad one.
(I could be kidding myself again. And tricking myself into a bad situation. But I do want to make sense of things and thats not bad right?)
...
Either way... here is something interesting and useful for you guys here. Or else I wouldn't be posting.
So... I started trying reducing my drinking frequency per week... and using nicotene herbs (pure shamanic tobacco, no chemicals, homegrown). I'd make a tea with it. I noticed that it felt a lot like being drunk! But better actually. Id be wobbly (Which is nice hahaha), but my mood would be much more SOCIAL.
I'd be less toxic. I'd deal with normal social frustrations with a charm and ease and elegance instead. It "just happened" without even me thinking about it. People's actions that would normally annoy me... I'd just brush past like it were nothing. Almost like I'm seeing "a different me"... for a change.
I also noticed... most importantly, that my DREAMS WERE IMPROVING. I'd had decreasing dream ability for A LONG TIME and it was greatly upsetting me.
I used to have unbelievably amazing dreams. But that was back when I was younger and regularly using DXM (Every month or 2). I think the DXM changed my brain to give me better dreams? I had good trips back then... before it started going bad. I also had a better life! More energy... I had money. I had a lot of things going my way.
...
This 10+ year period of me stopping using drugs was also connected to me LOSING everything in life. Which is sad. My family wanted me to stop... but the thing is... they didn't seem to care or notice it's connection to me losing everything else in my life. I know it's connected. I need creativity to survive.
Shamanic tobacco is helping with that. And its quite gentle too. Unlike alcohol its a lot more like "Food". Like my body knows "when I've had enough shamanic tobacco". Perhaps this could be associated with me getting my creativity back... and hence get my money back too and a life again? Who konws? I hope so.
Thoughts on this anyone?
I'm not saying I'm going to try psychedelics again right now... or even if I was... that I would do it in the same settings as before while living with my family. But I wonder if really the problems I had were all "because I just jumped in dose... and didn't build up my aetheric body first, over half a year or so".
Every bad trip I can remmeber, was after a period of NOT using psychedelics (Cos i was bored and doing other things)... OR after I had taken a different chemical tht was WAAAYYY stronger than anything I had expected. And so it was still a "jump".
Who knows?
So I was posting here for some months, over a year ago. I wanted to help my life move on and reduce alcohol dependancy... hopefully by using DMT.
Unfortunately it went quite badly for me. I probably did it in the wrong way? But I couldn't have known what the right way was... I ended up stuck in a state of psychosis for about 10 days before I had to be "sectioned" (haha). I actully knew what was wrong and was doing my best to resist it... but the problem is it just wasn't ending.
Its like being stuck with an ocean roaring over you... it doesn't matter if you know the "ocean is wrong" and "the things it is trying to make you believe aren't true"... eventually you get swept under. Even in the calmer moments... I was mostly just not right. I only seemed right while talking to (reasonable) people, but on my own my mind would start to flip out. And I couldn't sleep. Talking to unreasonable people made me flip out more... which isn't good in a society like ours, which is full of them.
Anyhow! So thats all ended, it was over a year ago... I recovered fully. Still alcohol dependant like before, but it was never too bad. But it was blocking me from moving on in life.
I think the problem was that i had "interupted" The trip somehow and I couldn't come back down. Like being stuck on an island in the middle of the ocean. Also there were some pretty scary things that I could just not face or deal with... that I'd have to "go through" in order to come back down. And it seemed soceity didn't want me to deal with them either.
It almost seemed like I'd have to flip out so bad that it would prove the existance of .... SOMETHING to the rest of society. Like that we are all stuck in some weird quantum insane drugged out painful broken reality or something? (and forever too). Not that its true, but thats the kind of thing my mind was having to deal with.
So anyhow... yeah.
Well over the year I had some thoughts. I did used to have good trips... hundreds, when I was younger. Whats different now? Why cant I again? I'm thinking...
"what if the things we have to deal with in that psychedelic realm... can't really be prepared for. Theres no words or understanding that can teach you to DO somthing or NOT do something in order to have a good trip... what if we are having to deal with some state of reality that... the only way to deal with it is to evolve some kind of 'higher-level' structures within your body/soul/aura that deal with matters that normally exist outside of human concepts?"
If you believe that "the aether" exists. Basically i'm saying "what if we would have to train and develop our aetheric body to deal with such psychedelic states?". This aetheric body isn't the same as normal spiritual/energy stuff that even exists doing energy-work or in dreams. Its something else.
And that basically... perhaps "What I did wrong" was to just "jump". Go from not having used anything for years... into using a large amount at once.
Perhaps if I had only used small amounts to "build up my aetheric body"... I could have handled things much better? I used to regularly go to the 3rd and 4th DXM plateau. It was really fun. I enjoyed it. I certainly went to a different place, but not a bad one.
(I could be kidding myself again. And tricking myself into a bad situation. But I do want to make sense of things and thats not bad right?)
...
Either way... here is something interesting and useful for you guys here. Or else I wouldn't be posting.
So... I started trying reducing my drinking frequency per week... and using nicotene herbs (pure shamanic tobacco, no chemicals, homegrown). I'd make a tea with it. I noticed that it felt a lot like being drunk! But better actually. Id be wobbly (Which is nice hahaha), but my mood would be much more SOCIAL.
I'd be less toxic. I'd deal with normal social frustrations with a charm and ease and elegance instead. It "just happened" without even me thinking about it. People's actions that would normally annoy me... I'd just brush past like it were nothing. Almost like I'm seeing "a different me"... for a change.
I also noticed... most importantly, that my DREAMS WERE IMPROVING. I'd had decreasing dream ability for A LONG TIME and it was greatly upsetting me.
I used to have unbelievably amazing dreams. But that was back when I was younger and regularly using DXM (Every month or 2). I think the DXM changed my brain to give me better dreams? I had good trips back then... before it started going bad. I also had a better life! More energy... I had money. I had a lot of things going my way.
...
This 10+ year period of me stopping using drugs was also connected to me LOSING everything in life. Which is sad. My family wanted me to stop... but the thing is... they didn't seem to care or notice it's connection to me losing everything else in my life. I know it's connected. I need creativity to survive.
Shamanic tobacco is helping with that. And its quite gentle too. Unlike alcohol its a lot more like "Food". Like my body knows "when I've had enough shamanic tobacco". Perhaps this could be associated with me getting my creativity back... and hence get my money back too and a life again? Who konws? I hope so.
Thoughts on this anyone?
I'm not saying I'm going to try psychedelics again right now... or even if I was... that I would do it in the same settings as before while living with my family. But I wonder if really the problems I had were all "because I just jumped in dose... and didn't build up my aetheric body first, over half a year or so".
Every bad trip I can remmeber, was after a period of NOT using psychedelics (Cos i was bored and doing other things)... OR after I had taken a different chemical tht was WAAAYYY stronger than anything I had expected. And so it was still a "jump".
Who knows?
