this was my deepest.
by far.
i cannot even begin to scratch the surface of where i've been for the past 2 1/2 hours....i truly falter... i will give you the set, setting, doseage and mindset....
for the past week i have been drinking 3-4 tall cups of STRONG caapi brew a day. it is a powerful spirit and i am devoted to it henceforth. my changas all have caapi in them now as well...
i've also been taking .03 harmaline freebase sublingually every night 15 mins before bed for the past week as well. like a sponge, i believe i am "saturated" with inhibition. i could not have been more primed for what was about to come.
- i sat in front of my jug of soup at the alter. a thick 400ml of clear d-limonene floating on top of primordial magic. it's been 4 days now...i will pull the lemony jungle spice and set up the evap station now....but first....i will commune with the spirit molecule and prostrate my soul before it as a sign of my devotion.
my chair in front. the window behind. bright, unclouded sunlight pouring in like heaven illuminating all matter. my VG has enough residual peppermint elf dust to surely take me to a beautiful sub-breakthrough docking bay where my intent can be downloaded into the teacher before me.
thanks to a wonderful video posted by a brother on this site, i no longer sit poised with a pipe lighter....but a jet lighter to ignite the impossible.
my hit is the biggest hit of any inhaleable substance i have ever taken. simply massive. i am going somewhere very far away....i am shocked by this and make the remaining .03 seconds of ego count by surrendering completely. this is meant to be...
i am so sorry to fall so short of writing ability to even touch the beginnings of this massive journey. i will say that the carrier wave was enormous...again a greeting and a "transmission" of sorts. rooms, glyphs, symbols....the seat of transformation. i am in and out of ego death, and every time i have any "awareness", i am given a choice of being terrified by how deep and infinite i have gone or to simply let go. every psychedelic/spiritual experience i have had up to this point is called upon. this was a definite growing experience for me.
i was gone for 40 minutes. :shock:
i'm shaking and tears are literally streaming down my cheeks....i am far from "back" and my brain is already thinking, "shit...it's gonna be a while before i do this again.." the sheer power and depth have me rattled to my foundation.
i take my pipe and go into my bedroom and lay on my bed. i MUST face this now. i WILL NOT end a journey with a trembling reticence as my "doggy bag". i take an equally giant hit and lie back. full surrender this time. my brain is exhausted both from just getting home from 6 hours of hard training and the mind-wringing journey i've just had.
"it is only the left-brain that needs sleep", i tell myself. " you've got that judgemental, fear-producing bitch on the ropes ant...go again....and again....now is your time!"
so as not to suck the moisture from everyone's eyeballs reading this, i will summarize:
alien contact on a level never before experienced. willing surrender to complete structural dissection. continually being challenged with fears and PROFOUNDLY rewarded everytime i refused to be afraid. a level of tangibility i never knew was possible in hyperspace....as in, i could touch and embrace and palpably FEEL things...and beings... :shock:
i am leaving so much out it's absurd...but in the end i was dissolved and rebuilt with the same "atoms held together by conscious intent" material that hyperspace itself is made of. three back to back breakthroughs....each one deeper and more fearless than the last....2 1/2 hours spent waaaaay far away...or was it waaaay far WITHIN?
i truly believe in my heart that i am made out of hyperspace. i am forged anew..... the profundity of this statement can be felt deeper than anything i've ever felt.
a final side-note- the spice i used was my peppermint elf dust which contains NO cannibis. interestingly, i felt a profound lack of the love-bliss i almost always feel when i journey. it was as if the gloves were taken off this time around and it was time to "work".
the communication i was getting during my "surgery" was, "you are comfortable here now....you've been here many, many times and we have done our part to instill in you a trust and comfort with this world...but today we need to do some deep work and you need to stay focussed with us during it." it wasn't that i didn't feel safe.....just not that ga-ga goo-goo baby in mama's arms love that is always there.
today, i was nobody's baby. today i was treated as a responsible soul who has been making his intentions clear that he wants to "be more" than the sack of meat in the density.
today i was initiated.
for those of you who have taken the time to read all of this, i thank you all deeply from the bottom of my reconstructed heart. many blessings to you all.
with LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!
antrocles
by far.
i cannot even begin to scratch the surface of where i've been for the past 2 1/2 hours....i truly falter... i will give you the set, setting, doseage and mindset....
for the past week i have been drinking 3-4 tall cups of STRONG caapi brew a day. it is a powerful spirit and i am devoted to it henceforth. my changas all have caapi in them now as well...
i've also been taking .03 harmaline freebase sublingually every night 15 mins before bed for the past week as well. like a sponge, i believe i am "saturated" with inhibition. i could not have been more primed for what was about to come.
- i sat in front of my jug of soup at the alter. a thick 400ml of clear d-limonene floating on top of primordial magic. it's been 4 days now...i will pull the lemony jungle spice and set up the evap station now....but first....i will commune with the spirit molecule and prostrate my soul before it as a sign of my devotion.
my chair in front. the window behind. bright, unclouded sunlight pouring in like heaven illuminating all matter. my VG has enough residual peppermint elf dust to surely take me to a beautiful sub-breakthrough docking bay where my intent can be downloaded into the teacher before me.
thanks to a wonderful video posted by a brother on this site, i no longer sit poised with a pipe lighter....but a jet lighter to ignite the impossible.
my hit is the biggest hit of any inhaleable substance i have ever taken. simply massive. i am going somewhere very far away....i am shocked by this and make the remaining .03 seconds of ego count by surrendering completely. this is meant to be...
i am so sorry to fall so short of writing ability to even touch the beginnings of this massive journey. i will say that the carrier wave was enormous...again a greeting and a "transmission" of sorts. rooms, glyphs, symbols....the seat of transformation. i am in and out of ego death, and every time i have any "awareness", i am given a choice of being terrified by how deep and infinite i have gone or to simply let go. every psychedelic/spiritual experience i have had up to this point is called upon. this was a definite growing experience for me.
i was gone for 40 minutes. :shock:
i'm shaking and tears are literally streaming down my cheeks....i am far from "back" and my brain is already thinking, "shit...it's gonna be a while before i do this again.." the sheer power and depth have me rattled to my foundation.
i take my pipe and go into my bedroom and lay on my bed. i MUST face this now. i WILL NOT end a journey with a trembling reticence as my "doggy bag". i take an equally giant hit and lie back. full surrender this time. my brain is exhausted both from just getting home from 6 hours of hard training and the mind-wringing journey i've just had.
"it is only the left-brain that needs sleep", i tell myself. " you've got that judgemental, fear-producing bitch on the ropes ant...go again....and again....now is your time!"
so as not to suck the moisture from everyone's eyeballs reading this, i will summarize:
alien contact on a level never before experienced. willing surrender to complete structural dissection. continually being challenged with fears and PROFOUNDLY rewarded everytime i refused to be afraid. a level of tangibility i never knew was possible in hyperspace....as in, i could touch and embrace and palpably FEEL things...and beings... :shock:
i am leaving so much out it's absurd...but in the end i was dissolved and rebuilt with the same "atoms held together by conscious intent" material that hyperspace itself is made of. three back to back breakthroughs....each one deeper and more fearless than the last....2 1/2 hours spent waaaaay far away...or was it waaaay far WITHIN?
i truly believe in my heart that i am made out of hyperspace. i am forged anew..... the profundity of this statement can be felt deeper than anything i've ever felt.
a final side-note- the spice i used was my peppermint elf dust which contains NO cannibis. interestingly, i felt a profound lack of the love-bliss i almost always feel when i journey. it was as if the gloves were taken off this time around and it was time to "work".
the communication i was getting during my "surgery" was, "you are comfortable here now....you've been here many, many times and we have done our part to instill in you a trust and comfort with this world...but today we need to do some deep work and you need to stay focussed with us during it." it wasn't that i didn't feel safe.....just not that ga-ga goo-goo baby in mama's arms love that is always there.
today, i was nobody's baby. today i was treated as a responsible soul who has been making his intentions clear that he wants to "be more" than the sack of meat in the density.
today i was initiated.
for those of you who have taken the time to read all of this, i thank you all deeply from the bottom of my reconstructed heart. many blessings to you all.
with LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!
antrocles
